AN: This is my head cannon for the future. You need to read this instead of skipping right to the story.

This is cannon all the way up to Rachel leave for New York. So Finn did break up with Rachel. After that it's a different world. Finn is a navy seal and he did not shot himself This is not Finntana in a romantic sense it's pure unadulterated friendship. There is no chance of Finchel romance either, I don't want anyone to like get mixed signals, I've been told that I do that with my friendships.

Summary: They say that change is for the best, they say that change makes us stronger, they say that change is inevitable. They say you'll never stay the same, I'm not sure if that's good or not but I'm going through some changes and I can't do it alone.

Warning: There will be some racist comments made because of my cousin he went to war and came back, he made and still makes comments that's regular conversation overseas. Also a lot the examples I have is from my cousin he has PTSD.

0000

The cab ride is long, hot, and boring. You don't trust your cab driver, he's one of those foreign Iraq guys, you're not racist or anything but the last one you saw is the reason half of your skull is titanium. He was also the reason you got honorably discharged a decorated navy Seal. But he was also the reason you brought honor to the Hudson name, no one will snicker at a Hudson again. You're only 25 but you're a decorated "legend", you injury was like a movie and you don't like to think about it. When the sand jockey comes to a stop you pay him and hurry away, you leave him a huge tip because you feel bad for thinking these things about him. It's hard to re register that they're not bad people, they're just some bad apples in the basket.

You hurry in line and stand there in your white dress uniform , no time to change but you kind of wish you had because people are looking at you, you hate shaking hands but it's what they tell you to do when you're in uniform. You respect the people that respect you. You pull off your hat, you're a Chief, and run your fingers over your hair exhaling. Being in New York is giving you a headache, it's making you nervous to hear so many sounds and be around so many people. But you promised Kurt you would come to his and Rachel's closing show and after missing Burt's funeral it's the least you can do to be here for him.

Once inside you look around, checking all exits, emergency or not, you can't walk into a room and not check everything.

"Finn?"

"Yes ma'am?" You turn around, "Santana?"

She looks so different, she's still beautiful but she looks different like an adult. Her hair is falling in loose curls around her shoulders wearing a pair of black businessman slacks obviously tailor made to fit her, she's wearing a dress shirt tucked in, and suspenders hang around her waist. She looks like she belongs on wall street, she looks important.

"Jesus Christ Finnocence, you look good."

"Thanks...so do you.."

You wonder if she's still pissed about the way you outed her but then she hugs you and you think that it's maybe okay now. You still need to apologize and you will. That's a promise.

"I heard about your injury. I'm glad you're okay, they just stopped talking."

"Yeah." You release her from the hug, "It's a running joke that I'm impervious to death."

It's true, the others in your pride they called you 'Chief Lucky' because you ranked up pretty quick, you've been shot, blown up, and you always walked away. Even after the last time, after you got blown up, you kept walking, you walked until you couldn't.

"Well you've always been lucky." She smirks.

She's mocking you, playfully, you can see it in her eyes so you smile. Somethings will never change.

"Are you here for Kurt and Rachel?"

You nod, "Yeah, Kurt begged me and I couldn't say no to him."

"Come on, I bet we're in the same row."

You follow her, she seems like she's in change, like she's grown up and important. She walks through the crowd and people just move, it's just like high school. She takes you through a door and right up to your front row seat.

"I need to run backstage, you got a backstage pass?"

"Yeah."

"Great. I'll be back."

She walks away and you unbutton your jacket, dropping it over the chair, when you sit back down you finally exhale putting the hat on your knee. You're excited to see your little brother perform, even Rachel. You have missed his bright brown eyes and energetic smile. You stopped writing everyone but Carl and she kept pushing you to talk to someone, mostly Kurt or Rachel, but you couldn't because you needed to let go of everything and everyone. Especially Rachel, you were holding each other back, her dreams were and probably still are so much bigger than what you could have given her. And you needed to ind yourself and not while following Rachel or having her follow you, the break up was for the best. It hurt like hell but it needed to happen.

When the lights dim Santana is beside you, more somber than before, you wanna ask her what's wrong when you see another familiar face.

"Finn!"

"Quinn!"

"You look good." She sits on your other side.

You smile, "Thanks Q, you look good."

She does, her style is way different, she's wearing skinny shorts that stop at her knees, some multicolored shirt, and brown moccasins matching her brown Indian vest. She looks like a hippie and that brown Indian headband isn't helping my thought. Right before total darkness you notice Santana glaring at Quinn, what's that all about?

0000

Needless to say the show was amazing. You were so proud that you actually cheered when they finished 'La Vie Boheme' You stood right up and yelled like it was football, they noticed and smiled before going right back into character. Kurt plays Mark, he's great at it, and Rachel is playing Maureen. When you said she was a good lesbian the girls laughed saying nothing. You ignored it.

Noe you're waiting patiently to get backstage, Santana had left to do something for the cast and you wonder what she does while Quinn was directly behind her. You remove your hat again when a big guy walks out. He stares at you and you immediately look at his pressure points, all of them are open and you can kill him if you have to.

"Finn Hudson?"

"Yes sir."

"You're the last one, follow me."

You follow him, watching as he slows down to walk beside you.

"I saw you on the news." He sounds impressed. "Heard you did some crazy stuff over there."

You tune him out because he's fishing, everyone wants to know what it's like. It's hell. That's all anyone needs to know, you hate when people ask you too many questions about what you did over there. You hate when they stare at your head, like this guy is doing, trying to find the scar. And you hate when they give you their reason for not signing up. You don't give a damn about their reasoning, you've heard the 'I'm a coward' joke a million times. And guess what, it's not fucking funny!

"Anyway I respect you buddy."

You shake his hand walking into the room, it's pretty tamed but you figure it's just a warm up.

"Finn!"

You turn, putting on that wide smile, as Kurt runs up hugging you. You hug back, just as tight, you haven't seen your brother in so long. You haven't hugged him or heard his voice and you have no one to believe but yourself. You let him go and he looks you over, smiling as he reaches in fixing your coat.

"Look at you. Rach!" He keeps fiddling with your coat, "I missed you big guy."

You mess his hair, "I missed you too."

You see her, Rachel, she's just as beautiful as always. She runs up hugging you, almost knocking you into the floor.

"You're alive."

"yeah..." You break the hug.

She smiles up at you, "We're so proud of you Finn. I knew you could do something."

"I'm proud of you. Both of you."

You run your fingers through your hair, glad to have it back, and continue catching up with them. They talk and you listen, you've been gone since you were 18, so you would love to hear about them. You're life isn't that interesting. You smile when Quinn walks up but confusion takes over your face when she puts an arm around Rachel's waist whispering in her ear, in a couple kind of way.

"It was good seeing you Finn."

Quinn smiles, "Hey, it was nice seeing you."

You nod as they walk away, going into a dark corner.

Kurt smirks, "They date."

"Really?"

:Since Sophomore year of college."

You nod, but you don't question it. Ever since you caught them in an intense stare down you always wondered. Always. Now you don't have to wonder and you're happy for them both.

"Mingle, we'll have lunch tomorrow."

"Sure."

He hugs you again and walks away with some guy and you guess Blaine is out the picture. You could care less, if you're honest, that time is over now. You look around and find yourself at the table with drinks and open your beer in over a year. Special missions don't allow you don't time to drink and being in physical therapy no one is giving you a beer. The first sip makes you grimace but you keep drinking. It's ice cold, goes down smooth and you feel like your insides are frozen. The little things you open another and come face to face with Santana, she's holding an empty beer and her hair is in a messy ponytail. You can't help but grin at her.

"Want a drink?"

She stares, "Trying to get me drunk?"

You shake your head and take the empty bottle out her hand, she's already drunk, but you hand her another beer anyway because she looks like she needs one. And telling by the way she downed it, you're right.

"Thanks, so what was it like?"

"What?"

"Seeing the world."

"Lonely."

You take another beer from the ice and look at her. She's staring between you and the "stage" she finishes her beer and growls.

"Santana?"

"I know what you mean. Lonely."

This is when you follow her gaze, she's glaring at Quinn and Rachel, your eyes widen when you realize who she's glaring at.

"San..."

"Make that drink you offered."

You shrug lazily and give in easy, she doesn't wanna talk but you get it. You don't wanna talk either so you make her horrible drinks mixing vodka and Coors. It didn't take long for you to stumble away when Santana went to talk to the girls. Rage at them as she said. Being drunk is the way you remember, sloppy and dizzy and messy. Standing on the sidewalk you try to get a cab, it's not easy. You on your hat waving around until a loud whistle echos behind you making your jump. A cab stops and Santana walks by you.

"Get in."

You stare at the cab before getting in and listening to Santana mutter an address. You stare out the window and Santana takes your hat. Looking over you chuckle because she's put it on backwards.

"What do you do?"

"Rachel's manager." She shrugs and starts going through her phone, "She's too sensitive to make it on her own..."

"So you protect her?"

"Yeah"

You smile at her, she doesn't notice because she's slamming down on the screen of phone before throwing it out the window.

"You're gonna regret that later."

"I know." She takes out a cigarette, "Always do."

"Always?"

"Six iPhones have broken the same way."

You laugh, "Rage."

"Rage."

The cabs tops and she looks at you.

"Where are you staying? With Kurt?"

"This hotel."

"Okay, no, get out. Pay him and follow me."

You do as your told and step out the cab staring at her then the building with the doorman.

"You live here?"

"Yeah, at the very top. I'm a boss. Who knew dropping out of college could make you loaded?"

You stare, all you can remember is Santana talking college and her education but hell everything has changed it looks like. Before you can ask any questions if you're on the elevator and she's humming, she's humming some old song by Amy Winehouse and you can still hear her raspy voice. The door opens into the house, how the hell can she afford this? Rachel must be a success.

"Rachel is my most successful client but Quinn sells really well. Kurt isn't bad himself, he's about to go on a book tour."

"Quinn?"

"Yeah, she has a guitar, she's beautiful, she's indie, she's hippie, and she's a lesbian. It's wonderful, the bloggers love her and the media is obsessed."

You sit down trying to imagine Quinn the way you described but you can't. All you see is...well not that you still see the Quinn you know but the clothes she wore tonight...wow. You remove your shoes and she walks up the steps. Getting up you slip off your shoes and slacks folding them up and put them neatly on the recliner. After you finish folding everything you sit your boxers and wife beater, running your arms. It's not cold but something feels weird. She walks back down handing you a blanket and pillow.

"I would give you a room but I don't live alone. Well I have another on but it's not done."

"This is fine."

"Well goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Glad you're not dead."

"Uh right back at you."

You smile when she laughs and lie back on the couch. You like this, being home is already better. You're not hearing bombs."

0000

Santana POV

Your head hurts and you know you've been drinking again, God help you you smell like bad mix drinks and beer. Getting out of bed you have 3 missions, peeing, second you need to shower because you smell horrible, and third you need to piece together last night. But above all you need to pee. After completing your first two missions you decide that third should be solved over breakfast. God help you, you're cursed to wake up at 6 in the morning like clockwork. You walk into the living room and pause when you hear grunting, male grunting. You really hold you didn't hook up with some disgusting guy, you'll throw up, you walk around the couch and the man is Finn doing push ups.

"Finn, why are you doing push ups?"

"I need to."

"Are you hungry?"

He just keeps pushing so you go into the kitchen. You don't have time to guess. You don't feel like pretending to have a conversation. You'll just make enough for two and if he's hungry he'll eat.

"Where is my phone?" You stare at the empty charging dock.

"Broken somewhere."

You look at Finn as he walks in, "Shit. Why? Help me remember last night."

"You were mad and launched it out the window."

"Damn it, I bet Rachel is pissed."

He looks at you, "You can use my phone."

"Thanks. I owe you breakfast."

"It's on the table."

You walk out grabbing the phone off the coffee table and head up the steps, you wonder why you let Finn stay. Nothing personal but you never really liked the guy, not at all. You do remember, vaguely, being happy to see him, he did become tolerable and it's been a long time since high school. You look at the phone and type in Rachel's number from memory as you call her, waiting for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"Rachel?"

"Santana, what the hell?!"

"Sorry..."

"I'm running down the sidewalk to a photo shoot because of you. Where is your damn phone?"

"Some homeless man's basket I presume."

"Damn it Santana."

"I'll go get a new one. You need to set your alarm's first off because I am your walking and talking calendar. But you have a phone interview after that shoot, you need to go on 'Ellen' be early and finally you need to go to that movie premier, and make her wear shoes."

"Will you be there."

"No, I have plans." You're not good at lying to her but you really hate all the camera's.

She sighs, "Fine, we're still be there for lunch."

"We?"

"Quinn and I."

She hangs up and you almost break Finn's phone, you go down the steps and find Finn in the kitchen eating cereal in his boxers. There is a man in your kitchen, in his underwear, and slurping cereal.

"Gross."

He sits the bowl down, "Sorry."

"No problem. My roommate is gross too." You start pouring your Apple Jacks when you realize he's eating the 'Lucky Charms' that once belonged to Brittany...but it's not like she's gonna be eating them.

He looks at you, "So, how's it been?"

"Small talk sucks."

He grins, "It does."

You laugh at his goofy smile and start eating your cereal, you watch the way he watches you, his confusion gone and replaced by curiosity. You don't like being stared at, not even a little bit.

"Spit it out."

"Sorry about outing you, I'm really sorry. I never thought about it being so serious because I figured everyone knew. Then, we were on this mission, a guy got outed on TV while he was kissing his boyfriend. His family disowned him and he was on the plane just stone face, he realized he was going be homeless and his life was going to change...I'm sorry."

You stare at him moving the spoon around in your cereal.

"Okay."

"That's it?"

"What do you want me to do? Break out in song? Dick move, but I guess I got over it at some point. But if you're sorry you can be my bitch today."

"Uh..."

"Do you mean it?"

"Well yeah." He rubs the back of his neck in that Finn Hudson way.

You nod, "Then today, Finn Hudson, you are my bitch. Do you have clothes?"

"Yeah but they don't really fit."

"Okay, well go shower. My roommate has some clothes that might fit you."

When he doesn't budge you raise an eyebrow and he moves quick. Yeah, you still got it.

0000

Finn

She's change but she's the exact same in the sense she's in control. After your shower you saw new boxers and clothes that may be to big but it beats small clothes. Once your dressed the clothes fit perfect and the shoes are even better you look like a civilian. Your hair is wet and curling but that's cool with you, it'll dry. You walk down the steps seeing Santana watching E! and smoking a cigarette. You wonder when she started as you sit beside her.

"I hate this show. Joan Rivers should have died years ago."

You stare, "She's not dead?"

"No, I bet she sold her soul."

"Why watch her if you hate her?"

"Rachel, Quinn, and Kurt. I don't do red carpets and I need to see if I have to..."

She trails off as Rachel is shown in a cream colored dress with a deep v neck and her slit going right to the top of her thigh. Even you can't help staring, Rachel's always been gorgeous and obviously New York has been good to her. New York and Santana. You stop staring when Santana nudges you, and she nudges you hard. Really hard.

"Still hung up on her?"

"No, she's just very pretty."

She nods, "Gorgeous. Come on."

You follow because she told you and you have follow up questions. The elevator ride is quick, the doorman is friendly, and it's busy on the street. You've been every where in the world but New York holds an impressive appeal, just like the first time. Santana whistles, much like last night and a taxi stops almost immediately.

"How do you do that?"

"Huge tits."

She laughs getting in and you can't help but laugh at the way she scrunches her face up like an adorable kitten. She rattles off the address and tells him he's gonna wait with the meter running, she tells him that he's her bitch until she's done running errand and I don't think he minds it too much.

"What are you gonna do now?"

You shrug, "I'm not sure...I'll figure it out."

She raises her eyebrows and you hold eye contact, you really don't know. Before basic you didn't know and after serving you don't know. You refuse to go back to Lima, you can't go back over there. You just can't.

"Where will you live?"

You stare, "I don't know...I have enough cash to live in the hotel."

"No, I refuse to let you be a homeless vet, You'd look terrible with long hair." She smirks, "Think of today as an interview, you've served our country now you'll serve me."

You stare, an interview to serve her? For what? Legally you can't be a bodyguard, seriously, you signed papers.

"As what?"

"I need an assistant that won't cry."

"Um, I can't really...what would I do?"

"Stuff I don't wanna do."

The cab stops and you both get out and camera's start flashing, you don't like it so you look down. She grabs your hand, it's the sweetest thing anyone has done for you in years.

"Who's the new guy?"

"Lesbian lover."

You laugh at her flat tone as she pulls in. She walks to the counter releasing your hand. A man walks from behind a display, moving to the counter, he looks like someone you know. Someone you remember.

"Black or white?"

"Black." She smiles, "How are you Brad?"

You lock eyes on this guy, this man, he looks so familiar. Scarily so.

"Alright, still that damn rob in my back. It's worse than the shrapnel."

She frowns, "I know a really good massage therapist."

"You tell me every time you need a new phone." he looks at you, "Chief. fucking Lucky! Jesus Christ man, I thought you finally met your match."

You smile, "Good to see you walking private."

You notice Santana watching you curiously before looking back to the watch Brad set up the basics on the phone. Once he finishes she pays for the phone and takes it immediately, moving to the other side of the store.

"Play catch up, I have to make some calls."

Brad walks around and hugs you tightly before letting go and shaking your hand.

"Jesus, what happened?"

You shrug, "I was in the hospital."

"I heard you were half dead in Puerto Rico."

You laugh, "My dream death."

"So you know Santana?"

"We went to school together."

"Were you close?"

"She hated me."

"Makes sense, everyone use to hate you in basic."

You smile, everyone hated you in basic and you learned the hard way that hero worship stops when leave a small town. When you stop being a small town hero people are willing to let you know. I messed up once and got everyone push ups until we were all throwing up, in the rain, and they beat me with socks filled with soap. And Brad broke your nose once.

You smile, "What have you been up to?"

"Came back here, can't do anything else."

"Ready?"

You look at Santana, "Sure." You extend your hand to Brad, "We can go get beer some time."

"Any time."

You shake hands before following Santana out. She stares at you as you both get into the cab, you have her give the driver a list, then she looks at you again when the car pulls off.

"So you're that Chief Lucky? You're nuts."

You run your fingers through your hair, "Thanks..."

"Welcome..."

0000

After what felt like days you and Santana return to the God like apartment. She goes up to her room and you lie on the couch. You're tired and your head in throbbing, you place hands on either side, fighting the memory. It's like having a war with yourself, the memory is starting to win so you sit up and start pacing around the room, pacing back and forth, you're chest starts to tighten and you can barely breath. The sounds of bombs dropping replace everything, you can hear screaming, and you can hear the guns.

0000

Santana

You put everything in place and grab your cigarettes so you can get through watching Ellen, you enjoy the show but you know it's gonna be about Quinn, you are quite SICK of it all. You have your reasons. Going downstairs you watch Finn pacing back and forth, his fist are clenched tightly.

"Finn?"

You walk closer as Finn drops to the ground, clutching his head, muttering to himself, you drop to your knees looking at him.

"Finn?" He won't look at you, "Finn Hudson!"

You grab his wrist and he moves so quick that you almost scream as you're pinned to the ground, the fear pumps through your veins and your heart is pounding. He glares at you until something in his head seems to click and he lets you go."

"I'm sorry...I sh-should go." He stands up.

You look at him, "Help me up."

He pulls you up and you punch him in the chest.

"That hurt." You know it's serious but he looks so scared, "I said you were my bitch not my pimp. Come watch Ellen with me."

He stares, "You're not kicking me out?"

"I'm not."

You walk over to the couch sitting down, lighting a cigarette and hand him one, you're surprised by how quickly he takes the cigarette. You light your own and then light his, you put your legs in his lap and stare at the screen.

"She still dances?"

"Every episode."

You both sit in silence, smoking and watching interviews until Rachel, she is always the closer, the big finale.

"Who's your roommate?"

"You'll see he's on the way home."

"It's not Brittany?"

You stiffen and light your third cigarette, Brittany. He doesn't know, how would he?

"No."

"Oh." He props his feet up on the table, "I won't ask why."

"Thank you."

Resting your head against his arm, you feel relief. You feel relief from a complete stranger, a stranger that you'll never know. That's what you need, someone you can get to know. You've been needing a best friend one that won't leave. You're willing to get to know Finn again. During Rachel's interview you watch as she charmed Ellen like always telling stories about everything from her cats to her relationship with Quinn. When Quinn comes out you mute the TV.

"Why'd ya mute it?"

You shrug, "We both know Quinn is an enigma. It gets boring to watch her be Quinn. We both went to high school with Quinn."

Finn nods, you know he gets it. Everyone falls in love with Quinn Fabray and once you do you never stop falling. It's best to avoid her butter melting voice, childish grin, and infectious laughter. The elevator dings and you jump, crawling over the couch and jumps on to a large figure.

"Dave!"

"Santana."

He gets up putting you on his shoulder, Dave Karofsky is your best friend, no joke. He played football for the New York Jets, I don't know what position but he was the first string and he was amazing. He won MVP and the little trophy with the football player on it. Then he tore something important in his leg, that's when you two started catching back up. You saw him one morning on a run and went to breakfast. Three days later he moved in and he started helping your build talent agency. He runs the sports aspect of it all and he has a pilots license so he just flies out to met his clients, he can afford to do nothing but he likes working.

"Who's on the couch babe?" He walks up dropping me on the couch, "Finn?"

Finn stares, "Karofsky?"

"Dave." You correct him.

Dave sits in his recliner, "Hey, you're alive."

"That's what they tell me."

You watch them watch each other, no love is lost her apparently. But they can get over it, Kurt and Dave are very happy together and if Kurt can forgive him then Finn will have to. Plus seeing as you're going to have Finn move in, they can become great friends. You unmute the TV to catch the last few lines of Quinn's performance. Ever since Ellen moved her show to New York it's made awesome it get my clients all over her show. We're so gay and she's so gay, it's wonderful.

"She's gotten so amazing." Finn smiled.

You nod, "Yep, my little money maker."

You start to turn the TV off until you see Rachel and Quinn kissing.

"San."

"Nothing, how was your trip?"You turn the TV off.

As soon as Dave starts talking you zone into another world, a world where it's quiet. A world that exist in the cold bottle of vodka in your freezer. You need to finish it off before Dave finds it, he always threatens to move out when he finds the liquor you try so hard to hide. You look at your phone as it starts ringing and buzzing. You get reach to launch it across the room and Finn takes it, putting it in his pocket.

"I wouldn't be a good assistant if I let you break your phone again."

You stare at him, "No you wouldn't."

0000

AN: So this is just chapter one preview. 10 reviews and I'll post the next one.