Disclaimer: Not mine … never will be!
Summary: Abby's life is in turmoil as she faces her toughest challenge ever. But Susan is by her side every step of the way.
*
*
*
*
Abby pulled the screwed up ball of paper out of her jacket pocket. No matter how many times she read it the words never changed. It was over, her relationship with Carter had failed at the latest hurdle set before them. The roof of the hospital offering her peace from the mayhem of the ER as the world carried on without her.
Tearing the litter into small pieces, taking a deep breath she threw the remains of her broken relationship into the wind watching with quiet mourning as they became caught in the slight wind and eventually fell to the busy Chicago streets below.
The shrill beeping of her pager ripping through the calm night air accompanied with a trail of flashing lights making their way to the hospital alerted Abby to a major trauma. Composing herself she decided breaking down could wait until later, right now she had to get back down into the ER. Even though her life was on pause everyone else's was carrying on around her bringing with it tragedy that required her help.
For the rest of her shift Abby lost herself in work finding comfort in the fact that while she couldn't fix her own life she could help other people to keep a hold on theirs. As the end of her shift drew closer a feeling of dread crept in, until today she'd been able to convince herself that with time and space things would work out but now the reality was hitting home as hard as they'd tried the relationship was over. Abby felt herself falling into the unknown as she clocked out and made her way to the lounge.
Another night in her empty apartment was all she could see of the future. Slamming her locker shut she slumped down onto the sofa relieved to have the lounge to herself. Sighing heavily Abby closed her eyes trying to find the energy to get up and prepare for another day … another day without him.
Lost in her own flooding emotions she was oblivious to another presence in the lounge.
"Long shift?" Susan questioned as she studied Abby's pale complexion and tired expression.
"Not long enough" Abby answered the friendly voice, her eyes still closed.
"If you fall asleep now you'll never get home before your next shift" Susan joked.
"Maybe that's not such a bad thing" Abby contemplated sitting up and opening her eyes, momentarily dazed by the bright surroundings.
Taking a moment to study her friend closely Susan couldn't help but feel the need to reach out. Abby looked so defeated something she rarely saw even when things really piled up against her. She'd read the letter from Carter along with practically every other member of staff working today.
"I have Ben and Jerry waiting at home for me but it's not as fun on your own. You up for a good old fashioned girls night in, we can eat more ice cream than the human body allows, watch trash TV and put the world to rights" Susan asked in a not so subtle attempt to offer Abby a shoulder.
Weighing up the possibilities, a night in alone with nothing but memories or a girls night in at Susan's with the only two reliable men in her life Ben and Jerry, Abby decided that latter was certainly more appealing even if she wouldn't be the best of company. But judging by Susan's soft expression Abby was pretty sure she'd already worked that out and tonight was more for Abby's benefit than her own.
"Sure why not" Abby replied attempting to inject some enthusiasm into her tone.
"I've just got to give this chart to Pratt then I'm all yours" Susan informed her, taking her purse and coat from her locker and replacing them with her lab coat.
Watching the door swing shut announcing Susan's departure, Abby stood from the couch momentarily losing her balance as a light-headed feeling overcame her. Choosing to ignore it's real meaning she put it down to moving too fast sighing she left the lounge to meet Susan.
***
"Hart's War" Susan asked.
"God no too depressing" Abby said with a smile, tonight was turning out to be exactly what she needed after a day straight from her nightmares.
"Legally Blonde"
"Just shoot me now" Abby laughed.
"Ok how about" she trailed off looking through her DVD collection "A ha Oceans 11" she said triumphantly.
"Brad Pitt, George Clooney … I could think of worse ways to spend an evening" Abby said as Susan took that as a yes, placing the DVD in the machine before disappearing into the kitchen returning a few moments later with two tubs of ice cream and two spoons.
"Now this I could get used to" Susan sighed plumping down into the sofa next to Abby, propping her feet up onto the coffee table as the film began.
Two cartoons of ice cream and a casino heist later both women were fighting the fatigue that came with working in a busy ER.
"Mmmm" Susan sighed "They don't make men like that around here"
"Maybe were just looking in all the wrong places" Abby reasoned stifling back a yawn.
"And where do you suggest we look, I'm pretty sure men like that only exist on the silver screen" Susan contemplated looking slightly disappointed.
"We could always try Hollywood, you up for a road trip" Abby joked.
"Maybe next week" Susan said thankful that Abby seemed a lot brighter.
"Well I better be off"
"Nonsense I have a perfectly good spare bed, it's too late to bother with going home" Susan argued getting up to throw the empty ice cream containers in the bin, returning with spare bedding before Abby had a chance to protest.
"Thanks" Abby said too tired to argue "For everything"
"No problem, that's what friends are for" she smiled "Urgh a sound like a cheesy greeting card"
Susan left to make the guest bed up. Abby remained on the couch fighting the urge to fall asleep where she was. Suddenly overcome with nausea she rushed in the direction of the bathroom making it to the toilet just in time.
"Abby … are you ok" Susan asked knocking on the door.
Abby was bent over the toilet her knuckles white as she held onto the toilet as the sickness became more severe.
After emptying her stomach several times, Abby leant back against the cool surface of Susan's bath. Suddenly realisation was dawning she could no longer hide in the shadows of denial that had been keeping her safe from the truth.
The first pregnancy test hadn't been a mistake, neither had the second or the third. She was pregnant with Carter's child. While he was off 'finding himself' in Africa she was stuck in Chicago pregnant, single and terrified.
"Abby I'm coming in" Susan said beginning to get worried, the sounds of Abby throwing up the carton of ice cream was now replaced with an eerie silence.
Susan was shocked by the sight that greeted her. Abby was leant against her bath tub knees pulled closely to her chest. Her hands were white and shaking. Leaving the door open she returned with a glass of water.
"Rinse and spit" she encourage Abby's hair was plastered to her face with perspiration, removing the bobble from around her wrist she tied it back away from her face. Taking the glass from Abby she placed it beside her pulling Abby's shaking body into her embrace gently rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down.
"'m sorry" Abby whimpered barely audible.
"Can you stand"
After a slow nod from Abby Susan helped her too her feet, supporting most of her weight as she helped her to the guest room. Abby curled up on the bed as her stomach finally began to settle.
"Thanks" she whispered succumbing to sleep. Waiting until she was sure Abby was ok Susan retired to her own bed.
***
Susan awoke to the same sound that had been in her mind as she drifted into a light sleep, she could hear Abby in the bathroom vomiting what little was left in her stomach after last night. Putting on her dressing gown as the cold morning air sent a chill through her body she made her way to the bathroom, where she found Abby hunched over the toilet dry retching; her stomach obviously empty.
Kneeling down beside her she pulled her hair back out of her face, rubbing her back in circular motions just like last night. As the need to throw up the lining of her stomach began to lessen Abby flushed the chain throwing a silent thank-you in Susan's direction.
Susan followed a pale looking Abby to the couch. Sitting down beside her she pulled her feet under her and turned to face her friend.
"How long have you know?" straight to the point, no need to dance around the truth when it was staring her in the face.
"For sure a week" Abby said with a sigh "I've suspected for about 3"
"Have you told Carter?"
"No" blunt but true.
"Why?" If they carried on answering with just one word this conversation would still be going on when Abby went into labour.
"I guess I just didn't want to tell him via telephone or letter" she said the irony of the latter not lost on Susan.
"But Abby no-one knows when he's coming back" Susan reminded her.
"I know that but it's my decision" she spat a little harsher than she had intended but having spent the last 20 minutes bringing up the entire contents of her stomach she wasn't really in the mood for pleasantries.
"I'm not saying it isn't I just think he needs to know" Susan tried to reason although after Carter's sudden
uncharacteristic actions she didn't even know why she was bothering to fight his corner.
"Well at the moment I need for him not to know, I don't even know what this means myself … please?" Abby begged.
Susan could tell by the desperation in Abby's voice that she barely hanging on. She didn't want to add to her stress.
"I'm not going to tell him but when he does return he has a right to know" She compromised.
"I know that and when I see him next I'll tell him" Abby sighed leaning into the couch.
Susan watched as Abby fought to hide back the tears, despite everything they'd been through and the close relationship formed it amazed her that Abby was still ashamed to show her vulnerable side. Susan left the sofa to get ready for work, shortly after Abby followed suit, changing into a top of Susan's under her uniform.
"Are you sure you're ok to go into work" Susan asked concerned about how pale and exhausted Abby was looking.
"I'm pregnant not sick" Abby reminded her stopping mid step.
"What"
"It's just that's the first time I said that out loud, I thought it would sound strange but it sounded right, like something was finally going the way it was meant to" Abby admitted, wondering that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all, sure she was single and terrified that any child of hers could end up bi-polar but an elderly patient once told her that to be happy in life you had to take risks. Maybe this was a risk she was willing to take after all. With or without Carter.