Here I lay, in my dark room, alone. That's how its always been, me alone. I can't remember a time when I was with anyone else. I have seen people come and go, even though I know they would, it hurt. It always hurt, no matter how many times you've experienced it. You keep telling yourself don't get too attached, and eventually, you learn how. People may think that I like being alone, when really its the opposite. I want someone to laugh with, to talk to, to hold, and to call my own. I want a companion.

I hold my two saviors in front of me, but I'm trying to decide what to do first. One glows orange when I hold it in my mouth and breathe. The other always glints a pretty silver in any sort of light. I decide the silver friend is better, and roll up the smooth fabric covering my pale limb. I hold it to my wrist and gently glide it across. I take a look at how many other times this angel has helped. I watch as my own crimson fluid pours out and over my arm as if it is a canvas. I am in a state of relief when I realize I'm neglecting another of my 'friends'. I take the lighter and light the magic stick. I inhale and feel my thirst for it quench. I am in a blissful state until I hear a knock at my door.

"Bro, it's me, why are you in your room?" he asks.

He must know something is wrong. We usually both sleep in his room, but lately I've wanted to be alone. I know why, but he's to oblivious to see my reason.

"Just needed to think" I reply, thankful he can't see the state I'm in right now.

Blood had already stopped pouring from my wound as I quickly put out the cigarette and opened my window. I then went to the connected bathroom and covered up my whole arm with some of my mother's make-up /i my face is still flushed from almost being caught in the act.

"Well come out, I've finished my homework and I want to hang out" he said as I was in the middle of my make-up job.

"Okay, hold on. I'm in the bathroom" I call back rushing my application.

I see hate horrifying job I did in the rush and mentally yell at myself. h well, it will have to do for now. I turned off the light s I excited the bathroom and thought for a second. Do I really need to see him? Could I fake sickness long enough for him to leave? Would he leave? I pondered these thoughts before deciding I would hang out with him.

"There you are" he says as I exit my room.

I followed behind him as he led the way down the hall to his room. As soon as I cross the threshold I am overwhelmed by his scent. I walk across the wood floor, and over to the TV where he has the console started.

We played for hours and /i won more times than I lost and he whined about me cheating. I brush it off as him being emotionally childish and a bad loser.

"Admit it, you cheated!" he said crossing your arms.

"I don't have anything to admit. But you..." I trail off because I know it will anger him.

"What?, huh, what do I have to admit?" he asks getting closer to me.

I could feel his warm breath on my face. Mint. He must have brushed his teeth before he came and got me.

"That you love Haruhi!" I say accusing him jokingly.

He blushed, a lot actually. I couldn't believe I got that right. He was as red as a tomato, but so was I. But my pigment had to deal with the fact that I was laughing.

No...No I'm not" He said stammering. I had him right where I want him.

"You so do, it's so obvious" I say with a teasing tone.

It actually hurt to say everything, but I tried not to let it show. Yet I knew he loved her and not me so why was I upset about where this conversation was heading? It was wrong for me to love him, and I know that. I still loved him, even thought it was forbidden and even though he didn't love me back.

Is it wrong if I do?" he asked as his face got even more red.

"No, in fact I'm happy for you" I lie.

"You are!?" he asked i what I can guess is disbelief.

"Yes Hikaru. I am" I say with a smile. A very good fake smile.

"Kaoru, I'm tired" he whined while yawning.

"Okay Hikaru, hold on a sec." I say grabbing my pajamas.

I looked over to Hikaru as I undressed and noticed he was staring at me quizzically. I smirked, inwardly, and continued to undress. I was in my boxers when Hikaru's stare turned from quizzical to confusion. Confusion suited him better anyway. I got redressed and climbed into bed with him. He turned out the light and I remembered that he still had his clothes on.

"Isn't that uncomfortable?" I ask.

"Not really" he replied snuggling into me.

"Alrighty then" I say copying him.

He proceeded to throw his arm over my waist and hold me tight. I blushed but thanks to the darkness, I was hidden. I waited until his breathed was controlled and heavy, then I tuned over to look at his face in the moonlight. He really was stunning, it was almost as if the light lived inside his skin. I couldn't hold back, not from this sight. I leaned in ever so slowly and kissed him.

I turned away right after and fell asleep. At least I now know what his lips taste and feel like. Perfection!

I awoke alone and decided to go to my room to get ready. I was in my room when I felt the hated feeling again. I wanted to get rid of it immediately so I ran to the bathroom and found my favorite savior.

I looked at it glinting in the artificial light. I bared my wrist and held it up against my ivory limb. I pressed hard and slid it across my wrist and felt relief almost instantly. I backed up into wall then slid down it as I watched the red liquid pour out and onto my arm. I don't even care that it's making a mess on the floor, I was in too much of a blissful state to care.

"Kaoru, you in there?" his voice breaks me from my dreamlike trance.

"Yeah, just going to get a shower" I said standing up.

I stood up a little too fast and got really dizzy. I stumbled around and tried to grab hold of something to steady myself. I couldn't find anything and ended up falling and hitting my head on something. Right before losing consciousness, I saw a terrified face that matched my own.

"Hi...Hikaru" I managed before everything faded to black.

I couldn't help but feel worried for him. But maybe this was for the best. Now I wouldn't hold him back from being with Haruhi. And she is good for him. Way more useful to him then I could ever be. At least he never knew I loved him more than a brother. I would die of embarrassment if he knew my secret.

I am Kaoru Hitachiin and I'm in love with my twin brother.

Author's Note: This is my first Ouran fic and I hoped you liked it. Leave a review telling me what you think. Please no flames, but constructive criticism is very much appreciated. Until next time. Bye Guys/Gals!

END OF CHAPTER