Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Doug and Seth grow closer through their shared secret. Seth/Doug pairing.

The First

Chapter One

It was a busy evening at The Dog. The wedding of the year was fast approaching and Seth was beginning to tire from hearing about it. On top of that his twin, Jason, was engulfed in his own problems and had no time for Seth's. Seth crept down the stairs, peering out into the bar. Both of his parents were there, getting on for once. Seth glanced towards the door. They wouldn't let him out this late on his own if he asked. Biting the bullet, he stealthily made his way towards the door, every now and then hiding behind a post whenever his parents turned in his direction. Reaching the door, Seth breathed a sigh of relief, zipped up his jumper, and went out into the night.

Seth found his feet carrying him towards Doug's place. He hadn't been expecting him; he answered the door in a pair of socks and a long jumper. Seth blinked several times, trying to look at Doug's face and no where else.

"Is this a bad time?" He sputtered.

Doug smiled kindly at him. "Of course not, come in"

Seth stepped through the door awkwardly, trying not to touch Doug in any way. Doug closed the door after him and crossed his arms in front of him.

"What do I owe this pleasure then?"

Seth coughed uncomfortably. "I just needed a…break" he finished lamely, his cheeks reddening.

Doug's eyebrows lifted. "From who?"

Seth collapsed onto the sofa. "Everything! This wedding, my parents acting like everything's okay when it isn't. And don't get me started on Jason-"

"Hey, it's alright" Doug said, sitting beside Seth on the sofa and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Do you want something to eat?"

Seth looked at Doug gratefully. "If it isn't too much trouble… we didn't have time for dinner"

"Say no more" Doug said, patting Seth's leg affectionately. "Beans on toast do you?"

"Perfect" Seth agreed, grinning.

Seth glanced around Doug's flat while he busied himself in the kitchen. It was a proper lads place; Seth had often heard Riley complaining about how easy his friends had it, living alone and independently when he was stuck at home with his family. Seth glanced around at the pictures on a nearby cabinet. He knew that Leanne and Texas had moved in; he didn't really know them. He found himself wondering if Doug was with either of them.

Doug returned at that moment, holding two plates. He followed Seth's gaze to the pictures, rolling his eyes.

"Only been here two minutes and already act like they own the place" he chuckled good-naturedly.

Seth looked at him in surprise. "Do you like them living here?"

Doug shrugged. "No matter to me. Just need people to help with the rent"

Seth smiled awkwardly, cutting up his toast. "Is Ethan dating either of them? Are you?" he added the second question more quietly, his cheeks flushing.

"Ethan's off women for a while" Doug said thoughtfully. "And as for me…" Doug looked away, his expression sad.

"I'm sorry, your girlfriend she… well…" Seth stared down at his plate, his knife and fork clicking together.

"It's okay" Doug said with a small sigh. "I'm okay. Just there hasn't been anyone since… you know?"

Seth nodded morosely. "How does it feel?" he asked suddenly. "To be in love?"

Doug looked at him in surprise, his brow furrowed. "It's different for everyone, but for me, I dunno really… just like you can't get the person out of your head, you feel warm in their company" Doug smiled slightly. "You always want them to be there, you tell them everything, even if it's something mundane like a bad day. And then when they aren't there anymore…" Doug's smile faltered. "It can feel like your heart has been ripped to shreds, like you're split in two. One part of you desperately missing them, the other wishing for an out, a release from the grief" Doug shuddered a little. "I'm sorry, that was a bit too heavy wasn't it?"

"It's okay" Seth said, his voice croaky.

"It isn't, you're only a kid"

"Hey!" Seth protested. "I'm sixteen"

"Exactly" Doug said, smirking.

"That's only like three years younger than you" Seth grumbled.

"Sorry I know" Doug grinned, his good humour returning. "Do you want to watch a film or something? I rented one, thought I was gonna have to watch it on my own until you came round…"

Seth felt his insides warm considerably. "That would be brilliant"

"You sure? You don't have to go home?"

"No, I told my parents where I went" Seth lied.

Doug nodded, satisfied. They put their empty plates onto the coffee table and lay back as Doug switched the film on. Before it had even started, Doug shivered a little.

"Actually I'm barely dressed, let me just…" he walked out of the room and Seth couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. He liked hanging out with Doug; he understood him. They shared the same burden, the same secret. Often Seth would sit at home in his room, wanting to call Doug and listen to his voice, hear the reassuring tones of his accent, especially when his parents kicked off about something, or whenever Mercedes came round. Seth frowned at the thought of her. He absolutely hated her. He didn't think he had ever hated someone so much in his life.

Doug returned, halting his thoughts. He was wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms and carrying a blanket. He frowned as he looked at Seth's face.

"Are you okay? You look troubled"

"It's just the wedding…"

Doug sighed sympathetically, sitting beside Seth once more and throwing the blanket over them.

"I know it's hard but you have to do what you think is right"

"But I don't know what's right!" Seth whined, hating the way his voice sounded.

Doug put an arm around his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "Let's forget it just for tonight, yeah? Watch the film and try to relax"

Seth nodded, grateful for Doug's words and a way out of his problems for one night.

They watched the film together in relative silence. As the evening crept on, Seth felt his eyes grow heavy. He found himself snuggling against Doug's side, his warm body a reassuring presence. Doug sighed just a little and wrapped an arm around Seth's waist protectively. Seth opened his eyes, looking into his face. He thought that Doug would push him away, would tell him to get lost. Doug's face was so close to his own, his lips puckered and perfect. For once in his life, Seth forgot everything and let his instincts take over as he placed his lips softly against Doug's.

To his horror, Doug pulled away immediately.

"What are you doing, Seth?" He jumped up, touching his lips with his fingers.

"I, I-" Seth stuttered.

"You're sixteen!" Doug said, his eyes wide and panicked.

"So what?" Seth countered, standing his ground.

"This isn't right…" Doug looked appalled.

Seth felt his resolve leaving him. "I'll go" he said shakily, only now realising that tears were streaming down his face.

"No, Seth wait! Let's talk about this…"

But Seth was already out the door, rubbing furiously at his face with his sleeve. He passed by Ethan on his way home.

"Seth, what's wrong?"

Seth pushed past him and sprinted down the steps, almost falling on the final step. He somehow found his way home; thankfully his parents hadn't yet noticed his absence. He flung himself onto his bed and sobbed, feeling foolish and young and confused.

He had kissed him. What had possessed him? Seth turned his head to the side, wiping at his eyes furiously. Why him? Why did all of this have to happen to him on top of everything else? Stifling a sob, Seth listened carefully as his family entered the kitchen.

"Seth!" His mother called. "Do you want some dinner, love?"

Seth remembered the beans on toast and bit his lip to prevent further sobs escaping him.

"Not hungry!" He called out weakly, and promptly locked the door.