A False Heaven
On a full moon night after finding a letter from Sirius two years after the end of the war Remus wanders out to transform into his werewolf form the night however stays cloudy and in a weakened state he wanders the woods and meets the only person who he will ever love
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Don't get me wrong, it's not like I planned it, I mean, we were just friends... nothing more at the time... I guess a lot of things come into play when you had the relationship we had in school, that one time... down by the lake, I told you I was messing with you, I was honestly just pissing around, it meant nothing... I was lying, I think you knew that, I think you always knew that when I kissed you that time, when I had held you and we lost each other by the lake, it wasn't a fluke, it was our connection.
We had gone back to being friends, we had a gap between us though, a gap that in truth I was longing to fill, to stand near you, to feel your hair between my fingers again and whisper the sweet nothings of a boy in love in your ear... when they carted me of, laughing after I realized what had happened, what was going on, and how much I had lost, I realized. That among the most important things I had lost was you... when I was locked up. I realized I had a lot of time to think about you, to imagine you hair, how it glittered in the right light... and those eyes of yours, they were what caught my attention first... sparkling gems that just enhanced your beautiful face...
No I wasn't only interested in how you looked. When we spoke you showed and air of intelligence, and as we became friends I found out that you were tender you had a loving aura that seemed to make me feel so dirty... I love it, because no matter how dirty I was you always smiled at me and told me things that you thought I would find interesting. I remember once, I told you I would buy you the world, I'd work hard to gain my families fortune and I would make sure you never wanted for anything, all you had to do was say ok... instead you laughed and made me go inside because it was starting to snow... You were that level headed person I needed more then any thing.
When we learned of what you were I remember you tried to run away, the look of horror on your face when we told you we had figured you out made my chest ache as if I had been hit by a club. We spent so long trying to find you... but you hid in that place, did you want me to find you? I never got around to asking the question... I remember you were crying... I remember not being able to move and moving at the same time... the world is odd like that... I think that's when I realized I loved you... wow I said it... I love you... I wish I had gotten around to saying those words to you... while I was locked up I thought of all the ways I would say it... I could only contemplate revenge for so long before I ran out of ways to kill Peter... I came up with some interesting ideas.
I'm getting off topic... I'm still not sure if this letter is even going to reach you... I'm too much of a coward to give it to you myself... One of letters that you write with no intention of sending... you know what I mean? I'm sorry I was gone for so long, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you for those years, I can only imagine what it was like... you lost so much that night... and I... I lost my ability to hold you, to see you... to talk to you
I love you, more then anything
Sirius
His hands shook as tears flowed down his face pale golden hair fell across his face but doing nothing to hide the fact he was crying, tears flowing freely, so much he would have feared he was going to dry up like a raisin... had he the time to think about such silly things. The trunk next to him, full of stuff Harry had wanted him to have, the boy must have seen the letter and assumed Sirius never got around to mailing it. The were wolf stood, so far the clouds had not parted but as soon as they did, and he knew they would, he would be forced to become the beast that he was.
Donning thin white robed and tying back his hair he headed outside a thick grey shawl around his shoulders. The woods around his house were safe; no one could get to him. Severus had sent him a new batch of the wolfsbane potion and he was safely dosed, and waiting... it took him a while to realize he was still crying, the tears not willing to stop and wandered deeper in to the woods and collapsed to his knees looking up at the cloudy sky
"Damn you Sirius! Why! Damn it!" His yells were useless, he knew it... knew it better then anyone, but who would care... he wanted to cry, he wanted to dry up and die so he could be with the man again. His eyes opened, the moon still refused to show itself to him, refused to take away the pain in his soul by putting his body through the torture of his transformation
"Don't... DON'T TAKE THIS FROM ME!" he yelled his voice echoing through the trees but as expected, there was no reply. Getting shakily to his feet he began to wander, his feet taking him slowly through the dense woods, he didn't care were he stopped as long as he was free of his torment. His soul was broken, having lost the one he loved but to learn he was loved back... the knowledge would eat him, consume him whole and destroy him
His wandering lasted most of the night, the moon never emerging from the clouds, He felt sick, the potion keeping his mind from being lost didn't stop the excruciating pain of the wolf crying out for the hidden moon. He collapsed in the early hours of the morning on thick moss the white robes scattered around him the shawl splayed out his mind weary.
"Hey... this doesn't look good..." the voice was gruff and familiar but he was in no state to place it. Remus felt strong arms lift him, he weakly tried to escape, this person had no idea what he was getting into, her was a werewolf, but he had no strength, he couldn't speak and he could feel the man (He decided it was a man by the sound of his voice) had started walking
"Hey, you rest and I'll take care of you don't worry." The man said probably thinking Remus was squirming because he didn't know what was going on the mans voice calmed him and against his better judgment he allowed himself to relax, and in doing so, drift off to sleep.
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Remus stirred when he felt warmth spread through the air, his eyes opened slowly as he gazed around. He was in a makeshift hut on a bed of furs covered by what seemed to deer pelt over that was his shawl. In the middle of the room a fire was crackling merrily with no care to his pounding head. He let out a soft groan and someone just out of eyes site moved
"You're awake? I was starting to worry; you've been unconscious for three days." The man said Remus looked over, he wanted to at least see who his savior was, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark he felt a new wave of sick wash over him. The eyes, the face, even the messy hair was exactly the same. The caring look hidden by years of torment, his voice vanished for a moment and the man stepped forward his worry deepening
"Are you alright, are you feeling ill?" the man asked
"My god... Sirius..."