More Than You Know (A Sleeping Warrior fic)
A quick one-shot of what I imagine Mulan and Aurora talk about during the long nights while they quest for Phillip's soul.
The stars above were cold and distant, marred by high clouds that drifted lazily, and the dark outlines of the bare autumn trees that clawed at the sky. The spitting crackle of the campfire had dwindled down to only the occasional 'pop' as the firewood splintered and was devoured by the fading embers.
The night was late, but Aurora still could not seem to find solace. Her mind simply would not allow it, and the thoughts that plagued her saddened her greatly. Her heart, so newly recovered from Cora's clutches, felt heavy with cares and sorrow.
"You should get some sleep, princess. I will keep watch." Mulan spoke, noting that her companion was still awake. She stepped with cat-like grace, moving from her normal post by the fire's far edge to sit closer to the prostrate princess.
"I can't sleep. My thoughts are jumbled tonight." Aurora replied, sighing. She pinched the bridge of her nose as if fighting back a painful headache. "I feel so very…lost." The forlorn timbre in the princess' voice tore at Mulan's heart.
The warrior shifted uncomfortably. This was not her area of expertise. Snow had always been best at soothing Aurora's doubts and nightmares, but with the opening of the portal, Snow's assistance on such matters was gone. These duties had now fallen squarely on Mulan's ill-prepared shoulders, and Aurora was in need of comfort. The swords-woman gritted her teeth.
Think, Mulan. She admonished herself What would Snow say?
"Would…you like to talk about it? Perhaps that will put your mind at ease so you may rest." Her speech was stilted and awkward. The words felt strange on her tongue.
Aurora pretended not to notice the stiff, halting demeanor.
"Mulan…" She paused, weighing her words.
"Do you ever feel like you'll always be alone? Like the people you love most in this world will always end up leaving you…and somehow time flows on, but you stay. You stay the same and you remember everything that was, but can never be. " The princess's voice was low and soft. Broken, almost.
A silence greeted the words as Mulan considered them, mulling them over deep in thought, before replying hesitantly.
"Yes. I do." The honesty of the response surprised even the speaker. She breathed deeply and spoke truly.
"There are a great many things I think about that can never be. I can never be the person my parents wanted. I cannot return to my land or my family, else I would be chased away. I cannot bring back the men I killed. I cannot take the place of friends who died on the empty frozen mountains while I lived. I can never be the one that Phillip wants. I cannot go back."
For a long moment, even the chirping of crickets seemed far too loud.
The truth of Mulan's ever-so-guarded thoughts being laid bare seemed to have taken both women's breath away. Aurora was the first to breach the stillness.
The words were barely audible, and the warrior nearly had to dip her head and lean in closer to hear.
"Sometimes I think you and I are the same inside. Both cursed to remember happiness, but doomed never to have it." Whispered the princess, her countenance trained on the heavens, and tears welled in the depths of eyes of ocean blue.
"We were not made for happy endings, Mulan." Aurora swallowed hard past a thick lump in her throat; her voice wavered, but did not break.
Mulan considered a moment, dark brows wrinkling, and replied firmly "…but I was happy once… And I like to think that means I can be happy again." She paused briefly, before continuing.
"I have a home and a family with you and Phillip. I have a place I belong by your side. For now, that is enough. If I am not guaranteed a happy ending, then I will make one of my own." Determination rang in the depths of her assertion.
"That is very brave." Aurora said, a subtle and genuine smile pulling at her lips as her gaze shifted to Mulan's face.
She reached out; grabbing the gloved, calloused hand of the swords-woman, and began to trace tiny circles inanely across the surface of the knuckles. The heat from Aurora's fingertips was tangible, even through the military-grade leatherwork.
Mulan's muscles tensed at the contact, though she did not pull away.
Aurora shifted topics quickly. "I like that I can talk to you this way. Phillip was never one to think of these things. He used to say I worried too much. He'd tweak my nose and say 'There, there now, love. We are together and shall always be. There is no more you need worry about.'"
She sighed at the distant memory. "He preferred to simply trust in fate…but I do not think anything is so simple anymore."
The princess did not make eye contact as she spoke; her brows were arched and her attention focused on the invisible designs she sketched on the other woman's skin.
"No…but then again, it never was simple, my princess." The warrior's voice came out breathy and hoarse. She was far more captivated by the swirling sensation of Aurora's touch, and the electric singing in her own blood the princess' fingers seemed to elicit.
"No. It never was." Aurora mused, apparently unaware of Mulan's inner rapture. Suddenly her fingers stopped their whorled circles over the warrior's skin, and her brows furrowed deep in thought. Eyes of crystal blue snapped up, catching Mulan in an icy gaze.
"Why did you want so badly to go and save my heart?" Asked the princess, intense curiosity, confusion, desire to understand, and vexation roiling storm-like in her oceanic visage
"I…It was the honorable thing to do." Mulan stammered, surprised by Aurora's sudden shift in intensity.
"Is that the reason? Honor?" The princess queried, some small part of her voice cracking a little, though she tried to hide it.
Mulan knew by the slight hitch in Aurora's tone that the answer had been unsatisfactory. Her blue eyes were more distant now, and a splinter of hurt flashed in the watery depths. Wrong answer.
Mulan stammered again, trying to search out her misstep and amend what had been uttered. She was no good at this. Snow was always the one who could say the right thing. She ran a gauntleted hand down her ebony tresses, feeling the sleek form of her ponytail.
Not a hair out of place. Now if only her words could be as immaculate and orderly as her coif.
"Yes…and no. As you said, nothing is simple. I merely promised Phillip I would protect you."
"Oh."
Damn it. Another wrong answer. Mulan mentally berated herself and cursed several times internally before simply deciding to speak as she had before: openly, and from the heart.
The words rolled with the approximate grace of rough-cut stones from her throat.
"And… I…would have missed…your company."
Aurora smiled to herself, caught off-guard by the swelling sensation of joy and lightness in her chest.
Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of Mulan—the brave, stoic warrior— selflessly cradling the precious jewel-like organ, still beating, in her hands with a vulnerable tenderness.
It could only have ever been Mulan.
She had known that only her warrior would be able to succeed. No one else had the strength.
A sudden flush colored her cheeks, and her heart raced to a gallop as she realized the implications of her wandering thoughts.
Indeed, nothing is quite so simple anymore.
"I am glad it was you that found my heart. I…I would have missed you as well." The lids of the princess' eyes suddenly felt leaden.
"You mean more to me than you know, Mulan." A yawn escaped her, and she inched back down beneath her blankets. Her fingers were still resting on Mulan's gloved hand.
"And you mean more to me than I can ever say" whispered the warrior, her voice too soft to hear even over the song of the distant crickets in the night.
A gentle sigh escaped Aurora as she rolled over, and Mulan smiled ruefully. Her princess had finally drifted gently off to sleep.
"Goodnight, Aurora." She murmured, before tenderly shifting a tress of soft chestnut behind the other girl's ear. The warrior stood silently and pulled the blankets up close and tucked them around the prone form of her princess.
"Dream sweetly, my beauty…my sleeping beauty."