A/N: Finally, here's Brucey! I was going to post this before Steve but got distracted by watching Invader Zim... Anyway, i hope you enjoy this!
BRUCE BANNER: UNIT USER GUIDE AND MANUAL
CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a BRUCE BANNER unit! The following information is what you should know if you would like to avoid a crazy green rage monster tearing through your house.
Technical Specifications:
Name: Bruce, Dr. Banner, Hulk
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 120 lbs
Age: Approximately 40...ish...(do not call him middle-aged. He's too much of a nice guy plus you don't want to make it harder for him not to hulk out on you)
Length: He's the Green Goliath
This unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) Purple, long sleeve, button up shirt
One (1) Pair of prescription glasses
Three (3) Pairs of khaki pants(belts included)
One (1) One heart moniter(already attached for safe removal from box)
One (1) Copy of "How to Keep Your Home Intact"
Three (3) Horse tranquilizers
Programming:
Science teacher: This unit is a brilliant scientist and should be able to handle classes fairly well.
Therapist: This unit's calming personality makes him a great person to confide in. Plus, he doesn't really judge you much since he has a certain... condition he isn't proud of either.
Removal from packaging: This unit usually has a very sweet disposition but can be extremely violent if woken up incorrectly.
1. Knock gently on the box and carefully open the box if you don't hear a loud beeping noise coming from inside the box. It will be perfectly safe to reprogram him.
2. Slowly open the box and introduce yourself calmly. He may be a bit cautious towards you at first but will allow you to reprogram him.
Under no circumstances should you cause him to hulk out.
Reprogramming: This unit's personality makes him very gentle unless you scare or anger him to the point he hulks out.
Calm(default)
Shy(default)
Genius(default)
Awkward Fish(brother)
Romantic
Insane(locked)
Hulk(unadvised)
This unit's default modes make him very nice to be around if you can actually understand all of the science talk that comes flying out of his mouth. If he seems like he's a bit uncomfortable, you should give him a little space.(he has hulked out on several model developers)
Awkward Fish is, like all other brother modes, activated by him seeing you crying, upset, or depressed. He will awkwardly comfort you, find the person who caused your pain, and scare them to the point of peeing themselves. This mode will automatically deactivate itself.
Romantic mode is a mystery to us. If you manage to activate it, kudos to you! Please tell us how you did that if you manage it. To deactivate it, simply let him down nice and easy to avoid breaking his heart and him breaking you.
Insane mode is locked but can be activate by not letting him sleep for a week and forcing him to drink ridiculous amounts of either alcohol or energy drinks. He will lock himself in some kind of room where he can find a bunch of chemicals and begin working on some sort of crazy project. This can be deactivated by sedating him.
Hulk mode is activated by either scaring or angering him to the point of hulking out. Many model developers have died while testing this mode. We highly recommend that you avoid activating this mode. If it is activated you should sedate him IMMEDIATELY!
Feeding: This unit will eat pretty much anything you give him. If he doesn't want to try it don't force him.
Cleaning: This unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself and will not appreciate you jumping in the shower with him.
Rest: He will sleep when he needs it. Only wake him up if you absolutely must. If woken up incorrectly you might accidentally activate Hulk mode.
Frequently asked questions:
Q. My BRUCE BANNER unit is sitting in a corner crying. What is going on?
A. Congrats! You unlocked his hidden Depressed mode. We aren't entirely sure how to activate or deactivate this.
Q. My unit is acting a bit weird. Running around, hugging everyone, and talking like Tony. What is going on?
A. Uh, have he slept in the past week? He might be in the early stages of Insane mode.
Troubleshooting:
Problem: I didn't get any tranquilizers when my unit arrived in his box.
Solution: Call the number on the box and order some before you attempt removing your unit from its package.
Problem: My unit's heart moniter is constantly beeping at a really fast pace. Is it supposed to be doing that?
Solution: No, stop scaring or angering your unit. He might hulk out so have the tranquilizers ready.
We hope you enjoy your unit and are looking forward to our next models. Coming soon: Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Nick Fury!