Nat: I owe you
Steve: It's okay
Nat: if it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?
Steve: I would now. And I'm always honest.
And sitting on Sam's spare bed, on the run from the world, Natasha almost believes him. She wants to believe him. However much she tries to pretend integrity and honesty mean nothing to her, they were the two things that the Red Room never quite succeeded in stripping away. They'd tried of course, but Natasha had always been stubborn. She'd clung to them like the they were the last vestiges of the life she might have led.
She suspects they were what saved her when Clint made the decision not to shoot, to disobey his orders and bring her in. He'd always said he'd seen something in her that was worth saving. She'd scoffed at that, dismissing it like she thought humanity worthless, but deep down she knew he was right.
She sighs, and then states resignedly "You don't have to say that Rogers"
"I mean it!" Steve exclaims, almost too quick with his reply.
"No, you don't" Natasha intones, "I've told you before that you're a lousy liar. Do you think I don't know what they say about me? 'Natasha – she's comfortable with everything'. I'm not an idiot – I know my reputation."
Steve moves to the other side of the room, perching on the small dresser by the door. He looks her straight in the eyes before saying
"But are you? Comfortable with everything?"
"Of course I'm not! I'm human Steve!"
"Well there you go. I've seen that now" Steve states, almost smugly.
Again Natasha wants to accept what he's saying, but somehow she can't quite seem to let herself off the hook.
"But what about what I've done – even recently, the boat, spying for Fury, endangering those hostages"
She sees something change in Steve's eyes – and realises that whatever has happened in the last few days, he does still blame her for that. Of course. Why wouldn't he? She still blames herself for it – and so many other things.
"I'm not going to lie Romanov; I was pissed"
"You still are"
"Yeah. I don't understand it – you knew the lives that were at stake, but chose to get Fury's intel anyway!"
At that, Natasha hangs her head, feeling shame roll over her once again.
"I guess I told myself that doing Fury's dirty work was okay – at least it was a step up from the KGB. Now… I'm… I'm not so sure. You started holding me to a higher standard and I - some part of me wanted to meet it."
Steve sighs.
"I've told you before that I find it hard to work with a partner I can't trust."
"and I want you to be able to trust me – but I – feel… guilty? I don't feel like you should."
At this, Steve's strong gaze softens a touch.
Seeing this, she realises that maybe she can confide in him. "The only person who's ever really trusted me and who has cared enough to hold me to account before is well – Peggy"
Across the room, Steve's eyes widen in surprise. "Peggy? My Peggy?"
"Don't let her hear you call her that! Yeah, Peggy. She was my SO you know, when I was first brought in. I asked her not to tell you."
While accepting that, Steve looks a little puzzled. "You said, hold you to account – what do you mean exactly?"
Natasha blushes, not quite believing what she's about to share with Steve.
"Well, before she was hospitalized she used to… discipline me when I or she felt I'd screwed up. There's a lot of red in my ledger – she was helping me get rid of it.
Steve still looks confused, but she sees the realization slowly dawn on his face.
"She used to spank you."
"Yes."
Unexpectedly, at this, Steve laughs. 'It's funny. You don't know how much I wanted to take you over my knee when I saw you gathering that intel. Where I'm from no one would have cared if I had! Now, I don't exactly agree with that – but I do know first-hand how much it can help relieve guilt."
This latest revelation causes something inside of Natasha to squirm, and inwardly she curses Peggy – she bets the old broad had suspected this might happen when suggesting to Fury that she and Captain America of all people should work together. Carefully, she slowly raises her head, allowing her eyes to meet Steve's once more.
"And now?"
"Nat, you don't really want this – it'll hurt you know"
"Well yes Rogers, I believe that is the point" Natasha quips, trying to inject some of her usual bravado back into her voice. "Besides, you're right – it relieves the guilt. But it if you ever mention this to Barton…" she lets her voice trail off, leaving the threat to his imagination.
Steve nods, before saying "shall we get this over with?"
She gulps, gathers her courage and stands up, allowing Steve to take a seat on the bed, before deftly unbuttoning her pants and laying herself over his lap. She's never believed in delaying the inevitable, and if this has to happen she might as well keep as much of her dignity intact as possible.
Steve seems a little taken aback by her acceptance of the situation, but is also disinclined to delay the inevitable. He wastes no time in raising his hand and bringing down firmly on her backside.
Natasha curses under her breath taken by surprise as always by how much it hurts.
Despite this, Steve quickly builds up a fierce cadence against her bare skin, turning it from pale white to a fierce pink in a matter of minutes.
Where he differs from Peggy is the silence – she had always scolded her throughout the punishment, which unbeknown to her had given Natasha something else to focus on – to distract her from the pain.
With Steve there is none of this – just the fierce burn that his super soldier hands are causing in her behind.
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT
Natasha is well trained, drilled from an early age to embrace pain, to use it instead of letting it weaken her. However, the unrelenting swats begin to get to her, and before the punishment reaches the four - minute mark she finds herself squirming under the onslaught of blows Steve is providing.
Shortly after that, despite her best efforts, she is no longer able to remain stoic, and she yelps out loud, reaching her hands back behind her to try and cover her burning behind.
At that, Steve pulls down her simple black panties, and before she can react to this development, tilts her forward so he can gain access to her thus far untouched sit spots. He begins to lay hard, searing swats onto this vulnerable area, as if trying to provoke a reaction.
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT
Natasha cries out in pain, and sensing that he'd finally managed to get through to her, Steve begins to scold – emphasising his words with solid swats
You are SWAT never SWAT to endanger SWAT innocent SWAT lives SWAT like that SWAT ever again!
Their lives SWAT and yours SWAT are worth more SWAT than any intelligence!
Between the burning pain in her behind and Steve's scolding, this is all too much for Natasha and she finally lets herself go, laying limp on Steve's lap and allowing herself to cry for the first time in years – perhaps since the last time she'd found herself in this position when Peggy was still well.
Steve carries on peppering her behind with swats for another thirty seconds, before stopping and helping her to sit up, carefully positioning her on the bed so that her ass makes as little contact with it as possible.
"Feel better?"
Natasha scoffs, only Steve would ask such a question. "well, part of me certainly doesn't – but yes, I… think I needed that"
Steve seems to understand what she means, but ever the pragmatist moves on . "I mean it though – you do that again…"
"and I'm right back here, I've got it."
He nods, and turns to leave, to give herself time to collect herself – and perhaps to explain to Sam what on earth has been going on.
However, despite herself, she still can't quite let it go, and before he reaches the door she asks "and now?"
He turns to look at her, and says in a tone that contains more than a little exasperation "Yeah Nat, I trust you".
As she realises that she finally believes him, despite the fierce pain in her behind and their current status as fugitives, Natasha feels better than she has in a long time.
"Thank you Steve"
"Any time."