Adora never realized how long nights are until she became unable to sleep. There have been times it took her awhile to nod off but the past few days barely any rest has come to her. There are many things, she thinks, to blame for her inability to sleep.
For starters, Adora can't lay on her back. It is her favorite sleeping spot but with the injuries inflicted by Catra, it is painful to do that. Even with the bandages placed on top of them, the wrong movement or something brushing along her back in the right position, it feels like thousands of needles are being jammed into her skin. Whenever that feeling spreads across her body, she is jolted back awake.
Then there are the wounds on her left cheek. Adora gently touches the white, square bandage on her face. They sting less but remain a dark reminder about what happened. Adora wonders if they or the ones on her back will scar over and stay with her forever. She hopes they don't but in the back of her mind, something is telling her they will. Great.
The last thing that keeps her up is everything that has happened. Brightmoon nearly fell. Adora had given up during the battle was accepted defeat until the other princesses arrived. She hates herself for that. She wishes she didn't do that. Everyone is looking to her for support, leadership, and guidance. She-ra is suppose to be a beacon of hope but she became hopeless at a pivotal moment. Adora is glad everyone else changed their minds and came to help and saved the day and bring hope back to her. Yet, her doubt in those moments eat away at her.
Adora turns over on her side, uncomfortable on her stomach. She hisses as she feels a sting on her back. Once the pain passes, a sigh escapes her. Normally when Adora can't sleep, she goes to Glimmer's room and rest alongside her. She goes there so often, Glimmer has an extra pillow and blanket on her bed. Adora wants to go join her but doesn't. She doesn't want to bother her over this or even cause her back to act up being by her.
Just sleep, Adora. Forget about it. You don't need to bug Glimmer. Everything is fine...For now. Next time things hit the fan you better not give up and be powerless and worthless.
She groans, and shakes the thought from her mind. The last thing she needs tonight is her mind bullying her. Adora shuts her eyes and tries to slip into some sort of sleep but fails. She grows more frustrated which only keeps her up. Finally, Adora has had enough.
A walk might do her some good. It is better than just laying around. Adora sits up and crawls out of bed. She opens the door carefully, not wanting to somehow wake someone. Moonlight spilling through from the windows provide the only light in the dark hallway. Adora steps out of her room and starts walking.
The halls are quiet and almost completely devoid of life. Only she and some guards scattered about different stations are awake. In the dark and their faces mostly hidden by a mask. Adora can't tell if they are giving her a look or not for wandering around so late at night. She has a feeling they are at least questioning it but they don't bother to ask. Better for her, she isn't in the mood to talk.
Her thoughts follow her, telling her she is not worth being She-ra if she is just going to give up when times are tough. Or how the rescue mission she came up with to save Glimmer and Bow form being captured (something that her mind also says is all her fault), Entrapta was lost because of it. They couldn't even go back to retrieve her with the Horde on red alert.
You always just cause trouble and pain as She-ra. Why do you even bother to keep trying?
"Because it's the right thing to do," Adora says out loud to no one. She has to keep her thoughts from winning. "I've brought the Princess Alliance back together, haven't I? That's something."
But you still almost let Brightmoon fall, one of the last major strongholds. That could have lead to Etheria finally fully under the control of the Horde.
"But that didn't happen."
Almost did.
Adora buries her head into her hands and groans. Stupid thoughts. Why can't you just shut the hell up for once? Can you, like, stop for once in my life?
"Adora?" A quiet voice says.
She snaps her head up and looks. Glimmer is standing in one of the patches of light. Her sparkly, two toned purple hair is disheveled, and Adora is surprised to find she lacks any sleep in her eyes. What does lie in them is confusion and a hint of concernment. When Adora fails to answer her, Glimmer speaks again.
"You okay? I heard you talking."
"Oh...yeah...I...I don't know," is all Adora can manage.
"Can't sleep I guess?"
"No. You?"
"Same. It happens some nights so I just take a walk around. Do you want to talk?"
"I don't want to bother you if you were about to head back to bed."
"I'm already up so it doesn't matter. If you don't want to talk, I can at least check on your wounds if you want. Might as well. If you want."
Adora thinks for a moment. She still doesn't want to bother Glimmer and part of her wants to be alone. Yet, the thought of being with Glimmer and maybe talking to her comforts her. After all, her injuries are starting to hurt again, might as well.
"Sure," Adora says.
The two head back down the hall, speaking no words to each other. Neither seem to know what to talk about and if they do have something on their minds, they wait to be behind closed doors where no one else can hear them. Least with Glimmer around the dark thoughts in Adora's mind start to quiet down.
When they reach the bedroom, Glimmer opens the door. Adora steps in first and takes a seat at Glimmer's set up near the window. Glimmer gathers some supplies before joining Adora.
"Move your hair, please," Glimmer requests.
Adora grabs her free flowing hair and pulls it over her right shoulder. Glimmer gently moves the back of Adora's grey tank top up enough for her to take off the bandages on her back. Carefully, Glimmer takes them off. A wince still escapes Adora.
"Sorry," Glimmer says.
"You're good."
Glimmer uses the moonlight to look at the scratches on Adora's back. Catra sure left her mark deep into Adora. Thankfully, though, most of the wounds are healing just fine. It's only the upper area near Adora's shoulder blades that struggle to heal with all the movement. However, it still looks like all of them are going to scar over. Adora isn't going to like that.
"So, why were you up tonight?" Adora asks. "Any reasons why you couldn't sleep? You said sometimes it just happens?"
"It just does, I'm use to it," Glimmer tells her. She puts medicated lotion on Adora's back. A soft sighs comes from Adora when she feels the soothe medicine ease her pain. Glimmer speaks once more as she puts bandages on. "Though, the battle still may be getting to me. It was a tough one and I thought we would lose, but we didn't! Still, it's scary to think what would have happened had we not. There, finished."
"You thought we would lose?" Adora asks. She pulls down the back of her tank top and shifts to face Glimmer.
"Yeah, I did...Did you?"
Adora looks away from Glimmer. "Maybe…"
"Is that why you were up?"
"Kind of…"
"Oh?"
Adora doesn't reply. She finds her words stuck in her throat. Glimmer doesn't push. She turns her attention to the wound on Adora's cheek. When the bandage is removed, Glimmer sees that it is far better than the ones on Adora's back. But like them also, they are scarring over.
"I...I'm sorry that I gave up," Adora finally says.
"It's okay, Adora. You don't have to apologize for that. It happens."
"I know but...I'm suppose to be She-ra. This powerful and strong warrior who is here to protect and save everyone. And I couldn't do that. Had the other princesses not shown up...we would have lost and I just accepted it."
Adora feels tears running down her face. She wipes them off and sniffs. "Not to mention the whole thing at the prom and Entrapta and you glitching. I feel bad for all of it. That I'm not strong enough or good enough to protect anyone I care about.
"I can't stop thinking about it and I hate myself for it. For thinking about it and for giving up. Everyone is looking towards and up to me and I can't be that person everyone thinks I am and I try to tell myself that I still did the right thing but...I just can't."
"Hey, hey, hey. Come here."
Glimmer pulls Adora close to her, holding her night. Adora buries her face in the crook of Glimmer's neck and cries into it. Glimmer starts to rub Adora's back, being mindful of the injuries.
"It's okay to not be strong. You don't always have to be. And to be honest, I kind of get how you feel. It's not easy to have a lot of expectations placed on you and feeling like you have to live up to them. It's okay. Being a princess is tough."
Adora shifts and looks up at Glimmer. "Y-yeah it is. It sucks also. I just want to help people but...those mess ups just get to me. Do they get to you?"
"Yeah. They do. But I'm use to it by now. Talking about it helps, though I need to do it more often. Maybe we can talk about stuff like that together."
"I like that idea." Adora shifts back up and uses the collar of her pajama top to wipe off her face.
"Feeling better?"
"A bit, yes. I still feel bad but...better now that I told you."
"Good. Come here and let me finish covering your cheek."
Adora lets her. It does not take long for her to put the medicine and redress the wound. Adora thanks her for doing that all before looking out the window. Her time spent with Glimmer seems like it took forever but the sky is still black. The only sign that time has passed is the moon shifting somewhat lower. Even with friends, the night drags on.
"Hey. You want to sleep here tonight?" Glimmer suggest.
"I don't know. It already is a pain to sleep on my own bed. I don't know how I can rest in a bed with someone else when I can't even sleep on my back."
Glimmer thinks for a moment. She seems to come up with something and nudges Adora to follow her up to her bed. Adora slowly follows her up. Glimmer pats the part of the bed next to her and Adora slowly crawls over.
"Either we can lay down facing each other, might be a little awkward. That or you can still lay on one of your sides and I can lay on my back and you can nuzzle up that way if you want to. How does that sound?" Glimmer asks.
"I like the last one," Adora answers, softly smiling.
Glimmer beams and the two lay down next to each other. Adora missed the feeling of sleeping with someone else. It is a nice feeling. Already, her body is starting to relax and she can feel sleep creeping through her body. The medicated lotion Glimmer used helps dull the pain on her back, aiding more with rest.
"Thank you again, Glimmer, for everything," Adora whispers.
"Anytime, Adora. I am here for you whenever you need it."
"Same to you."
"Rest now. It looks like you need it. We both need it probably."
Adora says no more and shuts her eyes. The presence of Glimmer helps keep away the dark thoughts from her mind and allows her to finally slip into a restful sleep.
so yeah might as well just post some of them here I guess anyway. Im going to spread them out as to not spam but yeah.