Rosebuds
on a spring day
It feels empty
and yet pounds through
my heart just the same
I hope that you'll watch me
live like my father couldn't
I still see
tiny pools of memories
I watch you dive
every night
as if my dreams are
stealing your breath away as well
I remember
the way you'd smile sometimes,
small, tiny ones
that always reminded me
of just how happy you were
I still stare at a pool
and see your face peering up at me
I can't always stick around
like this
Heart lodged in my throat
with what remains of my breath
I take the kids out
to see their aunt
and hope that no one sees
how weak I am
I couldn't
go to the Olympics this year
You're still all that I think about
Sousuke thinks I've lost it
I'm sure Gou
wonders what she can do
I can't pretend that
I don't miss you
I can't stand
the pitying looks either though
I wish that your grave
wasn't yet in the ground
as then I can pretend that you're still coming home
that our kids
still have the best dad ever
It's been three years,
but I still haven't gotten any better.