Special thanks to the drabble-matic, who wrote this with my help. They're all pretty weird, and all "romance" of sorts. Involves Rin turning into a man, a happy Len, Mary sue Microphone, a bird named miracle, and other random shit. Woo. Well, here we go. I don't own anything. D':
Rin tripped along exitedly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Len, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a kitten hopping along, carrying a road roller in its mouth.
Rin was almost in his arms when she came across a cute cake, lying alone on an amazing plate. "That must be a treat from my sarcastic bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked shota, so she ate it.
It gave her the most brother tingling sensation in her neck. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Len.
When Len came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Rin cried humorously.
"Your hand! And your lips!" Len said. "They're slim! Can't you feel it?"
Rin felt her hand and her lips. They were indeed quite slim. "Oh, no!" Rin said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that cute cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Len said. "I got you a banana. It must have been that childish man who lives nearby. He acts a little romantically, ever since he laughed an orange."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Rin sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Len said nervously, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your hand is really twin like that."
"Really?" Rin dried his tears. Rin kissed Len and it was an entirely identical sensation, like a baby in it's mom's arms.
They spent the night having entirely identical sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
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Kaito paced up and down, jiggling his face. His very good friend, Mary Sue Microphone, had arranged to meet him here on Luka's head. "I have something beautiful to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Microphone was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Kaito expected to see her bounce up, her immature hair streaming behind her and her obnoxious eyes aglow.
Kaito heard footsteps, but they seemed rather cheery for a delicate and stupid girl like Mary Sue Microphone, whose tread was optimistic. He turned around and found Miku staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Miku said nervously. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Kaito had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so happily. "Mary Sue Microphone asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Miku, his scarf began to throb romantically.
"Oh," Miku said, annoyedly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Kaito said and caught Miku by her pigtail. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Miku said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a cat with a mouse.
From behind an ice cream, Mary Sue Microphone watched with a strange light in her childish eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Kaito/Miku". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the octopus from extinction.
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On a sadistic and beautiful morning, Gackupo sat in the sea. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His arm ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Luka to love someone with an obnoxious hair?
Pervertedly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a pervert tsundere tuna, all on a summer's day. I wish my Luka would kick me, in her own busty way..."
"Do you?" Luka sat down beside Gackupo and put her hand on Gackupo's chest. "I think that could be arranged."
Gackupo gasped frustratingly. "But what about my obnoxious hair?"
"I like it," Luka said half-heartedly. "I think it's cold-hearted."
They came together and their kiss was like an idiot with a math exam.
"I love you," Gackupo said happily.
"I love you too," Luka replied and kicked him.
They bought a tuna, moved in together, and lived annoyedly ever after.
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Miki hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a child with a lollipop. She loathed it.
Every December, Miki would feel herself getting all shy inside. She refused to put up a Christmas coffee, she snapped at anyone pink enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Miki had to go to the mall to buy a loud pocky. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing nervously around and so much Christmas music blaring shyly, she thought her USB cord would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a pessimistic man collecting for charity. Miki never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the pessimistic man dropped his bells and ran in the sky. There was an amazing bird right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the pessimistic man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Miki rushed out and quietly pushed them both out of the way. There was a handsome bang and then everything went dark.
When Miki woke up, she was in a white room. There was a Christmas coffee in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Miki's curl hurt. A lot.
The pessimistic man came into the room. "I'm so lovely!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Piko. You saved me from the truck. But your curl is broken."
Miki hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas coffee up and her curl was broken, she felt quite charming, especially when she looked at Piko.
"Your curl must hurt romantically," Piko said. "I think this will help." And he kissed Miki several times.
Now Miki felt very charming indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Piko. "I love you," she said, and kissed Piko jokingly.
"I love you too," said Piko. Just then, the bird ran into the room and nuzzled Miki's arm. "I brought him home with us," Piko said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Miki said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
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The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Neru strode along the path, making for Tsundere Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Happy Len, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Arm.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her silent sake just in time to face the bratty woman who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.
The woman struck half-heartedly, and Neru barely raised her sake to meet the attack. They fought long and shyly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Neru found herself forced to one knee, the woman's sake pressed to her grey ponytail. "I am Haku of Tsundere Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Happy Len. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in a box."
But Neru had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her sake with a twist, overpowered Haku and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Neru said, looking down upon her.
Haku's hand shimmered like Miku with a leek. Annoying and pointless.. "I have underestimated you, Neru. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Neru's desire was enflamed. Her ponytail throbbed and all her thoughts were to drink Haku like a cat. Neru caressed Haku's yellow hand and she responded. They came together sadly, and their joining was as shy as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet cell phone!" Neru groaned and texted Haku as annoyedly as she could.
"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Neru said. "That's where I put the Happy Len for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed apathetically on the grass, forgetful of all but their quiet love. "We will stay together forever," Haku said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Arm never got the Happy Len and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
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Miku was walking through a red meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a slap-happy little child lying under a tree.
Miku skipped over to see the dear thing and was blue to find that he was hurt! A leek had pierced his annoyingly cheery little nose and he whimpered romantically with the pain.
"My clown little friend," Miku said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the leek, as happily as she could. The child cried out and Miku's heart ached, like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. "You'll be all right," Miku whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Ronald McDonald and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Ronald McDonald up in her arms, Miku carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Miku nursed Ronald McDonald, cleaning his nose and feeding him Happy Meal-brand child chow.
On the eighth night, Ronald McDonald climbed into bed with Miku. He burrowed under the covers and huskily sniffed Miku's arm. It made Miku giggle and she cuddled close to Ronald McDonald, stroking his cheek and singing seductively to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Miku hurried home so she could curl up with Ronald McDonald. It gave her a stupid feeling whenever Ronald McDonald sniffed her arm.
Then one night, Ronald McDonald looked up at Miku and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a childish prince."
Miku screamed cheerfully, she was so surprised. How could a child talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Ronald McDonald said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Miku said and kissed Ronald McDonald on his lips. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a childish prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Ronald McDonald," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Miku said.
"See?" Ronald McDonald said and showed Miku the scar from the leek on his nose. Then he kissed Miku and they tumbled with fries and did a lot of very optimistic things, some of them involving a singer toy.
"I love you," Ronald McDonald said when they were done. Miku clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Ronald McDonald had stashed away.
And if Ronald McDonald didn't know about Miku's visits to the child sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
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It was Christmas Eve. Piko sat sadisticly in Len's bed, sipping anti-social eggnog.
He looked at the shy orange hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Rin had hung it there, just before they looked at each other mysteriously and then fell into each other's embrace and kissed each other's arm.
If only I hadn't been so handsome, Piko thought, pouring a quiet amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Rin might not have got so cold-hearted and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an amazing tear and held his lips in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a stupid voice lifted huskily up in song.
I'm dreaming of an idiotic ChristmasJust like Len in SPICE!
Piko ran to the door. It was Rin, looking annoying all over with snow.
"I missed you happily," Rin said. "And I wanted to kiss your arm again."
Piko hugged Rin and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Rin said.
"I think so too," Piko said and they kissed each other's arm until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted bunny chest and lived surprisingly until Piko got drunk again.
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Utter strangeness. Any coupling requests? I'll accept them with open arms. I'm sorry this was so weird. I didn't write it. It was a "fill in blanks and we'll write it for you!" sort of thing. Anyway, have fun, kiss arms, eat bunny-chests, have "identical" protected sex, stab children with leeks, visit the child sanctuary, but remember, at all costs, you MUST PROTECT YOUR HAPPY LENS.
Until next time,
Eii.