Musings...
By Darkness Arts
Summary: Just some thoughts and reflections on Blue's part. Trying to make her seem like more of an "open" character, as opposed to how she comes off in the show, by putting this in first person point of view. This is probably very ooc, but short so no one has to deal with it for very long.
Was written in a total of five minutes before the start of "Wolf's Rain"
Disclaimer: Blue and the spiffy show "Wolf's Rain" are not property of me. And I am grieving as I type this to say that neither is the fluffly and loveable Hige, or the very uber character Quent. ::rueful sigh:: You have been disclaimed...
Life has never been my best subject, I suppose. What I knew to be truth always seemed to twist itself in so many different ways to where I could no longer distinguish it as such, in which case was contradictory of declaring to be right in the first place. I myself was believed to be a mere dog for the longer part of my life, and have only recently came upon the truth that there has always been more under the surface of me than I had ever noticed before. And that is the truth, sadly enough, on so many different levels.
And as always, any relationship I've ever had with anyone- whether it be platonic, or not- has never been normal in any sense, however few I have had. Quent Yaiden- pops- is only one example of this. With him, there are no regrets. I grew up in one mindset, and even with this new one, I still look to him as my master and my friend. If I had never came across Cheza, the flower maiden, I know I would have been content being with pops until either he, or myself departed this world. But with this knowledge...I simply can't let things continue on as they were before.
You know....they say ignorance is bliss. I had never really believed that before now.
And then there is Hige. With him there is the complicated subject of "feelings". Feelings. At the thought of this, I sigh and shake my head. A tangible emotion that I had never really considered before was love. It sounds simple enough, but is hardly that. It's one of those things that lures you in with the promising looks of innocence, and only after you're neck deep into the mass of it do you realize how perpetually entrapped you are. With a mere look from the "object of your affection", you can be reduced to a fool faster than you could ever comprehend. Don't think this has happened to me yet, because it hasn't. I like to think that I'm too well guarded for such things, but I've noticed that around Hige, the wall I pride myself on keeping erected seems to come down. Every time he looks at me or speaks to me, my barrier only seems to crumble a little bit more.
I tell myself that I don't want this to happen. That I can not let this happen. But in truth, I'm only lying. I can put on a face to fool the world, but convincing myself of this notion is proving more difficult than I had ever thought it would be.
Hige, what is that you think of me? When you look at me, what exactly do you see? Do you see the Blue that I broadcast to the world? The outer layer that I want to believe myself to be? Or have you analyzed what goes far past skin level? Can you really see what only my reflection on the worst days will show? Does my pain, and my feelings matter as much to you, as your's do to me? Or am I deluding myself with my every thought of you- however reluctant they are- and in thinking that perhaps there's a chance that you reciprocate what I feel...
Oh well. My talk is mostly foolish anyway, I suppose. Who am I to get sappy thinking about such things as "love" at a time like this?! I have a life waiting for me to live it, and every intention of doing just that! I'll leave the subject of Hige to another time, and maybe then I'll have no more questions and instead a resolute feeling to go with!
Author Note: There, y'see! Harmless!!! And yes, I do like sap. Very much in fact. And fluff. I would like to write a strictly fluffy, and romantic Blue and Hige piece, so if anyone would care to read it, please let me know, and I'd be more than happy to write it! As always, please leave me a review!!
Extra Note Thing:Umm...I have two other stories posted right now, featuring Hige and Blue content if anyone likes that...yep. I am also about to post the first two chapters to what will be an AU Angsty/Romance fic. Pairings will be ( as of right now ) Hige/Blue, and Cheza/Kiba. I'm in debate on other couples, as while I generally love original characters, I have a tendency to let them take over for the actual characters from the show. But yep. Expect that sometime this week...