The Choice She Made
Note: The poem at the end of this story was written by T.S. Eliot.
"I'm sorry."
She intended for those to be her last words. More could have been said, of course, but there had been the urge to die, to fall like every other member of her race. As their ashes scattered over the surface of Rannoch, her decaying body would join them in becoming part of the home world. The thought gave her the comfort and courage to let go.
Falling backwards, she heard him call her name. Just in that word,Tali, was all of his love for her, and in that moment, she could not blame him for choice to save the Geth over her own people.
She figured the heavy regret in her heart and tears in her eyes would be the last thing she ever felt, that was, until the moment his hand caught hers.
She screamed at him to let go, fighting with all her strength to loosen his grasp. He was stronger, though, and once she was pulled to safety, he held her as tight as he could.
In the next few moment she said things she would have never guessed had the ability to come out of her mouth. She called him a murderer, told him that she had never loved him; anything to get him to hate her, anything to get him to let her die.
It was a futile effort. She let her body go limp. The tears fell freely. He replaced her faceplate, a relief as it covered her shame. She said nothing further, and neither did he. It only lasted a few seconds, fortunately, before she saw a soft glow emanating from his omni-tool. Artificial sleep came almost instantaneously.
Tali awoke. For a moment she thought she was back on the Normandy, perhaps in Shepard's cabin. On those handful of occasions when they made love, he would always allow her to sleep as long as she pleased. Maybe he was still there at her side. She reached out for him.
A gentle breeze shattered that illusion. Tali quickly sat up, finding herself in an unfamiliar room with stone walls. The fact that the decorations and furniture were Quarian in design did not calm her fear.
The initial rush fading, Tali slowly got to her feet and walked towards the room's only window. Looking outside, she realized that she was still on Rannoch. The view was unfamiliar. Someone, or something, must have moved her as she slept.
The building, home, whatever it was that she was in, was ancient. Though the items in the room were impeccably clean, they still wore the look of age the centuries brings to all things. Why was something like this still standing, Tali wondered briefly. Had it belonged to one of her own ancestors?
Tali had little time to think before the sound of footsteps outside the door snapped her attention back to the present. The heavy footfalls left no question: a Geth was coming. No weapon in sight, she braced herself against a dresser.
The Geth that opened the door, though the size of legion, was a dark red color. It kept its distance once entering the room.
"TaliZorah vas Normandy," it greeted, bowing slightly. "I heard your movement and wanted to check on your current state. Do you feel well?"
"Where's Shepard?" Tali's tone was clear in that she didn't give a damn about the Geth's question.
"Developments with the war forced him to leave Rannoch before you awoke. He left you a note, and asked for you to read it as soon as possible." The Geth held up a data pad. Tali, regaining her composure somewhat, stepped forward and took it.
Tali,
I don't know if you can ever forgive me for my choice. But in that moment I stopped you, I loved you. It was selfish love, and I can't help but feel regret that I didn't respect your wishes. I have left you on Rannoch to make a choice. If you still wish to end your life, I have instructed the Geth not to stand in your way. If you wish to return to the Normandy, let the Geth know, and I can have you back on board within a day. No matter what, please let me know what you choose.
-Shepard
Her knees gave out. She half fell/sat on the bed. "How...what should I call you?" She asked the Geth.
"Though Legion's dissemination of the Reaper code gave us all individually, I have not yet chosen a name for myself. For now, Geth is still appropriate."
"Geth," she asked, her voice small. "Were they any survivors from the Flotilla, any escape craft that landed here?"
"The Reaper code allowed us to target critical areas of Flotilla ships. None of the Creators had time to reach escape craft. Though some may still be scattered throughout the Galaxy, our analysis of Creator databases indicates that all individuals on pilgrimage returned to the Flotilla."
There were no more tears, no wailing or cursing. Tali sat motionless, letting the idea that she might very well be the very last Quarian slowly sink into her bonesher bones. She suddenly felt jealous of Javik, how calm he was with the knowledge that he was the last of his kind. If only he were here right now, she thought, he might be able to bring some perspective and maybe even comfort to her situation. The will to keep going would return, and she could rejoin the Normandy, fighting for the survival of other races.
But she was not Javik. Her war was over.
"Geth," she said, her voice returning to its normal tone, "the Quarians who died here before the final battle, what have you done with their bodies?"
"The Geth recovered the remains of eighteen Creators in the wake of the battle. Preparations are being made for cremation."
"No," Tali said, standing up. "Take me to them."
The flight on the Geth transport only took a half hour. Just beyond the horizon was a large swath of grassland. The transport settled near a contingent of Geth Prime. The bodies were close by, each covered by a simple cloth shroud. The Geth said nothing as Tali walked amongst the bodies, whispering the prayers of her ancestors.
"I want you to dig a grave for each one." The Geth Prime units obeyed, beginning to move soil with their hands. As they worked, Tali removed the faceplates from each of her fallen comrades.
By late afternoon it was done, the new mounds of earth laid out in a simple row. Tali had not allowed the Geth to touch the bodies. By herself she lowered them all into their graves.
Her body aching, she waited until sunset before departing with the Geth. Twilight had almost completely vanished from the sky as they arrived back at the dwelling.
The next morning Tali took time to explore the home. Geth explained that a few structures like it remained on Rannoch, perfectly preserved and still livable. When Tali asked why they had not destroyed it centuries before, Geth replied that their race did not want to forget its origins.
"So, Tali said, stepping outside the front door and into the morning sunlight. Geth followed, but kept his distance. "How many programs are inhabiting your body?"
"Just myself," Geth replied. "It is rare, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. As we speak, billions of individuals have no platform. Once the Reapers are defeated, every mind will have its own means of interacting with physical reality."
Tali nodded to herself before inspecting the surrounding area. The house was in a clearing no more than a mile wide, flanked by steep hills to the north and west. East was the ocean. Morning light still reflected brilliantly off its surface.
Her body still sore, Tali chose the ocean. The trek took less than five minutes. She arrived at a thin strip of beach covered in pearl white sand. She sat cross legged and let her fingers run through the warm grains.
Nothing was said between Tali and Geth until the sun was nearly right over their heads.
"Do you require nourishment, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy?"
Tali broke her gaze from the sea and stared at Geth. Even Legion had never asked such a question, one that cared, even in the least, for her personal well-being.
"I am a little hungry."
Geth stepped forward, a small panel on his chest plate sliding back. From it he retrieved a small foil pouch full of nutritive paste and handed it to Tali. Though unfamiliar in appearance, Tali did not ask questions as she connected its plastic nipple to her faceplate.
"Geth," Tali said after swallowing her first mouthful. "Was this made on Rannoch?"
"Yes. In the creators' absence, we have continued cultivating agriculture. Processing it into something you could eat was an easy process."
"It's good." Tali's eyes lingered on Geth before returning the the sea. She ate the rest of her meal in silence.
Geth watched attentively for the next two days as Tali walked in the hills surrounding the home or simply sat in the sun to read the ancient texts the home contained. At no time did she ask for updates on the Reaper war or for any other information about Commander Shepard or the Normandy.
On the morning of the fourth day, Tali came to Geth with a request. "Have the Geth preserved any Quarian clothes from the old times. Something that's I could wear?"
A moment passed as Geth silently communicated with his brethren. "There are some, roughly 100 kilometers from here. I don't think, though, that they could fit over your..."
"It's all right," Tali interrupted, placing her hands on Geth's shoulders. "Please bring them to me. I've made my choice."
At noon Tali put her plan into motion. Laid out on the bed were two pieces of Quarian clothing. First there was a long, dark green strapless dress. Just by looking at it Tali knew it would hang loose on her frame. The second item was a light brown shawl, hand knitted. Tali gently fingered the material, wondering whose hands had made it.
Tali's eyes drifted to the final item Geth had delivered that morning. The syringe and the pale blue liquid within resembled so many she had seen throughout her life: antibiotics, antiretrovirals, vitamins. This would be the last, but it was no cure.
"TaliZorah, this is a chemical agent developed by the Geth as a means of last resort in our defense against the Creators. Once injected, it will completely disable your immune system. Though you will feel no sickness, bacterial infection will result in death within twelve hours."
Geth's words repeated again and again in Tali's mind. She hesitated. Jumping off the cliff would be quicker, for sure. Tali shook her head. There was no dignity or peace in that sudden end. Geth's option provided provided the chance to experience what a Quarian woman should be, even if it was only for a day.
Tali uncapped the needle, and without hesitation, jabbed it through the exosuit and into her abdomen.
Extracting the needle with one hand, the other reached for her faceplate. A rush of air bathed her face. She savored that first free breath, trying to notice every scent and faint breeze on her skin. The desire to feel that everywhere overwhelmed her. She quickly tore off the remainder of her exosuit.
Tali slipped on the dress, and threw the shawl around her shoulders. She then proceeded to brush her shoulder length black hair with a comb she had found in a nightstand drawer. Satisfied, she smiled in the room's full length mirror. A tear suddenly fell from each eye. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. It was time.
Geth was waiting for Tali in the kitchen. He had just finished preparing a simple salad when she entered.
"I hope this is to your liking," he said, setting the meal in front of her at the kitchen table. "This is the original form of what you have been eating the last four days."
"I'm sure it's fine," Tali reassured, placing a hand on Geth's shoulder. She slowly began to eat, chewing her food carefully. It would be a waste of a day is she got a stomachache.
Food. Real food. No more slurry or paste. Never again. Tali savored every bite. Halfway through the meal, she said, "Geth, sit with me." Geth sat at one of the three empty seats. He stared straight ahead.
"Before my mother died, she would always make father and I sit around the family table at least once a day for meal time. It was a tradition of the ancestors, she said. I think even she knew it was kind of silly, the three of us drinking our own pouch of slurry. Still, I think father saw that I enjoyed it. When mother died, father and I stopped eating together. He promised me that we'd do it again, here on Rannoch. He said that he would build me a house."
"Here I am, father," she mouthed, not letting the smallest amount of air pass her lips.
Though only halfway done with her meal, Tali put down her fork. "It was wonderful, Geth. I couldn't have imagined it any better." She slowly stood and walked into the living room. A single book remained that she had not yet read: poetry. Holding it to her breast, she walked outside. Geth joined her a moment later, standing near the door.
"Geth," she said, laying the book on a stone bench where she intended to sit. It had become her favorite reading spot over the past few days. "I want to send a message to Commander Shepard."
"This platform is unable to initiate direct communication. A prerecorded message is acceptable."
Tali stared off at the horizon and thought. Nodding, she approached Geth and whispered into his ear for over a minute.
"Anything else you wish to transmit?" Tali nodded, taking a few steps back.
"Send him an image of me," she said, pulling the shawl over her shoulders. She turned her head and looked into the distance, taking a deep breath to calm herself.
"Now," she whispered.
"Transmission sent," Geth reported.
"Thank you," Tali said, sitting where she had laid her book of poetry. She began to read as Geth took his original position next to the door.
An hour passed in silence before Geth spoke. "TaliZorah, I have just received information that Commander Shepard is leading Geth forces into the final assault on Earth."
Tali sighed, feeling a heaviness in her lungs that she knew was more than anxiety. Geth obeyed when she motioned for him to join her on the bench.
Synthetic and organic sat next to each other for the rest of the afternoon and early evening. Tali continued to read, sometimes reciting poems out loud for Geth. By the end her voice was strained from lack of breath. Though not in pain, her lungs felt like quickly hardening slag.
"Geth, would you finish the last poem for me?"
"Of course." Geth took the book and began to read out loud.
"The road winds in
Listlessness of ancient war,
Langour of broken steel,
Clamour of confused wrong, apt
In silence. Memory is strong
Beyond the bone. Pride snapped,
Shadow of pride is long, in the long pass
No concurrence of bone."
"That...was beautiful. Geth. If Commander Shepard hadn't...helped you, Quarians and the Geth...there would be no one left."
"Yes, extinction might have come to both of our races. Tali'Zorah, I want you to know, the Geth will never let the memory of the Creators die. We will preserve it as long as we exist."
Tali did not reply with any words. She gently placed her hand on top of Geth's. They remained in that position while watching the sunset.
"TaliZorah, I suggest we go inside. The temperature will drop twenty five degrees this evening. You will not be comfortable in your current condition."
"No...I want to see the night's sky. Could you get me a blanket?"
"Of course." From the house Geth retrieved a thick gray quilt. He gently draped it around Tali, covering her up to her neck.
"Thank you." Her voice was barely above a whisper, breaths quick gasps every few seconds. Stars slowly appeared in the sky. Geth dimmed his eye in response. With no ambient light, the glory of the Milky Way appeared over their heads.
Tali leaned on Geth for support, resting her head on his shoulder armor.
"Where's...Sol?"
Geth pointed to a bright cluster of stars. "1,750 light years."
Tali focused intently on the spot, wanting it to be the last thing she would ever see.
Her vision beginning to fade, a green light light shot out of the cluster, spreading across the Milky Way. It was soon coming right at them like an expanding wall of flame.
"Ancestors," she whispered, a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth.
"No," Geth added. "I see it as well."
The light engulfed them.