Title: The Love We Lost
Pairings: Xerxes Break/Gilbert Nightray
Rating: M (For future chapters, because it will get very... lemon-y!) Mature themes, Gore, Language and Sexual Content.
Summary: Gilbert finds himself consumed by darkness as he is transformed into a demon. Can Break find a way to preserve his humanity, or is he too lost to be saved?
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone.
I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me.
I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear.
It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear.
On a bitter, cold night Raven found himself staring blankly up at the dark sky, stars glimmering and radiating as brightly as he'd ever seen them before. He watched his own breath dancing in front of his face, the air so cold that his lips went numb. The damp earth beneath his back made him uncomfortable but he couldn't muster up the strength to roll himself over. His head shifted to the left as his eyes began to blur and he could see a crimson red reminder of his grim situation.
'Blood? That's right... my blood.' A bleak and lonely feeling settled in as he was reminded of how he got himself into this mess. This was a moment in his life he'd never be able to forget.
Xerxes Break had proposed that himself and Gil track down a group of illegal contractors that had recently been on a gruesome killing spree. The degree of the deaths had been more brutal and violent than most so he'd wanted to keep Alice and Oz uninvolved in the mess and chose to give them petty jobs to entertain themselves with while the group was gone.
Though Gil wasn't fond of leaving Oz's side for any reason he'd certainly rather put himself in danger to help Break than to drag Oz along with them. He'd left the manor that day with a heavy feeling in chest, as if fate itself was telling him not to go on this mission. He sat in silence on the carriage ride towards town, pulling the rim of his hat down to cover his eyes as he wished quietly to himself that he was just back with Oz, keeping him safe.
"Something on your mind, Gilbert?" The white haired male noticed the other's uncomfortable body language as he gave a nonchalant smile.
"Hmm... I just want to get this over with, I have a bad feeling about all of it." He glanced up as he spoke, golden eyes slightly reminding the other man of a frightened, lost puppy.
"Oh, and here I thought you were just upset that Oz-kun isn't with us." He said in a teasing manner, his smile widening. "Don't worry, we'll take care of this before the night is over." His voice softened a little as if trying to reassure the Gilbert.
Gilbert flinched a little at hearing Oz's name, and he hated that Break could always see right through him and predict what he was thinking. He let out a small sigh as he slouched in his seat, closing his eyes to try to relax for the remainder of their ride.
They arrived at their destination and upon exiting the carriage Gilbert couldn't help but shudder at the cool air, he had been expecting it but hadn't mentally prepared himself for the cold. Evening was approaching quickly and the entire town seemed to be abandoned. With the recent killing spree that had been occurring at night everyone chose to lock themselves in the warmth of their homes and pray for safety. What he wasn't expecting, however, was to find the illegal contractors so easily. They didn't take much care to hide themselves, it was almost as if they weren't afraid of the duo that had entered their territory. And that made Gilbert even more uncomfortable.
The two found themselves surrounded by dark alleys, nearly back to back as they scouted their surroundings. The killers did not come face to face with them but rather surrounded them in the shadows, slipping in and out of the darkness as if they were phantoms. Gil gripped his pistol tightly as he tried to keep up with the movements. Break moved to unsheathe his sword, his red eye gleaming dangerously as he jumped away from Gilbert. Darting through the shadows effortlessly he lashed out at the demonic beings before him.
The black haired male knew it was also his time to strike. Quickly taking advantage of the overwhelming distraction caused by his partner he took aim and fired. He hit one of the figures clean in the head and watched it stumble out into the dim street lamp in front of him. He could now see a man dressed heavily in black robes to hide himself. His face, though appearing to be that of a normal man, felt dark and evil. Gilbert could see where he'd shot the man through the cheekbone but much to his shock the wound was rapidly healing before his eyes.
"Shit!" He mumbled, quickly advancing backwards and firing off more rounds. The man swiftly jumped back into the shadows with a menacing laugh. 'This isn't good, I can't kill them, at this rate i'll...' He was cut off mid thought as he frantically looked around for his white haired companion. Where had Break gone? Could he handle them on his own? He could feel a small amount of panic setting in as he continued to frantically fire. At least the gun shots held them at bay, he could only assume it hurt them enough that they didn't want to keep tasting bullets.
At that moment he felt an overwhelming darkness, more profound than any of the figures that were before him. As he turned he could see the giant, ominous figure of the Mad Hatter just on the other side of a building beside him. 'So they pushed him that far, huh?' And he knew the fight would be over, these malevolent creatures would be devoured before his eyes.
But they weren't disintegrating as he'd hoped. Instead he heard the vicious laughter he'd heard before as he could see six, maybe seven of them descend on him at once. He was powerless to stop them, he felt them tearing at him from all angles as he let out a sharp scream. He hit the ground hard but barely felt it as he slipped in and out of consciousness.
'Why...' He thought bitterly 'Why was I so powerless to stop them? I can't give up, I have to see Oz...' He felt his thoughts fading, his mind slipping and for a moment he lost his grasp on reality and let the darkness overwhelm him.
"Gil, Gilbert!" He was brought back to his harsh reality as he could hear a horse voice half shouting his name. His eyes opened weakly but all the could see was the black sky above him, and as he turned his head he watched his own blood pooling onto the ground beside him.
"Ah Gilbert, can you speak?" He heard the words coming from the man's mouth but his brain wasn't registering them. Instead he was brought back to his memories of the day Oz had been dragged into the abyss. He was left so alone and frightened. He'd both searched and waited for years. He wondered if this is how Oz felt when he was pulled into the darkness, his fear was enough to swallow him whole.
The red eyed man lifted Gilbert's head gently so he could sit him up in a position that would make it easier to carry him but as he went to pull him forward the younger man lifted a shaking, bloody hand and gently brushed them against Break's lips. The movement felt cold and somehow caring at the same time.
"Oz..." He gently murmured as his his golden eyes began to slowly close. Break glanced down to see the pathetic and longing look that overwhelmed the younger man's face before before lifting him into his arms. He felt the warmth of Gilbert's blood seeping through the sleeves of his beloved, white jacket and frowned slightly at the thought of it getting filthy.
"What a very interesting situation we've found ourselves in, am I correct Emily?" He let out a few weak, soft coughs and could taste a familiar metallic substance in his mouth.
"We certainly have, I can't wait to see what you do this time, Break!" The small doll chirped up in response.
Raven slowly blinked his brilliantly golden eyes open, only to quickly slam them shut at the intensity of the light above his face. He flinched and shook his head delicately before attempting to just ever so slightly open them again.
"Gil!" He heard a warm and familiar voice come lulling over him. The last he could remember he thought he'd never hear Oz Bezarius' voice again.
"Oz..." He muttered weakly as he glanced around the room, taking in his surroundings. Oz was gripping his hand tightly, his eyes brimming with small tears that were threatening to spill out. Tears mixed with joy and sadness at the same time. He could see the rabbit that he so dearly hated sleeping soundly on a chair beside him and beside her sat a second chair which Xerxes was perched in.
The older man wasn't paying very much attention to the scene that was splayed out before him but instead was staring intently at a handful of sugar cubes that he was proceeding to eat one after another.
Gil's attention however went back to Oz almost immediately as he lifted his hand to delicately rest it against the blonde's cheek. "No tears, Oz, i'm okay." His throat felt dry, making his voice weak and rough sounding but he managed to give a small smile to the boy, happy to have his attention and see that he was safe.
He heard Break clap his hands together as he finished eating his sweets. "Now then!" He exclaimed cheerfully as he jumped to his feet "Not meaning to interrupt this... wonderful little reunion but i'm sure you'd like to know what's going on, right, Gilbert?" As he spoke his smile grew to the point where it could be interpreted as menacing but the black haired male disregarded it.
He nodded his head in response.
"You've been sleeping for 3 days now so i'm sure you're weak from lack of nutrition which may be clouding your thoughts. Not to worry, I'll have food on the way shortly and we'll get you feeling better. You were attacked by... what we can only classify as 'demons'..." he paused as if in thought, his smile fading only slightly before he continued, "Unfortunately I don't know exactly what those demons are..." he drifted off again, and once more his smile faded this time completely.
He was clearly bothered by something, which was not a normal thing for him. It also was very unlike him to not know /exactly/ what something was, or maybe he was just lying to Gilbert about not knowing? The younger man couldn't quite tell what the truth was but he was also too weak and tired to think about it too much.
"The good thing is that your wounds have miraculously healed in an incredibly short period of time which has saved your life. I'm in the process of doing everything I can to find these creatures and put an end to them. That's all the information I have currently." He said very matter of factly as he glared down at Gilbert with his wine-red eye.
Gilbert didn't have much time to process everything and respond, as Break finished speaking a servant walked in the doorway with an arrangement of food displayed on a luxurious looking tray. She placed the tray on a small table beside the bed and gave a small bow "Glad to see you're awake, Master Nightray, please enjoy." As she left the room Break turned to pick up Alice in his arms.
"And let's get this little one to bed as well." He purred. Picking her up easily as she continued to sleep, she'd always been such a heavy sleeper. "I'll give you two some privacy." He shot them a devilish smile before exiting the small room.
Gilbert let out a heavy and relief filled sigh as the room fell silent and he was left alone with the only person in the world he cared to see right now.
"Gil, i'm so glad you're okay..." The boy's voice trailed off as if he was still fighting back the urge to cry. "I'm just so happy to see you that I can't help myself." He gave a half-hearted laugh squeezing even tighter onto the other man's cold hand. Maybe it was because of the temperature in the room, he couldn't quite tell, but he'd never recalled his servant feeling so... cold.
"Oz, I thought i'd never see you again, i'm so sorry... I don't ever want to leave you all alone... i'm sorry, i'm sorry..." He began to repeat over and over, trying to portray how truly guilty he felt for putting himself in such a dangerous situation.
Oz gave a little smile. "I forgive you, just don't put yourself in a situation like that again." He half scolded him. "Now you really need to eat, you need to get your strength back and work on recovering so you're not stuck in this little room." His voice had returned to normal as he reached for a piece of freshly baked bread from the tray. He sounded so much older than he use to, he truly had grown into more of an adult after everything he'd been put through.
Gilbert didn't feel like eating anything at all, in fact the sight of the food was nearly enough to make him cringe but he wanted to fulfill his master's orders. He sat up and moved backwards so his back was pressed between his pillows and the wall to support his weight. He hated to think he was so weak that he couldn't even sit up properly but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind as he placed his hand over Oz's which was still holding the bread. He pulled it towards his mouth to take a bite of the food and swallowed as quickly as possible.
His body froze and he instantly felt sick as soon as he swallowed down the imposing bread. He began coughing violently, but didn't feel like he was choking but more like he was being strangled. His entire body seemingly rejecting the food he'd taken in.
"Gil!" Oz shrieked, dropping the bread and leaning over the bed to place both hands firmly on his shoulders. Gil quickly pushed him away, as much as he didn't want to, so that he could lean over the side of the bed to vomit. However all that came out of his mouth was blood, so much so that it made a pool on the floor around Oz's feet. The instant loss of blood made him feel dizzy yet all his feelings of weakness were being overcome by something much more primordial... hunger.
He couldn't wrap his mind around this intense hunger, he just wanted to act on it, as if someone was controlling his entire being. He sat up, and even though Oz was panicking and trying to push him back down into a laying position, he no longer felt the urge to lie there. He grabbed the blonde's shoulders hard, pulling him onto the bed with him, and with one quick and effortless motion he flipped himself on top of the struggling boy.
"Gil, stop!" His voice mixed between frightened and concerned. He calmed his nerves enough to look into Gilbert's eyes. He was shocked when he didn't see kind, golden eyes, but rather gleaming, malevolent ones that pierced through his soul. If this was anything like the last time Gilbert had become possessed then he knew deep in his heart that Gil could never hurt him. He'd also done a lot of growing up since then and learned that if he didn't protect himself that he may actually end up hurt by someone he trusts very dearly.
With that thought he began to struggle against the older man, using all of his strength to try to push him off. As he pushed however he gasped as Gilbert was sent flying sideways off the bed by an unknown force. As Oz glanced over he saw a very calm, very quiet Break who had just given his black haired friend a swift kick to the side.
And even though Break appeared small and fragile, his kick was enough knock Gilbert out of his trance-like state and into the nearby wall. He spat out more blood as he returned to his senses and even through his daze he was aware of what he'd just done to Oz. He intended to, if only for a minute, actually hurt his master. This thought frightened him more than anything.
"Gil, are you okay?!" Oz exclaimed, rushing to his side.
"Oz." Break chimed in, "I think you should leave just for a little bit, okay?" He smirked at him, his expression overall unreadable.
"I'm not leaving Gil." Oz cried out, giving the white haired man a hard glare.
Gilbert interrupted the two as they stared at each other "Please... for me, just leave the room for a little bit. I promise i'll feel better soon and come out so just wait for me." He felt pathetic lying on the cool, white floor looking into the exasperated face that was now positioned above his.
"Okay, i'll be just outside the room, if you need anything i'll be here." He tried to best to comfort his servant, his fear plastered across his face as he pushed himself to his feet to reluctantly leave the room, closing the door behind himself.
At that the Hatter's eyes drifted across Gilbert's body, assessing what kind of psychical and mental state he was in. "Let me help you up." He said lightly as he walked over and leaned the other male into a sitting position.
"Wait..." the Raven placed a shaking hand on Break's shoulder, not quite ready to go back to his feet yet. He was afraid if he moved too much he'd only cough up more blood. "What's wrong with me?" He let out a small whimper as he looked pleadingly into the demonic red eye.
"Hmm..." Break seemed to mull over the words in his head for a moment before responding, "I didn't see what happened so i'm not exactly sure but my assumptions as of right now are that you're becoming some sort of demon. Or perhaps you've been possessed by some chain." He paused to gauge the other's response.
Raven flinched at those words, not knowing exactly what to think or feel at that point, he just knew that he felt utterly devastated. He took slow, deliberate breathes as his eyes traveled down to Break's exposed neck. It would be so easy to take his life at that moment, he was being so trusting and flawed. It was at this thought that Gilbert opened his mouth as wide as he possibly could to reveal sharp, menacing fangs that most certainly weren't human.
Break flinched at the sight and pulled slightly away, and for once was genuinely surprised as he thought to himself 'This has become very interesting indeed.' He didn't fight though, just simply closed his eye and titled his head ever so slightly to one side, further exposing himself.
Gilbert descended on him, biting down rough and hungry, much like an untrained and inexperienced beast. In his mind he could still grasp what he was doing, but only slightly, he was overpowered by his dominant instincts at that point. But something shook him back to reality a little more. It was the intoxicating taste of Break's blood, it was metallic and bitter like his own yet tinted with sweetness. As if his body had consumed so many sweet things that it was ingrained in his blood and scent. Ah... That scent, it was most certainly and unmistakably the candied smell of Break.
All of these things brought Gilbert closer and closer to reality as he detached his wolf-like canines from the soft flesh. He pulled away, his face flushed a bright red and he slammed his eyes shut. "B-Break, i'm sorry!" He blurted out sloppily.
"You need to eat, right Gilbert?" Break opened his eye only to narrow it and give a smirk.
'Eat?' Gil lulled over the word in his head as the situation slowly dawned on him. Had he become a... vampire? He thought meekly to himself and if he had the energy he would have laughed at the thought. But that bite had satisfied some of his unbearable hunger. So maybe for once Break wasn't joking around with him.
"It's alright, here..." Xerxes pulled the collar of his shirt down and once again exposed his neck. A small trail of blood trickled from the bite mark to his collarbone and Gilbert felt his instincts once again kicking into overdrive. He cautiously pressed his tongue to his collarbone and slid his way up to the fresh wound. He did everything he could to retain his mental composure this time as he began to lap up the ever so sweet blood that was spilling out into his mouth.
He could feel his energy and strength returning to him. He slid his hand behind the older man's head to pull him even closer but Break grew fidgety and pushed him away.
"That's quite enough for now." He hummed delicately as he pulled completely away. His eye met with two, still quite innocent gold ones. The Raven let out a small pout as he blushed then quickly hid his face. Before he could utter out an apology Xerxes continued to speak, "I'm going to help you find a way out of this, no need to worry. And I won't speak a word of this to Oz... in fact it may be best if you keep this between us, you don't want anyone knowing that you may have very well lost your humanity for good." His words came off slightly harsh, "Anytime you want to feed on me you can... as long as you do everything I ask of you, including helping me slaughter these... demons."
Raven flinched hearing that word. He felt even worse thinking about facing them again, they were terrifying.
"Don't look so sad, i'm going to help you. So throw away those useless emotions, I'll show you how to use everything and everyone available." Break gave a huge smile at his own words.
Even though what he said could easily have come off as cold, Gilbert found his words disturbingly comforting. He might be used by this man but at the same time they really were both helping each other. They were both haunted by demons, and they both had the scars to show for it. And maybe, just maybe... somewhere in that torn heart of Xerxes, Gil hoped that he cared.
Yay~ A vampire fanfiction has emerged! Most vampire related fics have been unappealing for me though so I didn't want to give it all away in chapter 1 and leave everyone unimpressed. =]
Hope everyone is enjoying this little story so far, I want to satisfy all of the Break x Gil fans out there! ^.^ Because there needs to be more Break x Gil in this world.
Please review!