Author's Note -- please view before reading: The story is set during New Moon. A couple of very important things I need to mention.
1. Edward never calls because Alice doesn't have the vision of Bella jumping off a cliff. In my story, the person who does call is Charlie.
2. Alice will be there for a different reason, so check for updates to find out why.
3. "He" or "he" is mentioned a lot in the story. This is referring to Edward Cullen.
4. Bella does not choose to completely and utterly forget about Edward, she simply decides to not let her life be ruined by his leaving.
Stephenie Meyer owns the background story and characters.
I woke up screeching again. When I realized I wasn't asleep, I swiftly grabbed my pillow and pressed it to my face. I thought it would be easier to simply stop screaming, but it wasn't. So I had to muffle the noise instead.
How could I do this to Charlie? He needed me – that's the reason I came to Forks in the first place – and all I was doing was… nothing. That was the thing; Charlie even admitted it would be better if I was showing some emotion. Just feeling sad would suffice, but I couldn't; I was numb. Not only that, I felt dead except for the occasional, unbearable pain when I thought of him.
What else could I do with the rest of my life? Finish my last year at Forks High School, but then what? Go to college – maybe – but after that? I couldn't be alone for the rest of my life or wait for someone to magically come along, someone as perfect, beautiful, godly – I felt the sharp pain in my chest again. I rolled over so I was lying on my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. I looked at the clock which said 4:40 AM. I had begun seeing Jacob, but I was getting restless and reckless. Just to hear that beautiful, musical voice, I put myself in mortal danger and took advantage of my best friend, Jacob Black. And Jacob, he had no idea. I felt guilty because I knew – if I had the choice or power – I would do just about anything to get himback. And I knew that if hewere to somehow appear in front of me right now – I'd still be with him. I'd beg.
I chuckled to myself; here I was at 4:46 in the morning thinking abouthim.The sound of my small laughter shocked me, I hadn't laughed in six months. The pain went away, fully and finally, and I realized I just couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't do… nothing. Before, I had one thing to worry about, to think about, and that was Edward. To see him, be with him, and look into his eyes, kiss his marble-like lips, bury my head in his chest as his arms wrapped around me, protecting me. I cringed at the name, even in my mind. No, I refused to cringe, wince, or feel pain any longer. It had been going on too long. I made a promise to myself mentally, to find something in my life to focus on. And that something – well, someone – was Jacob. I would continue seeing him, we already were best friends, and I loved him. But I couldn't ignore the other love I still felt. The only feeling I had since the numbness. The love I still had for Edward, I winced a little and one short, sharp pain in my torso made me gasp. The pain faded and I thought to myself, would my love for him fade? If I never saw him again, would he eventually fade? What if I never fall in love again? Well, how could I? Who would love someone who was broken, shattered, like me? My heart was in pieces as if crumbled or smashed. And I was sure no one could repair me.
I read my alarm clock again as I adjusted to a small light coming through the windows, seeping into my bedroom. It read 7:30 AM. I pulled my self out of bed and treaded to my closet. My eyes, halfway closed, sleepily scanned my plain clothes. They rested on a blue, V-neck sweater. I froze, it was the sweater. The one he complimented me on. The one that was his favorite thing for me to wear. I didn't budge for what seemed like seconds. My eyes adjusted again to the somehow brighter room, the sunshine now poured into my room, illuminating everything. My eyes flashed to the clock once more. I had stood there, blankly staring for two hours. I wasn't surprised or satisfied. No, I'm supposed to let this go – to not let it affect me. I'm supposed to move on with my life. How could I when he was my life? That's why I felt dead, because my life was taken away from me – it left voluntarily. My other feeling on the subject comforted me; we don't always do what we're supposed to. So why not think about him, keep being reckless if that's what it takes to make me feel whole and complete. I was too selfish to let go. And top of that, I couldn't, even though I knew I should. Today, I needed to see Jacob.
I got dressed and quickly ate some Cheerios. Charlie was gone, most likely fishing. It was, after all, a Sunday morning. Weekends were the worst for me. I just had so much empty time on my hands. The weekends that were unbearable were the ones were Charlie was gone for the whole day, and Jacob had some business to do with the pack. The phone rang and I almost sprinted to answer it.
"Hello?" I answered. Who was calling? I hoped it was Jacob.
"Bella? It's me Jacob," said a husky voice at the other end.
"Jacob!" I said feeling my face instantly spread into a childish grin. I felt happy and whole and continued, "What's going on?"
"Well, I was wondering how Charlie was doing. You know, after Henry Clearwater's funeral and all…" His voice trailed off. That couldn't be the only reason he was calling, but I answered automatically.
"Fine," I replied.
"Good, good. And, um, how are you? What have you been up to?" I felt an invitation coming on.
"Nothing, actually. I'm really bored." Ask me Jake. Ask me to go somewhere, please.
"Oh," he said. "How's school coming along?"
"Fine," I snapped and my patience was wearing thin – I wasn't used to small talk.
"Good, good," he repeated. "And how's your truck? Still alive?" He laughed lightly. I liked the way he laughed, it made me want to laugh. But I wanted him to get to the point; he wouldn't just call to chitchat.
"Jacob, are you going to ask more mindless questions? Or is there a point to you calling me?" I blurted, but then I made a face. I hoped I didn't hurt his feelings. I waited for his reply.
"Huh… I guess I'm not good leading into things." He chortled a little. "What I wanted to ask you is – if you'd like – we could go to Port Angeles or something. I thought maybe you were getting bored of La Push." I flashed back to yesterday when our lips almost made contact, but the phone interrupted us. I wasn't entirely sure if I liked Jacob like that. And even if I did, would I be ready to? No, I answered myself, I wouldn't. I subconsciously answered again.
"Sure." My mind flickered to the past two times I had been to Port Angeles. The first, when Edward rescued me from some men with bad intentions and then took me to dinner. The second, with my friend Jessica, where I had been reckless by approaching men in a bar just to hear Edward's words and snarls, warning me to back away. "But," I continued, and he sighed annoyed. "Can we just hang out around here instead?"
"Where, Bella?" He asked, almost sounding frustrated.
"At my house."
"Sure Bells. Will Charlie be there?"
"Nope, he's gone today. Fishing all day, he'll be back around dinner time." I wondered why he had asked that. Maybe it was because he didn't want Charlie around if we were to be… No I interrupted my thoughts. I don't think I'm even ready to kiss someone yet.
"Sounds good. I'll be there in thirty minutes." He sounded happy.
"Can't wait," I said grinning and I hung up the telephone. I felt myself wanting to get ready further. I brushed my hair three more times; I even changed clothes, wearing thesweater. I was pleased with myself and my small progress with my pact. I kept my mind focused on Jacob and just seeing that warm smile of his and his smell. The doorbell rang. That was strange, he's twenty minutes early. I wasn't used to waiting, but Jacob wasn't that fast. I forced my feet to move, I opened the door and standing there was Alice Cullen.