CUZ I WANTED TO.
Splashes of Madness: Exactly what the chapter title says. I felt like writing a parody. AND I WON'T TAKE CRAP FROM ANYONE. FLAME ME AND I'LL SEND MY RABID MONKEYS AFTER YOU! GRRR! ARRRGGGHHHH! RAAAAWWWRRR!
Audience: … *turns to leave*
Splashes of Madness: WAIT WAIT WAIT! I'LL BRING FORTH THE REAL REASONS YOU CLICKED ON MAH STORY! *waves magikal pencil wand and POOF and sprinkle-sparkle dust and your three heroes are blinking stupidly in front of your very faces!* (Aaaahhh… don't you just love fantasy?)
Kurogane: HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING HERE? WHERE'D THE GIRL AND THE RABBIT GO? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? *points frantically at Splashes of Madness*
Splashes of Madness: I'm a fanfiction writer! :D
Kurogane: ... *begins to froth at the mouth*
Splashes of Madness: Oh yeah. I used my magical teleportation powers and swapped reality into fantasy with the skillz of one of the greatest beings of all time!
Kurogane: *deadpans* You mean fanfiction.
Splashes of Madness: Yup~! It's legal!
Kurogane: Unfortunately.
Syaoran: Is it really a good idea to have the second story you've published on so far be a parody?
Splashes of Madness: *immediately all defensive* Why? What's wrong with it?
Syaoran: Well… you know… it's a bit abrupt and… *goes quiet upon seeing Splashes of Madness's growling rabid pitbull in the corner* Nevermind.
Fai: Oooohh! Yay! I like fanfiction! I gets lots and lots of attention there!
Kurogane: And that's something I FRICKEN DON'T GET.
Fai: The gurlz love meh~! :3 *beings laughing hysterically like somebody who just witnessed a moose humping a lama*
Splashes of Madness: They also like to pair you both up together~! :3
*both men stop talking instantaneously and stand as stiff as statues*
Syaoran: *worried* You 2 okay?
Kurogane: *slowly begins to unsheathe his sword* …Kid, I'd back away if I were you. Faaaaaar, faaaaaaaaaarrr away…. *eye glints demonically*
Fai: W-W-W-What you doing, Kuro-puu…? You know that it doesn'thave anything to do with meeeeeee! *ducks away as Kuro-psycho begins to chase after him, swinging his big, pointy stick of metal and still frothing at the mouth like a rabid mongoose*
Splashes of Madness: Hey, wait! YOU CAN'T START FIGHTING HERE, YOU'LL BREAK THE-
*tweeee*
…
*twink*
Splashes of Madness: AHA! I fixed it! Well, now we can get started!
Kurogane: *appears to be oblivious of the fact that Fai has disappeared* Started with what?
Splashes of Madness: Well, chat time, of course!
Syaoran: Ummm… Madness-san?
Splashes of Madness: Wut? =3
Syaoran: I apologize if I happen to offend you, but if we start "chatting" as you put it, it will turn into an endless circle of arguing about random topics which nobody really gives a damn about and will just get annoyed after reading two chapters upon which they will backspace and return to scanning for more suitable fanfiction stories for their tastes, which probably includes a sizable amount of Kurogane and Fai making out like crazy, because people in this world are messed up, seriously twisted souls who like to set up people who have no sexual relations to each other whatsoever in some angesty, stupid plotline that would also include Fai almost dying and Kurogane saving him and I, the original main character of the entire manga series to somehow disappear quietly into the background and shamelessly blend with the lowlifes such as Masayoshi who honestly nobody gives a damn about either and…
Kurogane: *turns to Splashes* He can go on like this forever. Got anything to eat?
Splashes of Madness: Yup! I just got some Fai pies!
Syaoran: *breaks off mid-rant and stares at them* OMG! KURROGANE-SAN! SPLASHES-SAN! DID YOU KILL FAI-SAN IN THE INTERMISSION AND BAKE HIM INTO FLUFFY PASTERIES?
Splashes of Madness: Of course not! If I did that, all the Fai fans, who take up 80% of the Tsubasa Chronicles fan chart, would flame me and probably find some way to delete my account. And then, quite possibly, find a way to track me down and kill me in my sleep. No; I just locked him in the kitchen and forced him to cook for us. I suppose he can come out, now that Kuro-doo is done ranting and slashing up my furniture with his big scary knife.
Kurogane: Shut up, you stupid writer-witch!
Splashes of Madness: Hee hee! That sounds cool! I like it!
Kurogane: *anger mark*
Syaoran: …
*Mokano will now do the hump dance for the audience's limited amusement as the cast eat their fluffy pastries*
*Are pies even fluffy pastries or are they cakes…?*
Mokana: MOKANA THINKS THEY'RE REALLY BIG JELLY DOUGHNUTS!
*SHUT UP YOU STUPID RABBIT THING! *begins to attack Mokona with a flyswatter*
Mokana: MOKANA'S A MOKANA!
*now back to the show*
Splashes of Madness: *munching on a pie* Well, even though it would be nice if we just sat around and aimlessly talked about random topics like rambling old men, I suppose that Syao-chan (Syaoran: Oh #$% please tell me she won't start calling me that) has a point. It wouldn't get anywhere.
Fai: *was returned back to the story because the audience needed more eye candy* So what will we do now, Splashes-sama? C:
Splashes of Madness: Oooh! I like that title too. From now on, everyone has to call me that!
Fai: Splashes-sama! :D
Kurogane: Crazy writer-witch. ]:C
Syaoran: …um… Returning to the subject at hand, why don't we have a Talkshow?
Splashes of Madness: Naw, everyone does that. How about…I'll just send you off to have adventures! Except I'm controlling friggen everything!
Syaoran, Fai, Kurogane: _' …
Syaoran: I'd rather you didn't, please, for the love of God-
Splashes of Madness: So it's settled then! *waves magic-pencil wand even though she writes everything on a laptop and the three heroes are transported to a desert oasis*
Kurogane: (severe measurements were taken so that you, the readers, would not be able to witness the colorfulness of his language, as his swearing was so bad your eyes would probably melt out of your skull and fireworks would shoot out of your eye sockets and your brain would pop like a balloon) #$3%&# WRITER-WITCH!
Splashes of Madness: *voice coming from the sky* HA HA HA HAAAA! How wonderful are you feeling now, Kuro-puu?
Kurogane: Like I wanna tear your #&$% head off your shoulders.
Splashes of Madness: :3 I get that a lot.
Fai: So why are we here, Splashes-sama?
Splashes of Madness: Well, Fai-Fai, you're there because I felt that we needed to start with unexplained circumstances that started off with a bang. So now you're here!
Syaoran: Well I'll be, it certainly is unexplained.
Fai: So what is the situation?
Splashes of Madness: *considers* Well… I suppose that I'm the villain of the series!
Kurogane: *sourly* The writer is always the villain, directly or not. They're the ones who are writing the tragic crap and throwing innocent, confused characters into billions of stupid scenarios.
Syaoran: *mutters* Who said you were innocent?
Kurogane: Say something kid?
Syaoran: Nothing sir.
Splashes of Madness: *answering Kurogane's question* Yeah but, what's the fun if they just stand around talking?
Kurogane: Think of the reason all of your characters and borrowed characters hate you.
Splashes of Madness: Because I'm evil? *smiles gleefully*
Kurogane: Precisely.
Fai: So what have you done this time, Splashes-sama? :)
Splashes of Madness: Well, apparently you've stumbled across this universe in one of your adventures where everything is controlled by a crazy, delusional, evil, sadistic creator/writer that doesn't really give a crap about the wellbeing of any of her subjects and will do anything she damn well wants and has trapped you all into her world and you can't escape until you defeat me.
Kurogane: … *twitches*
Syaoran: And what about Sakura-hime! WHAT ABOUT MEH PRECIOUS BABYCAKES AND SUGARBLOSSOM?
*everyone stares at him as Syaoran begins to sing "All you Need is Love" by the Beatles*
Kurogane: This is humiliating to watch for everyone. *looks up at Splashes of Madness, or at least wherever she is in the sky* Oi. What did you do to the kid?
Splashes of Madness: *beams* I decided that Syaoran's personality was too boring for a parody (though you and Fai are all right) so I decided to tweak it a little bit.
Kurogane: *points at Syaoran who is still singing and flopping up and down in a vain attempt to do the Worm on the sand* You call that tweaking it a little bit?
Splashes of Madness: He'll revert back to normal every now and then. But every time somebody mentions Sakura in front of him he'll start doing this.
Syaoran: I WISH THAT THIS MOMENT WAS OURS TO OWN IT AND THAT IT WOULD NEVER LEAVE THEN I WOULD THANK THAT STAR THAT MADE OUR WISH COME TRUE (COME TRUE) OH YEAAAH CUZ I KNOW THAT WHERE YOU ARE IS WHERE I SHOULD BE TOOOOOO RIIIIIIIIIGHT HERE RIIIIIIIGHT NOW I'M LOOKIN AT YOU AND MY HEART LOVES THE VIEW CUZ YOU MEAN EVERYTHIIIIIIIING!
Kurogane: Turn him off before I pop a freakin blood vessel.
Splashes of Madness: Once the conversation is over, I might. *considers* You know, I felt that having Sakura and Mokana in the story would just drag everything down because I know that pretty much EVERYBODY leaves them out of the story somehow, so let's say I kidnapped them and is keeping them at my fortress of evil. That's why you can't leave.
Kurogane: *huffs* You can keep the stupid white manju bun.
Splashes of Madness: Sure. I'd like to see how far you fly to the next dimension by flapping your arms.
Fai: So what shall we do now, Splashes-sama? Or rather, should I say… *gestures arms dramatically* Whatever shall we do now, you vile fiend! X3
Kurogane: You're having way too much fun than really necessary with this.
Splashes of Madness: UWAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA! You have no options! You can either die, find a way out of the desert, or to eat other first and then die.
Syaoran: *turned back to normal while nobody was looking* That doesn't make sense. You just said we didn't have any options, but then you just gave us three.
Splashes of Madness: Shut up and get going. *poofs away*
…
Kurogane: *starts advancing on Fai with sword raised* I say we eat the mage first.
Syaoran: Nyyyoooooo! *grabs onto Kurogane leg* Let's try to escape first! We'll resort to eating our fingers if we get too hungry, and if worst comes to worst… we'll start considering it.
Fai: WHAT? So I'm still on the menu? Syaoran, I thought you were on my side!
Syaoran: *severely* Fai-san, when you're in these situations you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. Even if it means eating one of your lunatic friends.
Fai: D:
Kurogane: So what now?
Syaoran: Well, I suppose we should start doing what the crazy woman says and start walking.
AND SO…
…
…
…
Fai: I'm booooooooooooooooorrrrrrrred.
Kurogane: Whoop-dee-doo. We all are.
Fai: Let's play a game!
Syaoran: Like what?
Fai: Hmm…How about the Cloud Game?
Syaoran: What's the cloud game?
Fai: You stare at clouds until they start making shapes!
Kurogane: That sounds stupid.
Fai: Everything you hear sounds stupid, Kuro-*beep*
Syaoran: *stares up at the sky* Hmmmmmmm…. I see one that looks like a sun!
Fai: GASP! SO DO I!
Kurogane: That is the sun, you nimrods.
Syaoran: But are we both looking at the same cloud?
Fai: I don't know. But I claimed it first!
Syaoran: Like hell you did! I said it first!
Fai: I know; I saw it first but I didn't say it! It still counts!
Syaoran: NUH-AW!
Fai: YEA-HUH!
Kurogane: …
Syaoran: WHOEVER CAN STARE AT IT LONGEST GETS TA KEEP IT!
Kurogane: That's not a good idea.
Fai: FINE BY ME!
Kurogane: Oye.
Syaoran: READAH-SET-GYYYYOOOOOOOO!
Fai: YEAH YEAH YEAH I'M GONNA KICK YO ASS!
Kurogane: Are you guys even listening to me?
Syaoran: YOU'RE GOIN DOOOWWWN FAIRY PRINCESS!
Fai: NOT BEFORE YOU CRASH AND BURN, GOGGLE-BOY!
*two hours later*
Syaoran: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Fai: GGGRRAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Kurogane: ….
*five hours later*
Syaoran: !
Fai: !
Kurogane: … *eats a sandwich*
*nine hours later*
*The two's eyes are beginning to sizzle. Kurogane eats another sandwich.*
*eighteen hours later*
*the two's eyes have turned brown and now looked like overburnt hamburger meat. Kurogane polishes his sword*
*thirty hours later*
*the two are still at it. Kurogane takes a nap.*
*thirty hours and one minute later*
*fangirl takes a picture of Kurogane sleeping*
*thirty hours and one minute and thirty seconds later*
*Kurogane chases after fangirl*
*thirty hours and twenty minutes later*
*Kurogane eats Fangirl sandwich*
*forty-eight hours later*
*Kurogane is about to lose his mind-
Fai: ! I'M #$%#^&*# BLIND!
*runs around screaming and bleeding tears of blood from his eye sockets while swearing in 167 different languages*
Syaoran: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IN YO FACE, PRETTY-BOY! THAT'S WHAT U GET FOR CHALLENING A GUY WHO WAS FREAKIN LIVED IN THE DESERT FOR… *pauses* … *turns to Kuro-wanwan* …Hey, how old am I again?
Kurogane: Hell should I know.
Suspiciously familiar voice—ah, screw it you all know who it is—descending from above: Can we get a move on here? I've been like, watching you guys for about two days now and have already resorted to biting pretty much every one of my fingernails off except my right pinky. If you take any longer, I swear to God-
Kurogane: WE GET IT WE GET IT. *sigh* Now that…that problem is settled can we continue?
Syoaran: *ignores Fai, who is banging his head on a rock while still screaming* Sure.
Fai: IHM BAH-LIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEENNNNDDDD! DX
Yay! First chapter: DONE! So what do you think? REVIEW! And maybe I'll fix the damage done to Fai's eyeballs. X)