* Chapter 1: Callie's Pov on what happened to Cole and how it gets her to open up
Callie: I had just seen my roommate get carted off in an ambulance a few hours ago, Even if I hadn't let him use my phone he still would of probably gotten the hormones somehow but I feel partially responsible. Coming clean about having known about it wasn't easy but I ended up giving my phone to Rita partially because I didn't want Cole getting a hold of it and getting more of that stuff. When Cole woke up I tried to explain to him that I had turned in my phone and wasn't going to cover for her with that again. "This is your life Cole, you should be living it but taking risks like that.. Things could have been a lot worse are those hormones worth gambling such a big price to pay?" I said to Cole.
"I made a choice and now I have to deal with the consequences its not like you gave me the hormones, I get that I screwed up Callie okay" Cole echoed through the room. "Cole I turned in my phone to Rita, you used it to contact your source and I didn't want to be responsible for you using my phone to get more again, I care about you Cole your almost like a brother to me. it was better for both of us that I turned it in" I said. "If I want to get more I'll find a way, taking away the phone isn't going to stop me, So I overdosed that just means I took to much" Cole said back. "Thats part of the problem Cole you took way to much those hormones screwed up your body and vitals to the point where you could of ended up.." Rita said standing in the doorway with a glass of water .
"We're not against you Cole we're trying to keep you safe, I know life can be hard but if you give up on life, being alive won't have a chance to get better" I say looking at him trying to get through. "Callie's right Cole, think about what she said meanwhile I'm going to search this house inside and out to make sure you don't have anymore of that stuff hidden.. We really do care about you" Rita said as she exited the room. Walking after her "You should check the gutter, anyplace like that it would be an easy place for Cole to have stashed some" I say upset. "Thanks for the tip, I'll make sure to check. Meanwhile keep an eye on Cole and try to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid" Rita said.
Lying back in bed I started to shake my head spinning, My mother died in a car crash when I was just a kid since that happened I had started pushing people away. Ending up in foster care within that week just made me shut out even worse, My father hasn't talked to me since then and it makes me wonder why he never contacted me. He could be shutting people out like I am, it could be any number of things but I still feel screwed up not having contact with biological family, I don't understand. Coles family doesn't talk to him ether and look how hes been coping with it, Look how I've been coping with it the only person I've let get close to me is my little brother Jude even him I've inadvertently pushed away at times.
Sometimes I wish I could be with my mom again but I also realize thats not what she would want it's not that I want to die my life is just a mess and dealing with it isn't exactly my strong point ether. Sure the Fosters wanted to adopt me but I screwed that up by being romantically involved with Brandon and running off, When I found out my dad had been out of jail for over a year and hadn't even tried to contact me something inside me snapped. I suddenly didn't care if I got in trouble again but after I a few hours I realized that it was an impulsive action that should of been done and that I had probably f****** up my life even more. Maybe thats why my dad hasn't contacted me because I keep screwing up, in a way my messed up life is a bit his fault but I also need to take responsibility for my own actions.
I picked up the closest sharpest object I could find holding it up to my wrist it seemed that I was crying hard but why was I crying? was it because I knew what I was thinking about doing or was it something else. Why am I doing this damn it, the sharp pen cap slit into my wrist it didn't feel that painful compared to how much it could of hurt but I feel almost as if I'm in auto pilot the cap keeps moving further up my arm. Blood seeps out suddenly I stop dropping the cap realizing I had just slit my wrist the pain hits me. I start to feel dizzy lightheaded looking down and seeing red I let out a quiet scream feeling my thoughts fade out. I feel my body moving I see my hands on a window what the hell am I doing?! feeling someone trying to pull me back but I feel myself falling through air my body falling hard against the ground.
All I can make out is red grass around me pain overwhelming my body I hear the song 'nobodys home" playing in my head as I loose consciousness feeling as if my head is in the ground and the ground is moving. Things start to blur together I can't tell where I am or what I did that got me here all just that my body hurts, Trying to comprehend whats going on isn't working so well I feel like I'm about to pass out. Suddenly I can't feel myself breathing almost as if I'm outside of my body somewhere above it, still hearing the song playing when it finishes I hear "Because of you" sung by a woman I'm too out of it to remember who. Hearing the song as I seem to become more distant from my body I feel moving but yet stillness what happened to me? I can't seem to remember why is this song playing in my head?.
Trying to open my eyes I see myself inside a dark room getting beaten whipped till my back was cut open and bleeding I start to scream seeing so many people hitting me, smacking me, beating the **** out of me people whipping me, cutting my body open. Red so much blood I scream again even louder hearing a voice I vaguely recognize Get off me please stop your hurting me! Let go of me, Why are you doing this to me? my back is bleeding from the inside out!" I practically yell. Feeling someone shaking me my eyes open I see someone standing at the edge of the bed I can't seem to place who they are I feel an emotion of fear but yet safety at the same time "Where am I?" I stutter a stray tear slipping off my face. "The E.R" I hear a nurse say, Realizing my back is uncovered I start to shake my whole body is uncovered accept for my bra and underpants, I saw a camera snapping pictures of me I pulled a hospital gown around myself.
"What did I do? I screwed up again" I say quietly I see my arm is bandaged up "You slit your wrist with a pen cap and jumped out a window Callie" I hear the woman say. I flashed back briefly seeing the cap slit my arm open vaguely seeing my hands on a window I felt myself fall through air landing hard on the ground my face against red grass seeing red and blacking out hearing 2 songs. Realizing I had reached out my arms I wasn't exactly sure why because I didn't usually let anyone but Jude near me suddenly the woman was hugging me "Stef" I whispered remembering who she was. My mind had subconsciously blocked it out because I was really afraid on some level that she was going reject me and not want anything to do with me or even worse that she was going to beat me like the others did.
I started to cry hard "Please don't scare me like that again!" She said I could see she was crying "If you promise not to abuse me" I say shaking even harder "I promise I won't hurt you (I abruptly pulled my arms tight around her) Callie" She said I hugged her for the first time practically clinging to her. "Jude" I whisper concerned about my little brother "He's okay.. I saw the scars, before it seemed like you were having a flashback" She said I can sense the subject upsets her "My bodys scarred up Stef" I say trying to control my emotions. "What happened to you?" She asks tearing up even more. "You saw my back, the scars all over my body, long scars from lashes, different sizes different shapes, I was hit, slapped, smacked,beaten, whipped and lashed, cut open.. abused like some sort of human punching bag wind up doll a few of those could be cigarette or burns.. Some of those beatings and whippings I took for Jude I dont understand why people did that to me" I say.