Disclaimer: The characters, setting, blah - belong to the respecitve author: J.K.Rowling. All I own is the words I've written.

Warnings: This is a slash story between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, of Harry Potter. If you do not like male/male relationships, click on out of here. -smiles- Otherwise, please! Read and reveiw the story.

Other Interesting Bits: This is just a story with 2 chapters, sort of a way to blow off a bit of steam, you know? This was also inspired by the song 'Strange and Beautiful, by Aqualung'. Anyway, there won't be any followup's after Chapter 2, so don't bother to ask. -smiles-

Chapter 1: Written from Remus Lupin's POV.

First year was special. That was the year I met them. My friends. Can you believe that? I've finally got friends. Thought I doubt that they knew at that time of my affliction, they didn't seem to care either. They never asked where I got all those scars; they never asked why my family needed to see me once a night, for every month of the year. They never asked why I always came back to school with cuts and scrapes – and why I was in the care of Madam Pomfrey.

Second year was different. That year was the year they began to notice the girls. That was the year James got his first crush - a beautiful girl named Lily. She was a sort-of friend of mine, but not really in the sense that I was a boy – and she still believed that she could rule the world alone and by herself. She was fiercely independent. That was also the year they nearly found out about my Lycanthropy.

Third year came in a flash; buzzing by like the bees as they sought out nectar for their Queen. He tried to court her – that beautiful redhead. But to no avail, as she was still as independent as ever, and had decided that he wasn't worth her time. But he didn't give up; he knew there was something different about her that he just had to know about. That was the year I noticed Sirius the way he noticed Miss. Kaitlyn Hobbes of Ravenclaw.

Fourth year was spent in a daze of Potions, Transfigurations, homework, and pranks. I've lost count of the amount of pranks we've pulled – as well as the amount of times we've all served detention together as a result of being caught. Fourth year brought so many new possibilities, like the first spring rain that washes over the dead, frozen ground to help nourish the sleeping plants. They found out about my Lycanthropy that year, they didn't care, infact – they wanted to help me with it. This sounds foolish doesn't it? They wanted to help a werewolf. And furthermore, they wanted to be with me with every passing blue moon. Then again, isn't that what friends are for? Then it happened... this was the year he got his first girlfriend, his first kiss. This was the year I started to become jealous of fellow Gryffindor Miss. Lorelei Moore.

Fifth year was the year the self-named Marauders came up with the idea of the map. We spent every waking moment on this map, every thought revolved around how to find the secret passageways – or if they even existed. We made the map together. This was the year our friendships with eachother strengthened into something such as a brotherhood. James still courted Lily, but to no avail. Though he never gave up. As he was convinced that he would have her as his own soon enough, and that they would love eachother as couples do. He would recite poetry to her; send her chocolates and flowers – and she sent all of the gifts back to him. But when he wasn't looking, she would flash him secret smiles, and her cheeks would flush a beautiful shade of pink when he caught her. Peter had found someone to be with this year, he had finally asked her to go with him to the Halloween dance – and she accepted. Sirius had moved on from Lorelei to Janessa, and from Janessa to Abigail, only to set his sites on a sweet Irish girl named Bernadette. All the while, I sat back and watched as my friends became experienced in the ways of love and wooing a partner, and I did not. I sat in the chair and mourned the fact that my newfound love would never be returned.

Sixth year came and went, holding no new opportunities for me. This was the year they became illegal Animagi. James was a stag, Peter – a rat, and Sirius, beautiful, promiscuous Sirius, was a dog. I secretly fell to pieces over and over again when I watched him kiss his lovers. I wished so desperately for him to notice me the way I noticed him. But how was that possible? He would never kiss me the way he kissed them, he would never see me the way I saw him. This was the year he regaled us all of his life between the covers – bringing the tally up to 8 girls this year alone. Sirius never stayed with one girl for long, as he would always see another that perked his interests, leaving the current girl in heartache as he moved on – leaving me to comfort her flowing tears.

Then seventh year came. Seventh year was the year that changed my life – the year that taught me that nothing could help you deal with rejection and lost memories without crying. Seventh year was also the year my friends discovered the wonders of firewhiskey. And, stupidly, I would stay up every night, waiting for them – Sirius and James. I felt as if I was a worried parent, forever waiting for my disobedient children to come home. Every night, I would sit on the couch infront of the crackling fire, holding a book – pretending to read.

"Why'd you do that?"

"I didn't do a damn thing... you're the one who did it."

Sirius laughed as he draped an arm around James' shoulder. "How about we settle for the both of us doing it."

"That works, but what did we do?"

"To hell if I know..." Sirius burped and snickered. "Whoo... sorry about that."

"No worries Pads – it's fine as long as you don't blow it at me because your breath smells like death you sodding beast."

The two burst into a bought of laughter, only then noticing that I was waiting up for them.

"Oh hello, Moony! Why didn't you go to sleep?" Sirius stumbled towards me, a slurred smile on his lips. He was clearly very drunk.

"I wasn't tired." I lied to him and smiled, he didn't notice as I looked back at my book. He never noticed.

James giggled slightly before turning pale. "I'm going to be sick..." He then turned and ran up the stairs, running as fast as his numb legs would carry him.

Sirius smiled and sat down next to me, slouching beside me as he rest his head on my shoulder. "Not tired? You've been up since the crack of dawn... how can you not be tired?"

"I havn't a reason... I'm just not tired, that's all." I felt my heart begin to pound as he snuggled closer towards me, obviously trying to find heat to warm his body... right?

"...Oh." Sirius smiled sleepily and yawned before sitting up to face me. His face turned from a smile to a frown as he looked at me. "Moony?"

I looked up from my book and towards him. "Yes, Sirius?"

Sirius made a face when I called him by his name – as I refused to call him 'Padfoot'. It didn't fit him - it wasn't proper. It was so... informal. "Have you ever kissed anyone?"

I looked into his eyes for a moment longer before shifting my sight back to my book. "No."

"Why not? You should have at least had sex by now."

I sighed as I flipped the page of my text. "Sirius you're drunk... go to bed."

He grabbed my book and tore it out of my hands, throwing it to the floor. "No."

I rolled my eyes and bent to grab the fallen book. "Sirius-"

Sirius grabbed my hands and forced me to look at him. "Padfoot – why don't you ever call me Padfoot?"

I looked into his grayish-blue eyes and for the first time in my life – I was scared to be alone with him. "Because it's not who you are."

"Yes it is. I became Padfoot for you."

"I'll always know you as Sirius. You'll never be Padfoot for me." I managed a weak smile as I tired to pull my hands away.

"Why havn't you kissed anyone?"

I stopped and looked at him, and my heart skipped a beat. "Because the person I want to kiss doesn't want to kiss me back."

"Why not?"

"B-because they just don't." Sirius tightened his grip on my wrists and frowned at me.

"Why don't you just do it then? Take a chance! Who cares about what she does in response."

"I care..." I looked down at the hands holding my wrists. "I don't want my first kiss to mean nothing."

Sirius let go of one of my hands and placed his hand to my chilled cheek. "Who is she? The one you want to kiss?"

I could smell the whiskey on his breath and forced myself to place a hand to his, and take it away from my cheek. I looked into his eyes for a moment longer before standing up and picking up my text. He didn't let go of my wrist when I moved. He instead stood infront of me, still holding onto me. I secretly delighted at the touch – but knew at the same time that nothing would ever come of it.

"Who is she?"

"Its..." I felt my heart flutter and my stomach drop to somewhere near my knees as I thought about the answer. "Its..."

"Uh-huh?"

I looked up, straight into his hazy eyes and felt my stomach lurch as I spoke – being pulled back to its rightful place at an amazingly nauseating speed. "It's you."

He laughed.

I was crushed, I felt like I wanted to cry and curl up into my respective cocoon and die.

He stopped laughing when he noticed the look on my face. He noticed how mortified I looked, and how cheated I felt.

"Remus..." He hadn't used my first name in years, and I felt myself close my eyes and slowly drift towards him. "You're serious?"

I opened my eyes and snapped back to reality. I couldn't will myself to speak, so instead, I only managed to nod my head once.

"I didn't know you were gay."

I felt the grip in my wrist loosen only a little as he moved forward slightly, and I hoped – unaware of his actions. "Yes... well..."

"You really want to kiss me?"

"I... yes." I looked down and reached towards the hand that was still clasping my wrist. I curled my fingers around his and pried his hand off of my wrist.

Much to my own surprise and amazement, he placed his other hand to my cheek. The warmness radiating from his body caused my nerves to fire all at once, heightening any touch against my skin. I was completely aware of the fit of my clothes, the rate of my in and outtake of breath, of my violently beating heart.

"S-Sirius... don't..." My plea came out as a whisper.

"I thought this is what you wanted?"

"Not... not when you're drunk..." I nearly whined as I spoke, a low whimpering sound following my faltered voice.

"I'm not drunk." His breath fell against my lips.

I quivered under his touch as his other hand came around the small of my back, bringing my body flush against his own. I whispered against his lips – part of me wanting this, the other part – the part I knew to be right, knowing that it was wrong because he wasn't aware of his actions. "Sirius... no, don't... I don't want it to happen this wa-"

In an instant, a pair of lips cut off my request. My eyes went wide as he kissed me. To spite my previous allegations, I kissed him back. He broke the kiss and smiled as he lent back, looking at my shocked face. I felt my skin begin to tingle as he smiled, and my breath started to come in gasps. He grinned wider as he lent forward again, claiming my lips once more as his.

He pulled me close to his body, and, without warning, his hand snaked around to hold my neck – and his tongue snaked out of his mouth and into mine. He tasted like whiskey and sweets as he gently pressed his tongue to mine. And in a clouded moment of complete insanity it seems; I pressed my tongue back against his. I hadn't ever kissed like this before; I hadn't even been this close to a person in my entire life. Was it right that I closed my eyes and kissed him back? Was it right that I was enjoying the feeling of his tongue against mine? Was it right that the next thing I did was to raise my arm and run my fingers through his hair, pulling him into a deeper kiss? Whatever was right and wrong seemed to escape me – filtering through my fingertips like tiny, shimmering grains of sand - soon being lost forever as I lifted my other arm and wrapped it around his neck.

He ended the deep kiss and placed one last gentle kiss on my lips before wrapping both his arms around my waist - carrying me towards the couch. I must have completely lost sight of everything that mattered, and how I shouldn't have been doing this as I felt his unfamiliar weight settle on top of my body, and his lips close over mine again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shift my hips slightly, grinding them unintentionally against Sirius'. He laughed into my mouth before letting the hand that had traveled into my hair to change course and travel down my neck and catch the buttons of my shirt. He quickly undid the buttons and let his hot mouth travel down my cheek and towards my neck, hastily licking and nipping at the sensitive skin. He ducked his head and kissed my collarbone as he pulled my shirt out of my pants. Running his Quidditch calloused hand up my abdomen, over the shaped muscles of my body while he grinned.

"Oh Remus..." He voice was low and in the form of a whisper as he kissed me, and I hungrily pulled his body closer to mine, lifting my leg out from underneath him and again moving my hips against him, desperately trying to free my forming erection.

My mind clouded over as I felt my cheeks flush with his kisses, as I felt his hand ghost over my chest, and stomach – tickling my skin in the most wonderful way, causing goosebumps to cover the exposed flesh of my body. His lips found mine again as he worked the belt of my pants, sliding both my pants and boxers down. I gasped when the heat from his hand fell from his skin to my groin – producing effects that I didn't know I was capable of feeling.

"Sirius.... God... Sirius what are we doing...?" His lips crashed down on mine again, halting any reasonable thought trains that may have been chugging sluggishly through my mind.

"Shh..." He kissed my neck again, and wrapped his hand around my now almost fully hard cock and squeezed, gaining a gasp from me.

I let my head fall to the side as he kissed my neck and shoulders, gasping in spite of myself as his hand moved up and down the shaft of my dick. His thumb rubbed against the head of my cock as he grinned into the shell of my ear, whispering measured, hot words to me... words that for the life of me I could not - nor would not ever be able to decipher.

I threw my head back - my mouth frozen in an open position as his lips graced my neck and jaw with their presence over and over again, and the present of his lips kept coming as his hand worked around my arousal. I thrust my hips up into his warm, confident hand and heard myself gasp his name over and over as he kissed my lips... my nose... my cheeks... my neck. My arm tightened around his broad shoulders, grabbing desperately at the shirt on his back – crumpling the fabric into a ball of wrinkles underneath the fierce grip of my fist.

My breath caught in my throat and I shuttered as he stroked me, running his fingers up and down my length, teasing the swollen flesh at the tip with his thumb. He began to stroke his fingers along the slit, spreading the already apparent moisture around – bringing me higher into levels of ecstasy that I didn't think had the audacity to exist. His lips found mine again as I contorted with pleasure, writhing underneath his hard, muscled body. I gasped into his mouth once before letting my head fall to the side, my slacked jaw letting out moans and grunts as I wasn't capable of making any other noises – nor moving in any other way than thrusting against his hand.

I think I screamed out his name when I came in a stringy, white mess over my tanned abdomen, and he kept his hand on me until my body had relaxed under his touch. I released the hold I had on his shirt as my eyes slid shut. My breath was coming in quick bouts, my body covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"Sirius... oh God... Sirius..." I panted still, feeling his warmth penetrate into my skin and wind its way around my body and mind, stopping any coherent thoughts I may have dared to think.

He simply smiled against my neck and looked up at me. I turned my head to face him. His eyes seemed to glow with warmth from the fire as I looked at him. I lift my free hand and placed it to his cheek, smiling slightly before leaning in to kiss him.

These last tender and completely breathtaking kisses were the last we were to share. For the next morning – he remembered nothing of what had happened the night before.

He hadn't remembered kissing me, touching me; he hadn't remembered the soft words that came out of my mouth, completely full of truth – telling him that I loved him.

He hadn't remembered saying them back... and meaning it.