Summary: Peter had always had the ability to confront things calmly and firmly, no matter the subject. But this was getting way out of hand, even for him.

Chapter 1

It was their second day in Professor Kirke's mansion and three of the oldest Pevensie kids were sitting in the library. Lucy had just gone off to play by herself after a whole morning of pleading, persuading, whining and sobbing.

Peter was exhausted and exasperated by Lucy's squeaking, and he could see from Susan's expression that she felt the same way. Their eyes met for a while and she gave him a tired smile before returning to the book she had borrowed from one of the shelves. Peter wasn't in the mood for reading. In fact he felt like he wasn't in the mood for anything. He let out a sigh and examined the room with his eyes. After seeing enough old bookshelves and dusty tapestries he locked on Edmund, who was staring at his book with a sullen face. Peter sighed again. He began to wish that Lucy hadn't left. Being annoyed was always better than being bored.

Peter started his visual library tour once more. Old bookshelves, dusty tapestries, a concentrated Susan and a sullen Edmund. No, this time more like a distant Edmund. Peter noted that Edmund was gazing at the exact same spot of his book as the last time he had looked. Edmund's dark eyes seemed even darker than normally and he looked rather unhappy.

"Edmund? Is everything alright?" Peter asked. His voice echoed in the silent room.

"Yeah, 'course. Why wouldn't it?"

Susan lifted her head up and glanced at Edmund.

"That didn't sound very convincing, now did it, Ed?"

"What are you talking about?" Edmund asked, not letting his eyes off the book.

"Susan's right. Something's up", Peter said while walking towards Edmund and sat on the arm of his chair, "Aren't you going to share it with us?"

"No. I mean, it's really nothing. I just happen to have a headache, that's all", Edmund responded. Peter thought that by the sound of it Edmund was trying to assure himself more than the other two.

Susan gave up with the book and joined her brothers. She knelt on the floor next to Edmund's chair and crossed her arms on the free side of it. She rested her chin on her arms and went on with the interrogation:

"Even Peter didn't buy that. What's the matter? No need to haste. We've got all the time until the war ends, I suppose. Please, tell us what this is about."

For Peter that sounded more like an order than a request. Edmund seemed to crack under Peter and Susan's observant eyes.

"Oh, fine then", Edmund sighed, still not looking up, "But, uhh… What's it like, when you, umm…"

"What?" Peter pestered. Susan gave him a judgmental look.

"When you're… in love?" Edmund blushed fiercely and slid lower on his armchair.

Susan laughed unbelievingly: "I beg your pardon! Is that the reason why you have been so blue all the time?"

Peter felt relieved.

"That shouldn't make you blue at all… Except if you're in love with Mrs. Macready or something like that!" He noted, smiling.

Susan giggled and Edmund almost shouted: "God, no! What do you think I am?"

"Take it easy, he's only joking", Susan said and kicked Peter rather hard under the chair, "But, to answer your question, I think it feels all warm, tingly, cuddly and pink. Like eating a strawberry dipped in whipped cream while a soothing summer breeze flows over you and little pixies tickle your sun-kissed feet with pieces of fresh grass."

When Susan had finished she noticed both of her brothers were staring at her open-mouthed.

"What? What did I say now?"

"It's just that… you're usually so witty and down-to-earth. That was something totally new", Peter put his thoughts into words. While Susan tried to decide whether to be flattered or annoyed, Edmund opened his mouth again:

"Well, then that's definitely not it."

"No, I'm sure it's different for everyone. What I mean is, I for myself can't imagine feeling anything like that under any circumstances", Peter said. Edmund sank even lower.

"Oh. Then it is that after all?" He sounded depressed.

"Hard to say, really. Unless you tell us who is it?" said Peter curiously.

"I'd better not…-" Edmund started but was interrupted by Susan:

"Peter! Stop being so nosy all the time! Ed can tell us if he feels like it, right Ed?"

"Then where did you two meet?" Peter continued as Susan rolled her eyes.

"We've known for ages. It's just that I haven't really known what my feelings were. What I should call them", Edmund said quietly, almost whispering.

"Love is quite the big word", Peter noted. He had to raise his eyebrows for Edmund's reaction: he had closed his eyes again and was wearing a painful expression on his face.

"Ed? What is it this time?" He asked. Susan looked worried.

"Nothing. It's just so obvious for me now. How come I didn't realize it earlier?"

"Things just don't always go your way", Susan said.

"Don't I know that", Edmund murmured looking just as sullen as before.

Peter felt bad for him. He could easily tell that Edmund was having a hard time and he wished with his whole heart that the person Edmund loved would love him back. Poor little Ed.

"What do you think, Peter?" Edmund asked with a cautious voice. Peter tried hard not to blush. This was getting a little embarrassing.

"I-I wouldn't know", he stuttered, "Never happened."

Susan gazed at Peter in amazement and Edmund was facing his book again. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, but soon it was broken by Susan and Edmund saying simultaneously "Poor Peter" and "Lucky you."

After this the two of them were looking at each other, obviously trying to understand one another, but, Peter thought, even more obviously failing in it.

"What about you then?" Peter threw the question back at Edmund, hoping to get the attention off of himself, "How does it make you feel?"

Edmund turned to look into Peter's eyes. He blinked a few times, looking dejected, and whispered:

"Wrong."

Susan smiled sympathetically and reached out to pet her little brother's raven hair. Peter felt awful for Edmund but didn't know what to do or say to make him feel better. Fortunately Susan seemed to know how to handle the situation:

"Why? What makes you say that?"

"I don't know. It's just that every time I see him I –"

Edmund shut his eyes and banged his head to the back rest. Susan's hand stopped and she was looking at Edmund in a very puzzled way. Peter just froze onto his place.

"What… was that last word again?" Susan asked.

"Nothing, nothing, nothing", Edmund kept repeating as he pounded his head against the chair. Peter stayed frozen.

"Oh God, Edmund, this can't be good… This most definitely isn't good…" Susan said weakly and started to pace around the room.

"Ed… you don't really mean it's a –", Peter tried to ask after regaining his grip.

"I wish I didn't", Edmund replied, leaning over to hit his forehead against his knees for a change. Peter began to wish it would have been Mrs. Macready after all.

"You could have opened the conversation quite differently", Peter put in to break the silence and got a heated response from Edmund, who had switched onto the defensive:

"I never opened any conversations to begin with! It was you, remember? And what am I supposed to say anyway? Hey, what a nice weather and oh, by the way, I'm in love with my –"

Edmund let out a frustrated voice and began to hammer himself with his fists. Susan returned to her place on the floor and, sounding very intrigued, asked:

"Your what? Best friend? Classmate? …Teacher?"

"Teacher?" Peter repeated, raising his eyebrow for Susan.

"Why not? That happens… I mean, at least that's what I've heard… Oh Ed, will you stop bludgeoning yourself?"

A struggle took place, when Susan tried to snatch Edmund's hands and Edmund attempted to continue on beating himself. They could have gone on like that for hours if Peter hadn't interfered. He grabbed Edmund's wrist and he instantly gave up.

"Not a teacher", Edmund said and began to sulk since he couldn't hurt himself anymore.

"Then who?" Peter asked and after realizing he was still squeezing Edmund's wrist, let it go feeling a little embarrassed.

"Yeah, Ed, you can't beat around the bush forever", Susan said quietly looking very uneasy. Suddenly Edmund jumped up and stormed off from the library angrily muttering something that Peter thought could have been "I'm not having this conversation with you."

It was when the door slammed behind Edmund that Peter truly began to think about the things he had just learned. He had witnessed his baby brother confessing, or rather, blurting out that he was in love with another boy. Peter had also been forced to see how much pain it caused him. And all he wanted was to see that pain go away because, in spite of all their disagreements and quarrels, he sincerely cared about Edmund.

Only Peter had no clue what a big brother was supposed to do in a situation like this.

He turned to face Susan only to notice that her eyes were filled with tears. Then, trying her best to hold those tears back, she whispered huskily:

"Oh, Peter! Do you think he's got any clue…?"

"About what?" Peter asked, keeping his voice as steady and calm as possible.

"About what all this means! The consequences! Being that way… It's illegal and immoral! It's… unhealthy! And, oh God, Peter! It's a sin! He's going to end up in… Hell!"

After the last word Susan finally burst into tears. She collapsed on Peter's arms and sobbed loudly.

"If such a place exists, it's definitely not meant for Ed", Peter said as a wave of ruefulness flowed through him. He had cursed his little brother into that particular place countless times but now that someone said he really could be going there, Peter's insides bubbled with guilt and he started to feel sick.

"What do you mean 'If such a place exists?'?" Susan inquired, parting from her brother, "Are you defying the Holy Bible?"

Peter decided to test his luck:

"And what if I am?"

"What has gotten into the two of you? All of a sudden you have turned all… heathen, and Ed is…" Susan screamed hysterically, "I can only hope I won't find Lucy committing any weird rituals or worshiping idols out there!"

And with those words she stormed off the way Lucy and Edmund had done before her.

Peter buried his head in his hands as the door slammed shut once again. It felt as if everything was just falling to pieces in front of him and he was frustrated because he didn't know what to do to stop it.