Summary: Roxas was told to be happy, to live with all he ever wanted, but when it comes with a price, can he really keep his last promise? AU

Warning: Typos and possible grammatical errors. Plus tears. T for safe.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. If I did, I should be shot for how much I put their little, amazing souls through. *isshot*

A/N: I wrote this after listening to these heart breaking apologies on this website [fullapologies (dot) com] where these people drank and got into accidents, killing atleast one of their friends. It starts out where you get a little teary-eyed, then by the last full apology, you're choking back sobs and constantly whipping your nose because your parents are in the next room. It's soo sad. D: SO. Yeah. I watched all of those and then continued talking to my friend, and she sent me this music video of her favorite band The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. We exchanged music videos and then I stumbled upon one with the song Cat and Mouse by tRJA. Being already overly emotional and near my special time, I was motivated to write a story. So. Here it is. My angst and shiz and tears and heart and soul and blood and sweat and maybe a tooth. I hope you enjoy it. *hearts~*

I held him in my arms, bent over his form and rocking the both of us back and forth. Words fell from my trembling lips like hammering rain, running and blurring together into an inane, jumbled mess. My forehead pressed against the damp one below me, my eyes squeezing shut against an onslaught of brackish tears.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay. I-I already called, they should be here any minute. Don't worry, okay? Don't worry; it's going to be okay."

A wet chuckle hit the air like a sludge hammer shattering the fragile ambiance. My rocking ceased, my shimmering eyes opening to look at the glassy pair beneath me. The skin around them crinkled like old paper, a humorous smile tugging at paling lips, but the green orbs didn't sparkle with mirth or a hint of a smile.

"I always loved you, you know that?"

I shook my head, swallowing with difficulty as my rocking started again. My hands tightened on the body in my arms squeezing a hip and a shoulder.

"Don't talk like that. It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay."

It was his turn to shake his head, slower than mine but just as effective. He swallowed licking his lips with a dry tongue.

"I always loved you. I did… Did you know that?"

I opened my mouth, my heart skipping every other beat in its hurry to go faster and faster, and I started to shake my head again fully intending on arguing with the man in my arms. His eyes visibly dulled, the crinkles smoothing to give way to a crease between two red brows.

"You didn't know?"

I closed my eyes against the tears, shaking my head harshly and gripping his hip and shoulder harder.

"No, no. I have, I've always known. Just don't talk like you're not going to be okay, got it?"

Another wet chuckle, rasping breath and another attempt to wet his cracking lips.

"Got it memorized."

My heart broke a little, the first hack of the axe setting me up for failure. My breath caught and my eyes flew open to stare at the green looking back.

"This is… just a curious question, but… did you always love me, too?"

Another hack of the axe, a larger split in my pounding heart.

"Ask me tomorrow when you're lying in your hospital bed complaining about the food, yeah?"

His eyes crinkled in real mirth this time, his lips pulling up into a real smile.

"Yeah? Could you make sure to… skip the green Jell-o…? You know… how I hate that stuff…"

I forced a smile, nodding my head and blinking back my tears.

"Yeah. I'll eat it for you so the nurse won't go berserk on your skinny ass."

A real laugh, whole and boisterous making a real smile split my face. But it was cut off by hoarse coughing, something wet and warm hitting my cheek, my smile faltering before slowly withering as the green eyes closed.

"Hey. Hey, don't fall asleep. They'll be here soon; you need to be awake, okay?"

I shook him lightly, my heart stopping in panic until he cracked open his eyes. I tried to smile but my lips only twitched, my watery eyes searching his glassy ones. He seemed to focus in the general direction of me, his breathes short and painful.

"This is… just a curious… question, but… did you always… love me, too?"

A third hack of the axe leaving my heart halfway to split and broken.

"You're going to be fine—"

"Did… you?"

The green eyes were pained, desperate, sliding closed against their own will as they actually focused on my own. More tears filled my eyes, the image of his face going blurry and distorted. I nodded, swallowing before answering.

"I never wanted you to know, you know. I thought that you were too good for me, too untouchable, and I settled for just admiring you from afar and nurturing my little crush. Then you talked to me that one day in the library, of all places, while I was studying for my finales. I was in such a bad mood, do you remember?"

He smiled at me, forcing his eyes to stay focused on mine. I smiled back, refusing to look away.

"But you cheered me up; I don't know how you did it. One second I was about ready to smash some kid's face in because he was whispering two tables away, and the next second, I smirking and laughing with you. We were thrown out of the library for being too loud, and I was so mad. I needed those books to study and now they were on the inside while I was on the outside. I was about ready to smash your face in, and then suddenly you were pelting out laugh after laugh. Your smile was so big, so full of life that I started smiling as well, and soon I was doubled over laughing with you. Do you remember how we ended up sitting and leaning against the side of the library?"

He smiled bigger at this, breathing shallowly through his mouth. I smiled bigger at him, my tears making it almost impossible to see him.

"In that moment, while we talked about ninjas and what made a mollet any different from a mullet, I realized something: I loved you already. It scared me, being in love with another man and so suddenly, but as you smiled and waved your hands around to emphasize how ninjas shank more than stab, I knew that if I had to fall heels over head for someone that fast, I would want it to be you."

He swallowed, licking his split lip and smearing blood across it like cheap lipstick.

"Really…?"

My lips trembled as I smiled a small smile, nodding my head.

"Really."

"Did you mean… when you said… you would die for… for me… Did you mean it?"

A fourth hack of the axe left a thin strip holding together my bleeding heart. I nodded my head, my throat too swollen to say anything, and I squeezed his shoulder.

"Well… I need… need you to do some… something for me, okay?"

I nodded again, trying desperately to hold back my tears.

"Promise me… Promise."

I swallowed a few times, croaking.

"I promise."

"Live… Live for me, too… Okay? If you would die… for me—live. Instead of dying… live for me…"

I stopped breathing, forgetting to blink back my thick tears as I stared down at him in shock. He gave me the best stern look he could manage, gasping slightly for breath.

"Promise… Promise to live… or else I… I would have died… for nothing."

It was like a blow to the gut, another hack of the axe.

"I-I promise…"

He smiled again, real and whole if a bit shaky. He mouthed a 'good,' gasping in a breath before forcing out words.

"I… love you… past death… Roxas."

I couldn't blink as I watched his eyes close slowly. A tear fell from my eye, landing right next to his and suddenly he was crying, too. It made more of my tears fall onto his face, his eyes growing to small slits.

"I love you past death, too, Axel."

I leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss against his blood smeared lip. My tears made the dry blood wet again, diluting it and making it run. He smiled against my lips, his own tear slipping out of the corner of his eye before both of them closed, a gentle blow of air hitting my lips.

The axe wasn't needed to make my heart stop beating and die with his. When his chest didn't rise or his eyes didn't open, I just held him and let it stop as my tears continued to flow.

*Am I supposed to be happy?*

I stood in front of a half-filled room in a stiff tuxedo and squeaky dress shoes. Shining eyes watched as I looked at the altar before bringing my equally shining eyes up to meet every one of theirs.

"We made plans to grow old together, Axel and I. We made them over cold Chinese while Mulan flashed on the TV screen. We said that no matter what, we wanted to be there for each other. In that same moment, I said that I would die for him, I loved him so much. He just smiled and kissed my cheek. I… I never knew that he would be the one… dying for… for…"

I paused, looking to the side as a tear slide down my cheek and trying to swallow the lump that formed in my throat. I could hear a stifled sob from Demyx sitting in the front row.

"Me. For me. I never knew… I never knew that when we first talked outside of the library—Axel at the library, go figure, right?"

A few weak chuckles came from the people in the room.

"I never knew that when we first talked outside of the library that we would be together a month later, or making future plans two months after that, or sitting in an ally… talking… waiting for an ambulance that got lost…"

Another stifled sob from Demyx, chokes from a few others in the room. I swallowed, letting the tears run down my face.

"Just a mere three months after that. I never knew any… any of that, and yet, at the same time… I think he knew it all. No, I don't think that he knew where he would be today… But I think he knew… That we would be together, that he would go before me, that… that whatever has happened since that night, or will happen after today, would have happened. I think he knew. But… We'll never know, will we?

"I do regret… going into that ally that night… I do regret letting Axel jump in front of the knife… I do regret ever bickering on the way home, and I know he would have said it wasn't my fault, but… but I feel like it is…"

Nobody spoke, just watched as I worked my throat and turned my head to the side.

"He would probably smack me upside the head if he heard me say that."

I gave a small, wet chuckle.

"I loved him. I still do love him. I will never stop loving him. I'll miss his corky, annoying catch phrase. I'll miss his smiles, his laughs, his cocky attitude that always pissed me off, his tender moments when it was just us two, and his sense of humor. I'll miss every little thing about him, every little thing that meant he was home, every little fight and make-up kiss. I'll… I'll miss him. So much. I'll miss him every day and I'll never stop missing him… He is the one I love, ever since the first moment he laughed…"

I stepped back from the altar, no sound coming from the other people in the room as I turned to the casket. The first step was the easiest, then they got harder and harder the closer I got, the more my throat closed up. Soon I was standing next to it, my hands shaking as I touched the smooth black top.

I could imagine him lying beneath the lid, hand folded on his stomach as if he were taking a nap on the couch. I could see his eyes fluttering open as I touched his cheek, a warm smile pulling at his lips before he'd reach out an arm and wrap it around my waist. He'd invite me to lie on his chest, between his legs, and his hand would run through my hair as we whispered about nothing. Then I'd fall asleep to the sound of his voice, the feel of his fingers running through my hair, and he'd smile a warm smile again before closing his eyes as well.

"Axel… How… How am I supposed to be happy with all I ever wanted… When it comes with a price? How am I supposed to live without you?"

I licked my lips, taking deep breathes as tears slide down my cheeks.

"Axel… I love you. I'll always love you, and I will never stop missing you… Will you wait for me? I'll… I'll be there soon enough, although I'll live until… until I'm supposed to go. Will you wait for me, please? I love you, Axel."

My hands slide off the smooth top, and I could imagine him smiling at me, about to wrap his arm around my waist, and I smiled back, whispering a goodbye and an 'I love you,' before returning to my seat.

*With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.*

Four years later there was a hit and run by the ally that Axel died in. A blond man in his mid-twenties was hit while crossing the street, and he died while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. This time it didn't get lost on the way there, but they weren't fast enough. The man bled out, his friends trying to save him any way they could, but not even the most skilled surgeon could save the blond. He had died four years ago and had been waiting for his time to leave.

Up in heaven, he was four years younger. He gazed down at a figure sleeping on a couch, his hand reaching out to touch a smooth cheek. Green eyes fluttered open, a warm smile tugging at the lips, and an arm reached out to wrap around the blond's waist. Soon they were lying intertwined on the couch, the blond on top of the other male, and the other male's hand ran through the blond's hair.

"I waited for you."

Blue eyes turned to green, shining with unshed tears.

"Thank you."

They smiled at each other. Suddenly the blond was smacked upside the head, and indignant yelp coming from him as he lifted his head to gaze at the other.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"For saying it was your fault."

The blond frowned darkly before huffing and laying his head back down on the other's chest. They laid in a comfortable silence as the older male began running his hand through blond hair again before the blond sighed and closed his eyes.

"I love you, Axel."

"I love you, too, Roxas. I always will."

The blond smiled, already drifting off into a comfortable haze. Axel hummed some forgotten tune, running his hand through Roxas' hair while his other traced random shapes on the blond's back. Soon enough, both were napping peacefully, once again in each other's arms.

*Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me.
You must live for me, too.*