Diclaimer: I don't own the characters or the series. Amano Akira does. I'm just playing with them for a bit.
Worst Learnt Lessons
Over the years Tsuna had learnt he should not be too surprised at just about anything. Sudden disturbances to his school days fell under this rule as well. Attacking monsters, various mafia personae, just about anything short of a meteor falling down from the sky would have been welcomed by little more than a weary sigh.
Given this presupposed state of more or less calm acceptance, even Tsuna himself had to admit to being slightly surprised at just how shocked he was at the sudden interruption of his usual daily routine. Of course, that might have been because not only was Gokudera-kun snatched away in front of his eyes literally in the middle of a sentence, but the one doing this was nobody else but Hibari-san. Gokudera-kun's immediate protests meant little to the Disciplinary Committee leader as he very calmly dragged the bomber away by the back of his shirt, other students jumping out of his way in fear. Wide eyes and terrified whispers followed them out of the classroom as Tsuna stared at Gokudera-kun's swearing and struggling form getting carried away.
Of course, he couldn't just stand and stare forever. Snapping into action, he rushed after the two, Yamamoto immediately at his heels. Hibari-san had seemed somewhat angry, not that he ever looked like much else, and an angry Hibari-san rarely promised anything good to anyone involved. And if he was angry at Gokudera-kun… well. Then Tsuna would just have to be there to save his Storm Guardian.
He hated it when his guardians fought. It was usually for stupid reasons, they were supposed to work together but none of them seemed to care, and Tsuna himself more often than not ended up hurt in the end.
It was easy enough to follow the two; Gokudera-kun definitely made enough noise. Tsuna and Yamamoto followed them down the corridors and up the stairs. He wasn't entirely surprised to realize they were heading up to the roof. After all, that was where Hibari-san spent most of his time.
As they got up to the roof, Hibari-san finally let go of Gokudera-kun, letting him fall down on the ground. This obviously coaxed another long string of expletives from the more temperamental guardian, making Tsuna wince. He hurried closer to help Gokudera-kun to his feet, though.
"What's the big idea, anyway?" Gokudera-kun spat, glaring at Hibari-san. "I haven't done anything wrong today! Have you even heard of talking like, you know, normal humans do?"
Hibari-san, it appeared, was not even listening. "Yamamoto Takeshi," he said, glancing over Tsuna's shoulder. "Close the door. We don't need just anyone walking up here."
Tsuna rather doubted just anyone would have dared to walk up to the roof with Hibari-san there, but he decided it might be the best not to comment on that. Yamamoto did as instructed, anyway, closing the door to the roof after them and then standing guard in front of it. He seemed awfully relaxed about the whole affair, as always.
"Gokudera Hayato. Come here." Hibari turned and walked further out to the roof. There was something in one corner, Tsuna noted. Something that looked very much like the school uniform jacket Hibari-san was not currently wearing. A bit curious, he followed Hibari-san and the rather grudgingly obeying Gokudera-kun.
It was indeed Hibari-san's jacket, rumpled up in the corner of the roof. There were… hedgehogs lying on it. One of them he was fairly sure was Roll, Hibari-san's Vongola pet, but the other was… smaller. Smaller than any of the cloud hedgehogs he had seen before, actually. And it didn't look purple as much as it was… indigo in colour.
"What the Hell is that?" Gokudera-kun spat. "And why'd that require you to drag me up here?"
"That's not what I wanted you here for, Gokudera Hayato." Crouching down, Hibari reached into the folds of the jacket. Roll gave him what looked like a rather wary look, something that Tsuna found a bit strange. It wasn't like Roll had any reason to be wary of its owner, after all. However, it did allow the approach. Hibari then stood up again, holding something in his hands.
They were… boxes. Small boxes in dark colours with silvery ornaments on them, all notably smaller than any other boxes Tsuna had seen before. Hibari-san offered them to Gokudera-kun.
"Open them. Now." His tone made it rather clear that this was not a request or a suggestion.
"...Wait. What are these?" Gokudera-kun raised his eyebrows. "Small boxes and what looks like a mist hedgehog... what has that thing of yours been up to, anyway?"
"One should think you are smart enough to figure it out by yourself." Hibari-san narrowed his eyes. "The attribute of the cloud flame is propagation. ...One meaning of the word is the increase of population. It appears said attribute overrides the usual rules about box animals being unable to procreate."
"So, er... what?" Tsuna blinked. "Your... your box weapon gave birth to boxes?"
"Obviously not, Sawada Tsunayoshi. Roll gave birth to perfectly healthy little hedgehogs," Hibari-san replied with a rather biting tone. "However, they then turned into boxes, and I could only open the mist one. Now Roll is devastated because her children are in the boxes, so you get to open them. If you are quick enough, I might not even bite you to death."
"Ah – I can do that," Tsuna pointed out. He tried not to think too closely on the fact that this implied Roll was female. "I mean, if Gokudera-kun doesn't want to..."
"It's his responsibility, anyway." Hibari-san was still glaring at Gokudera-kun.
"How can it be his fault?" Yamamoto asked, having walked close as well. "Aw, that baby hedgehog sure is cute! ...But anyway, it's not like he can be the father, right?"
"Of course not," Hibari-san spat. "However, I'm rather convinced that cat of his is."
"Uri?" Tsuna blinked. "But... how? Cats and hedgehogs can't have babies! ...Can they?"
"Technically," Gokudera-kun growled, "box animals aren't supposed to have babies, period. They are not actual animals, after all. Yes, I know Xanxus has a liger in the future, but with current technology, any kind of box weapon breeding should be impossible. If the hedgehog can have children, it's not much more far-fetched that Uri would be the father." Snatching one of the boxes almost angrily from Hibari-san's hands, he lit his flames, one by one, starting to try them into the box. The sky flame finally opened it, revealing a yellowish little hedgehog that burped at him. Scowling and settling it down with Roll, he started working on opening the next one.
"But how'd that happen, anyway?" Yamamoto scratched the back of his head. "I mean... wouldn't that require them to, you know, be unattended together? And since Roll never leaves your side and Uri is usually around Gokudera, well... how did they get the chance?"
"Yeah," Tsuna agreed. "I mean, that'd mean the two of you would have to be somewhere together but not fighting." And, sad though it was, that sounded like a rather unlikely scenario.
"Hey, hey, I know!" Yamamoto grinned. "Since the box animals are usually kind of like their owners, and Uri and Roll made babies, maybe Gokudera and Hibari love each other very much, too!"
"Yamamoto!" Tsuna protested, a flush on his face. "That's – that's totally inappropriate!" Gokudera-kun was reflecting his flush even as he struggled to find the correct flame for the third little box.
"Though the euphemism is rather incorrect, it would be fairly close to the truth," Hibari-san said quite matter-of-factly. "Yes, we have met privately on occasion, and yes, we have had sex."
"Can't you shut up for a minute?" Gokudera-kun spat, now thoroughly flushed. "That's not something you're supposed to just tell everyone like that!"
"The two of them hardly qualify as everyone, it's not like anyone else would believe them anyway, and I told you I would refuse to put any emotional investment in what was essentially a hormonal relief," Hibari said dryly. "That includes refusal to feel ashamed or coy about it."
"Well, maybe it would be better for you to be ashamed!" Opening the last of the little boxes, Gokudera-kun set the little storm hedgehog down with the rest of its family. The babies all snuggled closer to Roll, apparently happy to be with their... Tsuna assumed it was their mother. "I mean, who would want to have sex with someone like you?"
"Evidently, you." Hibari-san's tone was still perfectly calm as he crouched down to look at the little hedgehog family, apparently considering them more interesting than the woes of humans.
"Wait a minute," Yamamoto cut in before Gokudera-kun could get another word out. "Since Roll's the mommy of the babies, does that mean that Hibari is the girl in the relationship?"
Over the years Tsuna had also learnt when it was the best to leap right out of the way.