A/N: Happy New Year! And here's my goodbye to 2006 and hello to 2007: an angst fic! Hahahaha! 2006 was not a good year for me -- full of drama, failures, regrets and tears. One word: ANGSTY.
I managed to watch the first eight episodes of the 3rd CSI:NY season and I gotta tell y'all. ANGST-CITY. Okay, I like Lindsey now. But still no D/L for me. As for Peyton, uhm... I like Claire Forlani (the actress) -- but Peyton Driscoll, er... why do the Mac/Peyton ship give me the impression that it's one-sided? Correct me if I'm not seeing something in there but hey... two cents can't buy you anything nowadays.
Enough of this ship frustration. You're here for my fic and here you go. By the way, the title means "I Saw". It's in my mother tongue -- Filipino. ENJOY!
NAKITA KO
©Cate
I saw how she looked at him. Her beautiful eyes were gazing intently into his as if there wasn't the whole world around them. Their eyes met as they passed each other in the hallway. It was a silent conversation only the two of them could understand. She batted her lashes a bit as his lips curled up to a smile. She walked on as he rounded the corner to hand me the samples he collected from the crime scene, the smile still lingering.
I saw how he looked back. From afar, he saw her walking towards him. His time- and tragedy-hardened features softened as he caught sight of her smiling eyes. All went into slow motion as they discreetly brushed against each other in the middle of the crowded and busy laboratory. His eyes danced as he met hers.
I saw how comfortable they are with each other. Even though he doesn't look it, he loves her presence. He's a different kind of person when she's around. I could feel him relax when somebody says her name. She would smile when she hears his name. He's sure and serious in the lab but he loses his cool when she comes sauntering in with a folder of results in hand. The other persons in the room disappear whenever their fingers meet, their eyes talk.
I saw how they talk to each other. It's like they're speaking a language made up by them. Everything seems to have two meanings at the same time. They tend to prolong the conversation beyond the findings, theories and conclusions. He would ask for time alone with her. She would ask for him all the time. She would have me send a message to him – a simple yet ambiguous 'thank you' – not that I'm in the position to ask 'what for'.
I saw how she touched his cheek affectionately. And he didn't flinch away. He welcomed it and closed his eyes as he released a sigh of ease. Her hand remained there for a second too long but he didn't complain. Their eyes met once more like in a secret exchange, ending in a smile. Their lips moved to say goodbye and they walked on to separate directions.
I saw they way he said her name. The two syllables rolled off his tongue comfortably. And the way she said his… I always thought you can't say his name without smiling. She always does. He would be professional at it sometimes; addressing her professionally but then again, even that – he would say them as if he has been doing for years. There are times when she calls him 'Detective', if I don't know better, that' her term of endearment for him.
I saw how he held her hand possessively. And also pulling her back to him. The lab was near empty; the hallway was dark. The cleaning crew nearly threw me out because it was already late. Through the glass walls of the room that I was in, I made out their forms – one against they other in a tight embrace. They stayed that way for just a short while then she led him to the elevator to go home.
I saw how their lips met. I sank back into the shadows. They thought the lab was vacant… but I was there. In their embrace, he pulled away and drew her into a brief kiss that she returned whole-heartedly. I've always thought that I won't cry when this day came but I did. Teardrops stained my kerchief – it was a cold night in the city. But there were two people in that city that'll be as warm as the Miami sun.
I saw them fighting over something. Their hushed voices did not mask the aggravation on their faces. She's mad, he's mad. Then a moment after she stormed off, he looked confused… lost. He got back to work as if nothing happened. But a cloud of uncertainty hung above him all day. He didn't see her until the end of the shift and I knew that he was sad.
I saw her light his birthday candle. On a cupcake, no less. Obviously, they forgot the differences they had this morning and made up. It's nice to see that with her, even the simplest things make him happy. It's his birthday and he's not supposed to go to work. But he got called in anyway. It's partly my fault – I refused to take the train case because I was already in too deep with the one I was working with. If only he stayed at home with her instead of going here to work today, he wouldn't have been mad at a co-worker and they would be enjoying a perfect evening together. But I could see that things turned out fine anyway. In the shadow of the elevator doors closing, my heart broke when I realized that I haven't said anything to him today.
I saw him tug her hand away from his cheek. The other day, I was knee-deep in work – I was happy to be working with him again. But I knew he was avoiding me. He was tensed all day and she was hostile to him. He looked lost again; something I pretended not to see. I was busy at work and their personal lives are the least of my problems. Yet, there they were in plain sight: her hand on his cheek, eyes sad and searching – his face dark and defeated, eyes looking down and cheerless. When I passed them, he pulled away. They probably thought I didn't see but… I did.
I saw what their break-up did to them. They were like two lost souls in the big city. He avoided all contact and she longed for contact. I could tell that he wasn't sleeping well; I could tell that there's something missing – that he loved her. Still loves her. I know that look very well and this isn't the first time I've seen that. She avoided looking at him but she would follow him with her eyes at a distance. I wanted to help them; I knew how to change his frown into a smile but I'm afraid I'll end up hurting myself more.
I saw him gather her in his arms. Two broken hearts find solace in each other. They both wanted to make it work. He's been lonely long enough. She's more than happy to make him happy. They needed each other and they know it. He approached her with measured steps, making sure the moment is right – and he held her against him. With no other words, he kissed her brow softly.
I saw what she did to my relationship with him. Ever since she came into the picture, things haven't been the same between him and me. He had less time for me and I didn't want to interrupt him in anything he might be planning. Before, it was very easy to call him up in the middle of the night if I feel uneasy or if I felt something was wrong. I know that he's more than ready to go to my aid when I needed it but somehow, I didn't want him to feel obligated to be at my beck and call.
I saw… that deep inside, he still misses his past. His wife died in the World Trade Center tragedy – his spirit along with her. It took him a while to go move on and live his life the way his wife would've wanted him to. Then she came along. Brought color back into his life, his eyes were happy again. Sometimes, I'm jealous of her. I've known him for a dozen years and all that time, I never caught his eye.
I saw how happy they are. It's not easy to find someone who can sit there during a dinner date, listening and being interested in what you do for a living. Usually that person is someone in the same job and more often than not, you know everyone around you. But they are always happy. They have an understanding between them that I could only scratch the surface of. How I wish he would look at me that way, smile the same smile he gives her, touch me with the same concern.
Yet… I saw how I'm still one of the most important persons in his life. Despite the fact that he's with her, he still thinks about me. He was there when I called him – I felt like I was being followed – even if he's still on the clock. He would invite me to share a cab with him even in we live in the opposite sides of town, on his tab. But ever since she came, I declined. I didn't want her to think that he's everything but faithful. I know how he valued his relationship with her and it breaks my heart to see him unhappy.
I guess I was always like this… looking at him at a safe distance, shrouded in the shadows of the dark like a shadow he can't shake off. I must admit that it hurts that he's with another yet I'm happy to see that he's not alone. I saw so many sides of him already that I'm ready to see him happy with somebody else.
I have seen how happy he is whenever he's with me. And how happy he still is whenever we're together.
And that's enough for me.
12/31/2006