Author: Nymphean
Pairing: Percy Weasley/ Oliver Wood (eventually)
Warnings: Hi, did you read the pairing? This is slash. Plain and simple. It's not porn. It's not smut. It's actually meaningful. Yes, I know that may come as a shock to some of you, but I don't intend to turn this into a PWP. No slash in the first chapter, minimal in the second. By the third, things should heat up. But nothing above an R rating, so all those looking for NC-17, the door is that-a way. Spoilers only for the first and second books, I believe, since this takes place during the third, Percy, Oliver and Penny's last year, Harry and co.'s third.
Notes: As mentioned, this is slash. I am not a gay man. I am not a man at all. I am not confused about my sexuality. I just like writing about people who are. Interesting fodder, you know? If you have a problem with that, please don't waste my time by writing stupid, insulting reviews containing phrases like "U R Gay" and "slash is 4 retards". If you can't write using actual words instead of letters and numbers, you're not worth my time. You've been adequately warned. However, if you have a problem with the characters, plot, etc. or my writing in general, by all means, flame away. If you like the story, please tell me. You'll be added to my people of the year list, and since the year's barely just started…
I like song quotes. I'll be using them frequently. Chances are, if I didn't say who wrote the song, it's one of mine.
The title is a reference to the song "My Sacrifice" by Creed, which I happen to like very much. Please don't judge me by my taste in music, I'm aware…
Oh, and I'm not usually this mean… I'm just in a particularly sardonic mood right now. Luv ya all!
Dedications: To Meg Albatou, my favorite sounding board for all things fic-ish. To Mereschino, who is going to kill me, but what the hell. And to Sarah… HAH!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, including the song quote.
Read and review! Love ya all! Have fun!
"… I was believing in you…
Was I mistaken? Do you mean,
Do you mean what you say?
I want our love to last forever…
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say good-bye
I'd rather take a blow, at least then I would know
But baby, don't you break my heart slow…"
-Vonda Shepard
Chapter 1: Through Penelope's Eyes
The tall willow shades us from the early summer sun as we lounge beneath its branches. We sit there, he and I, leaning against each other at the base of the great tree and welcoming the cool breezes that caress our sun-dappled skin. I close my eyes and shift my position, laying my head in his lap. He strokes my hair with calm fingers, and I'm struck by the tenderness of it, the sensitivity of the act. It's soothing and strangely exciting at the same time. I look up into his eyes, which look darker and more thoughtful today than usual, and a thought pops into my head out of nowhere.
"Percy, do you believe in fate?"
Nothing, for a moment, and then he tilts his head ever so slightly and says, "What do you mean?"
"Oh, I don't know," I sigh, a little bit frustrated that he hasn't understood me. "Like, is there one right person for everyone, one set purpose, one… thing in life that everyone's put here to do? You know, like destiny or something?"
He wrinkles his nose. "I don't know. I suppose I never though about it before."
"I think I think about it way too much," I say, staring up through the branches of the willow. Percy doesn't respond, so I'm forced to incite more conversation. "Like, say your purpose is to save someone from drowning or something, because if you don't save that person from drowning, then they can't fulfill THEIR purpose, which might have something to do with someone else's purpose, with might have something to do with…"
"Penny," He says quietly, putting his hand over my mouth. "You're making very little sense, you know."
"But think about it, Perce!" I'm starting to get rather adamant. "If your destiny is directly linked with someone else's, and you don't fulfill your destiny, then what happens to the other person? And the people who are connected with THEIR destiny? What if, because you decide to… stay at home on the weekend instead of going out, you never meet the person you're meant to be with and thus bring about the end of the world in some bizarre way? It's frightening!"
"Which is precisely why I don't believe in fate," Percy says, shaking his head. There's a sense of finality in his voice as he says it, and I know we're finished with this discussion. That's one thing about Percy that I absolutely can't stand. He can be so stubborn sometimes. But then, if he didn't have his little—okay, big—quirks, he wouldn't really be Percy, now would he?
Sitting in silence is nice at first. Then it's awkward. And now it's getting slightly unnerving. I have to say SOMETHING, so…
"Percy, do you love me?"
He rolls his eyes. "Of course I do. You're my girlfriend. My steady girlfriend. Would I be here if I didn't like you?"
"I didn't ask you if you LIKED me, Percy… I asked you if you loved me." I have this nagging feeling that I should just let it go, and part of me knows I'll be happier if I do, but I just can't help myself. "You didn't really answer properly."
Percy sighs. "Well I do love you, in my own way. But I think yours and my definitions of 'Love' differ slightly."
"Do you really think so?"
"How could they not?"
I ponder this for a while. "Well, my definition of 'Love' is…" I pause. I've never really tried to define love before. "Well, I suppose love is sort of like an enchantment. You can't control it, really, because it controls you. It's beautiful and sweet and at the same time it's daring. Love's not a matter of pride. Pride disappears when love's around. It's madness, yet at the same time it seems perfectly sane. I thoroughly believe that if two people love each other enough, they can overcome any obstacle. It's knowing that, no matter what happens, everything will be all right as long as you're near the one you love." I look up at Percy. "Well, sort of."
He's silent for a very long time. I knew this was a bad idea. "Well see, there you go," he says finally.
"What?" I ask, not quite understanding.
"Our definitions are certainly quite different."
I twine my fingers around his. "How so?"
Percy straightens his back and puts his glasses on, as if preparing to make a rebuttal in a debate. "Your 'Love' is a slightly more romantic version of mine. You said love is beautiful and sweet and perfect, no?" I nod slowly. "Well no offense Penny, but I find that rather ridiculous. I mean, think about it. How can anything be like what you're talking about? People aren't meant to act like idiots over things like that. And as for saying that everything will instantly be okay whenever the so-called 'love of your life' is around, well that's absurd! Love doesn't fix problems, Penny. You know what does? Work. Hard work and diligence. You can't overcome obstacles with LOVE. It's preposterous, it's… silly!" He sighs and relaxes. "Well, that's my point of view anyway."
I'm feeling slightly ill. I sit upright and look him in the eyes. "And you love me… in your own way?"
"Yes."
I'm aware now that I'm frowning openly. "And how is that?"
He seems to be considering this very carefully. At least he's trying, I tell myself. "My idea of love doesn't involve any of that flowery emotional garble. I suppose… love is having someone who knows what you like, and knowing what they like in return. Love is being… comfortable with a person. Love is… well, I suppose it's companionship. Oh, don't look like that, it's really quite practical when you think about it!"
"So, I'm your comfortable companion, then?" I feel like crying, but I have to wonder if that would be too flowery and emotional for Percy to handle.
"Well yes, in a way."
I chew on my bottom lip and try to shake off that horrible heavy feeling in my chest. "Oh Percy… I don't think this is going to work out…"
He looks vaguely shocked. "What are you talking about?"
I look at him, trying to ignore the stinging behind my eyes. "I can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe in love. And you don't believe in love, Percy."
He looks slightly wounded. "Not the same kind as you, maybe, but you can't say things like that, Penelope! That's the same as saying you could never date a Buddhist because you're Christian!"
"No it's not," I whisper, desperately grasping for those last few strands of control. "Love is universal."
Percy's look becomes one of concern. "Penny, are you all right? You look as if you're about to cry!" I just look at him and shake my head. "Oh," says Percy, finally seeming to get it. "You're being serious about this, aren't you?"
I nod my head and smile sadly. "Percy, you're my best friend in the whole world, and I think if we'd kept this up any longer, I might have ended up falling in love with you. And as much as I want that, I just… I can't love someone who I know can never love me, not in the way I need to be loved. I'm sorry, Percy."
For once in his life, Percy seems to be unable to think of an appropriate answer. "But… but…" He stammers. I place my hand over his mouth.
"Shh. You know I'm right. There IS a part of you that still believes in true love, I know there is. But it's clear now that I don't bring that out in you. So go, Percy, and maybe someday you'll thank me for setting you free." He is still staring at me with a mixture of hurt and confusion. I don't think I can take this much longer. "GO, Percy," I say a little more forcefully. "Go, before I change my mind."
Percy sighs heavily and stands up. He pauses for a moment, then bends down and kisses the top of my head. "I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed me to," he whispers in my ear before straightening up and composing himself. "Goodbye, Penelope."
As he turns around and begins to walk away, I allow the tears to come. "Goodbye, Percy," I whisper to no one.