Author notes:

This is a part of the Smash Bros Comedy Month, along with my other fic "We're a Chuckster!" so please don't expect this to make hell of a bean of sense, especially with that title I gave it.

Anyway, on to the story!

Too Many Dicks

Every other week in Smash Mansion there is a vote that is held. Usually this is to either get Master Hand's permission to do something by way of organized results. Other times the Smasher of the week uses it as a way of seeing who wants what for dinner. Today was Palutena's turn to make up the poll for her fellow fighters to vote upon. She made about eighty or so sheets just to be sure everyone has a chance to place their opinions. Thankfully the papers were fairly small in size so Viridi didn't jump down her throat about wasting paper. After making sure all the sheets are in order the Goddess of Light went to the ballroom and asked a nearby tiny peach-haired Mii to get all of the fighters gathered to take the vote.

Everyone was soon gathered to see what Palutena was up to. Some of the last polls that had been taken were on the extreme side of strange and most everyone in Smash Mansion were fully aware the goddess likes to play a bit crafty. Casually she handed out the slips of paper to the fighters as they arrived in no particular order. Many eyebrows were quirked when they saw the contents of the poll sheet. There were only three options, not even a title, on the slips. The options were 'yes', 'no', and 'dicks'. The younger fighters, and the immature ones, found this insanely amusing for a poll. Perhaps the green haired goddess just wanted to see who was the most immature out of the fighters, or just to talley who would be silly enough to vote the obvious 'joke option'.

After a few minutes of quiet voting, two Miis slowly waddle their way around the crowd to pick up the slips. The first is the tiny peach-haired one in a hamster suit, and the other a peculiar green-haired one with a dopey look on its face. It did take a while for them to gather all the sheets of paper, but in the meanwhile everyone was discussing what they had voted for.

Unsurprisingly, all eight Villagers and all the Koopalings had voted for the joke option. In addition to them, Ness, Red and Calem, Toon Link, Sonic, and Crazy Hand all voted for 'dicks' as well. Judging by the looks on their faces, it was intentional. It was even more obvious with Calem as he was spouting nonsense trivia about dicks in Kalos. More than likely he was just trying to sound smart because he's one of two people in the entire mansion that speaks French so no one could contradict him.

Moving on from there, Mario and Co. had mostly voted 'yes' with the exceptions of Peach and Wario who both voted the 'dicks' option. Quite unsurprising considering who they all are and their motives. Even Waluigi got to vote for once! Huzzah! After that montage of fighters, the next to have their votes confirmed were Isabelle, Rosalina, Polari, Olimar, Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, and the Wii Fit twins all voting yes. The only two that seemed to be aware of Palutena's trickery were the Mother of Cosmos and King of Evil. There was honestly something fishy about this vote. No one was really able to tell though.

After depositing her ballot, Rosalina floated over to Shulk's mysterious friend Alvis. He's been hanging around the Mansion for a while now and only recently started attending the votes, he never participates at all, but he uses this as a way of learning about the other residents of Smash. Not that he's overly impressed with this charade. The space goddess really wanted to keep the silver haired man company as he waits and smiles as a small lavender luma plops down on his head happily to have a seat.

"Why did you not partake in today's vote Alvis?" Rosalina asks, a tinge of playfulness mixed in with the monotone.

Lavender eyes flutter close as the silver haired Homs contemplates an answer. "I do not feel as my vote would have accounted for much. I am not accustomed to having a voice in decisions as I had worked under the royal family of Eryth Sea for many years. Guidance is all I had been able to provide, the final say always had gone to either the Emperor or the prince. Only recently have I been able to have a true say in some matters with her Majesty, Melia."

Slight nodding can be seen coming from the space goddess as she listens to the story. Maybe as they continue to have talks, she'll slowly open up the seer to the others like Mario had with her all that time ago.

Back to the situation at hand, Palutena grimaces as she looks at Mr. Game and Watch's ballot. "Mr. G and W, I can't quite tell what you voted for since you slammed your entire face on the paper. This mark is covering all three options!"

The only response that was given to the goddess was a string on long and short beeps. No one understands this incessant beeping, so everyone just assumes the old man is just cussing her out.

After that spectacular display of whatever you call Game and Watch's dialect, the next Smasher's to discuss their votes were the angel twins along with Lucina. Kuro was extremely annoyed that he's very well aware of what both had voted for on this dumb poll.

"Alright, spit it out. I know you can't read, so how do you even know what you voted for?" The dark angel asks sarcastically as he angrily fluffs his feathers.

Pit wiggles his finger in response. "Come on now Pittoo, you know Lady Palutena accommodates for me on that! She gave me symbols instead so I could vote."

"Quit. Calling me that. Especially in front of Luci. Speaking of Luci…" The raven-winged boy says as he turns to the object of his affection. "I know you voted the same thing as Pitstain here."

A faint cherry blush overtakes the Ylissean Princess' cheeks. "N-no, I voted 'yes' Dark Pit. I swear by Naga's name I did."

"Uh, huh. I watched you, your hand was in the same place as his."

Regardless of what the female lord had actually voted, it was too late to go back and change it. Hopefully Palutena only calls out the voters that did something incredibly dumb, like Mr. G and W had done. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard the Goddess of Light call out her father's name. What in Naga's name did he do now?

"Chrom." The green haired goddess states firmly, but mischievousness laced in her voice. "Explain exactly why you wrote your name down on the ballot as if it was a choice?"

Olivia and Inigo look right at the lord with the same look of bewilderment, both of them had voted yes on this poll like normal people. Everyone in the Mansion knew Chrom was a bit of a joke, and therefore easy to pick on, but this is absurd. Gerome can be seen in the background facepalming as he quietly wonders how the overly smart and kind Lucina is the spawn of the slightly dimwitted Ylissean Exalt. Perhaps she got her smarts from her mother instead. That's the best explanation.

While Palutena started to lecture Chrom on why his choice of vote was idiotic and can not even remotely be reasoned with, Viridi was off to the side snickering at the situation. She and Phosphora both knew what the Goddess of Light had been playing at with her poll and voted for what everyone else thought was the 'joke' option. Along with them, the Popstar representatives had also voted mostly 'yes' with the Dreamland king voting 'dicks' just for a good laugh. Outside of those normal voters, Magnus had decided to be a smartass and marked all three options just to see Palutena's reaction to his ballot. Unfortunately the goddess paid his vote no particular mind because she was still so caught up in reading the votes from the rest of the Ylisseans, as well as Henry's vote. Robbi and Rob had voted opposite of each other, while the former's son voted like his mother with a joyous 'yes!'.

A light chuckle is heard from Palutena as she looks at the sheets of paper she received back from R.O.B., Albert, and Ammo. The robot had left a sweet, little, swirly imprint on the box for yes, while the mallard left a wet mark in the shape of his webbed foot and the beagle left a muddy paw print on the word saying 'yes'. After them was the Wii Fit twins, Ike, Lucas, Marth, Fox, Olimar, Alph, Rock, and Pac-Man to have their submissions all under 'yes' votes.

On the flip side of the coin, Mr. Resetti has emerged from his burrow to place his own vote as well as Dr. Mario's and Nurse Joy's as they were busy with paperwork. Both votes from the males had a very large mark next to the 'no' while Joy's was marked with a chansey sticker on the 'yes'. To go with the mole and doctor, Falco also voted under 'no' as to oppose his teammate for some unknown reason.

After those votes were counted, Palutena was looking at the votes from the Bionis trio of Shulk, Dunban, and Riki. The two Homs males had voted sensibly with, mostly, neat penmanship under 'yes' while the Heropon wrote 'dicks' in large, bubbly, dad-like letters and a smiley face next to it. Obviously the oldest of the group wasn't necessarily the most mature. Needless to say Dunban was facepalming at his comrade-in-arms at being so dumb as to submit that for a vote. Regardless, the young Monado boy found this a little bit amusing since he was too embarrassed to vote for the 'joke' option.

After those three, Samus and Mac were the next two to have their votes counted. With her no-nonsense attitude, the bounty hunter had voted 'yes' as to be safe with this poll. Though, she was a little confused on why her companion had voted 'dicks' with an incredibly straight face. She inquires about his decision after he handed his ballot to Palutena and walked back to the taller female.

"Back home there's a place called 'Five Guys' that sells burgers. I assume this ballot would be for some other food joint." Mac nonchalantly replies as he blows a bubble with his gum. "If Palutena is pullin' our legs, then I don't know what to say."

While those two were talking about the strange name of this restaurant, the two helper Miis submit their own votes. The green-haired one hands off his ballot to Palutena and presses his nubby hands to his face as he perpetually smiles. She can faintly hear him say 'buttons' as he turns swiftly and starts to waddle off as the other Mii approaches. It's spiky, peach colored hair looks reminiscent of Riki's. Palutena calmly takes his slip of paper and watches as he plops onto the floor and proceeds to roll away like a log. Today has surely been a strange day.

The goddess proceeds to count up the votes and notice one is missing from the stack. A vote from a particular man. Captain Falcon has not submitted his vote in yet. It becomes apparent quite quickly as to why. With speed comparable to his F-Zero racer, Douglas rushes in close to Palutena and slams his ballot into her hand. She recoils slightly when she feels the burn of fire hit her skin. Written on the paper in fire was 'dicks' for the bounty hunter's vote. Someone clearly had too much caffeine today if he's acting this crazy.

Sighing in contempt, the goddess blows out the fire that is in her hand as to prevent further burns. Fire doesn't really bother Palutena much, but she doesn't like the red marks that it leaves on her otherwise flawless skin. Taking mental note of all the results, she leaves in a beam of light.

A little bit of time passes before Palutena returns with a little over seventy boxes of food for all those that voted. She calls over both the helper Miis as well as Pit to help her hand the boxes out. Instruction is given that anyone that voted 'no' is not to receive a box. It was nice though for Pit to be told that he gets to keep a box as well after he gets done passing out the rest.

After everyone was given a box that voted properly, those that voted no but still wanted dinner were ushered away to go find their own food. Included in this group was Chrom, as he voted like an idiot, but thankfully Polari was kind enough to given the Exalt his food since the old star was more fond of Star Bits compared to actual food. Some other other fighters are given this same treatment by R.O.B., Rock, and the Duck Hunt duo as those three really aren't supposed to eat hamburgers, or eat period. Thankfully after that, everything is sorted out, and all those that had voted 'dicks' also got dessert included with their meals as well!

This should probably teach the fighters to never leave Palutena to make a vote on who's getting dinner from now on though...

Reviews are appreciated~. Hope you enjoyed.