Author's Note! So, this is a bit weird for a pairing. Reno from Final Fantasy VII and Luxord from Kingdom Hearts. However, I really think you should try it out! It's based on a roleplay I did with my friend Lyn. She's my Luxord. I blame her entirely for this depressing as fuck fanfiction. It kinda ties into a bigger roleplay that y'all will get to see as soon as we finish editing it and junk.

Read and review, please! So I know that at least someone read it despite the wonky pairing xD

Anyways, enjoy. Rated T for language and implications of drug use, character death, and suicide.

Also, the title and slight inspiration song for this is Better Than Drugs by Skillet. It's our RenoLux song~

Better Than Drugs

You were the only one I loved. I couldn't love anyone after my ma died, but I loved you. No, I still love you, yo. Even though you're dead, I still say I'm married, and I can't get ya the hell out of my mind. I'm never gonna forget ya, Luxord. Never.

Isn't it funny, the way our marriage worked out? I only wanted ya for the sex at first. That's all we both wanted... But somehow, in some fucked up way, I fell in love. I still regret almost cheatin' on ya. But at least it made me realize how badly I needed to be around ya and with ya.

I don't know what to do anymore, yo. I see you a lot, in my head. Hallucinations, yo. Rude and Rufus say they ain't good for me, but I'll take any form of seein' ya that I can. I don't give a shit what they say.

Speakin' of Rufus and Rude, I'm still workin' at Shinra. They haven't fired me yet, but I can't figure out why the hell not. It's not like I can do anything, what with all this weight I lost and shit. Heh, and ya thought I was skinny before, yo. If only you could see me now...

I'm back on drugs and everythin'. I told ya I did 'em when I was younger, right? I am again. I needed something to cope with you not bein' here. Ya probably don't like the idea, huh? Not that you can see me or anythin', yo. But if ya did, I think you'd be pissed. I'm sorry, Lux.

I can read a little more. Before I was shoved outta the castle, I snatched up one of yer favourite books. It was supposed to piss ya off, 'cause I just thought you were kickin' me out. I didn't know you were dead until a couple weeks later. Rufus told me. I had a fuckin' breakdown in the middle of his office, wouldn't let anyone touch me or nothin'. Just flipped my shit on the floor. Anyway, back to the book thing. I took A Tale of Two Cities, and when I found out ya died, I sat down and started to learn it. Rude helped some, before I shut him out. I got halfway through the book, but now I can't focus long enough to even think of readin' shit.

I wish I was dead too, ya know. I tried to off m'self, had the gun loaded and put to my head; the whole nine yards. But Rude saw me, knocked the gun outta my hand. I guess I'm just stuck here without ya until the drugs make me waste away. But that takes too damn long...

Actually, nobody's here right now, yo. I could do it. I can join ya. Wait... Do you go to the Lifestream? Probably not, yo, since you were a Nobody and all. Damnit. Oh well, better to be dead without ya than tryin' to live and go on with you not here...

Well, I guess this is goodbye to everyone then. I'll maybe leave a note for Rufus, Rude, Tseng, and 'Laney. S'not like it's their fault, yo. And they tried to help me out. It just... It's not worth gettin' better if I can't be totally happy, Luxord. And god damnit I can't be happy without ya.

This is it, yo. The last look around this apartment, last thing I'll write. Hell, one of the last breaths I'll take. And I'm giving it to you, Luxord. I can't fucking take this. I wish you were here. You're better than any drugs I could imagine.