Disclaimer: Rawr It's Kizami/KizamiRoXoRZ does not own the Beyblade franchise or the song "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q.
Summary: Kai won't come out of the closet, but with a little help from Tala and a song he sings... maybe, just maybe, our little gray-haired friend will emerge. Yaoi warning!
Note: I was listening to a few Avenue Q songs and when "If You Were Gay" popped up, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be cute if Tala sang this to Kai?" So here it is; just a little spur-of-the-moment oneshot! Enjoy! :)
Also, italicized words mean it's the lyrics/Tala is singing.
If You Were Gay
by Rawr It's Kizami
Sighing deeply, Kai leaned against the wall of the living room with a book in his hand. He and Tala had lived together for several years, but had been best friends for much longer, and out of those years, Kai finally had some quiet time to himself, since Tala decided to visit Bryan, Spencer, and Ian.
Smiling to himself, he opened the book to the first page. "Finally, a quiet afternoon with my favorite book," Kai said to himself, "'1001 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate'."
As soon as he turned to the first chapter, a familiar redheaded Russian burst into the room, happily greeting, "Hi, Kai!"
"Hi, Tala," he growled back as Tala walked over to him.
"Dude, Kai, you'll never guess what happened to me on the way home!" Tala exclaimed. "I was on the subway, and this guy was smiling and talking to me-"
"That's very interesting," Kai interrupted absent-mindedly, his eyes never leaving the pages of the book.
"-He was being real friendly," Tala continued. "I think he was coming on to me! I think he might have thought I was gay!"
The slate-haired boy glared at Tala over the edges of his book. "Why are you telling me this? Do you think I care? I don't care. Does that offend you? I'm sorry," he added sarcastically.
Tala smiled smugly and rolled his eyes. "You don't have to get so defensive about it, Kai-"
"I am not getting defensive about it!" Kai turned his attention back to his book. "What do I care about some gay guy you met? I'm trying to read, Tala. Go away."
"I didn't mean anything by it, Kai," the redhead told him. "I just think it's something we ought to talk about!"
"There's nothing to talk about. This conversation is over, Tala."
Tala gave Kai the poutiest expression he could muster. "But..." he protested.
"Over!"
Replacing the pout with a knowing expression, Tala leaned on the wall next to Kai. "Okay, but just so you know..." He cleared his throat and began singing, "If you were gay, that'd be okay. I mean, 'cause, hey, I'd like you anyway! Because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay! (But I'm not gay.)"
Giving Tala a look of pure 'are-you-on-a-new-designer-drug' amazement, Kai turned his back on Tala and leaned on the wall with his shoulder. "Tala, shut up, I'm trying to read. And why are you singing? This isn't a musical; people do not just burst into random song in real li-" The readhead's words suddenly clicked into place in Kai's head and he shouted, "What?!"
Tala grinned and moved in front of Kai, where he stood still, tapping his fingertips together and staring at Kai until the gray-haired boy looked at him. "If you were queer," he continued in song.
"Ugh," Kai groaned.
"I'd still be here..."
"Tala..." out came the growl.
"Year after year..."
"I'm trying to read."
"Because you're dear to me..."
"I'm going to kill you," Kai let out in an annoyed growl as he moved across the room.
"And I know that you," Tala sang, following Kai. "Would accept me, too..."
"No, I wouldn't," Kai corrected out of anger. "I don't want you. I'm trying to read, go away."
"...If I told you today, 'Hey guess what! I'm gay!' (But I'm not gay.) I'm happy just being with you!" Tala wrapped his arms around Kai in a hug to emphasize his last phrase.
Kai growled and shook him off.
"So what should it matter to me," Tala continued, unwavering, "what you do in bed with guys?"
Even more irritated than before, Kai punched Tala's arm. "Tala, that's disgusting."
"No it's not!" Tala shouted before continuing his song with, "If you were gay, I'd shout hooray!"
"Tala, I'm going to ignore you."
"And here I'd stay..." He held a hand over his heart and covered his eyes with the other despite Kai's murderous glare. "But I wouldn't get in your way. You can count on me to always be beside you everyday, to tell you it's okay, you were just born that way, and, as they say, it's in your DNA, you're gay!"
"I'm NOT gay!" Kai shouted.
"If you were gay," Tala finished as Kai growled.
"But I am NOT gay!" Kai repeated, throwing his book at Tala.
Sticking his tongue out at his roommate childishly, Tala caught the book and said tauntingly, "Are you suuuuure?"
"Are you sure you're not the one that's gay?" Kai countered with a murderous glare.
Tala intoned a 'hmmm' and looked at the ceiling as if in thought. "I never thought about it."
Surprised by Tala's actions, Kai shot him an irritated glance. "You can't be serious."
"And what if I was?"
Speechless, Kai silently wished he still had his book in his hands so he could throw it at Tala.
"Would you love me back if I was?" Tala bat his eyelashes and jokingly blew Kai a kiss.
After he stared at Tala for a few seconds, Kai groaned and leaned back on the wall. "We are NOT having this conversa- what do you mean 'love you back'?"
"You're avoiding the subject!"
"I am not!"
"Then answer my question!"
"We are not having this-"
"Avoiding the subject!"
For the umpteenth time that day, Kai groaned and held a hand to his forehead. "I... I guess I would."
With an evil grin on his face and a mischevious glint in his eye, Tala crept up next to Kai and dropped the book to the floor. "You would what?" he urged.
"I answered, can't you be happy enough with that!" Kai snapped back.
"Oh come on, Kai," Tala whined. "You would what?"
"No."
"Yes!"
"No."
"Yes!"
"No."
"No!"
"Yes."
As soon as the word left his mouth and he saw the triumphant grin on his roommate's face, Kai instinctively yelled out a loud Russian curse. He couldn't believe that he had just fallen for the oldest trick in the book.
"Yes what?" Tala continued. When Kai mumbled a response, he added, "Enunciate, Kai!"
"Yes, if you were gay, and IF I was gay, I would love you back."
"Hah!" Tala shouted joyously. "So you ARE gay!"
"I am NOT gay!" Kai roared. He didn't know exactly how many times he would have to say it for it to get through his roommate's stubbornly thick skull. "I'm not gay! I'm not gay! I AM NOT GAY! I'M NOT G-"
Tala suddenly silenced Kai by pressing his lips firmly against the other boy's, despite his wide eyes. He finally released Kai once he was sure that all of the uncharacteristic craziness was purged and said haughtily, "How about now?"
"...Okay, maybe..."
The corners of his mouth lowering into a slight frown, Tala joylessly repeated, "Maybe?"
Kai snaked an arm around Tala's waist and, with a smirk, replied, "Well you know, I think I should make sure." He placed a passionate kiss on Tala's lips, feeling the frown transform into an enthusiastic smile.
Once they separated, Tala threw up his hands and shouted, "Hey guess what! I'm gay!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(The end.)
I hope you enjoyed it! It was just a kind of spur of the moment thing.
Just to let you know, Rod and Nicky (the characters from Avenue Q that sing the song), and Kai and Tala do not sound anything alike! But if you want, feel free to listen to the song and read it at the same time!
Please review! :) Critiques and flames are accepted.