Reason to Live: Editor's Cut
Alternative Chapter 8: Comfort under the Moon (Extended)
March 1st,
Rome's Cemetery,
0600 hrs
(Triela's P.O.V)
It's raining. The skies' raining….Frederick's crying. As if the skies…no...As if everyone is mourning for Koch. His death hits the rest of us; especially Frederick. To the handlers, Koch is like a partner, a friend in combat. A comrade who taught everything he knows to those younger to him such as José, and Hillshire. To us, he's Frederick's caretaker; his handler. To Frederick, he's like his father. Through out his service, Frederick and Koch get along really quick. Frederick receives both of his pistols and his Primary weapons from Koch. Koch taught him every principle he knows about weapons handling. Looking from afar during most of his trainings with Koch, I notice that their relationship is not just between handler and partner. It's more than just frattelos. It's like father and son. Frederick would receive a pat on the back or a rub on his head by Koch when his mission is complete. And Frederick would tell Koch about his mission and what's going on. Sometimes I notice Koch would usually take Frederick out for lunch during Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays if there's no mission. Just like Father and Son. Now, those things will be mere memories left behind by Frederick….
Claes, Rico, and I decided to stay behind with Frederick after the burial ceremony. Henrietta and Angelica isn't here today after a direct exposure to Claymore AP mines. They're at the Agency's hospital recovering. We decided to stay longer with Frederick, so Hillshire is waiting for us in the van to pick us up. Meanwhile, Frederick just stood there with no umbrella. The rain pours down gently down his wet hair and jacket as he stares blankly at Koch's grave. I was about to approach him and hands and covers him with my umbrella, but he rejected it and decided to stay in the rain.
"Koch…danke…danke schön…vielen danke…(Koch…thanks...thank you…thank you very much…)" Frederick starts to mumble as he un-holster his rifle, the SG551
"Frederick?" I ask with a little discontent
"It's ok, Triela….guess it's all over…." He rests his main assault rifle Koch gave him in his tombstone; returning it
"Koch….I swear…..I swear I'm gonna' find that bastard…..I'll find him if it's the last thing Ill do!" With that said, he salutes his grave in respect of him. Though I can't see it, I know….I know he's holding his tears….
After our private ceremony, Frederick walk down the hill and heads for the van. Again, I try to cover him with my umbrella; but he rejected it. Hillshire ask me soon after what happened up there. I stayed quite….unable to say a word to him.
(Rico's P.O.V)
"Should we give him a new handler? He's one of the most effective and deadly assassins we have around here."
"Yes Jean, it's true that he's one of the most effective assassins around. But once they stuck with their handler, it'll be difficult to give him a new one."
Jean and Hillshire has been discussing about this over and over after the loss of Koch. After the death of his handler, Frederick turned into a loner. He's awfully quite, spending most of his time in his room alone. The agency can't tolerate it any further. He's an awesome assassin, and the agency knows it. They started thinking of giving him a new handler and hope he'll be back on his feet after a little modification through conditioning processes.
"…..I don't need a new handler…." Frederick steps out of his room after eavesdropping Hillshire's and Jean's conversation
"Frederick, it's for your own good. If you don't have any handler, you'll….." Jean tries to convince him on getting a new handler, but proved useless
"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need a new handler! Just brief me about the upcoming mission and I'll do it!"
"Frederick!" Jean raises his hand in an attempt to grab his hand and forces him to comply. But Frederick replies with a stronger grip in Jean's wrist
"I said….I don't need a new handler….!" Frederick's grip tightens even more as Jean tries to grab his pistol
"Rico! What are you doing standing there!? Shoot him!!"
"Well….can you, Rico?" he ask
I froze. I don't know what I should do. For the first time, Jean's order doesn't seem to be absolute. My hand's shaking…..I couldn't….. no….I don't want to…
"S-sorry….Jean….but I can't…." I reply slowly; almost mumbling
"Rico! Do it!"
"I can't….."
"W-why!?"
"Because…he's like a brother to me…." I take a deep breath afterwards; glad that I said that
Frederick releases his grip soon after. His face shows a sad little smile towards me before he turns his heads towards Jean and gives him a warning: "If you ever, or if I ever found out you pound her with those conditionings after this, I'll make sure you won't see the sunlight tomorrow!" Jean and Hillshire left afterwards; releasing me back to my room to rest. It has been a long day…
(Triela's P.O.V)
March 1st,
Social Welfare Agency's Dormitory,
0800 hrs
I can't sleep. Frederick has been in my head from morning, and knowing about his status just makes things worse. Now, I'm standing in front of his door after I managed to sneak out of my own room without waking Claes. The night's all starry as I was standing in front of his door; with the moon as the only source of light. My hand's all shaky out of nervousness as I lift my right up to knock on the door. My head keeps on saying 'turn around, he's already asleep', or 'there's nothing you can do about it Triela, just go back to sleep'. But my body won't listen. Slowly, I knock the door twice
"….Who is it?" a reply a voice coming behind the door
"I-its me…..Triela." I answer as I bit my lips
"Oh….it's you….hold on a sec while I unlock the door."
The door unlocks a minute later. Standing by the door was Frederick; still in his usual combat uniform as his room slowly being lit by the moons ray. I was speechless. I wanted to see him, but when I'm able to see him, I couldn't say a word….nothing came out of my mouth except a few garbled words that I myself don't even understand. Eventually, he let me in his room.
"So…what are you doing up this late?" he asks as he makes a cup of coffee
"Well…umm….I'm…just wondering how're you doing…?" he hands me a cup of coffee "Oh…I'm fine…..you want milk in your coffee?"
"Y-Yeah, sure…."
We talk nothing afterwards. After he gives a pinch of milk in my coffee and his', he sat down beside me in his single bed while taking little sips of coffee. The dark room is lit dimly by the moonlight that shines through the window. Looking around, his room's wall is filled with weapons such as the old scoped K98K rifle that he used during the Mansion assault; where he got himself wounded. Then there's two MP40 sub-machineguns he used to use before it got replaced by the SG551 Assault Rifle Koch gave him. Now that rifle is 'returned' to Koch. I don't know what he'll be using next. The StG 44 Assault Rifle, the mother of all modern Assault Rifle can be spotted, untouched. Over in his PC table lays a case where both of his Mauser C96 pistols are stored. Then, over by the window, stands a frame…a picture of us at the Piazza, taken by Hillshire and José using Henrietta's Camera. Hillshire, José, and us; the operatives, have the photos. But only Frederick's photo has his face covered by the misprint…
"Hey…Triela…."
"Y-yeah?"
"To tell you the truth, I still can't accept Koch's death…" he mumbles as he places the cup of coffee in his desk
"…I'll listen…."
He starts talking afterwards. I sit and listen. Frederick's depressed about his death. He can't accept Koch's death. Earlier this evening, Jean and Hillshire, my handler, tried to talk him out about giving him a new handler. He rejected it. He spent his time in his room, eating military rations, polishing his pistols and rifle, disassembling it, and reassembling both his rifle and pistol; hoping for Koch to come into his room and call him for a mission. But he never came…..he's gone…
"Hey…Frederick…." I start after I listen to his story
"You know…if I ever lost Hillshire, I might end up like you. I mean, I'll be depressed; just like you."
"Oh...conditioning results…everyone would be…"
"No, you got me wrong! The other girls….." I pause and take a deep breath "The other girls would've died out of depression…."
"But…Frederick…" I continue "I would've died…"
"…if I ever lose you."
(Frederick's P.O.V)
I was speechless. By the moment she said that, she immediately leap from her seat and embraces me tight; as though not wanting me to go anywhere away from her. I sat still, not knowing what to say or how to say it. Everything seems like a dream come true. Everything turns silent in the room. Only me and Triela, bathe in the moon's light that shines from my room's window.
"I-I know this might be from one of those conditioning process. I got a mixed up feeling with Hillshire as well but please….will you accept it?" She stated. I close my eyes and try to feel her heartbeat
"No, Triela…this is your own true feelings…"
She embraces me tighter. I wipe her tears of joy with my fingers and smile to her as she lifts her head up. We stay in that position for a minute or so, hoping for one of us to make a move. Eventually, we did. I slowly move my head closer to her. Noticing my movements, she responded by moving hers…
And we kiss…but she didn't pull away, perhaps, it was good, but I couldn't tell. My hands crept up to the back of her neck and tilted her head, reaching for her mouth a little easier. It was soft and subtle, but also strong, and passionate. I hardly knew how to kiss. But neither did Triela. So at the same time, we're learning, one inch per second….fingers entwined….body temperature rising…it's the greatest feeling I've ever experienced…
(Triela's P.O.V)
We pull away a moment later, enjoying the feeling we felt earlier. It's the greatest feeling I've ever felt…my first kiss. I don't know if Frederick ever done it before, but this feeling…it's a feeling of bliss….
Slowly, I traced my hands down his jacket and his shirt; just like the way one of the character in Claes' novel did to her lover. I came under his well-toned belly and stop as I look up in his eyes.
"Frederick…" I ask "…Why are you still grieving?"
"…I…I…" Hesitantly, he answers as it slowly came up to him "I couldn't…forget what Koch has done to me…somehow, I felt rather lonely and…empty when He's not around and…" I silenced him. I silenced him with a quick peck in his subtle lip. He wasn't expecting it, but he seems to enjoy it pretty well.
"Triela…"
"…Everything will be fine, Frederick…everything. I'll be here for you…until the very end. Just…let it go…" He embraces me tight as tears roll under his cheek. Tears which he has been holding long enough until he couldn't sustain it.
Looking up to his face I start kissing his tears away, bit-by-bit. He stops me and looks at me eye-on-eye as I smile back at him. I don't know what else I should do to comfort him.
"I'm here for you, Frederick. I'll help you forget that feeling…whatever it takes…" I start kissing him from his neck and down to his chest. He flinches, but decides to cope in. Then, I took of his usual combat uniform he's using, revealing his bare chest full of scars from the time he saved me. Tracing around his scar with my finger and a slight blush on my face, I remember the time he pushed me down…saving me from heavy gunshot-wounds.
"Triela…"
"Hmm…?"
"…Do you know what you're…doing?"
"Well…yeah…I guess…"
Finally, he gives in with the situation. This time, he makes his moves by starting with kisses in my neck; like a vampire, hungry for a little taste of blood. His hands were holding me in my back as he laid me in his small bed. Accidentally, he touches my right breast where he flinches in surprise.
"…You can touch them if you want, Frederick." ...is my reply towards his action
Then it started. I draw myself closer to him and start kissing him in his lip-passionately. He plays along and starts unbuttoning my pajamas with his left hand; slowly, but steady. Then his hands went behind me and un-tuck my bra which is holding me in. We pull away for a moment and he was stunned to see how…developed my breasts are. It wasn't visible under my usual tight work uniform.
"What's wrong? Never thought I had it?" I ask rather teasing him
"Well…what if I say…yes?"
"How cruel of you to think like that!" I chuckle for a second and look towards his face "…go ahead…do as you please…"
He is hesitant at first; shy about doing it and all. He touches it, and flinches due to his embarrassment. Using my right hand, I guide his' left towards my breast and hold it. It is embarrassing for both us…at first. But somehow…it felt good. He slowly, but steadily massages my left breast as a start. I groan in pleasure for his actions. Then he move on to my right and did the same before he applied them to both at the same time.
I stop him a moment later, and ask him to take off my pajama pants off. He complies and did as what I had told him as I unbutton and unzip his long pants, and pull down his boxer. To tell the truth, I was quite shocked to see his…already grew to quite a decent size. I blush at the sight and try to hide my face away from him at the moment as he pull down my underwear and reveal my womanhood to him; only him. Soon, he was on top of me. Blushing heavily at the sight and is looking straight at my flustered face.
"…You sure you want to do this…?" he asks one last time
I nod lightly. There is no turning back. There will be no regret. "Make me happy…"
Soon he thrusts himself in me. I squeeze tight the bed sheet as a tremendous pain engulfs me. Slowly he went deeper and deeper inside me, and the deeper he went the more pain grew. Tears start forming in my eyes and roll down my cheek. He notices, and stops himself to look at me for a second.
"Why are you stopping….?" I ask him
"…I…I don't want to hurt you…any longer…" I caress his face for comfort and smile to him "Its ok, Frederick. You're the only one I want."
With that said, he nods and continues his previous action. I wanted to scream that time, but I hold it in; trying to look tough in front of him. With the last thrust in, I s cry a silent scream as I felt a trickle of blood slowly stream out of my womanhood.
"…This is your first time…?" he asks. I nod lightly, still clutching to the bed sheet to hold the pain
"…I thought I'm alone in this one. T-this is my first time too."
"...Then we're even." I answer "Practice makes perfect, yes?"
He nods. He moves slowly and steadily on me. Pulling him out, and then thrusting him in. He keeps going steadily; like a rhythm, and I kept holding the pain which slowly disappears and is replaced with a blissful feeling. I start moaning in pleasure as he continue. His pace grew faster and faster, and my moans grew louder and louder. I call his name multiple times 'Frederick, Frederick…' and he reply by calling mine. He lean closer towards me and kisses me passionately to silence me from my screams and moans of pleasure as he keeps going and going. It works, by the way.
"Ahn…Frederick!" I said to him as he keeps going and going. I couldn't help it any longer. I can't hold it no more…
"Frederick I…I…AHN!!" then it went out like a stream out of me. He kept going, and going. I gasp for air and took them bit by bit. Soon, now…soon…
…but I don't want this to end! This sensation…I had never felt anything like it…its…beyond my wildest dreams!
"Ugh…Triela…!" He pulls himself away from me as the white substance came flowing out of him and messed the bed sheet and my woman hood. He turns himself over and lie beside me, gasping for air. Meanwhile, I took the substance which is left in my womanhood and felt it. It feels…different…than any other liquid substances I've touched. It's slimy, but sticky at the same time so to describe.
We lie there for a few moments, bathe in the moon's light. We look at each other's face in the silence, not knowing what to say and how to break this silence. He's the one to break this silence though.
"That was…" he said as he takes deep breaths
"Extraordinary, Amazing, Heavenly, Exciting, blissful…pick one." I answer with my usual flirt
"Well…" he chuckles "I'll say it's indescribable." I smile and turn my head towards the clock. It was 1300 hrs; an hour and a half since I sit down and listen to him…and with a little bonus of…that.
"I-I better get back to my room now…it's late…" I stood up from my position, dress myself, and head for the door. Part of me wants to stay with him for tonight. But I must go…it's late, and I don't want the girls to find me in his room tomorrow morning.
"Triela!"
"Yeah?" I turn around to Frederick as I was about to leave the room. He got up from his position and walks towards me
"Thanks…."
We kiss goodnight before I leave the room and creep up to mine. Lit by the moon's ray, I open the door to my room slowly and close it behind me. Claes didn't wake up. That's good. I creep slowly to my bed, lift the covers, and rest myself in.
"…Just been from Brother Frederick's room…eh, Triela?" I turn my head upwards towards Claes' bunk bed; face red all over. I guess she noticed it after all
"…Yeah…well…we only had a little chat."
"Really? That was quite some sound you made next door. A little of 'ah' and 'uh' and 'ahn'...that's quite a long chat, I say"
"…Please keep this to yourself, Ok? You heard NOTHING tonight."
"Yeah, ok fine. Well, I'm happy that you two are able to get together."
"…Thanks…"
I smile softly as I was remembering what I did earlier with Frederick. The feelings…the kiss…the moment…everything seems so…unreal. Touching my lips, making sure if it's true, I close my eyes for my slumber.
"I love you…Frederick."
Author's Note:
Notice the early part is still the same as it was from the original fic. BUT in the scene where Triela visits Frederick...it has been extended. THIS is the editor's cut! Rated M, of course you know why. Well, I managed to finish this in time! Now I have to go to church (I'm a Catholic), then wash myself for purification, and visit the temple later at around 10-11 with my sisters and my friends to go and ring a bell to cleanse me from all the impurities of this year away. Then of course, watch sunrise in the hill to welcome the New Year! Happy new year everyone! Thanks readers!