THINGS EMMETT CULLEN IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO
Run through the school yelling, "OH MY GOD, HE'S HITTING ON ME!" and pointing at Jasper.
Laugh manically anywhere near a bomb.
Prank call anyone. (This was outlawed after the pasta incident over the phone)
Scream "STOP STALKING ME!" and run around in circles after Bella says, "Hey Emmett, can you help me with something?"
Never lure James (with Bella) to the Volturi, then run back to the Cullens' and proclaim, "THE END OF THE WORLD IS UPON US!"
The appropriate answer to the question, "Does this shirt make me look fat?" when asked by Alice is ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT "No."
On Halloween he is not allowed to dress up as Aro Volturi and say that he is very evil and ugly and creepy and old and gay.
The appropriate use of gasoline is ONLY for filling up his Jeep's tanks.
Windex is not a substitute for blood and should never be consumed.
Even if you are immortal.
He is not a pretty pony and should not yell it to the school.
Carlisle is not a disco god and should never be called such.
Esme did not threaten the president with a placemat.
Jell-O is not an instrument of torture.
Sometimes, people like to hang out with the werewolves, no matter what Emmett says.
He is not ever allowed to buy shock collars for the werewolves.
He can never EVER get within a ten-mile radius of an atomic bomb, not after the 1937 incident on Area 51.
He is not actually from Saturn, no matter what he tells the children.
The sun is not going to explode and rain fire and cause ultimate doom if Emmett does his homework.
And he is not allowed to tell his teachers he is.
He is not allowed to quote children's books.
He is not allowed to pretend to be Indiana Jones.