Of Tribes And Loss

by Ansostuff

This is a tag to the SGA season five episodes "First Contact" and "The Lost Tribe". It is from Daniel's POV, so you could say this is a crossover, but not really.

1. Chapter 1

Title: Of tribes and loss

Author: Anso

Rating: Gen, PG

Characters: Daniel's POV, but most of the prominent SGA characters, SG-1 and Landry make an appearance.

Timeline: This is a tag to the SGA season five episodes "First Contact" and "The Lost Tribe." SG-1-verse it is set after Continuum. There are references to some SG-1 episodes, especially "Meridian". Knowledge of the SG-1 universe is essential to this story and it is of course beneficial to have seen "First Contact" and "The Last Tribe" before reading, although the story should be enjoyable without having intimate knowledge about the Atlantis universe.

Category: Gap-filler, H/C, angst

Summary: This is my take on happened from the moment Daniel and Rodney were beamed aboard the Daedalus after they shut down the Attero device.

A/N: Thanks to SurgicalSteel for a heads up on some of the medical details and Rose for the beta and help with the Atlantis stuff. All mistakes are mine. If my English is all screwed up that's my fault too; it's not my native language. This is my first proper attempt at fanfiction in the Stargate universe, either SG-1 verse or SGA verse. I hope my attempt at finding the voices of the characters and expressing them hasn't been too disastrous.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just borrowing.

Enjoy!

*****

Oh, God, it hurts!

He'd been talking to Rodney, telling him he didn't think he'd survive, the pain was so great. Daniel was sure he was going to die. He'd never experienced anything like this. Now breathing took all his concentration. Breathe, Daniel demanded of himself. Breathe! He opened his mouth to suck some much-needed oxygen into his starving lungs, but his body wouldn't obey him. There's something tearing me apart. I can't breathe! Daniel struggled to catch his breath, the pain burning like fire up and down the nerves in his torso. His whole body hurt; head, neck, back, limbs and especially his chest. Even the hairs on his head hurt. It felt like they were standing on end and someone was pulling at them. He'd known all kinds of pain and had more than once suffered through the unpleasant experience of not being able to breathe, but he couldn't remember any of it ever feeling this bad. He'd even known radiation poisoning. With the radiation that probably still was bouncing off the walls in this room even after the machine was turned off, Daniel was sure he was going to experience that dying of radiation thing all over again. In his years of travel through the Stargate he'd never been struck by lightning or electricity the way he had just now. If it hadn't been for the suits he and Rodney was wearing, Daniel was sure he'd be literally toast by now. He was positive he'd be toast soon anyway. It was only a matter of time.

Mentally trying to prepare for the inevitable, Daniel sent out thoughts of farewell to his team, his family; to Mitchell and Vala, but Sam and Teal'c especially. Bye, Jack, Daniel thought, feeling awful for having to say good bye to his friends and horrible for not being able to do so in person.

The pain was easing up a bit… Daniel tentatively sucked in some air, and when his lungs accepted the offering he breathed a small sigh of relief. There you go. See? That's not so bad. He gave himself a mental pat on the back while trying for a deep breath—just to be enveloped in agony again. Focus he told himself. Breathe in and out, slow and easy. It helps if you breathe slowly. Try not to think too much. Just breathe. Come on, you can do it. In… and… out, in and out. See, it works. There… The pain is going away again. Or not, Daniel thought as a new wave hit him. Oh, God. It's too much. I can't take any more of this. This is it.. Now I die.

A white light descended and enveloped him with its brightness.

*****

"I sure am glad to see the two of you!" an unfamiliar female voice said, but Daniel didn't recognise the owner of it and he was too caught up in pain to look.

Okay, not dead then, Daniel decided as the familiar grey interior of the Daedalus surrounded him. The voice trying to get his attention sounded as if it was coming from far away. He was too focused on the breathing to pay much attention. The pain came in bursts and it was all he could do to breathe through it. He felt himself being lifted and the surface beneath him changed to a soft and yielding one opposed to the cold and hard concrete he'd been lying on previously.

The Asgard suit had shaped itself to the size and frame of his body, but the tremors from being zapped by the accumulated voltage of the energy strike from the antennae made him shiver spasmodically and the suit had become more of a confinement than a protection. He sighed in appreciation as two medics helped him out of the cumbersome armoured garment. Relieved of the confinement, Daniel closed his eyes, turned on his side and curled up on his side, thinking it would ease the tremors and pain. He wrapped his arms around his belly. He was sweaty from the exertion of breathing through his discomfort, and that the nausea was starting to become more and more of a nuisance didn't help.

Someone was taking his pulse and he felt a pulsoxymeter being attached to his finger. The female voice was still talking to him and Daniel could feel a hand on his shoulder, rubbing in a steadily in a soothing fashion. He recognised her medical speak by the words she used, but he didn't have the strength to pay much attention. Through the haze of pain he heard Rodney talking to Woolsey, explaining what'd happened. He must have heard wrong because he thought he heard Woolsey making a joke about opening the suit Rodney wore with a can opener. Yup, he had to be delusional. Woolsey didn't make jokes. The pain increased again and he felt darkness creep into the edges of his vision as his world narrow down to breathing in and out, in and out….

*****

What felt like an eternity later, but must have only been seconds, Daniel woke. Someone was taking off his jacket and pulling up the sleeve of his shirt and he was turned to lie on his back. There was a familiar pinch in his arm and he shifted his gaze to see someone drawing blood.

"Dr. Jackson? Can you hear me?" That was… Daniel tried to remember the doctor's name. It was the same person who had said she was glad to see them. He'd not met her before. Had they been introduced? "I'm Dr. Keller," she said. She was in his face a hand on his cheek was turning his face towards her. "You blacked out there for a minute. Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," Daniel groaned, struggling to get the word out. He scrunched his eyes shut as a new wave of tremors and pain rushed over him, breathing hard while trying to keep the nausea that followed the bouts of pain at bay. Tears brought forth by the agony were streaming down his temples. "Oh, God..."

"Easy, easy, we'll get you something for the pain soon, but I need to know what exactly happened."

"He got zapped by some subspace antenna," Daniel heard Rodney explain. "There was a power surge and some pretty bad radiation in the room where the device we were shutting down was located, but Mr. Let's-talk-reason-with-our-captors here decided to get in the way of the power surge. I told him I could disarm the device on my own, but he wanted to be there and look what happened. The suits should have protected us sufficiently, but it looks like it wasn't enough."

A nurse came at Daniel with a handheld scanner and started moving it over his body. It beeped, but Daniel didn't know if that was good or bad.

"Okay, we need to get your clothes analysed and the both of you into scrubs. If you've been exposed to radiation we need to monitor you both very closely." Dr. Keller said. "We should be arriving at Atlantis shortly and I'll be able to do a proper exam there."

Daniel tuned out Rodney's voice as he continued explaining what had happened to the doctor and focused on relieving the cramps that now were playing havoc with his abdominal muscles. Daniel was sure he was going to throw up any minute, and as he feared, he did. Daniel turned so he was lying more on his stomach than his side, managing to empty his stomach into the conveniently placed basin before him and not all over himself. He turned back on his side and breathed hard. Daniel heard the snapping of gloves, and this time instead of being turned onto it, he was asked to turn on his back. The nurse who'd wielded the scanner came back and swept a wet cloth over his face and neck before an oxygen mask was placed over his nose and mouth and telemetry leads placed on his chest. Somewhere in the process of being cleaned up his shirt had been removed and replaced by a scrub top that was fastened on his side. Daniel tried to find a way to get under the covers he was lying on as he started shivering from the cooling sweat on the parts of his body that hadn't been cleaned yet. He thought he should be able to get himself cleaned up, but at the moment he could barely muster up the energy to roll from his side to his back. Another nurse swabbed the back his hand and a needle was inserted before he was beneath the covers instead of on top of them. Peripherally he was aware of someone shooing Rodney off to the showers to get scrubbed down.

"Dr. Jackson? Try to relax. We're giving you some fluids and something for the nausea." Daniel turned his gaze back to Dr. Keller. He nodded and waited for her to continue. Her hand was back on his wrist and Daniel felt her gaze on him. "How are you feeling? Are you going to be sick again?"

"I'm fine. Not s-so bad any more now."

"Really? Because from the way you're curled up and by the distinctly green look on your face I'd say you're far from fine. Can you tell me how bad? On a scale from 1 to 10, please?"

"I'm fine, really," Daniel insisted, trying to sit up, but a crippling pain assaulting his chest and abdomen stopped him before he'd even managed to lift his head off the pillow. He plopped back down as his muscles contracted. "Eleven", Daniel admitted, trying for a smile now that it didn't seem like his "I'm fine" routine was going to work, but the smile came out more as a grimace as a new wave hit him. Once again he closed his eyes, but this time the breathing was easier as oxygen flowed into his lungs from the mask. "About six or seven between the waves," he corrected. "Nine when they're at their worst." He tried to lift his hand to rub away the pounding in his head but his fingers were tingling and his arm felt like it was made of led as it flopped back down onto the sheets.

"All right, does anything feel worse than the rest?"

"Head hurts. My stomach. I feel… oversensitive," Concentrating, Daniel placed a hand on his belly, rubbing slightly to test how sensitive it was to touch. He winced. It felt like a fiery brand even through the sheet and both his hand and stomach hurt from the contact. Hissing as if actually burnt, he let it fall back onto the sheet. "I think the energy hit me in the chest, but if feels like it's pooled in my stomach, if that makes sense."

"It makes sense," Keller soothed before unfastening his shirt. She put the buds of her stethoscope into her ears and Daniel bit back a groan when she put the bell to his skin to listen to his chest and belly for a moment. "Your heartbeats are somewhat fast, but within the normal range, lungs are wheezy but not too bad off and your bowel movements sound normal. I don't think you've sustained permanent damage."

Dr. Keller took the buds out of her ears and Daniel yelped in pain when she very gently started to probe at his stomach. Keller quickly withdrew and Daniel felt her scrutinizing him. "There's some discoloration which means you are bleeding internally. You're going to need surgery. I'll leave you alone for a bit now. A nurse will be by in a couple of minutes to give you something for the pain and then you can rest until we can get you into surgery when we get back to Atlantis. The meds should reverse some of the extreme sensitivity soon too." She placed the call button by his hand and smiled at him. "You're going to be just fine."

"Good." Daniel said, stifling a yawn. "Sorry, tired."

"I know." Dr. Keller said before leaving Daniel to his own devices.

Before Daniel could find a position that hurt less than the one he was lying in at the moment, the promised nurse was there with a syringe; a couple of minutes later another bag was hooked up to the fluids he already was receiving, and blessed relief flowed into his veins. As the pain disappeared Daniel fell into an exhausted sleep.

*****

When he woke, Daniel sensed he was moving but he couldn't move his limbs. He felt lethargic and detached, but the pain was thankfully at a bearable level and his mind was relatively clear, albeit sluggish. He was still sleepy and nauseous, but felt like he could stay awake.

There was a heavy, but soft weight over him. Daniel opened his eyes a bit, but the movement made him dizzy so he closed them quickly again. Something was off, and he opened his eyes again. There were stars in the sky above him but it didn't feel like he was outside. Daniel tried to lift his arms, but they stayed put. He was confined in some way or other, probably lying inside a medical rescue pod. He then recognised the SGC emblem on the see-through lid. He'd been in a pod like this before. The radiation! Daniel knew the doctors had to protect both him and themselves and so they'd put him in a pod. His heart skipped a beat at the very thought of yet again being exposed to radiation, it was literally sickening. Once had been more than enough.

More than five years had gone by since that fatal mission where he'd tried to stop an entire world from launching into a civil war over a powerful mineral called naquadriah, but in the end they'd destroyed each other, not managing to come to any sort of agreement. Daniel remembered dying and the horrible pain as if it'd happened recently. He'd do everything in his power to not experience this again. Hopefully the suits' protection had been enough to prevent serious damage, but until the tests came back he couldn't be sure. Daniel tried to console himself with thinking that the surgery the doctor had said he needed might be because he was struck by that energy beam and not because of the radiation. Being struck by lightning like that could cause all that pain by itself, couldn't it? Daniel mused. He yawned behind the oxygen mask and closed his eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. Dr. Keller hadn't said anything regarding the radiation at all, and he'd been in too much pain to talk much, let alone think. Daniel squirmed around as much as his cocoon of blankets and the pod would allow for and tried to get comfortable. Shouldn't they be at Atlantis soon? As a wave of pain hit him Daniel felt queasy again. God, but it hurt. The medicine he'd been given should have taken care of his pain by now, shouldn't it? He breathed hard, feeling unconsciousness looming again. As the pain slowly receded back to a bearable level, Daniel blinked the sweat away from his eyes and once again felt like he'd escaped death by the skin of his teeth.

No Oma would come to his rescue if he died now. She'd made that perfectly clear the last time. If it came to it, and he was dying, the possibility of ascension was all up to him now. Briefly he thought of Kasuf and Skaara and if they were able to help him, but he didn't think so. Oma would have told him if they were. Well, I'm not there yet, he told himself and stopped squirming. Instead he opened his eyes again. They'd left the Daedalus on the East pier and were heading towards the city itself.

"He should be awake to see this," a voice said over the rumbling of the gurney the pod evidently was placed on.

"It looks like he is awake," Daniel heard Mr. Woolsey's say before he could see the bureaucrat's face filling his limited field of vision by leaning over the pod and looking down on him. "It doesn't look like he's enjoying the ride though. He's pretty green around the edges."

Keller's face came into his line of vision and studied him for a minute. "Let's get them into the infirmary." She tapped the lid. "Dr. Jackson, are you able to hold on a little longer?"

Daniel fixed his eyes on hers and gave a short and slow nod. He'd manage. He'd just close his eyes and try to sleep again. All this breathing through the pain was taking it's toll and he felt beyond exhausted.

"We're here." Dr. Keller announced a moment later.

Doors opened and as the light shifted from the starlit sky to the muted lighting of the hallways Daniel opened his eyes again. He didn't think he'd been in this particular part of the city before.

Just as she finished speaking they entered a new hallway and a few seconds later Daniel found his gurney being pushed through the doors to the infirmary.

"There's room over there," Dr. Keller said, and the gurney stopped moving. A see-through plastic curtain was pulled all the way around the bed and the lid of the pod lifted. Gloved hands released the blankets that while inside the pod had kept him securely in place. Daniel looked at Rodney and saw that he too had been placed inside one of the pods but was now released into a curtained off area while the people milling around the infirmary was wearing hazmat suits. As he could move around again Daniel shook with the effort to keep the nausea at bay. To his utter humiliation he lost the fight and it was all he could do to turn on his side, rubbing his face into the pillow to push the oxygen mask to the side and throw up over the bed, the floor and to his horror, himself. Now he needed help to change his clothes again. When he'd finished he was so exhausted he could cry. The quick movements had brought the pain back as well, and for a moment he scrunched up his face, shivering with misery and sniffling loudly. Tears had started leaking from his eyes through the violent upheaval, and his nose felt stuffed, throat raw and chest and abdomen aching even worse than he thought possible.

Daniel was miserable and he cared nothing for it. There was nothing he wanted more right now than to curl up and wallow in his own misery for a while, before dying of embarrassment.

Exhausted he suffered through being changed. The bed was stripped and changed around him and Daniel let the nurses manhandle him while he breathed through another bout of tremors and pain. From his experience with zats and other stun weapons, the tremors only lasted till you lost consciousness, or stopped after a little while. Besides, he'd been zatted so many times that his body should be used to the energy surges by now and release it quicker. Daniel knew that didn't make sense, as the body didn't store up on energy over time. If that was true he'd be dead from the accumulated zat blasts by now. The suit must have taken the brunt of the energy. Rodney had thought it would and Sam would probably also know that. He would have to ask her when he saw her.

"Here we go, you'll feel better soon," a nurse said, tucking the blankets up around him.

Daniel let his mind float for a bit. A wet cloth was passed on his face and the IV he'd dislodged put back in. The pain killer kicked in. Both his body and mind were exhausted, and it didn't help that he'd got too little sleep before he and Rodney were snatched away. Daniel was all for working intensively, but there was a limit to how long even he could work without rest. Embarrassed but clean, Daniel drifted, trying not to think about anything, tuning out the sounds of the infirmary and Rodney's complaining in the next bed.

*****

"Hey." A soft voice made its presence known in his haze. A hand was placed on his cheek and Daniel turned his head towards the voice. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Daniel plastered a smile on his face, hoping for a swift release so he could curl up in a corner and die by himself. He wasn't fine. Far from it and Daniel knew that. He tried to lift himself up on his elbows, but the movement aggravated the pain in his belly and he bit back a moan before lying back down.

Dr. Keller ignored his obvious lie and instead asked, trying for a different approach, "How's the nausea?"

"Better." Daniel winced at his own curt answer. He didn't need to be cruel. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so ungrateful. You're doing what you can. It just…well, hurts," he admitted, defeated.

"I know, and I'm sorry. You're sick and in pain. Grumpiness is allowed," Keller soothed, smiling.

"True." Daniel nodded. "But there's no reason for me to snap at you." He thought for a moment. "You should probably know that this isn't my first round of radiation potioning." Daniel said, figuring he should give her something to work with. His voice coming in short gasps. Breathing still wasn't easy, even with the added oxygen and pain meds.

"It isn't? I need to go through your medical files, but," she gestured to the rest of the infirmary which was semi-full with patients, "as you can see, there was a bit of action going on while we were away, so you have to help me out here till I get your files."

"My fault," Daniel said, his voice sounding breathy and weak to his own ears. The pain meds were making him sleepy again.

"No it isn't. Neither you nor Rodney could know what that machine did and you turned it off. There was nothing you could do."

"How bad?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know for sure before I get a better look at you, but you'll make a complete recovery, I'm sure."

"Not me," Daniel said annoyed. "The planets. The gates. How bad was it?"

"We don't know the extent of the damage yet, but our gate imploded. The Wraith lost at least one ship and who knows how many people, as for the rest of the galaxy we can't be Daedalus is looking into getting one from the damaged gate bridge and the techs are ready to get it up and running so we can contact Earth and start assessing the situation our allies are in. Rodney explained what you did, Dr. Jackson. You're not to blame at all."

Daniel's eyelids had drooped during the doctor's speech and now they closed. He had many more questions, but they would have to wait.

"But that's enough information for you at the moment. You'll be prepped for surgery soon. Don't fall asleep on me yet, though. I need to get a better look at you first. The pain killer should make the examination go easier this time." Dr. Keller took her stethoscope out of her pocket and reached for a blood pressure cuff lying on a table by Daniel's bed.

"'Kay."

"Lie back and try to relax."

*****

I've committed genocide. Daniel felt his heart skip a beat before hammering wildly as the vastness of what he'd done sunk in. He was sure Dr. Keller hadn't been completely forthcoming with him earlier. There were thousands of planets with gates in this galaxy. He'd seen the list. It was very long. All those people dead: all those children, women and men now dead because of his insatiable curiosity. He rubbed his chest in distress. The beeping of the monitors sped up and Daniel felt more oxygen being forced down his lungs. For a moment he struggled with the amount of it and tried not to choke A nurse was by his side in an instant, checking on the monitors. More people surrounded his bed and Daniel felt a persistent tap on his cheek.

"Dr. Jackson? Are you awake? You need to relax. It'll help."

His eyes fluttered open and he blinked up at Dr. Keller.

"Can you wake up? Open your eyes."

Daniel opened his eyes further, but the light was too bright and he closed them again.

"That's it. You're in recovery. You just had surgery, remember? You're going to be just fine. Are you in any pain?" Daniel felt someone brush their hand over his forehead. No gloves, he mused, surprised. What about the radiation? Was he free then? No radiation sickness?

"Radiation?" he asked urgently, not managing to form a proper question.

"Only minute traces. Don't worry about it. Now, how are you feeling? Do you feel any pain?"

Daniel shook his head. He didn't feel any pain, only numb and detached and his mind felt like it was floating in a mist – whenever he tried to think, the thought floated just out of reach. Looking around a bit he realised he was the only patient in the room.

A nurse helped him drink a bit of water before he was left alone again.

"Go back to sleep."

Daniel couldn't help but feel guilty for what the Attero device had done. He'd been there; it was his idea to explore Janus' ancient lab. It was his effort to open the lab and crack the codes that had sent the rogue Asgard to Atlantis to get the key to the Attero device and it was Daniel's fault that he and Rodney had been snatched away. He should have stayed on Earth, stayed with his team. Now Rodney was sick too, and although the two of them were alive, the Attero device destroyed and the Asgards probably with them, Daniel had no idea how many people who had died when their stargate exploded, and how many worlds that now was without a gate because of his actions. He'd heard Mr. Woolsey ask Colonel Sheppard to destroy it. He should have convinced the Asgard the first time he talked to them.

Daniel always felt the loss of a civilization like he was losing a part of himself. He'd helped replant and rescue many people over the years, and although they sometimes lost, they most of the time managed to save at least some. Saving one small family from certain death or enslavement was worth the effort, even if the loss of the rest was breathtaking and heart-numbing. That way he knew someone had survived. Someone would live on to make the civilization grow and prosper in another place. Over the years Daniel had grieved for many a future that he couldn't make better, for people he couldn't save. It never was easy, each tribe, family or civilization etched into his mind forever.

Just like the people he'd killed.

Daniel didn't know how many people he'd killed, but without knowing the extent of the damage done this time, and thinking about all the possible planets isolated or even extinct by the explosions of their stargates, Daniel thought this was the worst, all because of some narrow-minded rogue Asgard who couldn't see further than their own stubby little noses.

He'd been so angry back then, trying to make the leader understand. It had sunk in to some extent that they potentially were killing millions, but it wasn't enough. He hadn't budged one bit. It was horrible that they had to survive on a world with toxic air for a while; of course it was. And Daniel had been truly sorry for that, but it didn't justify their actions, and it almost broke his heart to think that he hadn't been able to sway them.

Falling asleep thinking about the lost Asgard, Daniel slept the sleep of the drugged and exhausted. When the nurses came to check on him, he remained oblivious to their ministrations.

*****