Chapter 1
AUTHOR NOTES
Greetings! I wasn't going to post this, but in honor of the manga finally being updated recently, I thought, what the heck. A few notes before we proceed...
1. Please consider reading my more extensive notes which are posted as Chapter 1 of my story, Loveless (Untitled). The brief points are as follows:
2. (for the manga and anime). I wrote this about 2 and 1/2 years ago when I had just finished reading the manga. I try to stay canon as much as possible. This chapter is basically a re-cap and re-telling of the last scene where Ritsuka and Soubi are parted.
3. In the interest of full disclosure, this is meant to be a rather lengthy, multi-chapter story that was going to try to realistically tell the story from where the manga left off. I have it basically planned out. However, it has been close to two years since I actually worked on this and I don't know when I'll be able to get back to it. I was about 10 pages (in Word, 12 point font) into Chapter 2. So, this may end up being a one-shot re-cap for people who like the manga and wanted to see some more details/character thoughts.
4. M/M RELATIONSHIPS. I have rated the story M as it was intended to eventually get a little more graphic. The current chapter, however, does not contain anything too terribly exciting. Sorry. If you want something a little more graphic try my other story, Loveless (Untitled) but be aware - it is Ritsuka/Kio.
5. ENJOY! Please read and review. Try to keep criticism constructive, as I do like to know what can be improved but have, like, the thinnest skin ever. Please don't make me cry.
"I'm off." The door slammed shut behind Ritsuka as he walked out of the small house, hands in the pockets of his jacket and head bowed down slightly against the wind. It was a nice enough day, somewhat overcast with only a slight chill in the air causing the tips of his feline ears to twitch involuntarily. The events of the last several months swam through his mind jumbling together like fish trapped in a tiny aquarium desperately seeking freedom. Seimei is alive! This was the biggest shock, tipping Ritsuka's already delicate sense of balance dangerously out of equilibrium. After finding Seimei's body, burned and unrecognizable, sitting in his classroom chair Ritsuka didn't think anything could ever surprise him again. He'd become numb, a shell of his former self, nothing more than a ghost going through the mundane motions of everyday life.
That all changed the day Agatsuma Soubi came into his life. Somehow, unconsciously, Ritsuka had sensed from the moment he first saw Soubi waiting for him outside his school that things would never be quite the same again. He recalled vividly the feel of his heart pounding in his chest and the sudden flush of his cheeks as he'd nearly run into the mysterious adult standing by the school-yard gates, fleeing awful memories dredged up by the well-meaning words of his new classmate, Hawatari Yuiko. Although he'd never admitted it, Ritsuka had known immediately that Soubi was there to meet him before Soubi ever said a word.
"What happened, Ritsuka? Why are you crying?"
Ritsuka's eyes widened in surprise as the man standing by the gates grabbed his arm, effectively holding him in place both with the physical contact and intense, piercing gaze. "Who? Who's crying?"
"You are."
"I'm not crying! Jerk! Let go of my hand!" Ritsuka tugged ineffectively against the man's tight grasp. He could smell the faint scent of tobacco and it made his stomach turn. "Let go, I said!"
"You don't know me?" There was genuine surprise and curiosity with an undercurrent of sadness to the man's tone. It was as if he expected Ritsuka to not only recognize him but welcome him with a warm embrace.
"I'll be damned if I know! Let go, I said!" Conflicting emotions engulfed Ritsuka at that moment, confusing all of his senses. Although he did not recognize this man, this adult with no ears, he felt as if he should. The grip on his arm, the smoldering eyes that held his gaze, even the fading smell of tobacco all seemed so strangely familiar. It felt as if his body, heart and soul knew and yearned for this man. However, try as he might Ritsuka could not find a memory of him in his mind's eye. Briefly he wondered if this was someone the real Ritsuka knew from two years ago and felt something akin to envy blossom in his chest.
The man quickly concealed his look of surprise and leaned in close to Ritsuka whispering, "You didn't call for me. So I came to you instead."
Ritsuka felt as if his heart was going to beat out of his chest with these words. They sounded so personal, so intimate. And yet so out of place. His unrestrained arm swung instinctively and his fist connected with the man's shoulder, breaking his grasp on Ritsuka who was able to take a step back defensively. "How do you know about me? Who are you? A kidnapper? A pervert-"
"A fighter."
"Huh?"
"Ah…this is awkward." With these words the man smiled kindly. Still, Ritsuka again sensed a deep sadness hidden behind the smile. "You've never heard of me? From Seimei?"
"Seimei's…" Ritsuka's eyes widened and a warm blush spread across his cheeks. Is this how I know him? Did he used to come over to visit with Seimei? "You're my older brother's friend?"
"That's right."
"Oh…" Despite his excitement to realize that the mysterious man was a friend of his late brother's, Ritsuka couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that washed over him. Nothing was ever his. Everything always ended up belonging to either Seimei or the real Ritsuka. However, child-like wonder and adoration won the battle of emotions and he reached out to grab the man's arm. "You're Seimei's friend? But you never came to our house before or I would've remembered. Tell me your name."
The man let Ritsuka tug at his arm and smiled down at him. "Soubi."
Soubi…what a beautiful name… "Soubi, you came to meet me?"
"Yup."
"Why?" Before he could answer, Ritsuka pulled Soubi's arm and draped it around his shoulder glancing up, locking their gazes. "Say, do you have some time? Make some memories with me."
Soubi's eyes widened momentarily, his cheeks reddening. He recovered from his surprise quickly and ruffled Ritsuka's hair fondly, his expression tuning soft and dreamy. "Sure. We'll do whatever you want."
They had spent the remainder of that particular afternoon at the park, taking pictures and making memories. It was there, sitting at a small bench, Soubi had leaned over and kissed Ritsuka for the first time; an innocent, chaste kiss that had rocked Ritsuka's world nonetheless. At the young age of twelve it had naturally been his first. Ritsuka shivered as he remembered the words Soubi had spoken to him then as he took Ritsuka's hand and brought it to meet his lips. "Give me your strength. From now on, we have to be bound by ties stronger and deeper than any couple."
All these months later, he was finally beginning to understand the true meaning and importance of those words. Now, as he reached the end of the walkway he looked up and saw Soubi waiting for him, hands in his pockets and cigarette held loosely between his lips. Soubi knew Ritsuka hated it when he smoked and therefore it was a habit in which he rarely indulged unless he was under a great deal of stress or worried about something.
As Ritsuka watched the soft tendrils of smoke curl off the tip of the cigarette and drift upwards he knew something was wrong, He threw his arms around the taller man's waist and looked up into his grey eyes.
"Soubi, why are you lying in wait here?"
Slowly, Soubi took the cigarette from between his lips and tossed in to the ground, crushing it out with the heel of his shoe. He brushed a few errant strands of black hair behind Ritsuka's ears, gently cupping his face and tilting it back, his cool grey eyes meeting the vibrant violet of Ritsuka's. He leaned down slightly so their faces were close together. "I wish to take you somewhere."
Ritsuka sensed a deep sadness in Soubi and it worried him. "What for?"
"I want to visit a grave."
They spent the twenty minute train ride standing beside each other in companionable silence. Ritsuka yearned to ask Soubi what was bothering him but found himself at a loss for the right words; it made Ritsuka painfully aware of the nearly ten year age difference between them and he hated it. He glanced up at Soubi out of the corner of his eye but remained silent.
When they arrived at the cemetery Soubi led Ritsuka down one of the well maintained paths through row after row of stone markers, some tall and narrow while others were short and wide, all memorializing loved ones lost. Soubi did not speak a word as they walked and Ritsuka kept a few paces behind him. The cemetery was both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Until very recently, Ritsuka had mourned the death of his only brother and the sight of gravestones and flower wreaths filled him with a sense of melancholy and loss. Although he now knew his brother was still alive he couldn't shake the feelings deep within him. He wondered if it was because he sensed these emotions in Soubi now.
Soubi came to a stop beside a gravestone that stood taller than Ritsuka but not quite as tall as himself. Stepping up to the stone Ritsuka read the inscription. Agatsuma Family Grave. He brought his hands together and bowed his head, praying silently and paying his respects. There was a soft rustling beside him as Soubi put his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight.
"Aren't you afraid?" Soubi asked softly, an affectionate smile playing on his lips as he watched his young sacrifice with curiosity, wondering how he would react.
Ritsuka turned to look at Soubi, the wind blowing his dark hair about his face. "Why? Is this your family grave?"
"Yes."
"Who…lies here?"
"Only my two parents."
"Your…parents… Sorry."
Soubi's words had stunned Ritsuka speechless and he felt hot tears threaten to spill from his eyes. Until now, he had never really considered Soubi's past. Despite all of his efforts to be different than his brother and treat Soubi like the human being that he was, Ritsuka realized that a part of him still only thought of Soubi as a Fighter. The sudden realization that Soubi not only had parents but that he had lost both of them was sobering and devastating in its own right.
No wonder Soubi thinks so little of himself when I can't even be bothered to think of his life outside of being my fighter... How selfish have I been…? Of course Soubi wasn't always a part of the Seven Voices academy… Of course he has a life outside of me and Seimei…He attends university; he has friends who aren't fighters or sacrifices...maybe he even has a girlfriend he cares about…
He didn't think this last part was true, but then again up until this moment he'd never really thought about Soubi's personal life. He suddenly felt very small and unbelievably insensitive.
"It's alright. They died when I was six years old so I don't remember them very well." Soubi lowered his eyes as he spoke. "The man who took me in after that was the worst, but I stayed with him for far longer. Because of him, I've been afraid of graves for a long time."
"Ah, is that so…" Ritsuka had to fight back his tears after Soubi's admission, unable to meet the older man's eyes. He struggled to find words to say, wanting to fill the silence. "I don't mind them. I think I'd even want to meet ghosts."
Ritsuka pictured a young Soubi, small and gentle, lost without his parents, suddenly all alone in the world, no one to turn to. He felt a pain deep in his chest and believed that it was his heart physically breaking.
Soubi knew it was time. Kio was the only person with whom he had ever shared stories of his past, and that was only after several glasses of Sake. Seimei had shown no interest in anything Soubi had to say that was not related to a fight, and even then he rarely asked for Soubi's input. Ritsuka was different. Although young, Ritsuka possessed maturity and compassion well beyond his years. When they had first met he hadn't known what type of kid Ritsuka would turn out to be but had learned very quickly that he was not like his older brother.
Soubi was tired of being alone. He was tired of being abandoned. He sensed that his time with Ritsuka was running out and was willing to risk everything in an attempt to show Ritsuka how he felt, how deeply his feelings ran. He didn't think he could survive if Ritsuka abandoned him, too. So he told Ritsuka about his past. Pouring out of him like water from a well, he shared all of his hurt, heartache and betrayal; all of his fear and loneliness. He held nothing back.
Ritsuka listened quietly as Soubi described meeting Minami Ritsu the day of his parents' burial. He cringed at the harsh words Ritsu had said to the young boy who had just lost his parents.
"How nice. Now you, too, can be put in this grave."
"No, I can't!" Six-year old Soubi trembled, tears running down his face.
"What are you talking about? Go inside. I had it built specifically for your family. So you should get inside with some gratitude."
"I don't…I don't want to go. No."
"Can't you stop crying already? It's so gloomy." He took the young boy's hand and led him away from the gravesite. "Let's go. Why are you always crying?"
"The grave…is scary…" Soubi shuffled along beside Ritsu, his head hung low.
"It's not," was Ritsu's monotone reply.
He told Ritsuka of the early days living with Ritsu and how Ritsu had taunted him for fearing the dark. "The whole time I was thinking that you could be buried while still alive, and I even developed a morbid fear of the dark." Soubi had crossed his arms over his chest protectively against the memories, unable to meet Ritsuka's eyes. He didn't want to see the look of pity or loathing he suspected he would find.
Ritsuka wanted to throw his arms around Soubi and keep him safe from the ghosts that haunted him but he was rooted to the spot, his body refusing to move. "That was really nasty," he replied sadly.
Talking about Ritsu's obsession with his deceased mother was even more uncomfortable for Soubi. It steered the conversation into dangerous territory but Soubi was not about to stop now that he'd started. He wanted to show Ritsuka everything. For better or worse, he didn't want any more secrets between them.
"Tell me more about my father and mother," tears streamed down young Soubi's face, his eyes begging Ritsu for some act of kindness, some semblance of compassion.
"Why would I do that?" Ritsu replied indignantly. "I hardly knew your father."
"Then, my mother."
"No. You tell me more about her… Yes…that's it. You tell me more about your mother." A far away look came over Ritsu then. He wiped away one of Soubi's tears, the first display of tenderness he had shown towards the small child. "The eyes, the hair, the lips… They're exactly like hers…"
It was easy for Soubi to confuse Ritsu's misplaced attention as affection towards himself. How could a child so young possibly begin to understand the motives guided by adult emotions? It wasn't until several years later that Soubi first suspected Ritsu's true intentions. He'd been sitting in Ritsu's office working on a painting while Ritsu pinned butterfly specimens to a board.
"When you're doing that, you look like Chouko."
Soubi glanced sideways at Ritsu before turning his attention back to his painting. "You're always saying things like that. But Sensei, did you like my mother?"
"By no means. But her face was pleasing. I also brought you with me because you inherited her genes."
Ritsu's words caused Soubi to sit up straighter on his stool. He realized in that moment that, despite his words, Ritsu had been in love with his mother and the only reason he kept Soubi around was because he looked like her. It was the first of many disappointments Soubi would experience as a result of Ritsu's carelessness and callousness.
"Is that Ritsu-Sensei stupid? The face is so…whatever." Ritsuka's words brought Soubi momentarily out of his reverie.
"Oh? Ritsuka, you don't care about my face?" Soubi asked playfully.
"That's not what I meant," Ritsuka began sadly. "I'm just saying that what makes a human being is inside!"
Soubi brought a hand up to cover his face. "When my face was injured because I fought in class, he got terribly angry."
Ritsuka jumped up startled and grabbed Soubi's face with his small hands. "An injury?! You were hurt?"
"There's a scar."
"No way. Where?"
"Here." Soubi turned to show Ritsuka his cheek. Looking closely, he couldn't find a blemish on Soubi's skin.
"I don't understand. Where?"
"Can't you see it?"
As Ritsuka leaned in for a closer look Soubi grabbed his wrists and captured Ritsuka's lips in a kiss. Ritsuka felt the familiar rise of color in his cheeks and butterflies in his stomach. It was becoming harder and harder for him to push Soubi away during moments like these. He found he enjoyed Soubi's closeness and the feel of their lips brushing together. Soubi chuckled quietly. "Maybe it's completely faded away."
Confused by the sudden onslaught of emotions Ritsuka forced himself to push Soubi away slightly. "Stop lying!"
"It's not a lie. It's just bad luck that it's faded away. I'd have preferred it to remain."
Soubi turned his head so Ritsu could see the wounds on his nose and cheeks. He knew Ritsu would be mad that he'd gotten into a fight with some of his classmates but he couldn't help it. He was constantly being teased about how much attention Ritsu gave him and questioned about the nature of their relationship. He had grown tired of being bullied.
"Don't let anyone wound you. Don't give in too easily, you idiot! The only one that may harm you is your master."
Soubi couldn't take it anymore. He gathered his courage, locked eyes with Ritsu and demanded an answer. "That means you? Are you my master then?"
He thought he loved Ritsu then. He'd been confused over the way Ritsu treated him, sometimes yelling at him and beating him, sometimes gently caressing his ears and whispering how beautiful he was, and other times acting as if Soubi didn't even exist. All Soubi wanted was to be loved…to be wanted.
Ritsu ran a hand gently down Soubi's face. "There aren't any plans about that."
As he finished speaking, Soubi fell to his knees before Ritsuka. "Ritsuka." Soubi's head was down, long strands of blonde hair blocking his face from Ritsuka's view. He'd given all that he could, all that he had to give. If Ritsuka chose to leave him here in the cemetery, broken and alone, there was nothing more he could do. His fate was in Ritsuka's hands now.
"Ritsuka, you won't discard me, right? You won't abandon me, right?" Silent tears were falling from Soubi's eyes, leaving silver trails down his cheeks. "My parents, Sensei and Seimei have discarded me." Soubi had expended so much energy trying to be strong for Ritsuka; he could no longer sustain the charade.
"Did you bring me here to ask me this?" Ritsuka asked sadly, finally putting all the pieces together.
He now understood. Soubi had brought him here and told him the tragic story of his troubled past out of fear. Fear of losing Ritsuka. He was torn between the happiness he felt at Soubi finally baring his soul to him and the sadness and disappointment that filled his heart when he realized Soubi's greatest fear was that Ritsuka, too, would abandon him and simply walk away. The truth was, he couldn't walk away from Soubi even if he wanted to. Every day they were together, Ritsuka could feel their lives entwining more completely. To leave Soubi behind now would be to leave a piece of himself behind, and Ritsuka wasn't willing to let him go; not now, not ever. Soubi was the air he breathed, the blood that flowed through his veins, the very beat of his heart.
"It's pointless. You don't believe me. Soubi, you don't believe in anything. You don't believe me or my words, do you?"
"Ritsuka…I'm sorry…"
"Don't apologize with just your mouth." Ritsuka didn't want to hear Soubi's half-hearted apology. Didn't want to believe that Soubi thought Ritsuka could throw him away like some sort of meaningless, used up tool. He pulled Soubi to him in a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head then letting his cheek rest there. He sighed, breathing in Soubi's scent. He knew what he had to do; he knew how to make Soubi believe. "So to make you realize, there's only action? That's the only way? I'll give you orders-"
"Ritsuka-"
"I'll act. I'll take action. That's the only thing you believe in, isn't it? But you don't have to worry because I certainly won't let go of you!" He slid his hands down to caress Soubi's face before closing his eyes and slowly pulling him forward. Ritsuka very rarely initiated their kisses but, in that moment, he seemed to know instinctively what to do.
"Ritsuka," Soubi murmured against his lips, responding to Ritsuka's touch. He'd spent so much of his life being in control that he allowed himself just this once to be lost in the moment and forget himself. He reveled in the feel of Ritsuka's small hands holding his face and his soft lips moving against his own. Maybe his young sacrifice would stay by his side, after all.
As the kiss intensified the world around them seemed to shift and dissolve away into nothing. Soubi opened his eyes and found himself staring up into blackness, the evening sky filled with stars. He sat up abruptly. Where am I? Is this the afterlife? He looked down at his hands in wonder. Oh, is it a dream? My hands are so small. Is it the past?
"Soubi!"
Soubi looked around and was surprised to see a young, maybe six-year old, Ritsuka waving to him. "Ritsuka!" It's the past, it seems. And yet, not really. He couldn't explain what he was seeing but he also couldn't deny the elated feeling that overcame him. Although this was almost certainly a dream, Soubi would have given anything in that moment to turn back time and re-live his childhood with Ritsuka at his side. How different would my life have been…?
Ritsuka held out a bouquet of flowers. "Hey, these are for you."
"Thank you. Such beautiful flowers. They smell good, too!"
"Uh-huh!" Ritsuka smiled, unsure if this was a dream or some spell they were under. He didn't care as long as he was with Soubi. The look Soubi was giving him made the color rise quickly to his cheeks.
"We're both small now, so we're at the same level."
Ritsuka looked at Soubi, confused. "You aren't small…"
"Huh?"
"Are you any different? You look the same as always to me."
"Eh…?" Soubi and Ritsuka came to the realization in unison that they were, in fact, sharing the same dream. Ritsuka saw Soubi as he had always been, tall and without his ears. For Soubi, however, he was a child again.
"Soubi-kun! Ah, I found you." Suddenly the scene shifted again and Ritsuka did see Soubi as a child. A tall man with glasses and shoulder length blonde hair approached young Soubi and grabbed his wrist, causing Soubi to drop the flowers Ritsuka had given him. "Isn't today's lesson not finished yet? Come here."
"Sensei!" Soubi cried out.
Oh, thought Ritsuka, this must be Ritsu-Sensei.
"You're trembling, hmm? Soubi-kun, are you scared?" Ritsu taunted quietly, towering over Soubi's small body.
"No!" Soubi shouted. I'm not scared anymore. This isn't real. He can't hurt me anymore.
"Are you scared of me," purred Ritsu, "or the whip?"
"I'm not scared!" A solitary tear had escaped Soubi's eye as he yelled defiantly in Ritsu's face.
"Or maybe he's scared of the knife."
Ritsuka's head whipped around trying to identify the source of the new voice, a voice he knew well. His eyes widened as he saw Seimei standing before Soubi and Ritsu. Seimei reached out and took Soubi's small hand, pulling him away from Ritsu. "This way."
Soubi couldn't hide the look of fear that came over him. "Seimei…" What? Is this a nightmare after all? First Ritsu and now Seimei…?
As if reading his thoughts, Seimei smiled down at Soubi. "Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's a good dream. Isn't this what you like?" He stepped on Ritsuka's flowers, crushing them beneath his shoe and produced a chain out of thin air which he wrapped around Soubi's slight shoulders.
Ritsuka watched the scene unfold before him with dismay, unable to move from his spot or make a sound. He was helpless, useless. He realized that although they were sharing the same dream, it was Soubi's dream they were trapped in and he could do nothing but stand by idly and observe.
"Being mistreated, you mean…?" Soubi asked.
"Of course," Seimei replied, "aren't you glad?"
"Yes…I'm glad…" The words automatically came out of Soubi, as if he were programmed to believe them. He'd been told all his life that his only purpose was to fight for his sacrifice and obey orders. He'd been trained to accept any abuse and punishment from his sacrifice gladly without a word of discord. Only now, he began to question his upbringing. Do I really like this? Is this how I really want to be treated?
"Today you'll get to be mistreated by us both." Seimei said softly, a wicked smile playing on his lips.
Ritsu chimed in with, "Mind your manners!"
Soubi wiped a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. "Thank you…very much." His voice shook with uncertainty and fear. Really? I don't think I do like this…I don't think this is what I really want…
"You won't be able to decide for yourself."
"Okay." Soubi couldn't even tell who was talking anymore but it no longer mattered.
"You'll enjoy being given orders. It's proof that you are loved."
"Okay," Soubi replied hesitantly. "So I won't be able to be on my own?"
"Without me, you won't be able to do anything."
"Okay...?" Soubi was becoming confused again, the line between reality and the dream world blurring.
It seems like I did enjoy being mistreated and being given orders. How else do I know if someone loves me? Oh, either way. Whatever. He felt himself losing control again and falling under the spell of his youth. He was drowning in insecurities and unable to pull himself up for air. It was so much easier to just let go and fall away, to obey orders, to accept punishment…
"Wrong, wrong, wrong! Nothing like that!" Ritsuka finally found his voice. As if waking up from some enchantment he was finally able to move. He ran forward brushing aside the memories of Ritsu and Seimei until only he and Soubi remained.
"What you like, Soubi, aren't those things. It's this!" He pulled Soubi close, hugging him hard and kissing his forehead. He understood now. He understood why Soubi acted the way he did and said the things he did. He'd been all but brainwashed to believe that orders and punishment were how someone showed him love. All those times he'd asked Ritsuka to give him orders or to punish him he was really begging Ritsuka to love him. How could I have been so blind!
Ritsuka's voice and touch shocked Soubi back to his senses. "And a kiss?" Is that right? Is it this? That's it! It's this! This is what I like! Not abuse and punishment, not orders and commands…it's this!
The dream world melted away almost as quickly as it appeared; Ritsuka and Soubi were back in the cemetery in front of Soubi's family plot, Soubi still on his knees before him. Ritsuka reached out and took Soubi's hands, looking into his grey eyes. He knew what Soubi wanted now, understood what he needed. He was willing to do whatever it took to put the broken pieces of Soubi's heart back together, if Soubi would let him.
A cool breeze blew through the cemetery then, rustling leaves and sending a chill down Ritsuka's spine.
"Hello, Ritsuka. Soubi." Ritsuka stiffened at the sound of Seimei's voice behind him.
"Seimei." Ritsuka acknowledged his presence but kept his eyes on Soubi and refused to turn around.
He knew instantly that Seimei had come to take Soubi away from him. He also knew that Soubi would obey Seimei's orders without question; he had no other choice. Soubi hung his head, blonde hair once again obscuring his face from Ritsuka's view. He placed his fingers under Soubi's chin and gently forced his head back so their eyes could meet. He brought his other hand forward to brush a few blonde strands away from Soubi's face. He knew he would have to be strong for Soubi now.
"Ritsuka…" Soubi's voice cracked with despair. "Ritsuka, please…"
Ritsuka threw his arms around Soubi's neck and kissed him for the second time that afternoon. There was something different about this kiss, though. It was desperate and needy while at the same time sweet and reassuring. Ritsuka poured his heart into the kiss, trying to convince himself that it wouldn't be their last. Soubi responded without thinking, wrapping his arms around Ritsuka's waist, holding him close. Ritsuka again felt the butterflies in his stomach and the flush of his cheeks, but he also felt something new, something stirring deep inside of him, something he'd never felt before.
Ritsuka broke the kiss reluctantly, his breathing labored. He rested his forehead against Soubi's. "Soubi…" he whispered, "Seimei is going to take you away now."
Soubi's eyes closed and his expression looked pained. "Ritsuka, I…"
"It's okay Soubi. I understand now." Soubi opened his eyes to meet Ritsuka's and saw determination there. "I'm not going to abandon you, Soubi. I'm not going to just walk away and forget about you. I will get you back, if it's the last thing I ever do." His whispered words were a solemn promise to Soubi and he would die before breaking it.
"Ritsuka, I love you."
"I know." Ritsuka sighed, closing his eyes.
He'd always argued with Soubi when he'd made declarations of love in the past, but something was different now, something had changed today. Maybe it was Soubi revealing his childhood experiences, the dream they'd just shared, or the fact that he was losing Soubi so suddenly after finally realizing what he meant to Ritsuka. Whatever it was, Soubi's words held more weight and more sincerity now than ever before.
Ritsuka took a shaky breath and leaned close to Soubi's ear before whispering, "I love you, too, Soubi." Soubi's arms tightened around his waist and Ritsuka felt hot tears hit his neck, unsure if they were Soubi's or his own.
He pulled back and wiped the tears from Soubi's face before doing the same to his own. He didn't want Seimei to see their tears; it would only give him greater satisfaction.
"You have to be strong, Soubi. Seimei's going to call for you now." Ritsuka had to force the next words out of his mouth; they went against everything in his being. "You have to go with him. You have to obey his orders."
It was as close as he dared come to giving Soubi an order. He knew Soubi had no choice but to obey Seimei; he and Seimei shared a name and nothing could break that bond. He also knew that Soubi would never forgive himself for obeying Seimei's orders to leave Ritsuka, seeing it as a sign of his own personal weakness. But if Ritsuka made it sound like it was his idea, his order, there was a chance Soubi would someday forgive himself.
Soubi seemed to understand what Ritsuka was offering. He closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly. "Thank you, Ritsuka." His words were barely a whisper.
"Enough. It's time. I've come to pick you up, Soubi." Seimei's words cut through their tender moment like a knife.
Ritsuka took a step back from Soubi, his back still to Seimei, and extended a hand. "Stand up, Soubi." Soubi took his hand and reluctantly rose to his feet.
"Soubi, come."
For a moment Soubi remained still, eyes locked with Ritsuka, as if waiting for an order from him. Ritsuka's heart pounded in his chest and for a brief instant he thought maybe Soubi would be able to ignore Seimei's command. Then his grey eyes lowered and his fists clenched and Ritsuka could see that he was struggling to hold his ground. Sighing deeply and speaking loud enough for Seimei to hear, Ritsuka gave Soubi an order.
"Go to Seimei, Soubi."
Seimei's eyes flashed with anger. "Soubi obeys my orders and my orders only, Ritsuka. I thought you would have figured that out by now. Soubi has been mine all along. He was never yours, Ritsuka. It's been that way from the day you met, right up to this moment." His tone was full of scorn.
Grey eyes met violet. Soubi ignored Seimei's words, his full attention on Ritsuka only. "Is that an order, Ritsuka?"
"Yes." Ritsuka put all of his energy into making his voice strong and keeping the tears from falling. Whether or not he gave the order, Soubi would go to Seimei. Ritsuka giving the command served only to ease their pain and, hopefully, shake some of Seimei's confidence.
Without another word Soubi began walking towards Seimei. When he was halfway there Ritsuka called out to him. He stopped and turned to look over his shoulder, meeting Ritsuka's eyes once again.
"Soubi!" Ritsuka could no longer hold back his tears but forced his voice to remain steady. "I will not abandon you! I will not forget about you! I will come and find you…wherever he takes you. No matter how long it takes, Soubi. Don't ever forget that!"
"Soubi, come!" Seimei had clearly grown tired of their prolonged goodbye. "We're leaving."
Soubi closed the distance and came to stand a couple paces behind Seimei, facing Ritsuka but no longer able to meet his piercing gaze. Seimei smiled condescendingly at Ritsuka.
"Why don't you run on home to Mother now, Ritsuka? There's nothing left here for you."
"No. I won't turn my back on Soubi. Not now, not ever."
A light rain had begun to fall from the heavens and Ritsuka imagined it was God himself weeping over life's cruelty. He was prepared to stand his ground all night if he had to. He would never let Soubi see him walk away.
"Suit yourself." Seimei held out a hand and looked up at the darkening sky. "Don't stay out too long or you'll catch your death."
With that Seimei turned on his heel and walked off into the night. Soubi raised his head and locked eyes with Ritsuka for the last time before turning and following.
As they walked away Ritsuka fell to his knees and threw his head back, raindrops mixing with tears on his face, and screamed Soubi's name up towards the stars.