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I never had a dream come true

By: Dreamer

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Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

~~~*~~~


I wandered down the streets, with sore hands. I got into another fight with Hilde and needless to say, I left her yesterday and now I just got done punching a wall in the old hanger. Of course this time our fight was over something stupid, like when I leave the toilet seat up or something along those lines.

But now since I stormed out of the house, she probably doesn't want to see me ever again. Maybe I can go bunk up with one of the other guys, because I don't need to dwell on this for the moment. I need to fill my stomach. I'll go to Quatre's first, so I can get some food and go from there and see how I could possibly make it up to Hilde.

~~~*~~~
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
~~~*~~~


I'm worried about him, but by the same token I could careless what he's doing. Knowing him he's at some bar drinking his brains out and then he'll come stumbling and roaring drunk looking for a good time. But I'll be damned if I'm going to take him back. He's already hurt me too much to dare to even come back to me. I have to move on.

I'll admit to this, all my dreams came true when I met him... I still remember the first day we met, it will always be in my memory for the rest of time. I hope he knows it too, well being with me all this time he better know. Then he'll always have a part of me just like I will have a part him with me, no matter what happens between us.

~~~*~~~

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And so my road can never be cuz yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go
~~~*~~~


I never made it to Quatre's, much less anyone else's house for that fact. I don't know what day it is anymore, or where I am for that matter. I could careless. I know that what happened that day is all that fills my thoughts and affects the way I am acting right now. But I can't stop wondering what it could have been or should have been, all I can do is draw a blank... maybe it wasn't meant to be. How could I say that? I love her to death... but it's all my stupid asses fault that I drove her away. I fear what will happen to her because Shinigami could be looking me up in the phone book and cause her harm. It has to everyone else in the past. So far I've kept her from harms way and this might be even better that we're not together right now. Maybe not because I have to live with the guilt that it was in fact all my fault that this whole damn thing happened.

~~~*~~~

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
~~~*~~~


It's been almost a week since Duo left and I'm really worried about him. Even if things weren't going to be the same, I at least want to know that he's okay. I went to work with the other Preventers and they've asked me where he was, I told them that I didn't know. I refuse to hunt him down, because if he wants to disappear among the crowd, he can do it and it would only cause me a lot of pain of going and finding him. There's no point in doing such. I'll at least hope that he's okay and end of story.


~~~*~~~

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No, no, no, no
~~~*~~~


Somehow I found my way back to our apartment and the door was wide open. As I can recall, Hilde never left the door open like that. In fact, she got onto to me saying that we weren't air-conditioning the whole Colony. I used to laugh at what she said and shut the door for her. Then I heard some depressing music that made my heart stop.

I'm so tried of being here...

Was there some point to this song that Hilde had to listen to it? It made me think of how much I had been an ass to Hilde... I wondered how she could've put up with all these years when she could have just left me for broke.

Suppressed by all my childish fears...

I was beginning to get worried about her, but something about the song rooted me to the ground, I was completely immobile throughout almost all of the song, its words making me stay to listen.

And if you have to leave...

Well, I did leave, maybe not like I wanted too, but I did. I planned on leaving her the day I died, but I guess I'm now dead inside with nothing left. You could call me an empty shell without Hilde, she was my life and still is.

I wish that you would just leave...

I hate to break it to her, I can't 'just leave,' that's not possible for me. Something normally goes out with a bang. I hope I'm just the who gets hurt and not her.

Because your presence still lingers here...

My presence would still linger if you lived in the same apartment. But I guess that I left a permanent impression on her, something that would her affect her being without me. Man this is getting creepy.

And it won't leave me alone...

"Nothing will leave you alone, babe. Because Shinigami still haunts everything in my life. That's why I left, or part of it..." I whispered kind of hoarse voice.

These wounds won't seem to heal...

What wounds? Damn, I'm starting to freak out. I can't help the sinking feeling that I'm getting with every new line I hear.

This pain is just too real...

Pain? What kind of pain? Then I heard a sob. It was kind muffled and I tore my feet from the place I was standing and ran into the apartment. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw blood everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I saw Hilde being held in Quatre's arms, crying... then it made sense, Quatre was the one who sobbed.

"Hilde, please stay with me..." Quatre started.

I then jumped her side and pulled her limp body into my arms. Not caring about anything else.

"Hilde, I'm sorry I was such an ass, can you forgive me?"

She wasn't completely gone, but she opened her eyes that were full of pain and reached up with a bloodstained hand. She placed it on my cheek and smiled a weak smile before her eyes went blank and her hand fell over top her body. I knew then that she had forgiven me.

I pulled up the gun that was used against her. I looked at Quatre who sat there staring at Hilde, his eyes bloodshot from too much crying. I cocked the gun and placed the cold metal to my temple, if the gun had taken her life, it would take another's. Quatre saw this and cried out. He flew up to reach for the gun, but it was too late, I pulled the trigger.

Click...

Damn my luck to hell, there were no more bullets. They either missed their target or made direct contact into Hilde's body. Quatre looked relieved and I stared at him long and hard. I rose and threw the gun onto the couch.

"Look, who did this?" I asked after choking over my words.

"I don't know Duo, but sorry..." he then began crying even more.

We worked together to get the funeral all squared. I picked a beautiful place on top of a hill that I thought that Hilde might like and there it was. I invited everyone to come and that it would be in a few days.

~~~*~~~

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you

~~~*~~~

The day of the funeral was a clear sunny day, it would have been even more beautiful if it wasn't so sad a day. Some of the rookie Preventers did something like a twenty-one gun salute for her, since she was a Preventer and a former military personnel. Relena, Cathrine, and Sally sat around me crying out my loss. Because nothing came out and I felt like being alone. Trowa, Heero, and Wufei were there to support the girls. Quatre, poor guy, really wasn't much support because he was crying too. Everything ended and I sent everyone away, I needed to be alone.

Hours later Heero and Quatre showed up, I guess that they were checking on me. I sighed and turned to meet them. Heero held up a bottle of bourbon and had three shot glasses in his hand. I smiled, he was talking my language. He handed me a glass, I kindly excepted their offer. It was scary seeing Quatre drink, I had never seen him drink, because he never touched it. In the middle of my fourth, fixing to be fifth shot, Quatre broke the silence.

"Do you have anymore dreams, Duo?" Quatre asked, he was on his sixth and seemed fine for a first time drinker.

"None, they're all lying in this grave," I said softly patting the soft soil. I was seated on one side and Quatre on the other side. Heero was directly behind the tombstone leaning on it for support then distributing the drinks when our shots were depleted. "I never had a dream come true, until the day I found you, Hilde. I'll always love you, babe. And I'll always be your man," I thought.

There's just too much that time cannot erase...

As the years wore on, I began fulltime with the Preventers. I had to keep my mind busy with things. Otherwise I'd be brooding over the fact that she was gone and then I'd try to kill the person who killed her. To me we spent too much time together to even forget each other for a minuet. As the song goes: 'There's just too much that time cannot erase...' You can't erase memories and she's one of the memories I'll never forget.

I've tried to tell myself that you're gone...

I've tried saying that I need to move on and get with the program. The program part never came to me, because to me Hilde's very much alive as the air. Everything I do, has something to with her, she's my life, even though she's gone.

I've been alone all along...

I might be alone all the time, but I know her spirit is here watching over me. I haven't had contact with the guys in so long, I forgot how to get a hold of them. But it suits me just fine. I do deserve this silence that I'm with until its my time to join Hilde in the after life. You never know. The only thing that is dependable about the future is uncertainty. Then there's also one other thing that Hilde told me once, "The only reliable about your life is Death and Taxes."

Dreamer: Sorry about yet another sad story... But you have to be able to take the good with the bad. Like Good and Evil... with only one it's not balanced. You need both to continue on. I'm terribly sorry about all the sad stories, but I'm really hurting inside right now. Oct. 16, my Great Papaw passed away and it floored me and my family. I can't look at a turtle without feeling empty and alone. I really loved him... sorry once again.