I promised this fic to someone ages ago, but I'm hoping better late than never applies. I love this pairing, even if they both lack a bit in morals. They're like classic star-crossed lovers, aren't they? No recent spoilers, it's all been known since the first few episodes.

For StarReader86

Disclaimer: Don't own Hellcats, but it is amazing, isn't it?

All it took was one moment, two words, for the world to come crashing down around her. Have you ever seen the fierce crash of a wave from the ocean to the sand in a storm? It looks almost as if it is trying to attack the land, to kill it in anger over something far greater than we'll ever understand. It was like that: in this moment, the waves were attacking her and thought Vanessa knew what she'd done was wrong, this kind of shock, horror, fear, and above all pain just didn't seem fair.

She wondered if this was how Emily would feel.

No, Emily would probably feel far worse and yet far better when it came time for her to know: she hadn't done anything to deserve the pain that her husband's affair would bring her, but at least she would know that she was in the right. Emily stood above it all; she could cast down her judgments and watch them all with a reproachful, despising eye. It was her right. Vanessa was simply the other woman.

She didn't know how it had come this far. She wasn't that kind of girl. She'd been a good girl all her life, but running off to college had seemed like running off to a fantastic but fictional world compared to the small town she'd grown up in. Everything was big and scary and she had friends, but not best friends, and there wasn't a single soul for her to go to for advice.

She'd made mistakes because no one was there to stop her. That didn't make them any less her fault, because there was no one to blame for that, but it did make the whole ordeal make a lot more sense.

She'd betrayed herself for Red, but was it worth it? Was it worth a bit of lust that seemed all-consuming and unable to be ignored at the time? Was it worth the memories, the half-hearted promises that meant nothing? They both knew nothing would come of this, so what were they doing?

Emily had been another fiction in this fantasy world that Vanessa lived in; something mentioned but not tangible. It didn't help that they didn't mention her often; who wanted to be reminded of their wrongs while they committed them? No, Emily was like a ghost: unseen, unheard, but always felt. Her presence was always there between them, but Vanessa was young and it had been so easy to ignore it.

Not now. Emily was sweet. She wanted children, for God's sakes! Jesus, Vanessa felt her face grow stiff and brittle and knew that one more word would shatter her for all the world to see. "I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little off," she hastily explained to Emily. The woman looked concerned and put a hand on her arm. "It's fine, just a little dizziness," she elaborated, trying to rid herself of the clawing, gnawing, roiling, burning guilt that was slowly simmering from her stomach to her arteries and veins, spreading systemically and marking Vanessa as the traitorous demon she was. There was no worse sin than to lay your hands on a married man; it was one of those innate truths every woman was born with.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

There they were, those words that broke her, shattering her will to pretend. "Fine," she said, her voice a bit shaky. "I'll just go to the bathroom, in case, you know? It was a pleasure meeting you." She all but ran off, but she didn't head for the bathroom. She fled until she couldn't feel her legs; then, she collapsed and curled up against the wall, sobbing into her knees and hoping no one saw her. They would pity her, and she didn't want pity. She just wanted this to all go away. She wanted this to be a bad dream.

It grew even worse, because she was aware of something during all of this and only now did it struggle free, past her walls of ignorance. She had fallen in love with Red. Her first love, a married man with a charming, sweet, innocent wife.

She deserved to die.

"Vanessa?" The calm, quiet concern in the voice made her break even more, but it also gave her the strength to look up at him.

"I met Emily." She had to laugh a little; nothing was funny, but there was just nothing else to do.

"I know." He took a seat beside her and neither looked at the other—they knew not to, not during this talk, the talk—but rather stared at the wall across from them. "She was worried about you. She sent me to make sure you were alright."

Again, she laughed, but it was more of a sob. "She's an angel."

"She is," he agreed. "But I don't love her."

"You should."

He nodded; she saw the movement out of the corner of her eye. "I tried; I can't."

She let the silence linger for a bit between them; she liked moments like these. They felt right, in some way; she never had to pretend around him, which was probably why they'd ended up like this in the first place. It was so nice, in a life full of keeping up pretences, to just exist with someone else. "I… I can't keep doing this, Red. I… I don't want to hurt her more than we already have. I don't want her to find out. It's…"

"I know." He turned to look at her, but turned away again. "I know," he told her more quietly. I'm so sorry, Nessa. I never wanted to hurt you, or her, I just…"

She shrugged. "Shit happens."

He grinned, but his eyes were sad as she finally met them. "I'm so, so sorry. I…won't be seeing you, then?"

"No," she told him with a sigh. "No, I don't think so. I think I love you, though."

He gave her a sad, tiny half smile. "I think I love you, too."

She went through a week of sadness and ice cream, fake smiles and loneliness, but in the end none of it mattered. They were discovered, Red was fired, Emily got her heart broken, and Vanessa felt like a demon.

She was a terrible, terrible person for falling in love with him, but she just hadn't been able to help it.

Reviews are love!