Disclaimer: Don't own Star Trek. Don't own "Think outside the bun." Wish I
owned them. Quesadillas are good. Have a bagel. Star Trek is good.
A/N: This will be a kind of short fic-a few chapters at the most. But read and review. Especially review!
Enjoy.
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LIZARDS OUTSIDE THE BUN
Chapter One ~~~ The Contest
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"It's time to think outside the bun," Sulu announced. Chekov looked at him as though he were crazy.
"Say thet again?"
"Haven't you ever heard of 'Think outside the bun?'"
The look Chekov gave his friend made the answer obvious. "No, then. Well, it's an ancient slogan from an old Earth fast food restaurant called Taco Bell. It means, don't eat hamburgers."
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"Vell then vhy did you just say 'think outside the bun?'"
Recognition crossed Sulu's face. "Oh yes. I was just about to get to that."
Chekov broke the moment of silence that ensued by saying, "Vhat vere you goink to say?"
"We should think outside the bun."
Chekov sighed loudly and exasperatedly. "Vhat the hell is thet supposed to mean?"
"We should shake things up a bit. You know-"
"Not eat hamburgers?" Chekov asked sarcastically.
"No, I was thinking more along the lines of... a contest or something."
"Vhat does this have to do vith Taco Bell?"
"Nothing. But don't you think we should have a contest?"
"Vould there be a prise?" (A/N: I know that's spelled wrong. I'm trying to write how Chekov talks.)
"I don't know. But before we think of the prize, let's think about the contest," Sulu suggested.
"Vhy don't you give the vinner a lizard?"
"For the contest?" Sulu asked, momentarily confused. "Oh, you mean as the prize."
"Thet vas sarcasm."
"Oh, well, in that case..." Sulu trailed off. Then, "I know! We'll have a lizard contest!"
Chekov raised one eyebrow, which reminded Sulu of Mr. Spock. But instead of commenting on Chekov's newfound Vulcan-ness, he told the Russian about his idea. "Well, basically, we give lizards to whoever wants to be in the contest. The one who takes the best care of their lizard gets the prize at the end."
"Vhich vill be-?"
"Who cares?" Sulu said. "What we can do is give the lizards away for a week. If we see anyone mistreating a lizard, we can disqualify them. Oh-I know! They'll have to provide everything for the lizard, which means that they have to figure out what lizards eat, where they like to live, and all that kind of thing. And then at the end of the week-"
"There vill be a prise."
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
The next day, Chekov approached Sulu enthusiastically. "I haff though of a prise! Eet es perfect!"
"What is it?" Sulu asked.
"Your salary for the week!"
And then Chekov jogged away to wherever he had to be next, leaving Sulu speechless in his wake.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Later that day, Sulu and Chekov met again.
"I'll agree to you prize idea with one difference. Half my salary and half yours."
"This vas your bun idea in the first place," Chekov protested. But in the end, he decided to go with Sulu's terms.
Now all that was left to do was to make sure the captain didn't mind that this contest was taking place.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Kirk frowned. This was a strange idea, all right. But it couldn't hurt- could it? And he wouldn't mind half of Sulu's and half of Chekov's salaries. What the hell.
"Sure," he said, "But I can be included, can't I?"
Chekov and Sulu exchanged glances, then nodded.
The contest would take place the next day.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Surprisingly, a large amount of the crew showed up to hear about the rules of the lizard contest. Or, "Lizards Outside the Bun," as Chekov was calling it. No one quite understood this, but it didn't matter.
Sulu explained the rules. "You will each be given a lizard. This lizard must be happy and healthy by the end of the week. Any mistreatment of this lizard will result in disqualification. And whoever the winner is meaning whoever has made their lizard as happy as possible during the time you had will get half of mine and half of Chekov's salary." "
Chekov took a moment to say something to Sulu that no one in the audience could hear. Then Sulu spoke loudly to everyone.
"We seem to have a... problem. We don't have enough lizards. So, anyone who wants to enter this contest will have to write a short note as to WHY you should get a lizard. Okay then. I'd like to get the notes by... tomorrow afternoon. So... get cracking!"
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Some of the notes were pitiful. There were a lot more than Sulu would have expected. But none of them were much good. The one Sulu was reading at the moment went something like this:
**Lizards are good. Lizards should be happy. I will make the lizard happy.
-Ensign Quinn Krumpethead**
Sulu groaned. The next note was from-
Mr. Spock???
Oh well, anything goes, Sulu thought. He picked up the letter and began to read.
**A lizard is a fascinating reptile, and I believe it would be a very interesting experience to care for such a creature for a Terran week. It is illogical to deny someone of an intellectual experience, and this contest should prove to be just that. Therefore the logical course of action would be to include me in this competition.
-Commander Spock**
Sulu laughed, and added the letter to his Lizards Outside the Bun folder. If nothing else, this should prove interesting.
The next letter was from Uhura.
**Lizards are such cute creatures. They are absolutely adorable. I would love to have a lizard, because it is so delightful. So, Sulu, let me have a lizard.
-Lieutenant Uhura**
Sulu sighed, then put the letter in the Lizards Outside the Bun folder. So it was a bad letter. But Uhura was his friend.
The next three notes were from Anonymous Ensigns who were probably in Security because they couldn't do anything but fire phasers. Which included writing. Sulu deleted these. Then came the captain's.
**I would like a lizard. I like lizards. I'm the captain, so I could order you to give me a lizard. But I won't. I'll ask. Please give me a lizard. I would be good to a lizard.
-Captain James T. Kirk**
Truth to tell, it wasn't much better then most of the red-shirt's letters. But, as he had pointed out, Kirk was the captain. Into the Lizards Outside the Bun folder.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
At length, these were the competitors in the contest: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, Ensign Roberts, Lieutenant Gopher, and Ensign Silver.
Seven lizards, seven people. Sulu and Chekov had also decided to have Lizards Outside the Bun Police. These were some of the runner-ups who agreed to make sure nothing happened to the lizards.
The contest would begin in an hour.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Chapter Two coming soon! How far will the crew go to care for their lizards???
As always, READ and REVIEW!!! Well, seeing as you're reading this, I'll assume you already read it. So REVIEW!!!
A/N: This will be a kind of short fic-a few chapters at the most. But read and review. Especially review!
Enjoy.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
LIZARDS OUTSIDE THE BUN
Chapter One ~~~ The Contest
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
"It's time to think outside the bun," Sulu announced. Chekov looked at him as though he were crazy.
"Say thet again?"
"Haven't you ever heard of 'Think outside the bun?'"
The look Chekov gave his friend made the answer obvious. "No, then. Well, it's an ancient slogan from an old Earth fast food restaurant called Taco Bell. It means, don't eat hamburgers."
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"Vell then vhy did you just say 'think outside the bun?'"
Recognition crossed Sulu's face. "Oh yes. I was just about to get to that."
Chekov broke the moment of silence that ensued by saying, "Vhat vere you goink to say?"
"We should think outside the bun."
Chekov sighed loudly and exasperatedly. "Vhat the hell is thet supposed to mean?"
"We should shake things up a bit. You know-"
"Not eat hamburgers?" Chekov asked sarcastically.
"No, I was thinking more along the lines of... a contest or something."
"Vhat does this have to do vith Taco Bell?"
"Nothing. But don't you think we should have a contest?"
"Vould there be a prise?" (A/N: I know that's spelled wrong. I'm trying to write how Chekov talks.)
"I don't know. But before we think of the prize, let's think about the contest," Sulu suggested.
"Vhy don't you give the vinner a lizard?"
"For the contest?" Sulu asked, momentarily confused. "Oh, you mean as the prize."
"Thet vas sarcasm."
"Oh, well, in that case..." Sulu trailed off. Then, "I know! We'll have a lizard contest!"
Chekov raised one eyebrow, which reminded Sulu of Mr. Spock. But instead of commenting on Chekov's newfound Vulcan-ness, he told the Russian about his idea. "Well, basically, we give lizards to whoever wants to be in the contest. The one who takes the best care of their lizard gets the prize at the end."
"Vhich vill be-?"
"Who cares?" Sulu said. "What we can do is give the lizards away for a week. If we see anyone mistreating a lizard, we can disqualify them. Oh-I know! They'll have to provide everything for the lizard, which means that they have to figure out what lizards eat, where they like to live, and all that kind of thing. And then at the end of the week-"
"There vill be a prise."
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
The next day, Chekov approached Sulu enthusiastically. "I haff though of a prise! Eet es perfect!"
"What is it?" Sulu asked.
"Your salary for the week!"
And then Chekov jogged away to wherever he had to be next, leaving Sulu speechless in his wake.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Later that day, Sulu and Chekov met again.
"I'll agree to you prize idea with one difference. Half my salary and half yours."
"This vas your bun idea in the first place," Chekov protested. But in the end, he decided to go with Sulu's terms.
Now all that was left to do was to make sure the captain didn't mind that this contest was taking place.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Kirk frowned. This was a strange idea, all right. But it couldn't hurt- could it? And he wouldn't mind half of Sulu's and half of Chekov's salaries. What the hell.
"Sure," he said, "But I can be included, can't I?"
Chekov and Sulu exchanged glances, then nodded.
The contest would take place the next day.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Surprisingly, a large amount of the crew showed up to hear about the rules of the lizard contest. Or, "Lizards Outside the Bun," as Chekov was calling it. No one quite understood this, but it didn't matter.
Sulu explained the rules. "You will each be given a lizard. This lizard must be happy and healthy by the end of the week. Any mistreatment of this lizard will result in disqualification. And whoever the winner is meaning whoever has made their lizard as happy as possible during the time you had will get half of mine and half of Chekov's salary." "
Chekov took a moment to say something to Sulu that no one in the audience could hear. Then Sulu spoke loudly to everyone.
"We seem to have a... problem. We don't have enough lizards. So, anyone who wants to enter this contest will have to write a short note as to WHY you should get a lizard. Okay then. I'd like to get the notes by... tomorrow afternoon. So... get cracking!"
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Some of the notes were pitiful. There were a lot more than Sulu would have expected. But none of them were much good. The one Sulu was reading at the moment went something like this:
**Lizards are good. Lizards should be happy. I will make the lizard happy.
-Ensign Quinn Krumpethead**
Sulu groaned. The next note was from-
Mr. Spock???
Oh well, anything goes, Sulu thought. He picked up the letter and began to read.
**A lizard is a fascinating reptile, and I believe it would be a very interesting experience to care for such a creature for a Terran week. It is illogical to deny someone of an intellectual experience, and this contest should prove to be just that. Therefore the logical course of action would be to include me in this competition.
-Commander Spock**
Sulu laughed, and added the letter to his Lizards Outside the Bun folder. If nothing else, this should prove interesting.
The next letter was from Uhura.
**Lizards are such cute creatures. They are absolutely adorable. I would love to have a lizard, because it is so delightful. So, Sulu, let me have a lizard.
-Lieutenant Uhura**
Sulu sighed, then put the letter in the Lizards Outside the Bun folder. So it was a bad letter. But Uhura was his friend.
The next three notes were from Anonymous Ensigns who were probably in Security because they couldn't do anything but fire phasers. Which included writing. Sulu deleted these. Then came the captain's.
**I would like a lizard. I like lizards. I'm the captain, so I could order you to give me a lizard. But I won't. I'll ask. Please give me a lizard. I would be good to a lizard.
-Captain James T. Kirk**
Truth to tell, it wasn't much better then most of the red-shirt's letters. But, as he had pointed out, Kirk was the captain. Into the Lizards Outside the Bun folder.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
At length, these were the competitors in the contest: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, Ensign Roberts, Lieutenant Gopher, and Ensign Silver.
Seven lizards, seven people. Sulu and Chekov had also decided to have Lizards Outside the Bun Police. These were some of the runner-ups who agreed to make sure nothing happened to the lizards.
The contest would begin in an hour.
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Chapter Two coming soon! How far will the crew go to care for their lizards???
As always, READ and REVIEW!!! Well, seeing as you're reading this, I'll assume you already read it. So REVIEW!!!