-The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

-A List of Faults and Complaints (In Alphabetical Order, No Less), As Written By Former Lovers, Past Flames, Children, Concerned Friends, and Siblings.

A. Angry. "As if this isn't obvious enough; he'll never let you have one happy moment in your entire life, while you're with him!" -India, 1858.

B. Boring. "Angleterre's the most dull person, especially in bed. You never even get to do anything exciting when it comes to those sorts of things." -France, 1799.

C. Criticizing. "It doesn't matter if you slave over a hot pot all day, making the best meal made with the best tomatoes you've ever harvested, there's always something wrong with them! Either you didn't cook them right, or they're too sour, or they just taste terrible!" -Spain, 1384.

D. Deranged. "Something about that strange magic of his . . ." -Belize, or the British Honduras, 1865.

E. Extra Boring. "Seriously, I'm a sexy guy!" -France, 1799.

F. Fun-Sucker. "That jerk England never lets me play with his stupid books whenever Su-Papa makes me visit him!" -Sealand, 2008.

G. Grouchy. "Sometimes, he didn't even listen to me! He just hit me without any warning or reasoning, and he has a really good back-hand, and it hurt really bad! He's just mean!" -Denmark, 1812.

H. Hateful. "I like pretty much everyone, but England's pretty hard to like, especially when he's yelling at you half the time! I don't even know why he still wants to talk to me, because it seems like he really doesn't like me at all sometimes!" - Northern Italy, 1915.

I. Ignorant. "When you're trying to make a point with him, he won't even listen to a word you're saying!" -Mexico, 1973.

J. Jeering. "Honestly, I think he just loves to see someone fall down the stairs so that he can laugh at their pain and misfortune. -Turkey, 1724.

K. Kinky. "And when you finally do get him in bed, he gets so dirty it's not even funny! Well, it kind of is, but then things just become a mess, and it's not even romantic anymore. But who am I to complain? That's a good thing!" -France, 1799.

L. Lame. "He's a downer." -Norway, 1905.

M. Maniacal. "He's cute and all, but I think he's crazy! He's always yelling about something, like a 'Flying Mint Bunny'!" -Belgium, 1172.

N. Not A Nice Guy. "I love Dad, but he always forgets my name and never even notices when I'm around. And when he does, he thinks I'm America. And then he yells at me a lot, but no one's really listening to me right now, anyway." -Anonymous, ?.

O. Oblivious. "He doesn't even get it when someone's coming on to him!" -Netherlands, or Holland, 1688.

P. Pugnacious. "Whenever you say something to him, he always thinks that someone's picking a fight with him! He almost punched me once!" -Ukraine, 1992.

Q. Quick To Anger. "You don't even have to say anything to him; he always thinks that you are saying something rude about him. And, he's just mean!" -China, 1637.

R. Rigid. "Sometimes, he's as sexy as sexy can get (except for me, naturally), and other times he acts like a constipated grandmother in bed! I mean, he pretends that he doesn't even know what he's doing, but you know he does!" -France, 1799.

S. Sadistic. "Even when he was on my side, I had this strange feeling that he wished for me to be shot." -Austria, 1745.

T. Tipsy. "I took him out for one drink, just one, and he got completely wasted in a matter of minutes!" Germany, 1990.

U. Uppity. "Of course I respect anyone who can hold themselves in dignity, but England-san has a tendency to take that dignity to a whole new level altogether! I'm quite certain that he thinks that he's better than everyone, though that may actually be true . . ." Japan, 1613.

V. Vindictive. "I think he, like, remembers everything that everyone's done to him and totally holds a grudge so that he can cast one of his really scary spells on you later! I mean, he's the type of person to get the best kind of revenge, which is, like, really scary and totally not cool!" Poland, 1814.

W. What A Whore! "He sells himself out to anyone who'll take him! But I guess everyone can't be as steadfast as the Awesome Me!" Prussia, 1731.

X. EX-Boyfriend. (Herein is an extensive list of quotes that the topic, otherwise known as the United Kingdom, used to end relations with his lovers; please refer to above quotations that correspond with the dates):

- "And just why should you be the only happy one in this relationship?" (1858); "I am not boring; your ego's just too loud for you to hear anyone else!" (1799); "I don't care how hard you worked on those tomatoes because they still came out horribly! And you whine too much!" (1384); "No, you're not. (1799); "Why, may I ask, should I listen to you, considering that everything you say makes no sense whatsoever?" (1812); "I only yell at you so that you might say something intelligent once in a while." (1915); "I don't listen because I'm right." (1973); "It's only funny because you're the one falling down the steps (1724); "I thought you wanted me to be exciting in bed?" (1799); "And you're a git." (1905); "They exist, and you know it!" (1172); "No, I just don't want to even think about sleeping with someone like you." (1688); "I would never punch a woman, but you honestly are too sensitive for your own good." (1992); "Say what you will, but insulting my cooking was rude!" (1637); "And how would you know what a constipated grandmother's like?" (1799); "That's because I did." (1745); "German beer is much stronger than British rum, and you know it!" (1990); "You don't quite get it, do you? I'll let you chew on that." (1613); "I do remember what everyone's done to me so that I may plan their slow and painful death, much like I am planning yours." (1814); "Oh, no; I cost money." (1731). *

Y. Yappy. "That little brat never shut up when we were little! He was always going on about how he was going to tell Mumsy on us." Ireland, 1798.

Z. Zany. "And I thought I was crazy!" Russia, 1553.

* "No, you are." (1553).

Dear Britain,

If you ever find this list, don't listen to it. You're the most awesome, best, cool, delightful, energetic, funny, gracious, helpful, intelligent, joking, kind, lovable, magnificent, nice, open-minded, perfect, quietly loving, regal, sweet, terrific, understanding, vivacious, wonderful, extraordinary, youthful, zealous person that I will ever know and have the pleasure of loving.

Love you, Babe,

United States of America.