Bodie had been driving for two hours. He didn't know where he was going, just that he had to go far, he had to go remote.
Why did you do it, Nessa?
But he knew why. When Child Protective Services removed Precious, her only child , the man told her he would do anything in his power to make sure she never got her five-year-old back. Precious had been the only thing keeping Vanessa going. Billy didn't. Billy hurt her.
He pulled off the road, into the woods, and kept going until it was pitch dark. Finally, he stopped.
"Why?" he said out loud, into the darkness, "Why didn't you just leave?"
But he knew why. Some things, a person can't just walk away from.
He got out, and opened the trunk. She was wrapped in a bloody rug. Her face was covered. He didn't want to see it - what was left of it - again.
--
When he had gone to Billy's apartment that morning, he was already worried about Nessa. He found Billy, head down, in front of the television.
He stood in front of Billy. "Where's Nessa?"
Billy didn't respond.
Bodie stepped back. Maybe she'd left, finally. Maybe she'd -
He glanced to the side, to the bedroom, its door hanging open. She was on the floor.
"What did you do, Billy?" he shouted. "What did you do?"
Billy looked up at him. "I found her."
Bodie ran to the bedroom. There was blood everywhere. He dropped to his knees beside her. "Jesus..." She was holding a gun. It had been suicide. "Jesus, Billy!"
"She did it to herself," Billy said, still on the couch.
"No," Bodie said, getting up and standing at the bedroom door. "She might have shot herself, but you killed her." Tears ran down his face.
"Why are you crying?" Billy asked flatly. "Were you fucking her?"
"Goddam it, Billy! I known her as long as you have!" He went back to Nessa's side. "Shit," he said. "You know me better than that."
Billy didn't respond.
"Did you call anyone?"
"No, I didn't call anyone," Billy said. "Who do you want me to call?"
"You can't just leave her here."
Billy shrugged. "Get rid of her, then."
Bodie looked over at him. "This is your mess," he said. But he knew he'd be the one to clean it up. Nobody else would.
--
Bodie lifted Nessa's body from the trunk. It was heavier than he expected, but twenty pounds of rug didn't help. He started digging.
--
Nessa had been popular with the boys. That she was cute was a plus, but she would do anything they wanted, and that was the real reason. She'd lived in a rough group home after her mother was put away, and she thrived on attention. She'd sit lookout for the boys, while they dealt nickel bags for Mickey to other kids. She was a good girl, as far as good girls went in that neighborhood. When Billy decided he wanted her for himself, the other boys backed down, and she was happy. She hung on him like he was a rock star. Bones and Mickey mostly ignored him back then, but Nessa made him feel like somebody. The baby was inevitable. She was just 15, Billy barely 16. Billy begged Mickey to let him run with the big boys - the men - but Mickey wasn't having it. Teenagers were all right to push weed in schoolyards, but no one ran with him until they were into their 20s, at least, cousins or not. Billy was Bones' problem.
--
Bodie had been digging for a long time. He knew if he dug much longer, the sun would start rising, and that was no good. He'd never dug a grave before, and hoped it would be his last. He wasn't so sure it would be.
He pulled himself out of the hole, and rolled Vanessa into it. He tossed the first spadeful of dirt on her. The idea that he was actually burying her in the dirt made him wince.
--
Nessa had named her daughter Precious. It was the first time she had something of her own, someone who would love her unconditionally. With Billy, he wasn't so much hers as she belonged to him. He'd had "Property of Billy" tattooed to the small of her back when she was still fourteen. He would choose all of her tattoos, how she dressed, how she wore her hair. Billy was proud of her, and in his way, he did love her, but he was prone to violent outbursts, and Nessa was usually the one on the receiving end. It wasn't so bad when they lived with Bones. Bones made sure the state kept its hands off Nessa, made sure the baby was fed, and beat the shit out of Billy if he came home to find Nessa with a bloody nose. It was the best life Nessa had ever had. But when Nessa turned of age, he turned them out. They had their own place, and she tried her best, but it was no place for a child. She was a full-blown addict by then. Billy didn't trust rehab programs, suspecting they'd tell her to leave him, so she tried to go clean herself. Things got worse than they'd ever been. Precious started kindergarten, and no matter how sick or bruised she was, Nessa made sure to take her every day. It must have been a concerned teacher who called CPS. After they took her away, screaming, a couple of days before, Billy raged. He'd never wanted to send his baby to any school in the first place.
--
Once some leaves were spread over Nessa's grave, you couldn't even tell she was there. Bodie tossed the shovel into the trunk.
Don't say I never did anything for you, Billy.
The sun was up by the time he got back. Billy was still sitting on the couch. Bodie doubted he'd moved since he'd left.
"It's done," Bodie said.
Billy nodded. He stubbed out his cigarette. "I need to make some money today," he said.
"Me too."
Billy stood and stretched, and looked into the bedroom, not a drop of blood in sight. He looked at Bodie, and extended his hand to him. Bodie grasped it, tight, then crossed his arms.
Bodie sighed. "What're you gonna do when I'm the one who's gone?"
"I don't worry about that," Billy said.
"No?"
"I fully expect you to take me with you."
Bodie cracked a smile. "Same here, Billy," he said. "Same here."