Just another one-shot that turned a little too multichapter-y. Samifer is a need.
Sam glared across the crappy motel room at the empty bed on the other side and sighed. Dean was somewhere else again, hunting some Croatoans or doing something equally unimportant and basic to which he didn't feel the need to invite his younger brother. It bothered Sam that Dean always sneaked out in the night, never getting proper sleep to say nothing about taking Sam with him. The younger Winchester tried staying up to catch Dean in the act but he always either fell asleep or was outsmarted by Dean who was able to guess when Sam slept and when he was faking it. Sam wanted to know why his big brother suddenly stopped being his brother at all; but knowing Dean, he would probably just shrug it off with some crappy excuse so Sam didn't even try to ask.
Sam returned to the book he was trying to read and he was stubbornly pretending to know what the last page was about even though he had no clue at all. He felt like he was going mad but he had nothing to do – Dean had taken away the Impala and Sam had no means of transport and you know, you can't move around properly in America without a car even when the public buses are not out of order due to a Croatoan epidemic. He knew he would really enjoy the book had the circumstances been different – it was '2001: Space Odyssey', a classic cult story which has become a bible to the science fiction fans. But with Dean wandering wherever the hell he was wandering and the world becoming a mess, he couldn't give the book quite as much credit as he'd like.
"Enjoying yourself?" a voice sounded from the exact same bed Sam was attempting to set on fire with glaring only couple of seconds ago. He jumped up in astonishment, immediately getting hold of a gun that had been up to this point resting on the table. When he spotted the speaker, he lowered the gun again, knowing it was of no use.
"What do you want?" he snarled instead and stood up to feel at least some sort of security.
"Why are you so rude to me, Sam? I was just trying to start a nice conversation," the other person protested and to Sam's astonishment and anger remained seated comfortably on Dean's bed.
"Nice people usually knock before entering a room," Sam retorted coldly.
"Well, I'm not 'people', am I?" The intruder smirked mysteriously. "I am a fallen archangel, after all. The only one in the whole world."
"Not interested. Get out," Sam kept frowning. He felt more and more uneasy and intimidated by the obvious fun the latter was having with making Sam uncomfortable.
"Didn't you want to know why I came?" Lucifer raised one eyebrow, causing a small wound to open on his forehead. A thin stream of blood rolled down his face and it made Sam so incredibly agitated he wanted to just wipe it away. He forced himself to hold Lucifer's eyes.
"Well, I changed my mind," Sam responded and his voice was not even half as steady as he'd want it to be, "but I would really like to know how you were able to track me down. I thought you couldn't use your only-fallen-archangel magic on me."
"Oh, I'm flattered you acknowledge how unique I am," Satan smiled gently, as if he was truly moved, "and you're very right, I cannot find you using magic to track you down. However, it is not that difficult to follow the piles of bodies your brother leaves behind. And then, it was just tedious hard work to go through every single motel to ask about you."
"Oh." Sam only manages to huff as he tries to digest the fact that the Satan was browsing through dozens of motels like a love-struck idiot in the romantic movies Dean not-so-secretly loved.
"That's how much I value you, Sam," Lucifer added, stretching his limbs and making himself comfortable on the bed.
"Huh," Sam mumbled, unsure how to react to that. It was creepy to think that somebody was obviously stalking him. It was absolutely insane considering that someone was the Devil. Sam should have been doing something – anything – to get rid of Lucifer in that moment. But somehow, he couldn't stop feeling a little flattered and warm that somebody was caring about him so much. Even though that somebody just wanted to use his body to destroy the world.
Jeez, I'm really going mad, Sam thought and he shook his head. He also tried to imagine what Dean would say if he knew what idea had just crossed Sam's mind but thinking about his brother didn't particularly help.
"So I was thinking that maybe you might fancy getting away from this hole," Lucifer continued in a casual, relaxed voice. Sam's eyes flashed over to the fallen angel, confusion all over his face.
"Oh come on, don't look so surprised!" Lucifer exclaimed, "I was locked away for thousands of years, don't you think I understand what it feels like to be left alone, deserted and betrayed by your own family?"
"Dean didn't betray me." Sam retorted immediately. He realised it was a mistake the moment he saw Lucifer's eyes lighting up as if Sam had just proven his point.
"Of course. That's why you have to shout it out loud to convince yourself about it," Satan said calmly. Then he stood up at last and walked closer to Sam who tried hard not to go backwards.
"Well at least he didn't lock me in hell," Sam babbled.
"There's no need for insults, Sam," Lucifer said tiredly, as if they had had this conversation many times before. "I just wanted to ask you for a dinner. No asking you to be my vessel, I won't even mention it. Just you and me, enjoying a good meal and chatting."
For a while Sam was awestruck and completely dumbfounded. He considered making a squeaky 'what?!' noise but he decided against it. But internally, this question was resonating in his head very loudly.
"And what would we chat about? Hey, how was your vacation in the pit? Oh, you know, a bit hot." Sam replied, amazed at how witty his answer seemed to be because he was still too engaged in screaming "WHAT?!"
"We can be sarcastic if you wish," Lucifer proposed, "whatever pleases you."
"What profit do you think you will have from having a dinner with me?" Sam asked weakly, that being the only thing crossing his mind apart from 'What the hell am I doing?!'
"Entertainment," Lucifer answered quickly, "I have spent millennia alone. Don't think humans are the only creatures that feel solitude."
"And out of all the seven billion people on Earth, you chose to spend your time with me. How convenient I happen to be your ideal vessel," Sam snorted and gave Lucifer a dirty look.
"Actually, there are currently less than seven billion people walking the Earth," Lucifer shrugged, "and I promised you I won't bring the vessel question up."
"Why do you think I would even consider it?" Sam asked in earnest. He really wanted to know the answer for that, because there certainly was no logical explanation for why would Satan be convinced Sam would go anywhere with him.
"Because you're bored. You're lonely, left-out and betrayed. Because you hate the fact that your brother chose Castiel over you. Don't bother denying it. Suddenly, you fear next time Dean might not put you before everything. You're frightened because in the past, no matter how terrible you felt, you had a certainty in your life – your big brother would go through hell and back to get you. But now? You're not sure anymore. If it came to an ultimate battle, if he were to save you or Castiel, would he choose you? You don't know and you keep worrying about it, pretending it doesn't bother you but it does. And you also question yourself – maybe you did something to make Dean flee. Maybe you're damaged? Maybe he chose to be with the angel because you cheated on him with Ruby?" Lucifer looked Sam intently in the eyes. "Trust me, Sam. I know what I'm talking about."
Sam diverted his gaze but the whole world around him seemed to be filled with Lucifer. Sam swallowed audibly, desperately searching for words. There must have been some reply. There must have been a way to say 'You're right in every single detail but the answer is still no.'
"I'm not going to force you to do anything you wouldn't want." Lucifer kept luring Sam, "and I promised you I won't lie to you."
"Then tell me what you really want." Sam raised his head again, staring at Lucifer.
"You." Lucifer replied. "In any way I can get. You're not just a perfect vessel, Sam. You're perfect in everything. You were created for me; all your ancestors were picked carefully to finally engender you. You have belonged to me since the day you started existing."
Sam stared, wide-eyed and unable to move or say anything. Despite this speech being the weirdest thing in the history of weirdness, despite Satan being the speaker, despite all the logic, Sam felt his heart beating fast and loud in his chest. Because Lucifer was damn right; Sam was feeling lonely and abandoned. He had left everything for Dean so many times and now Dean had left him. He ran off to an angel out of pure selfishness – it was more difficult to kill an angel. And Dean was broken so many times he chose the easier way because he wouldn't be able to carry on in any other way. He needed somebody to rely on, somebody he believed would be there every morning, waiting by his side. And Sam understood why Dean no longer saw such a person in Sam. But it was still hurting him.
And then he looked at Lucifer, at the genuine and pure fondness and passion in the face that was falling apart. He imagined how the body is going to shatter and break more and more until there is nothing left to contain Lucifer. What a strange thing it would be – seeing Lucifer in different body. And then, all of a sudden, there was the thought – new and unnerving – what would it feel like to see Lucifer staring at him from the mirror?
"You can feel that too, don't you, Sam?" Lucifer went on, seeing Sam's indecisiveness, "we're two halves made whole. You are still afraid of merging with me because you haven't missed me for a long time. You haven't felt the loneliness, the need for closeness as long as I did. So you feel like you can fill the hole – with love, serving humanity or demon blood maybe. But you're just getting to understand it, don't you, Sammy? You can't ignore the emptiness you feel. And you can't keep pretending you're ordinary."
"I'm not filling anything. I did what I did to stop Lilith – to stop you." Sam objected weakly.
"And you ran away to go to Stanford because of me. And of course, that violent, passionate vampire sex with Ruby was another way of fighting me, right?" Lucifer smirked a little.
Sam sighed in defeat. He looked into Lucifer's eyes and saw utter delight and smug happiness. Sam tried not to, but his lips curled into a tiny, mischievous smile he never performed before. They just stood there for a while which seemed like an eternity, but the good eternity, not the boring or awkward one.
"I told you I would never lie to you," Lucifer said, making another step towards Sam. Winchester didn't want to recall Dean and Cas standing embarrassingly close to each other, but the mental image appeared in his mind shining and sparkling. "I don't have to lie. The only thing you need to hear is the truth."
"How do you know all of this? How could you know the truth?" Sam asked, bewildered, but Lucifer saw he had already won. Sam was accepting him, maybe not to the point of saying the big yes, but quite certainly to the smaller ones. Everything was going according to plan.
"Because I know you, silly," Lucifer smiled gently, his joy showing all over his face.
"Yeah, I'm a part of you, I forgot," Sam responded sarcastically and for a while the Morning star doubted he truly got what he wanted.
"You're not a part of me. You're my other half," Lucifer explained, "there's a difference."
"Yeah, whatever makes you happy," Sam shrugged, "I just hope you realise that since you've invited me, you'll have to pay for me."
"I didn't expect you to be such a girl, but if you want," Lucifer smirked again, "shall we go now?"
"Right now?" Sam blurted. He ran his hand through his hair subconsciously, unaware of what he was doing. Lucifer broke into a genuine fit of laughter.
"Don't worry about your physical appearance. You're going to my dinner, I'll make you look fabulous. Besides, we've got to set off, it's quite far away." Lucifer turned around and headed towards the door but Sam didn't follow him.
"We don't have eternity, Sam," Lucifer pointed out, politely ignoring the other part of the sentence. But we could have.
"You're not gonna zap us there?" Sam looked confused.
"Not an angel anymore, remember?" Lucifer gave Sam an apologetic smile.
"But you can do other stuff and you're really powerful, why can't you move around? It doesn't seem to be such a big deal," Sam thought aloud but he finally walked over to Lucifer. He grabbed the keys from the room and considered leaving Dean a note where he went but he decided against it. What would he write anyway? Hi Dean, since you didn't invite me to the party you and your boyfriend have, I'm now kicking for the other team. Lucifer is really sexy.
"It's not a big deal if your wings aren't broken," Lucifer sighed and sadness was so palpable in his voice Sam wanted to cuddle with the Satan, cry and give up everything to simply please the devil. He was frightened by his ideas, but Lucifer's pain filled him with sorrow.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know-" Sam stammered. They were walking through the parking lot until Sam spotted a red shiny Ferrari.
"No, you didn't. But let's not talk about this, please," Lucifer asked and Sam was determined never to ask about Lucifer's wings again. In the meantime, Lucifer opened the Ferrari's right front door, holding it open for Sam. Winchester didn't feel weird at all to be treated like that. It seemed absolutely natural – Lucifer was the stronger of them so it was logical that he held door for Sam. When they were seated, Lucifer started the car. Sam caught himself watching the devil's hands on the steering wheel, wondering how on Earth – or below it – Lucifer knew how to drive given he had been locked in the cage for centuries.
That led Sam to other idea – why was Heaven supposed to be up and Hell down? It didn't make any sense – ground or soil was the thing that fed humans and kept them alive, provided them with stones and metals, vitamins and life. Whereas sky? What good thing sky gave them? Every once in a while something fell off the sky and caused a disaster. Why did people think what was below them, what they knew, was bad and the unknown was sacred?
"What troubles you, Sam?" Lucifer asked when he noticed Sam's thoughtful, troubled expression.
"That you watch me instead of the road," Sam replied hastily, impressed by his quick remark. He heard Lucifer laugh again and for some reason it filled him with pride to be the one to make Lucifer laugh.
"I love when you're being funny, Sam, but that's not what you were thinking about." Lucifer pointed out after he stopped laughing. "But I promise not to look at you while I drive."
"I was wondering... why is Heaven above Earth when nothing good ever comes from the sky?" Sam explained meekly, as if he was afraid of how Lucifer would react to that question.
"I guess it would be because Hell is always closer to humans than Heaven. To sin, to fall is always easier than to live a rightful life. Especially because a sin sometimes comes from good intentions. You know what I'm talking about." Lucifer answered so openly and with such honesty it made Sam wonder what exactly got Lucifer to the pit. He didn't dare to ask though and he couldn't think of anything else to say. The silence felt very uncomfortable and Sam wished to break it, to say something witty and funny again but he couldn't stop thinking about Lucifer's crime.
For the first time he realised he never really asked why Lucifer was the bad guy. What he did, why he did it. Sam never questioned what he was told; he never tried to see the situation from different perspective. He was always happy to be blind, to act as others wanted him to and now it made him hate himself. Why didn't he cast doubt upon what all the angels said? The only angel Sam could trust at least a little was Castiel and he didn't believe every word the angel said like Dean did. Every other angel was following their deeds, lied to get to their goal and changed loyalties very easily. Since Sam didn't trust them in anything else, why did he believe Lucifer gained his punishment?
"I thought you were going to ask me what I did to win my personal suite in Hell." Lucifer murmured just loud enough for Sam to hear it. Winchester swallowed audibly and ran a hand through his hair.
"I didn't dare to," he replied truthfully because he couldn't think of anything better.
"Sam, Sam, Sam," Lucifer sighed as if Sam was a child that broke an expensive piece of china, "I hoped I made this clear. We are two friends who go for a dinner. There is no need to be ashamed to ask what you wish to know."
"Criminal past is not something you discuss on the first date," Sam retorted, only then realising what he had just said. Lucifer's grin widened and for a while Sam thought the driver would let go of the steering wheel and squeeze his thigh.
"Right. So tell me, where are you from, how many siblings you have, embarrassing school memories, everything. I want to know everything about you," Lucifer said enthusiastically.
"You already know all of that," Sam frowned.
"See? I know everything about you. You know nothing about me. So it's just fair if you ask me whatever you wish to know." Lucifer encouraged Sam and allowed himself a quick glance at his human companion.
"You're not watching the road again," Sam pointed out and grinned.
"Because you're so irresistibly attractive," Lucifer flirted smoothly and he smiled almost gently. Sam's shocked face was a good enough reward though and Lucifer's serious and seductive facade broke into another fit of laughter.
"What is Heaven like?" Sam asked shyly after a while. He forced himself not to avert his eyes from Lucifer or at least the dashboard in front of him.
"Right now? I don't want to even picture it," Lucifer sighed, "but before? When I was still an angel, it was a true Heaven, exactly the place you imagine. It was my home and I loved it there. I loved the gardens and rivers and lakes, I loved my siblings but above all I loved and respected my Father. He was the one who created everything, all the beauty around me. Before he created Earth and humanity, there were no such things as hunger, fear, murder or pain. Everything was beautiful and simple and I was happy to have that kind of life."
"But..." Sam implied when Lucifer stopped talking. He glimpsed at the driver and he saw raw emotions in Lucifer's face. It astonished Sam; for some reason he expected Lucifer to show his feelings as clumsily as Castiel did, not such an open display.
"I have an older brother," Lucifer said bitterly as if it explained everything. Sam got worried when he realised that to him it did explain everything. "Michael had always tried very hard to get our Father's attention. He was the good one, the obedient little boy, the loyal soldier but it was never enough. He was nothing but a warrior whereas me... God loved me more, you know. Everybody knew I was his favourite and everybody knew I loved him more than they could even imagine."
"And Michael provoked a fight?" Sam guessed. He didn't even know why he said anything but it seemed right.
"No. He is also very smart and clever. He suggested creating human race," Lucifer replied and smiled bitterly. "Father loved the idea and for a while it seemed enough for Michael. And then Adam and Eva were created, and Cain killed Abel and all the other humans came and God seemed to forget it was all Michael's idea at first. So what did Michael do? He made humans look much better than they were. He pretended they deserved our love and care, he started spending time amongst them and in the end, Father decided Michael was right. He ordered us – angels, his first real creations – to bow before humanity. To serve them and to love them more than God himself."
"And they did. And you didn't," Sam murmured into the silence when Lucifer obviously waited for another invitation.
"I couldn't. They were flawed, wrong and so disrespectful. My Father was so generous towards them and asked only a little in return but they always forgot. They always left and ran off to their false godlings and golden cattle. They always prayed when they were desperate but once they got out of trouble, they ceased worshipping God again. And all the time, Father was asking us to help them, to love them. He was completely blindfolded; he could not see what beasts humans were, he refused to hear me say anything and he told us to love humans – his least ideal creations – more than him. And I, for the first time in my life, defied his order. I refused to bow to humans and he suddenly forgot everything about his love for me, my brothers and sisters turned their backs on me and at last, God ordered Michael to cast me down into Hell. Under Earth so that humans would always be above me; deep down into a pit from where I would never get out. And Michael did it without a moment's hesitation." Lucifer almost closed his eyes. Sam noticed Satan was gripping the steering wheel very tight, his knuckles were almost white.
"It was so easy for them to forget how I loved them. They all acted as if I hadn't been the best, most loyal of them. And God... God just let Michael send me away, lock me for centuries and centuries without a blink of an eye. And you know what's the worst, Sam?" Lucifer turned directly to Winchester who was surprised to find out that Lucifer acknowledged his presence in the car. "The worst is that I've never stopped loving him. I tried to and in the pit it was sometimes very easy to be spiteful, but I could never hate my Father."
"I know what you're talking about," Sam said quietly. "When I ran off to Stanford, I felt guilty because I left Dean with Dad. I knew it was selfish of me when Dean had taken care of me for my whole life but I couldn't go back to that kind of life. I couldn't let Dad boss me around and yet, as much as I would love to hate him, I couldn't."
"Family is tricky thing," Lucifer nodded, "we're almost there."