Rotten Return
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summery: Tsunade keeps her promise and Kakashi suffers for it.
Author's Note: Possible out-of-characterness. In the Favourable Bachelor Universe, but can be read alone
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 7 April 2008
Rating: K+
Tsunade was a horrible, horrible, horrible woman and Kakashi hated her.
When she had said 'no making out with your boyfriend or else', he had assumed as long as it didn't progress to all-out sex, he was okay. When 'or else' didn't seem to come, he thought that maybe she had taken pity on him and his need to make sure that his boyfriend was going to be okay.
Turned out she was just waiting for the right opportunity.
She had threatened him with a month-long mission with Gai, Hiashi, and Shikamaru in a swamp to find a rotten egg, but he didn't get that. Oh no, it wasn't like that at all.
She assigned an undercover mission (to a pig farm) to a Hyuuga who first, wanted to kill Kakashi and second, wouldn't wear contacts to cover his distinct pale eyes, a taijutsu master who was about as subtle and unobtrusive as a pink-polka dotted elephant in heat, the Copy Ninja—whose head was wanted on a silver platter by about every country that wasn't his home country—and a pervert who spent too much time peeking in woman's bathes and needing blood transfusions.
The mission also took longer than a month.
And did he mention that all of the pigs seemed to have contracted a stomach bug?
Kakashi felt justified in hating the world.
But it was almost over. As soon as the Hokage stopped gagging out a closing statement and got her head back inside, he was going to run home to Iruka, where he planned on getting some quality cuddle-recuperating time in followed by a few bouts of 'welcome home' and 'poor, overworked and underappreciated' sex.
And maybe a shower. He had the vague sense that he was a little ripe, but since any part of his nose had died a painful, diarrhoeal pig-induced death some time ago, he wasn't sure any more.
But he need some cuddle time first.
He had missed his lover terribly. He missed the mood swings and the wild passion. He missed waking up every morning to that warm and greedy body and that sturdy bright core. He missed the little touches that his lover did to show he cared—his lover called him a stupid moronic idiot instead of a useless good-for-nothing brainless nitwit, like the Hokage was currently calling him (Kakashi liked knowing that Iruka, at least, thought that he was good for something).
"Get the fuck out of my office!" Tsunade finally choked out. "And for the love of all that's holy, SHOWER! With lemons or bleach or SOMETHING! I don't care what you use, so long as it gets rid of that STENCH!"
Kakashi waited for Gai to make some stupid comment about it being the smell of Hardworking and Successful Shinobis, but much to his surprise, the green man said nothing. He only bowed and bolted, yelling something about being the Fastest Youthful Ninja to Dispel this Odoriferous Stench and working in a perfume shop if he couldn't. Kakashi didn't pay too much attention to it.
It was time to find his bossy and beautiful boyfriend and to get that cuddle time started.
Except Iruka seemed to know he was coming and pointedly threw sharp things at Kakashi's head and groin, insisting that the Copy Ninja smelled worse than a skunk that had died in a swamp in the height of the summer and by no means would be allowed to come near him! Not even if he begged or offered sex—especially not if he offered sex!
Iruka callously informed him that first, there would be NO cuddle time and there would be none until Kakashi didn't smell like the aftermaths of a stomach plague warmed over, and second, not to come crying to him because it was Kakashi's damn fault that he ended up getting the mission in the first place. If he had kept his hands to himself when Tsunade told him to, Iruka wouldn't have to go so damn long without getting laid and his stupid gormless lover wouldn't smell bad enough to kill small horses!
He also coldly informed Kakashi he didn't care if he sold his apartment—Kakashi was NOT going to stink up his bathroom! He was the fuckin' genius of the two—Kakashi could figure out what to do on his OWN with out Iruka's help!
With that, Iruka slammed the door shut and yelled that Kakashi wasn't going to laid or any cuddling until he stopped smelling like the bubonic plague warmed over!
Kakashi stared at the closed door. He idly sniffed his vest. He didn't smell that bad!
Clearly, Iruka didn't take well to celibacy.
Still, he reflected as he sadly shuffled away, it was a bit of his own fault. If he hadn't been so distracted by Iruka and the fact that Iruka was not only going to heal completely but was willing to officially be his lover, he would have noticed Tsunade and all of her brown-nosing little nurses that had been constantly been spying on his lover and him in the hospital. Then he never would have been sent away in the first place.
There was only on solution to all of this.
Kakashi plotted Tsunade's demise. See if she threatened his time with Iruka again!
x Fin x