elmo-doodle: it's crack. it's just pure crack. that's the only way i can describe it, lol. also, it's the first Torchwood fanfiction (although, it's so crack-y, i don't think it even qualifies as fanfiction lol) that i've wrote, so i thought, what the heck, i might as well post it here!!
spoilers: Dead Man Walking. written right after i saw the episode. this just HAD to be done!!
warnings: crack.
summary: CRACK!!
Owen Harper's Choice
The Grim Reaper slowly advanced upon Owen Harper as he stood his ground in the hospital. The skeleton finally made it to the bottom of the stairs; his could of smoke forever following him about. He intentionally ignored the jests that Owen had made at him on his descent, and now, standing in front of him, he reached out his hand. Owen, always one step ahead, caught the outreached hand in his own, and was about to make a witty response when the Reaper suddenly talked:
"Cake or death?"
Owen stood in shock for a moment before regaining his dead composure. Quirking an eyebrow, he asked, "Sorry?"
"Cake or death?" the Reaper repeated in a bass voice, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
"You're asking me…" Owen began slowly, "whether I want cake…or death?"
"That is the question that I asked," the Reaper said, withdrawing his hand from Owen's grasp, and stood impatiently in front of him. "What do you choose?"
Owen regarded the haunted being before him before becoming completely confused. "We have met, haven't we?" Owen said, looking disbelievingly at the Reaper. "Owen Harper – you used my dead body as a channel into this world."
"Yes," the Reaper replied. "And now I ask you; cake or death?"
Owen tried to straighten things out in his mind before he spoke. "So, you're going to offer me cake…which I can't eat, because I'm dead…over death. But I'm already dead, so there's nothing more you can do to me."
The Grim Reaper stood there, unmoving. "Ah."
"You know, for a sentient entity, you're not really that intelligent," Owen said. He observed the Reaper a moment more before asking, "What happened to your scythe?"
"I haven't got any muscle, and that thing was bloody heavy," the Reaper replied.
"Oh, well there you go, then," Owen said back to him. Then he gathered up whatever dead strength he had left, and he threw it all in a punch which he delivered right in the Reaper's bony face. The Reaper began to dissipate as lightning flashed through him, and a few seconds later his was gone completely from the world. Owen stood and looked at the spot where death had disappeared. He heard footsteps quickly approaching him.
"What happened?" Jack's voice asked from behind him.
"The Grim Reaper said something to me," Owen replied, keeping his back turned on Jack.
"What did it say?" Jack asked, impatiently.
Owen finally turned around to face Jack and, with a bemused expression, told him:
"He asked me if a wanted some cake."
crackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrackcrack
elmo-doodle: ...i told you it was just crack, lol. i would have called it Cake or Death, but i felt that that would just give away the whole thing!
i really appreciate hearing what you all think of this! and also if you can mention any other moments in Torchwood that i could crack up a bit!
my conscience screams out, "REVIEW ME!". my conscience is scary. better do as he says...
;)