'S wonderful! 'S marvelous!
That you should care for me!
~George & Ira Gershwin, Funny Face, 1927
XXX
June 1, 1925
When it became public knowledge that Miss Jane Edna Peabody and Mr. James Robert Hearst were officially courting, there was the usual titter of excitement among River City's gossips. While there were no betting pools involved, as there famously had been regarding Professor Harold Hill's long-awaited proposal to Miss Marian Paroo, there were plenty of scandalous and scintillating tidbits surrounding the assistant librarian and history teacher's coupling for the townspeople to mull over and digest. Not only had Miss Peabody inquired as to Mr. Hearst's intentions in a manner that was shockingly frank for a woman, she had done this as the two of them shared malteds at a table in the crowded Candy Kitchen. And then to compound this unwarranted public display, she had abruptly run off, leaving the poor, flabbergasted Mr. Hearst in the lurch!
While a few of the more decorous River City-ziens sniffed disapprovingly at the idea of such unladylike behavior, the more practical-minded noted that this unorthodox gambit had paid off handsomely for the spinster, indeed. That very same evening, the assistant librarian and history teacher were seen arm in arm strolling briskly toward the vicinity of the footbridge – and Mr. Hearst did not deliver Miss Peabody safely to her boarding house until nearly eleven o'clock!
While Jane was admittedly a little embarrassed by the raucous scene she had inadvertently caused, her sheer happiness far outweighed any humiliation she felt regarding her boisterous behavior. For the first time in her life, being in love no longer hurt. That alone was well worth any slings and arrows she would have to endure at the hands of the petty gossips, and she took further comfort in the fact that these small-minded individuals were far outnumbered by the true friends and amiable acquaintances who wished her and Jim nothing but happiness.
However, as determined as the assistant librarian was not to let all the frivolous chatter spoil her joy, she couldn't help being relieved that in the days following their new understanding, Jim's behavior toward her was irreproachable. While they did not stoop to discussing such prosaic and vulgar matters as to what was being whispered behind their backs, the history teacher was just as mindful as she was that many eyes were now watching them, avidly waiting to see yet another torrid library romance play out on a grand scale. For not only did the couple continue their tradition of long conversations in the library, they now spent a good deal of time in each other's company outside the building as well, taking strolls around town, sharing meals together, and even indulging in the occasional malted at the Candy Kitchen.
Yet despite these increased opportunities for debauchery, Jim said and did absolutely nothing that would raise the eyebrows of even the most scandal-greedy, easily-offended doyennes. Unlike so many other men in the first flushes of love, the history teacher never took his darling to the footbridge, or spirited her into one of the many hidden alcoves in Madison Park, or even so much as stole the briefest of kisses or caresses when they were ensconced in one of the more isolated aisles in Madison Public Library. And when Jim escorted the assistant librarian to her boarding house at nine o'clock sharp each night, they parted with nothing more than a handclasp and a smile.
While some women would no doubt have been disappointed by this lack of ardor, especially after such a promising embrace on the footbridge, Jane had always prided herself on never having been one of those silly girls who swooned over the idea of being held by a pair of masculine arms and kissed into senselessness. Admittedly, the notion was rather attractive, but it was far too unwise to cultivate such fevered fancies so early in their relationship. Especially when it was more than enough to feel Jim's hand covering hers and see the deep affection in his eyes and smile as he gazed fondly at her. Though these paltry scraps of romance aroused little interest among passerby or the inhabitants of her boarding house, they made Jane weak in the knees. Perhaps she was one of those silly girls, after all…
Even if that was the case, the assistant librarian could take comfort in the fact that her relationship with Jim was still primarily an intellectual one. While there was a great deal of passion just waiting to be expressed between them, their romance had been forged on a solid foundation of friendship and mutual respect. Their daily discussions in the library stayed firmly in the range of the usual scholarly topics that fascinated them both, and would have remained so even if Miss Marian hadn't been quietly but keenly keeping an eye on them. Jane was not at all perturbed by the librarian's watchfulness. On the contrary, she welcomed it. Miss Marian served as the protective older sister the assistant librarian always wished she'd had, especially when she'd so desperately needed both counsel and comfort in dealing with her heartache over William. The librarian was the one person Jane could trust to advise her both frankly and lovingly about the facts of life, spotting any potential pitfalls and sounding the warning before she got too close to the precipice.
As far as Jane could tell, Jim did not seem to find the attentions of their concerned chaperone burdensome, either. Like her, he seemed to derive a great deal of contentment simply from the fact that they were officially courting at last. Though the intensity of his feelings was plain as day whenever he looked at her – at least, it seemed that way to Jane – he spent a good portion of his long hours at the library working, and their conversations were as pedantic and ponderous to outside observers as they were before. Initially, the other patrons watched the new couple with interest, but soon grew bored and turned their attention back to their own business. Even Miss Marian's eyes glazed over listening to the two of them, and she stopped hovering quite so much. After about a week, life seemingly settled back into its usual dull routine for the assistant librarian and history teacher, and River City's gossip mill moved on in search of more rewarding targets to dissect.
But once Jane's words and actions were no longer scrutinized under a microscope, she quickly realized that everything had changed, utterly and completely. Though she took great pains to present as cheerful and unruffled a demeanor as ever, her heart and stomach were in a near-constant state of fluttering, especially when Jim was in the vicinity. And the assistant librarian and history teacher's debates and exchanges, though conducted in level voices, were even more intense and piquant now that they had come to an understanding that there was more between them than platonic feeling. Jim, of course, never made any remarks that could be considered even remotely salacious or bawdy by anyone who happened to overhear them. But there was an undeniable air of flirtation in the history teacher's glances and grins as he effortlessly matched wits with the assistant librarian. So what may have seemed like arcane and incomprehensible academic conversations to the rest of River City had become intense and even erotic exchanges to Jane, filled with private jests and intimate understandings built up over the course of a long acquaintance. Their tête-à-têtes felt as deliciously wicked as any overwrought romantic scene the sillier young ladies scoured the library's collections to delight in.
So it was a good thing Jim never did more than clasp her hand when he said goodnight, because by the end of each day, Jane was, as the abominable slang term put it, a hot mess. If he had kissed her, she was certain she would have thrown her arms around him and pressed her body desperately against his in a most unladylike fashion. As it was, the assistant librarian was unsettled enough when she merely contemplated the idea of dancing with Jim, which was going to happen at the end of this very week. The Events Committee was hosting a charity ball on Saturday evening to raise money for the town's Fourth of July celebrations, which had grown ever more whimsical and elaborate over the years since Professor Harold Hill had arrived to town, and Jim had asked her to accompany him as his date. In the most stunning display of lack of self-control since her disastrous outburst in the Candy Kitchen, Jane had immediately and enthusiastically burst, "A thousand times, yes!"
Fortunately, the two of them had been alone, or nearly so, as the assistant librarian had just finished locking the doors of Madison Public Library for the evening, and the history teacher was standing on the bottom stair waiting to escort her home, so there were no passerby in earshot to witness her lapse. Not that Jim had taken offense at her overeager acceptance. On the contrary, he visibly relaxed and his smile turned into a downright beam, as if he had actually feared she would decline his invitation! At this encouraging reaction, Jane had compounded her brazen behavior by assuring her beau that she'd been on pins and needles waiting for him to ask ever since she first saw a poster advertising the event in Ewart Dunlop's grocery shop window on Center Street.
At that, Jim looked like a man entranced, and even leaned in a little, as if he wanted nothing more than to kiss her right then and there. And despite their being in public, Jane wouldn't have offered so much as a token protest if he had done just that. But to her disappointment, he caught himself and came to a halt, gazing at her with a look that was both sheepish and full of affection. When he earnestly told her how much he appreciated her open, honest and heartfelt manner, Jane couldn't have felt more elated than if he had actually kissed her. Sweet words that she could remember over and over again as she lay in bed waiting to drift off to sleep were far better than a mere pressing together of lips!
Or so she told her traitorous body later that night when it ached for more than mere words, smiles and handclasps. Not that she was at all ready to cross the final threshold to physical intimacy – despite her previous brush with passion, she was still very much a maid – but she was beginning to yearn for another stroll to the footbridge. Or to be whisked into a dim corner of the library for a fleeting but warm embrace. Even just a close-mouthed goodnight kiss from time to time would have sufficed to sate her… for a little while, anyway!
Still, even in the midst of her frustration, Jane had to laugh at her own impatience. Jim had been happily married for several years – presumably, he knew exactly what they had to look forward to – yet he did not seem at all inclined to rush into a physical relationship with her. If the history teacher was starting to feel as stifled as she was by their cordial but restrained interactions, he was a master of concealing his true feelings. Either carnal knowledge wasn't as exciting and illicit as everyone made it out to be, or he simply lacked the maddening curiosity arising from inexperience, and was therefore able to maintain self-control. Surmising – hoping – it was the latter, Jane was more than happy to let Jim set the pace of that aspect of their courtship, despite her steadily increasing longing for a little bit more from the man she loved. She knew just enough to be dangerously, damnably aroused, but not enough to know where or when to stop.
Thankfully, given that the bulk of their time was still spent together in the library, there were many watchful eyes to keep the two of them out of trouble, had they been tempted to seek that kind of danger. But those watchful eyes weren't going to be around all the time.
Four weeks after the assistant librarian and history teacher had come to their understanding, Jane found herself alone in the library. Miss Marian was presently at the emporium helping Professor Hill make the final preparations for the band's upcoming concert and, as it was a beautiful June evening, there were no patrons. Not even Jim had dropped by that afternoon, which was not entirely unsurprising, as even the most bookish of pedagogues needed a day off from scholarly pursuits every now and then. Though time didn't weigh nearly as heavily on Jane as it had that awful week she feared Jim no longer cared for her or wanted to be her friend, even she found being confined to the building a bit stultifying, especially as eight o'clock approached. Admittedly, she was rather lonely without the history teacher to talk to, but she supposed it was for the best he stayed away today. Now that they had succeeded in fading back into insignificance, there was no sense in stirring up the gossips' prurient interest in their doings!
Besides, it wasn't as if they weren't going to see each other very soon. They had made plans to eat a late dinner together after Jane closed up for the night, and tomorrow was not only her day off, but also the day of the boys' band concert, which they were slated to attend together. So with all the lovely dates she had to look forward to with the history teacher in the near future, there was no reason for the assistant librarian to feel vague but persistent glimmers of glumness as she went about her business. And she certainly shouldn't have been wistfully wishing that Jim would surprise her with a stroll to the footbridge tonight. It would be far more prudent to wait at least another month before starting to entertain such heated fancies!
But as Jane knew far too well, love was never prudent. When Jim walked through the large double doors fifteen minutes before closing time wearing the exact same dashing Sunday suit he'd had on the night he finally declared his intentions to her, she did not bother to conceal the full measure of her joy at his unexpected visit. On the nights they shared dinner together, he had always waited outside for her to close up. However, not only had he boldly come up to the main desk, the moment his gaze landed on Casanova's Spanish Passions lying on top of a nearby pile of books, his eyes twinkled and he remarked, "I see you've been delving into the writings of our favorite libertine again. Have you found anything interesting?"
In truth, it was a complete coincidence that this particular book happened to be in the vicinity. The assistant librarian had picked up the dog-eared, much-read tome in the course of neatening the library earlier, and hadn't yet gotten around to putting it back on its shelf. Being a scrupulously honest woman, Jane normally would have explained this. But on this occasion, she felt the irresistible urge to be pert. The atmosphere was deliciously electric between them, and it would be a shame to defuse it by admitting to something so boring. Giving the history teacher an arch smile, Jane replied, "As a matter of fact, several of his observations about women and love piqued my interest, though I don't know if it would be entirely appropriate for a maid like me to discuss such topics so frankly in mixed company, Mister Hearst."
Though Jane had demonstrated her keenness of wit several times before, this was the first occasion she'd ever dared to employ her sharp mind in such openly barbed flirtation. Jim looked quite taken aback by her audacity – but from delight rather than offense. "I suppose not," he ruefully conceded, though his eyes continued to gleam with merriment. "But I very much look forward to the day when we can talk about such wicked subjects without risking any disgrace."
There was a real note of sincerity in his teasing tone that made Jane's heart beat faster. "So do I," she said earnestly, before she could think better of it.
At that unvarnished declaration, Jim gave her such an intense, heated look of longing that the assistant librarian had to avert her gaze so she wouldn't completely lose her composure. The desk was still standing between them, but the history teacher was easily close enough to lean in for a kiss, had he been inclined to do so. When was the last time we actually kissed? she wondered. Merely three weeks ago, her precise and orderly mind chirruped. But that was too long ago for her heart's liking, which despite everything she'd been so fortunate to receive, continued to ache for more.
Jim swallowed audibly and cleared his throat. "If it's not too much trouble, I need that book on Egyptian hieroglyphs again," he sheepishly explained, as if apologizing for not only his behavior, but his presence in the library.
Why did her every attempt to flirt always seem to end in abject failure? Stifling the inconvenient and annoying instinct that caused her to retreat into maidenly reticence whenever she faced the prospect of being on the receiving end of amorous advances from a man, Jane met Jim's gaze again and gave him a genuine grin. "I'm always happy to help you with anything you need."
To her relief, he immediately relaxed and beamed at her in return, as if her response had been precisely what he was hoping for. As Jane led the way up the spiral staircase to the ancient languages aisle on the second floor, the pair fell easily into their usual academic conversation. But the assistant librarian remained acutely, thrillingly conscious that they were truly alone for the first time in what felt like ages, and couldn't help being thoroughly miffed when Jim didn't so much as attempt to reach out for her hand as they walked down the narrow aisle together.
However, her spirits brightened a little when the history teacher stood closer than was strictly necessary as she turned her back to him to retrieve the book he was seeking. Though she knew the library so well she could have plucked the tome from the shelf while blindfolded, she purposely hemmed and hawed so she could delight in having Jim hover just over her shoulder. Who knew when she would have the chance to be so close to him again?
But in her imprudence, she dawdled just a little too long. "Is the book checked out or missing?" the history teacher asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
Jane repressed a sigh of disappointment – there was absolutely no element of impishness in Jim's tone, so he apparently did not have romance on his mind – and reached for the book. "No, it's right here," she said brightly – a little too brightly. "Sometimes it takes me a few minutes to remember where we've shelved something."
"Yes… a consolidated ancient history aisle would help a great deal in that regard," Jim wryly opined.
Jane laughed and shook her head. It was an old debate between them, and he knew as well as she did that she had no intention of capitulating on that matter. And as that delightful note of mischief had crept back into his voice, the assistant librarian knew he was merely teasing. And he was still hovering just over her shoulder, even knowing full well how clumsy she was. If he didn't take care, she was likely to bump right into him as she moved about in this cramped aisle. Perhaps he was looking for more than a book on hieroglyphics, after all…
Jane stepped back just a little farther than necessary. As she collided with Jim, her heart and stomach somersaulted to hear his sharp intake of breath, and when his hands went right to her waist to steady her before she toppled over, she was trembling so much that she genuinely needed his assistance to remain upright.
"Are you all right, Jane?" he asked in a low voice.
Undone by the warmth of his breath against her cheek and neck, Jane turned to face Jim. As their eyes met, she allowed all the longing and invitation she'd had to repress the past few weeks to radiate from her gaze. "I've never been better in all my life."
Jim gaped at her, transfixed. Then he smiled, leaned in and… "Thank you very much for your assistance."
Jane couldn't keep the shock and dismay out of her expression. "So you're not going to kiss me, then?"
Jim continued to smile pleasantly at her, though the look in his eyes was inscrutable. "Oh, is that why you bumped into me?" he observed, sounding mildly surprised. "I thought you were just a little overenthusiastic about finally finding my book!"
However, his eyes were starting to twinkle with amusement, and his hands were still resting on her waist. Once again, he was teasing her. Usually, Jane relished Jim's sense of playfulness. But right now, she had to bite her lip so the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes wouldn't spill over the rims of her lashes and stream down her cheeks in steady rivulets. She'd been far too bold tonight, abandoning her better judgment in her sheer desperation for a little clandestine canoodling. The assistant librarian winced at the indelicacy of using such unrefined language even to describe her innermost thoughts, but she could not deny that slang was sometimes far more evocative than the most sublime phraseology. Besides, what she wanted from Jim was most decidedly not proper, so why should she sully perfectly respectable language by couching her indecency in the ladylike delicacy she lacked?
But what most upset Jane was that despite the previous experience that went into making her into this quivering, wanton seductress – though she was still nowhere near ready to cross the final threshold into full-fledged lovemaking, she felt she deserved such a censorious epithet, for there were few unmarried women who knew better than she did how quickly a few kisses could turn into bodies writhing franticly together – she was as heavy-handed and inept at flirtation as ever.
Now Jim was looking at her with deep affection and regret. "I'm so sorry, Jane," he said softly, taking her hands in his. "I went too far."
Jane vehemently shook her head. "No, I'm the one who needs to apologize for my unbecoming behavior. What you must think of me!"
He gazed steadily at her. "I think you're a woman who's been very patient, for being so very much in love."
It wasn't often that the history teacher stumped her. But as she didn't have the slightest inkling what he meant, Jane could only gape at him.
Jim smiled kindly at her. "It's been a long three weeks for me, too. Oh, don't get me wrong – I've enjoyed every minute of our time together. But there have been times – several times – I've wanted so badly to kiss you, or put my arm around your waist, or even just take your hand in mine. But after all the fuss our courtship caused, I thought it best for us to be sedate and completely above reproach for a little while, until everyone else lost interest in our business."
"I had those exact same thoughts," Jane concurred. "But I still don't quite understand where you've gotten the idea I'm patient?"
Jim swallowed, and his hands tightened on hers. "From the way you've been looking at me, ever since that night. Oh, it's nothing that most people would notice," he assured her when her eyes widened in consternation. "But I spent nearly a year parsing your every look, smile and tone of voice for the slightest hint that you returned my feelings. I'd already had quite a bit of previous experience reading the minutest and subtlest plays of emotion on the face of the woman I loved, as my sweet wife was not the most forthcoming when it came to expressing her displeasure or distress. She was brought up to be taciturn and obliging and, as she was fortunate to be blessed with a naturally placid personality, there was little that angered her. But when she was upset, she felt it to the core of her soul – though she'd never breathe a word of her disquiet for fear of being a burden." He smiled crookedly. "As you can imagine, my learning this valuable skill spared us a lot of unpleasantness."
His smile turned into that endearingly shrewd smirk he always wore when he was laying out a solid proof for the two of them to dissect. "But even knowing how and what to watch for, you were an impenetrable wall. Yet there was something in your eyes and smile that kept me guessing even as I started to despair that you would never return my feelings, something warm and inviting that I never saw you grace any other man with. I couldn't figure out what you were feeling, and it was maddening. But when you told me about William, all the puzzle pieces fell into place, and I felt like such a fool for not realizing sooner." He raised her hands to his lips and kissed the tips of her fingers. "And ever since that night, that wall has collapsed. While other people might see the same Jane Peabody blithely going about her usual business, I see all the warmth, affection and longing that you once kept so carefully hidden from me shining in your eyes." He swallowed again. "I don't actually need that book on Egyptian hieroglyphs, not really. I just couldn't let such a perfect opportunity to be alone with you pass me by."
Jane's mouth had parted in wonder and her head was slightly tilted as she greedily drank in everything she'd been longing to hear him say to her. She was in the perfect position to be kissed, but still, Jim hesitated, even as his hands found her waist again. "However," he stammered, "I want to make absolute sure that my observations of your emotions aren't being muddled by my own feelings. The last thing I would ever want to do is push you too far, too fast – "
"I want this," Jane said in a rush of joy and relief. "I want you."
Jim leaned in and kissed her, softly at first, but then more deeply as her lips encouragingly parted beneath his. It was an interesting incongruity – his embrace remained respectful and even reticent, his hands lightly resting on her waist as his tongue gently but avidly explored the contours of her mouth. It was also maddening – even though she still trembled nervously at the thought, she wanted nothing more than for him to grab her by the hips and press the entire length of his body against hers. Yet even in the midst of the most passionate kiss they had ever shared, she was somehow not tempted to close the distance between them. So what was this strange sense of unfulfillment still gnawing at her heart?
When their kiss finally ended, Jim pulled her into his arms for a fierce hug. As Jane eagerly nestled into his embrace, she realized that this was exactly what she'd been yearning for, even more than that wonderful kiss. Considering the sheer intensity of desire all those heated glances and impassioned debates and affectionate handclasps had aroused in her, it seemed impossible that the two of them could dare to hold each other this close without completely losing themselves to passion. But now, as she laid her head in the crook of his shoulder and breathed in his simple but refreshing scent of soap and starched linen, she felt the most comforting sense of serenity and belonging, as if she had come home after a long journey. While the ever-present desire for his kisses and caresses was still present in the pit of her stomach, their kiss had taken a great deal of the edge off of her yearning, reducing it to a few smoldering embers for the time being. Jane had always known she could trust Jim. She was delighted to realize that she could also trust herself.
That night, the history teacher and assistant librarian reached her boarding house and exchanged their usual goodnight handclasp at ten o'clock, a perfectly reasonable hour for a courting couple their age. But unbeknownst to the River City-ziens, the library clock hadn't even chimed eight when Jim pulled Jane into his arms in the ancient languages aisle and, had anyone still been interested enough to observe their doings, they would have discovered the pair were not seen at the Candy Kitchen, footbridge, or anywhere else in public that evening.