Aurora Borealis 97: Hi, I'm back with a new one! Don't get mad because I'm starting a new one, by the way - my friend wrote it, not me. Say hi, SmileyFrozenWaffle13!

SmileyFrozenWaffle13: Hi!

Aurora Borealis 97: I proofread this as I posted it for her, but that's mostly it.

Chapter 1: Arriving at Hogwarts

Zim had no idea how he got himself into this mess. Well, yes he did, but he tried to focus on getting out of that place called Hogwarts. But, before we get to this point, let's go back to the start of the story.

He was sitting at home, and it was breakfast time in what he called the filthy horrible human world. GIR, his stupid and insane robot, had just made another batch of waffles, and he tried his best to not gag because he had eaten so much. It was surprising to Zim that waffles didn't make him sick. He would probably take some back to Irk for the Tallest to try. Of course, Zim was still completely clueless about his exile, but he went on about calling the Tallest every day, although on this particular day, a certain owl flew over his house while he reading the human worm news paper. Since Zim didn't have a chimney, or a fire place for that matter, the owl simply swooped through the window, which GIR left open again. The bird was now in his house, and Zim was getting pretty annoyed by its hooting, so he quickly yelled

"GIR, get me cleansing chalk!"

GIR came back with a bar of soap, which Zim shoved up the owl's mouth. He then noticed a letter that the owl dropped.

"OOOOOOHHHH, you got mail!" the stupid robot chimed loudly. Zim read the letter out loud:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc. Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Zen,

We are writing to inform you that we have noticed a certain quality in you that we feel is special and possibly magical. Please obtain the supplies on the included supply list. We await your owl no later than July 31st.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

"WHAT?" Zim said very angrily. "This Albus human, has the wrong human! Well, I might as well go to see this "Hogwarts" skool."

Suddenly, he had an idea, and a wicked grin was upon his face.

"Yes… maybe I will see what it is like, then when I am done with it, I WILL DESTROY IT!" he started laughing evilly, and told his very "advanced" SIR unit to come with him.

He made GIR disguise himself as his dog (A/: SmileyFrozenWaffle13: so cute!) and they headed off to the airport, they were on their way to Europe. Since they already had some knowledge of where Hogwarts was (thanks to Computer), by the time they arrived in Europe they made their way through the many countries, and finally they ended up at station 9 ¾. But, being much less of a human, and even less of a wizard, he had no idea how to get through the wall of 9 ¾.

Suddenly, a group of people appeared, most of them with orange hair, and one with jet black hair, glasses, and, was that a lightning shaped scar on his forehead? Zim had wondered this, and saw them disappear through the wall, he figured he could that easily, and he grabbed GIR and his belongings, which were purchased for him by GIR. He was wearing his human disguise, which should have been obvious to know by now. When no people were looking, he attempted to jump through the wall. The first six times were a complete failure, so he decided to use the lasers in his PAK to blast through the wall. Amazingly, it worked. Several witches and wizards turned to look him, and he quietly (with GIR on a leash) stepped through.

The wall reformed, and everyone was still looking at him, shocked looks were on their face. He once again saw the kid with the lightning scar on his head. The kid stared at him confusedly, and the kid next to him was the first one to speak from the silence. He was about the size of the black-haired kid, but had carrot hair.

"Blimey Harry… do you think he's from space? Look at his head."

The person with the lightning scar apparently named Harry, looked at him, obviously interested. Zim then had an idea; he was going to give the speech he gave for the first day of the normal skool he went to.

"Hello friends, I am a perfectly normal human worm baby, you have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me, just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine." he said this with total confidence, and it seemed to satisfy everyone… everyone except Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who looked even more suspicious.

Zim got on the train as soon as it arrived. Unfortunately, Ron, Harry, and Hermione followed him to his seat. He was starting to get really nervous. These guys were so intent on finding out Zim's race; it almost made him miss Dib. When they finally sat down parallel to him, they started asking what kind of "spell" he used to blast through the wall. He had no idea what spells were, and he had no idea what a wizard or witch was, and he made the mistake of asking them.

"Don't you know anything about the wizard world? Poor amnesiac." Hermione said sympathetically. "I'll teach you everything you need to remember."

Zim had no idea what 'amnesiac' was, but he decided to go along with it. The girl named Hermione told him that a wizard was a person with magical powers, and they are mainly trained to protect people like the boy named Harry from dark wizards such as you-know-who. Zim also made the mistake of asking who you-know-who was.

She looked around, and she tried to whisper in his ear, but realizing that he had no ears, she was now very confused on how she was supposed pass information to him without anyone hearing. She decided to just whisper it really lightly in his general direction. "Voldemort" (A/N SmileyFrozenWaffle13 & Aurora Borealis 97: gasp! XD) she said. But Zim apparently had not heard because he asked to say it a little louder. "Voldemort." (A/N Aurora Borealis 97: Gasp!) She said a little louder.

"What?" he said hopelessly confused. She decided to conjure a piece of parchment, and get her pen from her bag. She wrote it down, cringed, and gave it to Zim. He looked at it, and said out loud

"So why is this Voldemort person so bad?" (A/N Aurora Borealis 97: *Faints*) Everyone froze, and Hermione was red in the face. "What?" he said confused.

There was an awkward silence, and eventually Neville decided to move a little forward, and it caused everyone else to move forward too. People resumed walking around, but it was very quiet.

When the train finally pulled up to Hogwarts, everyone got off and resumed talking. Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed Zim into where the second years were supposed to be, even though Zim didn't even have a house yet.

Professor McGonagall directed him to where the first years were, and because he didn't seem to have a last name, he was just was referred to as Zen (so he pretended he was Zen), and was last on the list. When he finally got to have the sorting hat placed on his head, it took a long time for it to decide.

"Hmmm…" it said, stumped. "Not Ravenclaw!" it called out.

It tried to search his most inner thoughts, but all it found was NOTHING (well, nothing human anyway.) "Not Hufflepuff!" It tried even harder to search.

"Not Gryffindor!" the hat hoped that it wouldn't have to send him to that OTHER house, which it only had to send three other children. But, he wasn't quite fit for Slytherin. "Not Slytherin!"

The only house he was good for was… no, that can't be it. It reviewed its mental notes, and it finally gave up.

"The only house that is good for you is…" it started. Everyone gasped. "It's a house for… special people like you. I hereby place you in… the Cowmanure house." it said solemnly. Zim however, yelped in happiness, because he got placed in a "special" house.

He also heard three kids, one a girl, the other two boys, cheer in happiness. The table they sat in was one of those fold-up tables, with fold-up chairs too. Dumbledore quickly conjured another chair, and Zim ran over sat down. They had the traditional feast, and went to their houses.

SmileyFrozenWaffle13: Yay! My second fanfic! This is my favorite chapter because it's a long one! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Oh, and yes, I do realize that the letter was short and crappy, but it was easy to work on. R&R!

Aurora Borealis 97: I made a few improvements, which happened to include the 'short and crappy letter' from Hogwarts. Enjoy!