Takes place the first night back after the funeral. I don't own four brothers or the quote "To forgive..." , it comes from Buffy the vampire slayer.
She was gone.
She was gone, and they grieved.
Bobby had escaped the torment of his mothers bedroom and now stood at the stairs, hesitating. Making up his mind he entered Jack's room to find it empty and the window open. Some things never changed, no matter how much time that passed, no matter what happened. He took the few steps to the window and peered outside and sure enough, there was his youngest brother. He was laying on his back at the roof, staring up at the sky. He was hit by an other wave of pain. He had not yet accepted his mothers death, he knew she was gone, but some part of him still refused to believe it. But looking at his brother he knew that he had, and that he was breaking. He once again felt the guilt creep up on him, it never really let go of the grip it had on him, but some moments were worse than others, and seeing his brother like this almost made him choke on it. He should have been here.
To forgive is an act of compassion, it's not done because someone deserves it, it's done because they need it...
He wanted forgiveness, but more than that he wanted blood. Needed it like he needed air.
"She wouldn't have blamed you"
Jack's voice cut through the stillness of the night and Bobby almost flinched, both at the sound and the words. He wanted to accept the words as the truth, but his guilty soul wouldn't let him, not yet. "And how do you know that?"
Jack shrugged, his eyes not leaving the dark sky. "I knew her"
Bobby knew he was right. His Ma wouldn't have blamed him, would never have even thought about it. Shit she probably forgave the fuckers who shot her the moment they pulled the trigger. "That almost makes it worse" he mumbled while climbing out on the roof and laying down next to his brother.
Jack nodded. He knew what he meant. Their mother had been an angel sent from heaven, and they were the lost souls she'd tried to save. They hadn't made it easy for her. He regretted it now. Every worry he had caused, every gray hair on her beautiful head, every tear he knew she had shed over him. And now she was gone, and he'd never said goodbye, never said thank you, for everything.
"She knew Jack".
It was almost scary how alike they were, how easy it was to tell what the other was thinking. At least on a night like this, when pain and guilt and anger made everything that much more raw.
Bobby hesitated. He didn't know how to ask, and he didn't if he should, but he'd just gotten his brothers back and wanted them close, all of them. And this was about family, and they were one, no matter how fucked up they were. "Are you with me on this?" His voice was low, the words almost hesitant, not his usual demanding tone. He was asking, not demanding.
Jack's blue young eyes that had seen so much, had seen enough, turned to him. "Aren't I always"