A/N: HI GUYS! THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC, BUT PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO CRITICIZE! I LOVE KNOWING WHAT TO WORK ON IN MY WRITING. THIS STORY WILL SWITCH OFF FROM SHERLOCK'S POV TO JOHN'S, USUALLY EVERY CHAPTER, BUT I'LL POST THE POV JUST TO BE SURE. THANKS FOR CHOOSING MY FANFIC!
NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU…
(SHERLOCK'S POV)
"One more miracle. One more thing, for me, Sherlock. Don't. Be… Dead." John's voice cracked on the last word, and from where I sat, a good distance away, I saw a few tears slide down his cheek when he walked away. As I watched him, I knew why I loved him. Why I always had, and always will. His caring nature and compassion from the very beginning was like a drug to me. One that I was more than eager to take the moment it was presented to me. I followed him with my eyes as he walked to where Mrs. Hudson had been waiting for him, and continued to soak up the image as he disappeared into the car, and the car disappeared from my sight. Only after I was sure that I could no longer see it did I lean against the old oak behind me for support. My heart began to ache, and tears made their way down my face and neck. My John, my love, the one person who had really truly meant something to me in life; it hurt to see him so tortured by the pain of my 'death'. But I knew that somewhere in my selfish thoughts that I would rather see him so hurt yet still alive because of me instead of seeing him dead and lifeless for the same reason. I felt the sharp pain of my thoughts slowly fade away into a dull, throbbing ache in my heart and an unusually empty mind. My new normal. I made my way slowly to the far parking lot in search of Molly's car. I found her waiting near the exit, and I climbed into the passenger side without a word. She pulled out quickly and we rode in an uncomfortable silence back to her small flat; where I was currently staying for the time being.
It had been extremely kind of her to let me in, even though she knew exactly what I had done. Mycroft was aware of my doing as well, but going to him for a place to live would only be admitting defeat. So I had taken up Molly's spare room. Although for the most part I ended up on her couch in the sitting room. Everything had stopped since that day on top of Bart's hospital roof, or at least everything I care to pay attention to. Around me, the world kept on spinning. So pointless, so boring. But I sat quietly, my mind focused on only one thing, my heart wanting only one person, the only person I knew I could never have again.
When we reached the flat, I made no attempt to hide my pain and rushed through the door to the sitting room. Molly followed me in, a little more slowly, closing and locking the door behind her. The blinds were drawn all throughout the already dim house, I clicked on the lamp nearest me, and a yellowish light poured over the room as I curled up facing the back of the couch. Hiding my face in the closest pillow, I tried to wipe away the tears furiously pouring down my face before Molly walked in. Not that she hadn't seen me like this before; I had been a wreck ever since… I didn't even want to remember the day. But I still clung to the bit of dignity that remained. Her footsteps became louder, then silent as she stepped into the carpeted room. No words were spoken, but she knew exactly what was wrong -she was most peculiar in that way- and as if she was my mother, she tossed a thin blanket over my body. I thought a silent thank you, assuming it would be heard only by me, but she seemed to understand and tiptoed out. As she left, the light bulb flickered, and went out. I didn't bother getting up to try and fix it; it wasn't exactly a very important thing to do. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I noticed a small sliver of light across the floor from a crack in the blinds, and I watched the small bits of dust floating around, dancing in the light, carefree little particles circling around each other, mesmerizing yet still so boring. My thoughts wandered aimlessly through my dark, cold mind palace. It all seemed so foreign now, empty halls and quiet rooms, but I didn't bother with them, my only desire to reach the little glow of light always just a bit too far out of my reach.
I must've fallen asleep at some point, something I'd been doing a lot more often lately, because when I opened my eyes, the dust was gone. Along with the little piece of daylight. I sat up, trying to gain control of my body, which was still stiff from sleep. My head pounded, and my eyes were extremely dry, proof that I had in fact been crying before I fell asleep. The lamp was still burnt out, and I was wrapped in complete and utter darkness. I shivered; even though the room itself was warm, my whole body felt like ice. I pulled the blanket around my shoulders a bit tighter, trying to create some kind of warmth for me to feel, but nothing changed. I was still sitting there totally alone, everything that I needed and wanted, and… Even loved. It was all gone. I heard someone shuffling around in the next room, and wondered what time it was. Looking around the room for a clock, I spied my phone sitting on the small table on the opposite side. I tried to get up, tried to go and grab it from the table. Too bad you have no one to bring it to you anymore, my mind whispered, in a heartbreakingly familiar voice. I willed myself to stand, imagined walking over and picking it up off the table, but my body wouldn't comply. My own body betraying me, taunting me… I gave it up, and was about to lie back down and drown in the emptiness of my own head when there was a very soft knock at the front door.
I didn't even bother to get up and see who it was, not worried that it may be for me. No one important would be looking. They all think I'm dead. I heard Molly's quiet but hurried footsteps as she made her way to the door. About a minute had passed, and I listened as the lock clicked, and the door creaked a little as it was swung open. I waited for someone to speak, to move, to even breathe. Just so I could at least attempt to figure out who the mystery person was. I thought about sneaking a peek down the hall and try to see the front door, but once again, my body failed me; I couldn't even raise a hand to help pull myself up. I gave up, and resolved to just listen. I didn't have to wait long; a moment later I heard Molly draw a sharp breath and begin to speak. It seemed to take forever for her to form the words, although it was actually less than a second before the words came out of her mouth.
"Oh, John."