That's Not Gonna Happen
Chapter 1
James Potter was sitting in the Gryffindor common room at 7 o'clock, if it had been anyone else that wouldn't have bothered Lily Evans but this was James, the boy whose ego was so big he would make an elephant look small. So that was the reason why she was eyeing him out of the corner of her eye, not because she liked him(cause she defiantly didn't) but it was odd for him to be up so early and especially without his gang. She had an unnerving feeling that it was something to do with her; she heaved a sigh before turning back to her book. The reason she was up so early was because her and Darcy where planning to get some work done before heading out to hogsmeade. However Darcy was late, so she told Lily to meet her downstairs while she got ready but when she got there she was met by James and his grinning face.

James looked over at Lily who was focused on her book; he knew she was looking over at him from time to time though, making his smirk increase. "Can't resist me can you Evans" he called out cheekily, before dodging a book that was thrown at top speed at his face, he barely missed it as it hit the wall behind his chair making him let out a deep breath before turning to the fuming red head.

"Get stuffed Potter!" Lily snapped glaring daggers at him, angry with herself for not being able to get him.

"One day you will want me" He replied leaning over his chair and picking up her book waving it at her, making her literally growl at him.

However a noise from the stairs made them both turn, coming down the steps was a girl who stifled a yawn before giving them both questioning looks lifting her eyebrows.

"Took your time didn't you Darce" Lily stated rolling her eyes, now ignoring James as he watched on confused.

The girl that walked into the room was small, about a head smaller than Lily with messy brown hair that could almost out do James'; it was pulled into a high ponytail while she pushed away her fringe glaring at her friend. Dark brown eyes framed with long black lashes, she was pretty but not as pretty as his Lily, James watched as Darcy roll her eyes before walking over and linking arms with Lily before they strolled out of the common room. As they went Lily walked past the chair James was in, making him smirk and raise an eyebrow but before he could come up with a witty comment Lily stepped on his foot, making him bite his lip and shot her a look as she went past.

"Opps" she giggled giving him an innocent look before pulling Darcy out the room, who was laughing and poked her tongue out at James while waving.

James just sat there with Lily's book in his hand and a sore foot; though he didn't care cause he now knew how to get Lily. He smirked having not thought of it before, he knew who Darcy Strong was he just never thought of getting Lily's best friend to help him, since Lily and Snape had fallen out she was hanging around with Darcy more. He couldn't believe he had only just realised it now, he was going to waste no time now. He quickly threw Lily's book on the table, pushed his glasses up with a devilish smile before running up the stairs to his room, humming to himself in glee. Not realising how early it was and just wanting to let his friends know his plan, he kicked open the door with a bang as it hit the wall and echoed into the room, James stood there for a second smirking like he had just won the jack pot. Peter who slept closest to the door awoke with a start and was now staring at James like he had run in doing the can-can, who just gave him a quick salute before setting his sights on his new target: one sleeping Remus Lupin.

James took no time in waiting before he leaped onto Remus' bed stepping on him, hearing a grumpy 'get off' before wriggling his bum preparing to jump then taking a cat leap onto Sirius' bed, he landed funny and slipped off the bed grabbing onto the now awake Sirius for support, but it ended up with a lot of groaning as both of them fell off the bed, landing in a tangled mess of the covers and limbs. All that could be seen was James' messy hair appearing out of the tangle of covers and Sirius' legs.

"Prongs! I need my beauty sleep" Came Sirius as he finally got out from under the covers punching the lump still in the covers with a glare before running his hand over his face then though his tousled hair.

James let out a muffled laughed before finally the mass of hair moved and his face appeared with his glasses hanging half way down his nose and crooked, he smirked seeing Sirius' grey eyes literally glaring daggers at him. Remus was now sitting up in bed rubbing his shoulder, where James had stood on him mumbling something about not being friends with him ever again. Peter was leaning against the bed posts of Sirius' bed yawning looking down at his two friends still all tangled in the covers on the floor.

"James it's 7.20 in the morning, why are you up?" Remus asked looking at his clock giving it a disgruntled look, James smirked sheepishly as he pushed his glasses back up.

"More like why the hell are you waking us up?" Sirius sighed as Remus nodded rubbing his scarred cheek looking at James for answers.

Sirius sighed deeply throwing himself back onto the floor not believing his best friend had just woke him up like that, Peter had already fallen back asleep standing up so James stood up quickly pulling the covers with him making Sirius groan like a baby.

"I have finally realised how to get Evans, it took me sometime but now I know!" James stated proudly, getting blank stares from Sirius and Remus.

"You mean you stood on me and woke me up, just to tell me another ridiculous plan!" Remus seethed gritting his teeth resisting the urge to chuck his clock at James' head, who raised his hand about to argue but gave a sheepish look and nodded.

Sirius grabbed the covers from James' hand gave him one final dirty look before jumping back onto his bed, leaning against the head post the covers up to his chin, he heaved a sigh before looking back at James who was pulling out the puppy dog eyes at him.

"Alright I'll hear this stupid plan" Sirius sighed shooting Remus a look but then giving a shocked look as he saw that he was asleep.

"It's okay we will fill him in later" James smirked patting Peter on the back so hard that he jolted forward throwing him off balance.

"Wakey wakey Wormtail I have the best plan ever, it will get me Evans and we might even help her after she helped us" He hollered down his ear, smirking brightly as he saw Sirius sit up and suddenly pay attention when James mentioned a girl. Peter just rubbed his sore ear.

" I see that got your attention" James stated sitting on the edge of Sirius' bed, who sat forward raising an eyebrow for him to continue, Peter sat on his bed and watched the two quietly. Remus had pulled a pillow over his head a minute ago and was already away with the fairies.

"Alright so I have just noticed that Lily is very close with a certain girl, this girl will know everything about Lily; what she likes in a guy, what she likes about everything! So if I get this girl to help us then she can help me get Lily! It's so simple that I missed it until this morning, they have always been close but since Lily and Snape have 'broken up' they have been really close!" James let out a large breath after he finished then smiled waiting for Sirius' reaction, he didn't seem impressed at all.

"So your telling me that you woke me up at 7 o'clock to tell me that you only just realised that, this girl might not even help you! She might hate you like Evans! Also girls travel in packs; you'd never get her alone long enough to help us" Sirius stated picking out all the faults, though he did like the idea of spending time with a girl as she tried to help James, then he stopped and thought about it. Who was this girl?

"Good plan!" Peter squeaked smiling brightly, getting James approval as he returned the smile, Sirius just rolled his eyes at Peter.

"Alright I'll bite who is she?" Sirius sighed eyeing James as he suddenly looked not too confident.

"Well it would be…" James muttered off at the end shrugging, Sirius shot him a look.

"Darcy Strong…" smiling sheepishly as Sirius nearly fell off the bed again, but he just leaned sideward looking like he was about to fall asleep again then hearing the girls name and flashing a smile but then realising he was meant to be looking unimpressed. He did remember Darcy though, it was their first month in Hogwarts and she had come up to him in the common room, shooting him a look as she stuttered over then told him that she was playing truth and dare, she was being dared to kiss him, so of course they kissed and it got nearly out of controlled but she pulled back rose an eyebrow smirked and told him 'thanks for the first kiss' before throwing her head back sniggering to herself before disappearing back over to her friends. James was there so he knew that Sirius probably wanted that kiss again, so he would agree to be working with her pretty shortly.

"I like Darcy, she really nice" Peter stated obviously not getting the point of it, while Sirius was debating whether to be supportive of James who throw something at him for waking him up so early.
"You talk to her?" James asked his smiling growing, turning to Peter who grinned wildly nodding his head happy to help James.

"Yeah I talk to her when she is in the library, she is really nice and kind, different to both parents, stubborn but she has a temple like a bull, rather scary like Lily" Peter explained proudly, James looked like it was Christmas and his birthday at the same time. He was so happy that he literally threw himself off the bed flying through the air before hitting Peter in a mid-air hug, sending them both sprawling to the floor in a bundle.

"James you have literally lost it! You're waking us up at this ungodly hour to tell us how to get Evans. Seriously no it…" Sirius was cut off when they heard the common room door slam open and laughter rung out in the air.

"What on earth?" Peter stated raising an eyebrow still dazed from basically being tackled to the floor, but James was already jumping up and running downstairs knowing that in all the laughter one of them was Lily.

" And there goes the love struck puppy" Sirius groaned before following him, so that he didn't do anything stupid and get his nose broken by the girl.

James sprinted down the steps practically flying down but by the time he had gotten there Lily and whoever else had gone, he sighed running a hand through his messy hair before falling flat on his face when Sirius crashed into him, spending them tumbling to the floor.
" Why did you stop!" Sirius hissed in James's ear before they both looked up when a loud laugh rang through the room, whoever it was let out a slight snort before stumbling into the room, hearing them curse while laughing as it seemed they walked into a chair or table.

James smiled grew on his face again when he saw who had just walked into the room, though she like them had nearly face planted the floor. Though it didn't surprise him as she was covered head to toe in paint, all bright colours splattered over her hair and face running down her shoulders onto her top then covering her jeans, she looked she had been in the firing ranger of people pulling pranks. Darcy stood there laughing shaking her head at not being able to see, painting flying everywhere from her hair. She ran one clean finger over her face smudging the blue on her face even more.

Sirius quickly stood smirking at how cute and lost she looked, then he realised he was in just his boxers with tousled hair, he pulled James up and they kept silent seeing as Darcy couldn't seem them. "We need to get her upstairs now" James whispered as she gave a sigh.

"What? You want to kidnap her?" Sirius asked his jaw slacking at James, who nodded looking around for something then he spotted it lying on the sofa, where Darcy was standing, was a blanket. Smirking like a Cheshire cat he tip toed over silently grabbing it, before ushering Sirius over whom in turn gave him a disapproving look but played along.

"Lily?" Darcy called out hearing someone approach her, her fringe and face was covered in paint and her vision was blurred, she was about to put her hand out when something was thrown over her then she felt herself being picked up, someone grabbed around her middle then her feet.

She gave a yelp before being silence by the material, she didn't know who was kidnapping her or anything, and the only thing she knew is that whoever it was going to have a broken nose after from her. She wriggled about wildly but whoever it was strong. Sirius looked over at James shooting him looks as he held onto Darcy's feet, he actually couldn't believes he was doing this for James just so he could get Lily, he didn't know if she would even help him. She might break out and kill them all then turn to Lily who would kill them all over again from kidnapping her friends. And to Sirius that didn't seem like his average Saturday.

After about 5 minutes of struggling and Darcy cracking James right in the balls, they managed to get her up to their dorm with Sirius kicking the door open, nearly smacking Peter in the face and sending him flying, but he simply fell back onto his bed staring wide eyed at them as they dragged Darcy in. Remus was still asleep, he was used to all the noise so he didn't wake up when they busted in with Darcy making muffled shouts and both boys snapping at each other. They quickly put her down and gently pushed her away from them so she didn't attack them, with cat like reflex a painted hand appeared and the blanket was yanked off her. She was still covered in paint but it was badly smudged now, it didn't help that she looked so furious that a bear would back down from her. She glared daggers at the boys, not realising she was in their dorm and she was right beside Remus's bed.

She exhaled loudly through her nose, before setting her sights on the first one she saw which was Peter, as the others had backed away while he stepped forward.
" Peter! I can't believe you what the hell do you think you're doing?" She growled, thinking that the next time she saw him in the library she was going to push a whole book case on him.

"I can explain!" Peter squeaked loudly putting his hands up in defence against the angry girl, as James and Sirius were standing behind him looking at each other debating whether to save him against the girl's anger.

Alrighty first chapter :) ignore the mistakes and such i know i fail
Please comment, i'd love a bit a feedback