Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR (you guys all knew that)

1

Ever since I can remember the idea of people knowing my name scared me, because what if I screwed up and that name everyone knew was severely dented with the error the one who held it created, which was so frightfully comforting about living with my uncle and aunt. But I guess the comfort of being invisible was over shadowed by the abuse and neglect they gave me for being so noticeable.

Before I went to Hogwarts I got to be in my own little world under the stairs. Before my new room here I got to sit in my cupboard and count spiders without being noticed. Sometimes I was even forgotten, but I kind of liked that feeling. I rested on that. After I became known as the "boy who lived" I never got that feeling again. That feeling of being invisible was replaced with fear and nervousness. And so now whenever I get into a bad situation I just feel like curling up into a ball and trying to become invisible again. People need me though. So I have to suppress the feeling of being invisible to save people a lot more capable than me. The only reason I have to do it is because I have the name. The boy who lived. Sometimes I think fate made a mistake and I'm the wrong boy who lived.

1st year wasn't that hard because I was still young enough to think the world was good. 2nd year wasn't hard either because I didn't know I always had to be the hero. I thought it was a part time job. Not a full time responsibility. And this year thinking about what will happen, because something always happens, and how I have to be the one to save everyone makes me shudder. Because what if the boy who lived, who succeeded two times before, can't save us this time and-

My dangerous thoughts were cut off by Ron shaking me awake.

"Come on Harry! Wake up its time for breakfast!" He yelled into my ear as I stop the shaking from happening again. Not in front of Ron, I think.

"Yeah, Ron I-I'm getting up okay?" I say groggy, Even though I've been awake for hours. I place my face in my hands and take a deep breath to calm myself before I get up for the chaos of the day. Before I can take a step out of bed I'm dragged out of bed and thrown my clothes by my red haired best friend who has no idea what kind of warfare goes on in my head every day. If I told Ron he wouldn't understand. Hermione on the other hand knows and is very understanding. She is good at putting herself in your shoes.

As I pull on my pants I'm breathing better now and I think I can make it through breakfast without the shaking today. I just have to prepare for the Quidditch game later. Those have been getting harder and harder ever since holiday and it scares me that I don't know why.

"Harry! Come on!" Ron yells from down the stairs. I quickly pull on my robes over my crooked button down uniform and throw a tie around my neck. Then I follow Ron strait down the path to destruction.

The great hall is where everybody is, People I like, People I don't like, People I look up too and people that look up to me. Even though they shouldn't. I see Hermione in a sea of red. Fred, George, Ginny and Ron around her. The seat next to her is empty and meant for me. When Seamus tries to sit there I see her shake her head and point to me. My head moves down, so no one will see me. I don't want Seamus to be mad I took his seat. I don't want to be that kid.

No, not now Harry okay? Not here. I say to myself to make the shakes go away before I sit down in a place I feel safe. With my friends who love me.

I am okay. I am okay.

"Harry! We thought you'd never make it!" Says Fred smiling only out the sides of his mouth. I mimic him by smiling also. The smile must seem forced since Hermione is staring me down like she is planning on interrogating me.

"So Ginny, How has second year been treating you?" George to the rescue.

"Better than first year. Or so I think, I can't remember half last year." Ginny says giggling.

Oh I get it. Voldemort joke. From last year's chamber stunt that I got blamed for then became the savior of. Why is everything so confusing?

The rest of breakfast was chatter and things I don't remember. I remember feeling safe though. Safe with all my friends and safe without threat. I haven't been threatened yet. But it is only the beginning of the year.

Wait. The dementor on the train was a threat, Aunt Marge was a threat, and Sirius Black is a threat. Never mind. I feel safe with my friends kind of, but less safe thinking of my happiness being ripped from me with just one kiss or being pulled out of school for blowing up my Aunt or letting the man who betrayed my parents roam free. I feel them coming. No. Go away. Go away! My inner monologue screamed at the terrifying feeling I was faced with so many times before.

"Come on Harry, Potions today." Hermione nudges me out of my attack and I grab my books to go to class. Close one. I think as I walk away from those feelings leaving them in the seat I escaped from, but only to go to the hardest class to keep calm in and the most threatening environment.

REVIEW AND COMMENT