I won't tell them that his final words were for me, not them, that amacus is singular, not plural. Sam would be devastated, I think, knowing she wasn't included in what might have been his final words. Teal'c would be grave and solemn; I think the warrior in his soul didn't need words at the end.
Or maybe they'd understand.
I saw Teal'c's face as he left to check on Jack and whatever he was doing to the ring transporter, and again when he returned. Somehow I know that they had their goodbyes. For all the shallowness of his expressions, his emotions run so deep that they radiate into the people around him, making their presence known.
Come to think of it, I bet Sam said her goodbyes too – when she went to see what Jack was doing to the power crystals. When he was in that chair dying, she didn't want to let him go, but there was no denial or desperation in her voice, only sadness. She was prepared for that; it wasn't until she realized we had to leave him in that block of ice that she began to crack.
I hadn't gotten to say goodbye. I hadn't gotten a final talk, a chance to express things that I've never said and always should have. I express my love for people in my actions, the things I do for them, the things I do when I'm around them. Words are my tools, my weapons, and I can use them to appeal to any audience and invoke any emotion – but I can't even begin to touch my own. It is the only circumstance under which my words fail me.
I tried, when we were alone in the cargo hold. I told him that I would have done it; he told me he knew. And then Sam walked in. I was so frustrated that I wanted to slam my head into the boxes behind me, but then she asked how Jack was feeling, and I desperately wanted to know.
And he remembered.
Even through the haze of approaching death, even through the overwhelming knowledge taking over his mind, he held on to our aborted conversation. He remembered, he looked at me, and he gave me what he knew I needed, and what I'm sure he needed to.
That chance to say goodbye.
TO BE CONTINUED...