"Dear Jacob,

Have I mentioned yet that each time I sit in this peaceful, angelic spot, I hear 'Reminds Me of You' in my head? Well I do.

Sitting here, in our comfort zone, our secret world, doesn't allow me to think of anyone but you. On the rain ridden days full of gloomy mist, I think of your tickling fingers. On the heart warming sunshine days, I think of your smile. On days like today, a normal, cloudy day, I wonder where you are.

I keep thinking that the more I write these letters, the less I'll be saying sorry, but I can't stop. Jake – you're my best friend and I love you. That day I was a horrible, sorry excuse for a friend. I couldn't hurt you anymore. I thought you'd be relieved I wasn't there. I never imagined the angry phone call you'd make on the way to the airport, saying that you'd rather I be dead than hurting you each day. At first I couldn't believe you had said it – but I get it.

I swear, if you just write me back, call me, send smoke signals, saying that you forgive me, that I'll never hurt you again.

I guess you hear me say sorry enough, but I won't stop until I feel your forgiveness.

I miss you Jake.

….Bells"

As I finished writing the letter, I wondered what number it was. I had to be close to the triple digits by now. Jane, my favorite person to buy stamps from now, knew my name by now after all the letters. Of course, so did everyone else at the Post Office; but Jane never looked at me with pity like the other workers. But I don't care what looks I get, if I develop carpel tunnel and lose my hand, or even worse…if Jake never writes me back; I will write until I feel his forgiveness.

I started to drift back into the feet of the colossal Virgin Mary statue I was propped at the base of. It was always my favorite, well, our favorite. Jake spent all but my first week in Washington here with me…until he left. 'Song of the Angels,' the painting by William Bouguereau was transformed into a beautiful piece of art here. It put me at peace for all the long conversations I started here 7 years ago.

I used to be alone under the stone; alone with Renee, my mother whom I prayed could hear me. I liked to think that being put to rest underneath the musical angels was a sign; she always loved a whimsical set of notes.

For a moment, I remembered that it had already been 7 years. 7 years since I watched my mother drift away from cancer. It felt like just last week when I was at the clinic with her, getting the news that would wreck my world. It was terminal, and for her sake, it was quick. And for my sake she filled it with magical stories of her life, of her dreams for me, and of how she most wanted me to find the 'forever' love that she had never found.

Renee had my dad, Charlie for a while, but as they said, "We aren't each others' forever." Charlie moved to Washington when I was small, and although I made trips now and again, my life was with my mom in the warm, dry air of Phoenix. I can remember the day I moved North with Charlie and we laid my mother to rest where I sit now. That was the day I met Jacob….

Before I had a moment to make myself wracked with guilt for the umpteenth time today, my phone let out a soft chime.

"Bella! Where are you! You're finals are done, now get downtown, start shopping with me and Rose and hit the bars…who knows what kind of men will be out tonight: )"

"Alice…." I spoke her name under my breath, almost as if I was speaking of an enemy rather than one of my best friends. There was no doubt in my mind that she was wondering why I wasn't back in our cozy, well-decorated (thanks to her of course) apartment yet. Sure, my final had been done for hours…but I wanted to share the success of finishing my first year of law school with Renee; and my never-ending apologies with my Jake.

I pushed the finished letter carefully into its pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope and placed it carefully into my backpack. I don't know why I was always so scared to crease any of the corners or get the crisp, white envelope dirty in anyway. I guess I already figure that I've flown enough dirt in Jake's face.

I started to type a text off to Alice to let her know I was on my way home after a quick post-office stop, but then I thought twice. Any mention of a post-office to Alice would send her into a dizzying frenzy and long, sweet toned speeches. I think I'd rather avoid that today; no doubt she already has an amazing night planned.

It would be shopping with the girls as always. Rosalie would spend at least an hour at the makeup counter, Alice would insist on buying me expensive dresses with less fabric then a bikini and I would stand and admire their carefree nature and attitudes. I knew they had the lives I should have; adoring boyfriends, chirpy attitudes, shining smiles; but I just wasn't there yet. Maybe someday.

At that moment I realized the last phrase in Alice's text: " who knows what kind of men will be out tonight: )" By now I could interpret that well in Alice language as meaning, "I talked to someone I think is fabulous and he'll be waiting to meet you out tonight. Take him home and show him a good time." Another blind date, another disappointed man who'll be leaving the bar tonight.

I hadn't met my 'forever' love yet. I thought for a while it could be Jake, but he was just too much of my best friend, despite all his best efforts.

" 'Forever' Love…" I said to myself while walking the familiar streets home. "Maybe someday…but not tonight."

-
A/N: Hello everyone! This is my FIRST ever chapter of ever writing anything. I've got a great story planned out and hope to have you all follow along with it. I am currently in law school myself, so I will dedicate as much time as I can with this. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think- good or bad!

Song for Chapter 1: "Reminds Me of You" - Van Morrison

Also - major thank you to Hazeleyes71790 ... had she not supported me and read this for me I never would have posted it! Thanks dear : )