Author's notes:Just had to write this down.The idea hit me on the head hard during one of mum's sermons.God,I need a life.Kakashi was yet again hiding in the bushes,studying his team's behavior closely.Ever since Sasuke returned,he had been lurking around the Uchiha boy,partially because he was assigned to keep a hawk's eye on him,but the other more Icha-Icha-ish side of our favorite sensei had a growing doubt.Namely,Sasuke's sexuality.Yep,the handsome brooding boy never showed any sign of affection towards...well,anything.So the copycat-nin had developed a scheme.The poor Uchiha had no clue that this day would be a living hell...
"Pst.Naruto"
The blonde Hokage-to-be walked casually towards the bridge where his other teammates waited.
"Naruto"
The Kyuubi container hummed a tune,not hearing the voice calling his name.A black shadow neared him from behind and stopped an inch away from him.
"Naruto you moron"
"HOW DARE YOU.I AM THE FUTURE HOKYMMMMPPPHHH!!!"A strong hand covered his yapping mouth and pulled him behind the bushes.
"It's me,Kakashi.Now shut up and listen to me and I just might treat you to ramen tonight"
"I'm all ears."A foxy grin flashed behind the thorny bush.
"Get rid of that grin,I'm too young and beautiful to go blind!"Kakashi stated nonchalantly.
"Yeesh,sensei,this village is too small for your ego"
"Enough of that.There's a reason why I obducted you"
"There better be"
"Shut up.You ever wondered about Sasuke's...um"
"What?What Sasuke's?"Naruto blinked at his sensei's strange behavior.
"Well his..."Kakashi came closer to Naruto's ear and whispered something.
"Oh...oH!!That is strange"
"So I came up with a plan"
"Yay!Plan"
"Be quiet and listen.First we whisper,and then I'll whisper whisper.Get it"
"But what will Hinata-chan think?I can't just go and...you know.It's embarassing"
"Don't worry.I will explain it to her"
The blond stayed silent for a minute.Kakashi reached for an Ichiraku special eat-all-you-can coupon and waved it in Naruto's face.
"AHH!!!Gimmie"
"After you complete your part of the mission"
"You're evil sensei"
"Is that a yes?"Kakashi played with the holy coupon as he was going to tare it.
"Ah!Don't hurt it!I'll do it!Believe it!"Naruto almost cried seing how Kakashi treated his precious ticket to bliss."Ah sensei,you make Orochimaru look like a kid with a lolypop"
"I know.I know..."
Sakura was stealing glances at the Uchiha prodigy,while he was staring into the distance,his back leaned against a tree.
"Damn that sensei"
Sasuke stood quiet ignoring Sakura's antics.
"Naruto,where the hell are you"
Yet again,the handsome boy chose to stay silent.Though he was slightly amused by the fuming kunoichi.
"Agggh!So boring"
Utter silence.
"Sasuke,why are you so boring"
Well,at least she got his attention now."What"
"I said why are you so damn boring"
"I'm not boring"
"Duh,you are"
"No"
Sakura had an incredulous face,hell,she never thought that he could have such a weak spot.So she decided to poke that particular spot some more.
"You're right.You're not boring.You're beyond that"
"What"
"See,that's what I'm talking about.All your sentences consist out of a single word"
"Hn"
"Aa."She just used his weapon agaist him.Bad Sakura!
"..."Sasuke blinked in confusion.What happened to Sakura while he was away.No girl treats him like this!Those are his lines!
"Naruto,go"
"Do I have to"
"Just do it,this is the perfect moment.His face is priceless"
"Ugh!RAMEN POWER!!!"
"What.The.Hell.!!"Sasuke yelled in a high pitched tune as Naruto pounced him and they fell to the ground.
"Now sensei!Before he kills me"
A chibi version of Kakashi jumped out of the nearby bush carrying a small digital camera.Sakura sweatdropped.
"Ah-Ha!!"CLICK."Now Naruto!Run"
"Aaaaahh!"The foxy boy turned to his chibi and disappeared in a poof.
Sasuke slowly stood up,an sinister expression upon his features.Sakura felt his pissed off chakra,and decided that a tactical retreat would be very wise now.So she performed some hand seals and teleported herself to her house and locked herself in her room.
"Must seek revenge."Sasuke muttered,avenger mode activated.
"Alright.Part two-complete"
"Sensei,don't you think that putting these posters all around Konoha is a bit much"
Kakashi smirked under his mask."Oh don't worry Naruto.I already sent someone to spred these in Sunagakure too"
"I'll never be Hokage now...My reputation is ruined."Naruto's eyes turned to teary blue puppy version."He's gonna kill us"
"Don't be so sure.He'll be too busy proving us that he's not gay"
"How"
"God,you sure are stupid for someone who wants to become Hokage."Kakashi sighed at Naruto's sobbing.
"I'll go make my testament now..."Naruto said and ran towards his house as fast as he could,but firs pocketing the heavenly ramen coupon.
"Scaredy cat..."
"Oh.My.Kami."Sakura's jaw dropped to the ground when she saw the bilboard the next morning.She could already see Kakashi's and Naruto's graves."Sasuke is soooo gonna sharingan their butts."
Sasuke just purcased a huge bag of tomatoes and was going home to dispose of them when he noticed how the people of Konoha stared at him.Was there something on his face?A screeching horde of fangirls ran towards him and his eyes rolled over in irritation."Sasuke-kun,how could you"
"Hn?"The horde surrounded him.
"Why didn't you tell us you were gay"
"I'M WHAT"
"I love you Sasuke,even if you like men!!!"A die-hard fan squealed.
"Damn you,who told you that crap?!!"oh,he was annoyed.
"Look."A girl pointed to the huge bilboard poster.Sasuke dropped his tomato bag.And if an Uchiha drops his tomatoes,it is a sure sign of apocalypse.Yep.Kakashi better be fireproof,'cause he was gonna buuuuuuuurrrrnnnn!!!
Sakura was sitting in a dark room,tied to a chair with chakra strings.She had an apple in her mouth,which was bound to the back of her head with her own forehead protector.How humiliating.Kakashi really took it overboard this time.
"Haruno Sakura"
"MMMpphhhh"
"Good girl.Now if you stay quiet,I'll take the apple out.Ok"
"Grrrr...mmmph"
"Alright.Here you go.How was your apple"
"Damn you sensei"
"Eh calm down.I'm doing this for your sake"
"I'm missing out then.How is torturing me for my sake"
"Do you want to save Sasuke"
"What?"Sakura blinked.
"You like him,right?So,do you want to help him"
"What the hell do you know about my feelings"
"Come on Sakura.It's hardly a damn secret.The way you watch him train,the way you steal glances of him whenever he's around"
"Alright.I get it.You're rubbing this in my face"
"No.I kidnapped you for a just purpose.Sasuke needs someone by his side,and you're the one I picked"
"You're dead"
"Now either you cooperate,or Jiraiya here"
"Oy",ero-sennin called out from the dark corner of the room.
"How long are you there?"Sakura asked incredulously.
"Nevermind that."Kakashi continued."If you don't help me out here,I'll personally make sure you appear in the next issue of Icha-Icha sick bastards...Fine..."
Sasuke slouched across his bed tiredly.He used op almost all of his chakra using katon on the candy-posters Kakashi and Naruto glued all around the village.At least he burned the damn things.Tomorrow first thing,he'd go on a killer's rampage.
KNOCK!KNOCK!
He groggily stood up an opened his door."Sakura?"
"Sasuke,I know what they did to you"
"So does every bloody person in Konoha with eyes.Point"
"They tried to use me to get to you"
"Get in."Uchiha Sasuke was now royally pissed.Nobody messes with his privacy and gets away with it.If they could scheme against him,he sure could do some evil deeds as well.
"So he thinks I'm asexual"
"Ummm",a pretty blush crawled across Sakura's face,"He wants me to...eh"
"What?God,Sakura you're not a kid.No need to stutter"
"He wants you to prove that you're not gay by dating me"
"W-w-w-w-what"
"See,who's stuttering now"
Damn,Sasuke thought,how did that sensei-baka know about his crush on Sakura.Was it that obvios?"Ugh"
"Earth to Sasuke-kun"
"Oh.Listen,I have a plan."Sasuke stated with a smirk across his face
"So you want me to"
"Uh-huh"
"And then"
"Yeah"
"Brilliant"
"See,I'm not so boring after all"
"I don't know about that"
"Come on Sakura,you know it's true"
"Face it.You're boring"
"And you're annoying"
"Let's just go,Sasuke"
"Alright,mission Burn Kakashi Burn! onward!"Sasuke yelled out in his chibi form.
"Yay!"
Sasuke and Sakura arrived early on the Team 7 bridge that morning to start their little plan.If Kakashi wanted romance,romance he would get.They both created a bunshin of themselves and made them go to Jiraiya's favorite peeking spot.Next,when they made sure bunshins and the ero-sennin were right where they should be,they started the conniving plan of Kakashi's doom.
"Aaahhh!!!Kakashi!"Jiraiya screeched running towards the silver haired jounin.
"What Jiry?I'm kind of in the middle of"
"Your pupils are making out hotly"
"OMG!My plan worked!I'm a genious!"Kakashi sparkled.
"Shut up and follow me!"Jiraiya pulled him towards the spot he found the love session at.
"Sasuke..."Sakura blushed watching what Sasuke's bunshin did to her own clone.
"S-Stay quiet.Remember this is just a diversion."The Uchiha whispered,concealing a blush under his bangs.Though,his heart thumped so damn loud,he thought his eardrums would explode any second.Looking at Sakura's bunshin hotly making out with his own and feeling the real Sakura's heat right next to him wasn't helping him either.Damn Uchiha clan restoration urge!Why did he have to pick the smallest bush to hide in?And why was it so hard to hold back a nosebleed?Sasuke had a bad bad day.
Kakashi gaped at the sight in front of him.Jiraiya was in his ultra-pervert mode.Seeing that their sensei was right where they wanted him,Sakura leaped from the hidespot to attack.She skillfully bound the evil sensei to a tree behind him,and Kakashi was helpless in his confused state to fight back.Jiraiya fled like a sheep from a raging hungry lioness,remembering how Tsunade's slap felt.
"Sensei.Sensei."Sasuke got out of the bush and approached Kakashi."Now it's my turn to take some pictures"
"Noooo"
"Hell yeah!"Sasuke glared at him.
"Anything but that"
"Sensei,it's time for the masks to drop"
"Nooooo"
"Sakura...Unmask him!",the Uchiha heir ordered.
SWOOOOSH.
"Damn"
"OMG!Sensei you're hot!"Sakura said while staring at his face.
"I know!It's a curse"
"Heh!"Sasuke took out his own digital camera and took a couple of shots."Now my vengeance is complete"
"Sasuke.Snap out of it!",Sakura yelled.
"Oh right.Well,Kakashi no baka,this will teach you not to mess with my privacy.Sakura,we're leaving"
"Ok"
"Wait,aren't you going to unbind me"
Sasuke turned around for one final glance at hus sensei."No."
It was a beautiful morning in Konohagakure.The birds were chirping,the children played cheerfully,posters of Kakashi's face were all over...Yep,for Sasuke Uchiha,this was indeed a glorious morning.His fanclub now worshipped Kakashi,and he was out celabrating with the only fangirl he needed,Sakura.And the poor Naruto was forced to pay for their ramen to make up for the mess he caused for Sasuke.There was only one more thing Uchiha had to clear out.
Sasuke looked at the pink haired kunoichi warmly,and slowly lowered his face towards her own.The last thing he saw before he slammed his lips onto hers Uchiha style was a pretty blush.His hand travelled behind her head,pulling her closer,making the kiss even more passionate.Hell,Sasuke thought,Kakashi's plan wasn't all that bad.
Sasuke was definetly NOT gay.
The end.
P.S.-In case you're wondering what happened to Kakashi-sensei...Rumor has it he locked himself in his basement to hide from raging fangirls.A/N:I'm sorry if this sucked.I had too much coffee.I can fly!!!!But not really...Damn.
Anyways,please review.