A/N: This plot bunny was borne of a comment made to me by Desert Blossom-by-the-Sea about needing to get Rodney a girlfriend. Thanks, Desert! (As if I didn't already have a dozen plot bunnies bouncing around my house already…;-) LOL)
It was late.
As usual, Dr. Rodney McKay was working, oblivious to the fact.
The labs were deserted. Everyone else, even Radek, had left hours ago, but Rodney was so wrapped up in his work that he hadn't noticed.
Now he was looking for the work that one of his colleagues, Dr. Iliana Zanakis - a bookish, Greek, astrophysicist, was supposed to give him in the morning. He just couldn't wait for it. He was this close to having a problem ironed out.
The work he was doing could result in increased efficiency in ZPM output to allow the device to power the shields more effectively, while allowing more systems to be in operation. If only he could find…
"McKay to Zanakis." He tapped his earpiece and waited. When there was no answer, he disconnected his notebook and walked out of the lab.
He reached the quarters of Dr. Zanakis in just a few minutes and rang the buzzer.
He waited.
He rang again.
He began to get annoyed.
He rang again.
Without as much a second thought, he activated the door and it slid open in front of him.
He looked in. There was a screen that separated the room into two parts. There was muffled music and soft light coming from the other side of the screen, but the side next to the door was dark.
"Uh, hello? Dr. Zanakis, it's Dr. McKay," he called out as he stepped in. "I've come to see if I can get your notes…" He reached the edge of the screen and stopped. "Oh--" his jaw went slack and his eyes widened.
The feeling of his notebook slipping in his hands jolted him out of his stupor and he muttered. "It'll wait." as he backed, quickly, out of the room.
He leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to process what he had seen. After a long time, he gave up and just headed to his own quarters for a cold shower and a fitful sleep.
Thickly lashed, ebony eyes behind angular glasses gaze at him, expectantly. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she wore a white lab coat. She walked away and went to the bed that suddenly appeared in the lab. She lay down and her hair suddenly flowed long and thick around her head, it's blackness reflected in the soft light of a dozen candles, restricted only by a large set of headphones that played soft music. He looked down to see that her lab attire and glasses were gone, instead those ebony eyes were closed and her lips were parted in ecstasy as the candlelight caught the glistening of sweat on her body as her hands roamed…
Rodney sat straight up in bed. He looked around and found himself safe in his bed, alone. He rubbed his hands through his hair and muttered. "My god, what have I done?"
Radek Zalenka stood next to Rodney McKay as they worked at the main console in the science lab. Dr. Iliana Zanakis walked up to them and a smiled. She held a flash drive out for Rodney and said, in her soft, gentle way. "Dr McKay? Here are the notes you wanted."
"Hello, Iliana," Radek smiled.
"Radek," she smiled, back, glancing away from Rodney.
Rodney took the flash drive and said. "Yes, yes, thank you," desperately trying not to look at her.
She frowned at him, and glanced at Radek, who shrugged a meager apology. She looked back at Rodney, who was totally focused on the pad in his hand. Then, she nodded and walked away.
Radek took a deep breath. "Rodney, I think you hurt her feelings."
Rodney looked up. "What?"
"She gave you this first thing this morning. This means she was up late – "
Rodney coughed suddenly.
Radek slapped his back and continued. "- trying to finish it. You could show a little appreciation."
Rodney looked past Radek to where Zanakis was now sitting. She was a small woman, maybe five feet tall, with her black hair pulled up in a bun. She was an image of the perfect, professional, scientific stereotype, with her glasses, shirt buttoned to the collar, slacks pressed smartly and lab coat to hide any hint of her real figure. Rodney never really noticed her, probably because she seemed to not want attention.
"Rodney?"
"Hmm? Oh, yes, yes, show more appreciation. Got it. Can we get back to work now?"
Rodney felt certain that he was going mad. Despite his best efforts to stay away from Dr. Zanakis, he kept finding himself in close proximity to her. Now the color of her nail polish on nicely manicured nails and the smell of perfume had incorporated themselves into his dreams as well.
Guilt. He figured it was guilt. He knew he should have never walked into her quarters uninvited and knew better when he did it, but his egocentricity kept his common sense at bay while he did what he now regretted.
"Dr. McKay?" her voice summoned him from his thoughts and he realized he was staring at her hands.
He looked up quickly. "Hmmm? Yes?"
"Is there something wrong?"
"No. No, nothing. I was just…" he looked her in the eyes. "I was just noticing your hands. How do you keep your nails looking like that?"
She warmed under his gaze and raised a hand up. "I got my cosmetology license in my first year of college so that I could make some money while I went to school. I do my nails once a week and, sometimes, I do other people's hands and feet."
"Feet?"
She nodded. "Mmm-hmm. Haven't you ever had a pedicure?"
Rodney frowned. "Uh, I'd have to say that's a no."
She smiled. "They are a great way to fight ingrown toenails, calluses, et cetera. Not to mention, it's relaxing. I can give you one, someday, if you'd like."
Rodney suddenly felt very warm. "Uh, thank you, maybe someday. Oh, look at the time. I, uh, have to go…somewhere." He backed away and motioned toward the door. Then made a hasty exit.
She frowned, then shrugged and returned to work.
Rodney sat at a table back in the corner of the cafeteria. He was trying to figure out what to do about the guilt he was feeling. It wasn't going away. If anything, it was getting worse. Add to it that, now that he had reason to notice her, he was having a hard time staying away from Dr. Zanakis. He felt completely irrational.
John Sheppard sat, uninvited, across from Rodney and stuck a French fry in his mouth. "Hey, Rodney," he said as he chewed.
"Hey." Rodney replied miserably.
"This isn't the usual spot." John said, referring to the table where they usual sat at lunch. "Something wrong?"
Rodney looked at John and debated for a moment. Then, deciding that John Sheppard might just be the perfect person to talk to about this, he leaned forward and asked in hushed tones. "Have you ever caught a colleague doing something you would never imagine that person doing and it changes your perception of that person completely?"
John frowned. "Rodney," he said, slowly. "What did you do?"
Rodney looked miserable even as he shook his head. "It's a hypothetical." He insisted.
John put the next French fry back down to his tray and looked at Rodney, expectantly.
Rodney slumped. "I walked in on a colleague doing something that just seemed out of character – not that I really knew her well enough to speak to her character – that sounded bad – but out of character for what I expected to be her character. I think."
John thought for a moment to work through what Rodney had just said in double time. "Is it something that would pose a danger to herself or anyone else?"
"No, it's not that kind of thing. Maybe it poses a danger to me, just because I can't think of how to handle it."
John nodded, then picked up another French fry. "So who is it?"
"I told you it's a hypothetical."
The military commander of Atlantis smiled as he inspected his food. "You did, but then you negated that by providing details."
"What?!"
"Who is it, Rodney?"
"A colleague."
"Dr. Hoslin?"
"Why would you think of her?"
"She's the only female I can think of who is working on your current project."
"Who said it was female?"
"You did. By repeatedly calling your victim, 'her'."
Rodney started to protest, then realized his slip and sighed.
"So who is it?"
"Who is who?" Ronon appeared with a tray as full as Sheppard's.
"Dr. Zanakis," Rodney sighed, without thinking.
"Who?" John frowned.
Rodney groaned, realizing he'd let go of information he hadn't meant to reveal. He sighed. "Greek, glasses, black hair – " Rodney took a sip of his tea.
"Iliana," Ronon furnished. "She's hot."
Rodney spit the tea out. It sprayed across the table to cover Sheppard's tray. Sheppard frowned and pushed the tray away.
"What – why would you say something like that?" Rodney asked, aghast.
"She works out. I see her almost every morning."
"Really?" Rodney frowned.
"How hot, Ronon?" Sheppard asked. "I don't remember seeing her."
"She's almost Teyla hot."
"Teyla hot? Wow."
Rodney frowned. "You really think someone in terms of how they compare to Teyla?"
Ronon paused. "Have you seen Teyla's body?"
Rodney thought, then nodded. "Yes. So you think Iliana is as beautiful?"
"Almost. She's too short for my taste though." Ronon dug in, finally, which meant that his part of the conversation was virtually over, or at least severely limited.
"So what did you do to Iliana?"
"Nothing!" Rodney protested. "I didn't do anything to her! --- I don't want to give you any details. I just need to figure out how to handle it."
John leaned forward and reached a hand out toward Ronon's bread only to have it slapped away. "My advice would be to tell her. And ask for forgiveness."
"What?! You're kidding, right?"
John shook his head. "Nope. It's been my experience that women appreciate honesty. They get mad and stop speaking to you, then, after a while they come to realize you were honest and they give you credit for it. Then they aren't angry anymore. Then you pay."
Ronon chortled.
"What?" Rodney was starting to doubt John Sheppard's sanity. "Why would you pay after they stop being angry?"
"Because they make you. Guilt."
Rodney frowned, then shook his head. "Well, that option is out of the question anyway. There is no way I want to tell her what I saw."
"What did you see?" John asked in a low whisper.
"I have to go."
John looked at Ronon, who smiled over his food and shook his head as Rodney left.
Rodney McKay walked into the lab to find his scientists gathered around a table, laughing. He tilted his head.
"What's going on?" he asked Radek when he saw him.
"Dr. Monroe's birthday. Rodney, did you forget? We have a cake and everything."
"What? No, of course, I didn't forget. The big three-oh, right? Where is the birthday boy?" McKay smiled, half-heartedly.
Radek frowned at him. "At least you're making an effort."
"What?"
"Never mind. He's over there."
Rodney started over to where Tucker Monroe stood, surrounded by colleagues. Then he saw Dr. Zanakis. He stopped. Then, taking a deep breath, he continued.
After congratulating Monroe on his birthday, he told the entire staff to take the rest of the day off to celebrate, which caused a loud round of cheers and applause. The group took the cake and Monroe and filed, loudly, out of the lab. Rodney sat down at his desk.
"You're not coming?"
Rodney looked up and saw Dr. Zanakis. "What? Uh, well, uh, no." he stammered.
Her brown eyes were chasms of concern. "Why not?"
"Well, to be honest, I have a lot of work – "
She smiled and tilted her head. "I thought you said 'to be honest'."
Rodney smiled. "Why aren't you going?"
Iliana Zanakis glanced down at her hands, then over to the nearby equipment. "Oh, I will probably end up there. I just…" she glanced at him, then away. "I'm a worrier. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Why don't you come?"
Rodney warmed. "Thank you. That's, ah, well, nice of you."
She nodded and shrugged. "You're welcome if you want to. There's plenty of cake."
Rodney nodded and stood. "Okay, I will."
"You will?" her eyes met his and she smiled. "Great." She blushed. "I mean, good. I'll see you there?"
Rodney nodded. "Ah, why don't I walk with you?"
She nodded and they left the lab together in silence.
Rodney sat alone in the lab one night. He was supposed to be working but he couldn't concentrate. The guilt was eating him up – especially now that he suspected Iliana Zanakis might be interested in him.
At least, that's what Radek was claiming.
She was nice and sweet and intelligent and…beautiful. Rodney shook his head, trying to get that now familiar image out of his head.
My advice would be to tell her. And ask for forgiveness.
John Sheppard's words echoed in his head and not for the first time.
How? Rodney was at a loss. How do you tell a person that you walked in on her during a very personal moment? Rodney rubbed his face with his hands and sighed.
"Is everything okay, Dr. McKay?"
Rodney's heart sank into his stomach like a stone. Why was it, every time he thought about her, she appeared? He raised his head and looked at Iliana Zanakis. "Ah, yes. Dr. Zanakis, what are you doing here?"
She shrugged. "I left something at my desk. Came back for it."
Rodney nodded. "Ah, yes. Well, carry on."
She nodded and turned to her desk. Rodney watched as she picked up a notebook. She saw him watching and smiled, then waved, walking toward the door.
"Uh, Dr. Zanakis – Iliana…" he called out. He took a deep breath and stood. "Could I – uh, well…could I talk to you for a moment?"
She turned back to him with the gentle smile she always seemed to have. "Sure," she said, softly.
Rodney gulped and looked as miserable as he felt. "I need to tell you…I don't know how to say this…"
She looked expectant as he fumbled for the words. She walked closer and said, softly. "Just take a breath and say it."
He nodded. "I have a confession to make." He took a deep breath. "I need to apologize to you."
She frowned and pulled her top lip into her mouth.
It was distracting to him.
"I, uh, well, a few weeks ago, I walked into your quarters and saw something I should have and I'm sorry," he rushed.
She suddenly looked alarmed. "Excuse me?"
"I was looking for something. I knew you had it. I went to your room. It was late. I rang the doorbell but you didn't answer, so I let myself in with the intentions of waking you up…"
Her eyes were narrow, but she still looked confused. "You went into my room without permission."
He nodded, miserably. "And I saw something I should have never seen."
Her eyebrows rose. "What, exactly, did you see?"
Rodney blanched at this question. "Exactly?"
She tilted her head and moved her hands in a "give" gesture.
"Uh, well, um.." he looked around the lab to see if there was a hole he could hide in. "Candles. And there, ah, was music…ah, you had headphones on…"
"And I reading?" she asked.
"Uh, no."
She blanched, her eyes went round behind her lenses. Then the color came back to her face in full force and she looked away. "Oh, my god."
This was turning out to be as difficult as Rodney had believed it would be. "I'm sorry."
She shook her head, but refused to look at him. "I don't know what to say, Dr. McKay. I, ah, well, that is to say…"
"You don't have to say anything. I walked in, uninvited, and I shouldn't have. What you do in the privacy of your own quarters should be, well, private. I'm so sorry."
She turned away with her hand to her mouth. After a long silence, she asked. "Is this the reason you've started being nice to me?"
"What? Yes…I mean no! I hadn't really noticed you…oh, god, that came out wrong."
She waved her hand and almost ran out of the room, without a word.
Rodney watched her go and felt like the biggest ass in two galaxies. "I should be used to that feeling by now," he sighed. He sat down and put his head in his hands.
"Well, I did it."
John looked up from his evening snack to see Rodney standing there, looking miserable.
"Did what?"
"Yesterday, I apologized to Dr. Zanakis."
John sat back as Rodney sat down. "I see."
"It was awful."
John nodded. "I understand."
"You do?"
John shook his head. "I still don't know what you walked in on. Maybe then I'd understand better."
Rodney shook his head. "I can't. I'm already the biggest ass in two galaxies."
"Should be used to that by now." John shrugged, looking down at his food again.
Rodney opened his mouth and then closed it again. "Thanks."
"Anytime."
"She didn't come to the lab today. Called in sick, so to speak."
"Do you blame her?"
"No. I'm actually expecting her to request a transfer back to Earth."
John's head snapped back up. "It's that big?"
Rodney just looked miserable.
"Wow."
Rodney sighed. "Yeah."
That was when John's jaw dropped open. He was no longer looking at Rodney.
Rodney turned to see what he was looking at and about fell out of his chair.
Iliana Zanakis was walking, like a feline on the hunt, toward him. She was dressed to kill. A figure-fitting, black, wrap-around dress that almost reached her knees and plunged deep into her cleavage. High heels made her taller and gave her the look of 'all legs'. Her hair was loose, long and full, swirling around her face like a mane. Her glasses were now frameless and seemed to vanish against the natural tan-ness of her skin.
Rodney stood as she arrived at their table and gulped.
"Hello, Colonel Sheppard," she smiled down at the flabbergasted Air Force pilot.
"Dr. Zanakis," he responded slowly.
"Dr. McKay," she smiled at him, making him feel uneasy. "May I talk to you in private?"
Rodney wanted to say no. He wanted to tell her he was busy. He wanted to do anything, anything but go some place private to talk to her.
"Yes," he said. He looked at John for help, but found none in his bedazzled friend. Kirk. He thought, miserably, as he followed her out of the cafeteria.
They walked out and he followed her, quietly to an empty corridor. They moved through one of the unused rooms and out on to the balcony. Here, in one of the most beautiful spots in the city, overlooking the ocean, she turned to him.
"I'm mad at you, Rodney McKay."
He nodded.
"How dare you walk into a woman's room without being invited?"
He had no answer.
She moved closer to him. "Well? What gave you the right?"
He frowned as her breath touched his nostrils. "Have you been drinking?"
She kicked off her shoe and sniffed. "Damned right. I woke up this morning and decided I could not go to the lab and see you. I didn't know where to put my face. So I had a glass of wine. Not that I usually drink early in the morning, but I don't usually have men walking into my room while I'm in the altogether…" she blushed, despite herself.
"Listen, Iliana, I'm---"
She held up one manicured finger. "You do not get to talk yet."
Then she sniffed again. "I came up with one way to tell you off, then decided I would never be able to speak to you like that, so I had another drink. Then I came up with another speech. I knew I'd never be able to say that either, so I had another drink. Finally, I decided to get dressed and tell you – after two bottles of wine and a bottle of water."
"Water?"
"Wine gives me a headache. I know it's from dehydration, so I…hey!" she frowned. "You are not allowed to talk. There's a reason it's called 'liquid courage'. I need to say what I need to say before I sober up and can't say it anymore." She wobbled, then took a deep breath.
"I like you."
Rodney's eyes and jaw opened.
"I'm still mad at you. You shouldn't have walked into my room uninvited. But what if you had been invited?"
He frowned. "What?"
"Wha'ifyou…" She paused, then started again. "What if you had been invited? You never even noticed me before…" her words were becoming more slurred.
"What are you trying to say?"
"Be quiet, McKay! I'm tryin' to think. I'm startin' t' forget m' speech."
"Are you okay?" he was growing more concerned. "Maybe we should sit down."
She looked at him and then to the floor and nodded. "'Kay."
"Yes?"
She giggled. "I meant OH-Kay, not MIK-Kay."
"Sorry."
There was a bit of silence, then. McKay's head was swimming as if he'd been drinking from her confession. He wondered if it was only the alcohol talking.
"Why didn't you notice me before?"
"I noticed you, of course I noticed you. I worked with you almost everyday since we got here. I just never thought of you as a," he winced, knowing what he was going to say was going to set her off again, but couldn't find away around it.
My advice would be to tell her. And ask for forgiveness.
"I just never thought of you as a sexual being."
She frowned at him, curiously. "What?"
"I just don't think of people I work with like that. Do you? I mean can you imagine Zalenka or Monroe in that way?"
Her eyebrows rose. "Well, actually, I have seen Monroe in his swimsuit and he's quite a figure of a man."
"Okay, there. Did you think of him that way before you saw him half-naked?"
She frowned. "No, I guess not."
"Well," he looked out to the darkness. "There you go."
She nodded. "And now?"
"What?"
"And now? Now what do you think?"
He took a deep breath. "You are an exceptionally beautiful woman, Iliana. I see it now, but not just physically. Mentally, you're obviously one of the top minds in your field or you wouldn't be here. But you care about people and that makes you beautiful too."
She smiled. She stood and gathered her shoes. "I forgive you."
"You do? Why?" Rodney scrambled up.
She just shrugged and started to walk, barefoot through the room to the corridor. "Good night, Rodney."
"Wait. Let me walk you back to your quarters. You're in no shape…"
She looked at him. "Because you would feel awful if I fell down on my way and got hurt."
"Yes, of course."
She smiled and nodded.
When they got to the door, she turned to him. "Thank you for walking me back."
He nodded. He was so relieved that she had forgiven him. "I – you're welcome."
She reached up and he leaned toward her, expecting her to say something more. Instead, she kissed him softly on the cheek.
Rodney warmed. He pulled back and touched his cheek. "What was that for?"
"You never answered my question."
Rodney was lost. "What question?"
"What if you had been invited?"
"I – what?" he frowned. "I – what do you mean?"
She smiled. "I am trying to invite you in, Rodney."
"Oh," he looked at the door. "No. I couldn't…"
"Why not?"
"You've been drinking."
She giggled. "That's the polite way of saying 'you're drunk'."
"Well, yes. I wouldn't want to do anything that I would have to apologize for tomorrow. I'm not very good at it."
She looked down, then looked back up at him. "So you're worried that I'm asking you to stay because I'm inebriated?"
"Well, yes."
She smiled. "It's called 'liquid courage', Rodney, not 'make you do things you absolutely don't want to do juice'."
"Still."
She nodded. "Then come inside and stay with me until I sober up. Then, we'll discuss my change of heart."
He frowned. "I don't think I should."
She pouted. "What if I went in a tripped over my furniture and hurt myself? Does your desire to see me safe extend only as far as this door?"
He gulped. "Okay. Fine."
She opened the door and took his hand. They walked in and she led him to the sofa against the far wall on the other side of the screen he remembered so well. She turned one soft light on and went to a small refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water.
He sat down and accepted the water. She sat down next to him and drank deeply from her bottle. Then she put it on the floor next to her feet and sat back, leaning against his shoulder. Without another word, they sat there.
After a while, he could tell that she'd fallen asleep. He debated getting up, but he'd told her that he would stay and he knew if he left, he'd have to apologize again. He hated doing it, so he decided what harm could it be. She'd wake up, realize she'd been too drunk and he'd go back to his quarters. If he were very lucky, she'd forget the whole thing and stay in Atlantis.
He jolted awake when he felt her shift against him. It was morning, he surmised by the pinpoints of light filtering in through the shades.
He looked down at her and found her looking up at him. Before he could speak, she reached up and captured his mouth with her own.
He was caught completely by surprise but soon returned the kiss.
Finally, he pulled back and looked at her. "Iliana?"
"Thank you for staying."
"Um," he swallowed. "What are you doing?"
"I'm not drunk anymore."
"Are you sure?"
She smiled. "Rodney," she looked down and blushed. "I'm asking. If you don't want to because you don't want to, that's fine. But if you want to, I want to…don't say no because you're afraid of hurting me, okay?"
Rodney suddenly wanted her more than anything in the world. His heart melted by her blushing, quiet way of asking something that she was emboldened by alcohol to ask last night. Truth be told, he liked this Iliana better than that one. Not that the inebriated Iliana didn't have her perks, he just liked this one better.
He moved a hand to her chin and tilted her head up. He leaned down and kissed her, softly.
She sighed into his kiss and moved her hand to his neck.
He folded her in his arms and pulled her across his lap, deepening their kiss as she wrapped her free arm around his neck, moving her hand into his hair.
After a long time of kissing, she pulled away from him. "Call the lab," she said, softly, standing.
"What?" he was feeling slightly cross-eyed.
"They're going to be expecting you. Call them and tell them you're going to be late," she blushed, again.
"Oh. Oh, yes." He found his earpiece in his pocket and put it in his ear. "McKay to Zalenka."
"Zalenka, here."
"Radek, I'm going to be…" he looked at her and saw her start to untie the knot of her wrap around dress and felt something primal stir inside him. "Ah. You know what, Radek, I'm taking the day off. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Then he took the earpiece off and put it under the pillowed cushion of the sofa.
"The whole day?" She asked with her eyebrows up.
He stood and smiled. "If you don't mind."
She blushed prettily and shook her head. "I don't mind."
"Good," he said, with a surge of confidence. "Because I'd really like to apologize properly."
"No." She frowned, suddenly. "No more apologies." She moved to him and reached up to touch his face. "No more apologies."
He looked down and put his hands on her tiny waist. "Then I'd like to take my time getting to know you, better."
She smiled at this and reached up to him. They kissed again, deeply and when they pulled apart, she took his hand and pulled him to the other side of the screen, where her bed was.
"Uh, one question," McKay paused as he looked at her bed. "Later, do you think you could demonstrate that thing you were doing with the headphones?"
She laughed out loud and he smiled at her as he pulled her into his arms.
FIN
A/N Please let me know if you read this, good AND bad reviews desired...REALLY! Thank you! MA