Once more back to the FE community I am, and this time to introduce a rather random idea for everyone to enjoy.
I just finished FE VII yesterday, and thinking of how the FE crew was badly scared by the presence of a YOUNG dragon (Ninian did say something about those "children") my mind brought me to how EASILY the Adventure Quest MSORPG crews kill dragons. And so I thought, what if the most badass dragonslayer of Lore (i.e. the world in Adventure Quest) comes to Elibe to help Roy destroy Zephiel?
The answer would be a foregone conclusion, or so it seems. To add to the fun, I added some spices by putting Guinsoo and IceFrog, the makers of DotA Allstars, into the fray. So... this story is nothing too serious, there wouldn't be any angst or any L-bomb, but it is enjoyable, at least.
Enjoy your read, and BATTLE ON!
Prologue: Dragonslayer Advent
It was a day like any other for Galanoth, Dragonslayer of the world of Lore. As much as the number of heroes of Lore, fledging or advanced, lawful or chaotic, good or evil, of the numerous classes and alignments that the world offers, is huge in its own rights, Galanoth's prestige as the leading Dragonslayer of the land means that he always had work to do, mostly regarding to keeping those scaled, flame-breathing, treasure-hoarding uber-beasts in check. It was easy enough for him - the Dragonbane that he employs in his Dragon Blade means anything that has "Dragon" in its name would get wasted pretty quickly before the mighty, weakness-seeking, scale-rotting blade of the master of the art of killing dragons for both fun and a living.
Often the ominous and mysterious Loremaster Falerin Ardendor would always drop him a note to remind the artful, zealous killer of scaled beasts of the evens to come in the coming week so that he could sharpen his blade and ready his spells and armor to ready for the job a busy, chaotic world has to offer. The "Weekly Update" as it was known to the average Adventurer of Lore had always made Galanoth feel a little nervous. Not that he was afraid. Together with his friend the Paladin Artix von Krieger, Galanoth had gone through enough in forging a land, maintaining its order via his noble, everyday work and the truckload of puns that Artix and friends infuse in their speech every single day.
But that day was different. For this time, job came to Galanoth not in the form of a weekly bulletin or a monthly Zardian article that he had to acknowledge, but rather via a dream sequence - something none of the editorial board of the said paper had paid much attention to. Not even Falerin and his trusted Genoclysm. How it all happened, after all, was a mystery. All what Galanoth remembered was a regular dragon hunting trip, killing a vicious Red War Dragon, a short encounter with Zorbak the self-taught Moglin necromancer who tried to reanimate said dragon, and ended with Artix and a random adventurer popping in coincidentally at the precise time and place and Holy Might the living soul out of the said Moglin. In fact, it had happened that way more often than Galanoth could remember - so often that whenever Zorbak showed up he could just shrug it off, and Artix would arrive a split second later. Always.
And then everything went black. Did someone hit him from behind? Was Zorbak pulling another trick off his sleeve? No - Artix had fought the Moglin more than enough to know that the first thing to do upon catching the black EBIL creature was to tie him up so that his form would resemble a mummy of strings and tying cords. Was it one of the Dracomancers' doing again? Dracomancers are virtuous and noble rivals that Galanoth loved to have. So was it the Chaotic Evil adventurer who hadn't yet learnt a lesson since The'Galin's coming concerning chaos and order? Not even that - the lad looked innocent and trustworthy enough. Not that he could care any more - unconsciousness is the best anaesthetic for pointless ponders.
"Hey, IceFrog! Looks like our guest is finally up!"
"That's quite early, I suppose. Are you sure that the trigger went this way, Guinsoo?"
"Let me check it again... Event, blah blah blah, Conditions, blah, blah, blah, Actions... AHA! Show Galanoth of Battleon death animation for 3 seconds, wait 2 seconds and resume unit control for current player," the first voice spoke cheerfully. "See? It appears that this guy regains control faster than we thought!"
Galanoth woke up instantly to find to his awe that it was no longer Lore he was standing on - no knight-in-shiny-armor Artix or Gandalf-wannabe-sage-with-a-cliche-staff-and-almost-always-useless-crystal-ball Warlic. Instead, amidst the strange vegetation that made up the ground before him, Galanoth could see two figures, one taking the form of a blonde prince with muscular build and a rune sword not much smaller than his own, with a built-in, ominous skull, and an armor equally heavy as his own. The other comfortably enjoyed the features of a Xarymandias mounted on horseback, except for a noble white robe rather than the green attire with a rather funky top hat like the real green mage in question. For some reasons, Galanoth could feel something familiar about them - as if he and they shared something in common. But what?
"Where on Lore am I?" Galanoth cringed. "And who are you guys?"
"You'd have to drop the 'Lore' for some time, friend," the archmage-like personna began speaking. "We'd asked noble Artix von Krieger's permission to 'borrow' you from Lore for a little while."
"WHAT?" Galanoth gasped. "How could Artix agree to such a thing? It was due to the work of both of us that the town, no, the NAME of Battleon became as well known as today..."
"Calm down, mister," the Prince-Paladin-esque figure went on with a friendly smile. "You are not going to be away from Battleon for too long. However, your stay is going to be indefinite unless the job is done."
"I won't help those I don't know," Galanoth said decisively. "Unless I know who you folks are, I shall not cooperate."
"Well then, I suppose," the archmage replied in no less a friendly manner. "Not that our name is a secret or anything. I am called IceFrog, and this partner of mine calls himself Guinsoo."
"Sounds like forum names to me," Galanoth propped his chin. "Don't you have real names?"
"Don't you have one?" the paladin named Guinsoo said, genuinely amazed.
"They call me Galanoth wherever I go." Galanoth replied ambiguously. "But anyway, if you guys would want to be referred to by forum names, I would abide by your wish according to the Terms and Conditions of Battleon. So, Guinsoo, IceFrog, what is your business?"
"You don't happen to play video games too much, do you?" Guinsoo asked. "Otherwise you would have probably known our names. We are the successors of the legendary Eul, as Map Editor of the Defense of the Ancients tournament of Warcraft universe."
"So... Warcraft mapmakers you are?" Galanoth rolled his eyes. "What do you Warcraft people want from us Adventure Questers? Are you in short of 3D model or anything? Or button animation? Or..."
"We don't have models? That is an insult!" Guinsoo exclaimed. "Not only do we have models, we can even churn up a complex model of that Inuyasha guy from that comic or manga or whatsoever that was drawing fangirls in droves! Or that Cloud and Sephiroth guys as well - enough to attract another battlecruiserload of fangirls! And..."
Galanoth's reaction was a dropping jaw - clearly he never thought the users of a GUI program could be that advanced - even more advanced that what Artix had been tinkering around with to create the name of Battleon. No, they just CAN'T be that great!
"Enough, Guinsoo. That is enough to show him that we are all Gosu," IceFrog said sternly. "We don't have to spew the secret of our trade everywhere we go to tell the world that we are the best mapmakers out there. Just look at the quality of our map and that should be enough."
"I have heard of that once - DotA Allstars, isn't it?" Galanoth racked his mind. "Although I have never tested that out, those adventurers I know respect you guys a great deal."
"Our pleasure to see our names being so well known," Icefrog replied. "But anyway, when we called you here today, we do in fact have something to ask of you. We have asked for Artix' permission prior, and he said we can 'borrow' you and your power for as long as the next Dragon War is still being shaped out, in which time your role wouldn't be that much."
"Hmm... yes, if that is so. I'd trust Artix with my life," Galanoth said. "State your business then."
"Alright, let us be frank and open," said Guinsoo, spearing his skull blade on the ground. "You all know that DotA Allstars is a massive arena map in which players choose from a collection of some eighty heroes to form a perfect team to duke it out with each other. We have collected a good deal of heroes so far, from traditional Azerothian heroes like the Omnikinight, Dwarven Sniper, or Kel'Thuzzad, as well as enigmatic figures like Bradwarden, Mortred or Bristleback, alongside with heroes from different dimensions like a certain Lina Inverse. Even a god, the Thunder God Zeus has also joined forces with us in this epic tale of courage, nobility, comradeship and... and micromanagement, backdooring, denying, creep jacking, assisting and a host of other techniques. We'd like to add Kuraodo Sutraifu or Sefirosu as well had it not been for Square Enix's attempt to file us a lawsuit on copyright infringement and conflict of fangirl interest."
"Don't tell me you would like me to join you, because in that case the answer is no." Galanoth said firmly, slightly annoyed.
"Not at all," IceFrog said sympathetically as he resumed. "Recently, we have set our eyes on a certain nobleman in a distant dimension known by the name Eliwood, Marquess of Pherae. However, we were too late, and when we came, the epic Eliwood that we wanted to recruit had turned old, grey, widowed, and dying from lung cancer. If anything he could only make excelelnt Meat Hook target for Pudge or Strafing meat shield for the rest of the Sentinel.."
"Yet there is still hope, and as we scoured his lineage, we have found an excellent replacement," Guinsoo went on. "It turned out that Eliwood had a son with a half-dragon lady, and the boy's name was Roy. A fine name for a fine hope of addition on our DotA team. The only thing we need now is to get the boy to sign a contract to serve with us in the Defense of the Ancient. He'd get paid well, get to fight alongside with a truckload of interesting friends and dangerous foes, get to use stuffs far more powerful than his father's old rusty Durandal that spews fire at random at both friends and foes, at a price of course, as well as a brand spanking new set of Warcraft-compatible skills that nowhere else in his own world he could gather."
"Then go talk to Roy. I am not his solicitor," Galanoth said.
"The thing is, that boy is now embroiled in a war against a demonic king named Zephiel," explained IceFrog. "And against Zephiel's army he'd have barely any chance at all - they employ dragon on an industrial scale. We are afraid that if this goes on, Roy Pherae may die before we can get a chance to push a pen and contract into his hands."
"So?"
"But you, sir, are a Dragonslayer," Guinsoo said. "You know all the crazy tricks to kill dragons that even we don't know. You have faced many flame-spewing, man-eating, gold-pilaging beasts and come out alive and take all the said gold for yourself and your comrades. You should be able to kill all the dragons in the world of Elibe, and recruit Roy for us. With your Dragon Blade the work would be piece of cake!"
"Give me a reason why I must do this for you, and I may consider it." Galanoth replied in a half-annoyd tone.
"We'll pay you really well..." hinted IceFrog.
"How well?" Galanoth asked rhetorically. Icefrog was prompt to answer - as he tossed a small pouch at the Lorian Dragonslayer. Galanoth grabbed the pouch, and poured out the content - fresh Azerothian air and no gold at all.
"Are you joking with me?" roared the Dragonslayer.
"Oops, there must be some mistake in programming," gasoped IceFrog in astonishment. "Guinsoo? What is going on with the Give Gold To Player trigger?"
Thewe was some rattling sound like that of a keyboard being frantically keyed in the background as disappeared from the face of the earth with no notice at all. In due time, after all, the said paladin figure returned, wiping some digitally generated sweatdrops off his forehead.
"Bug," said him. "Instead of keying in 'Set (Current Gold of (Owner of (Galanoth of Battleon))) to ((Current Gold of (Owner of (Galanoth of Battleon))) + 999999999)' I wrote 'Set (Current Gold of (Owner of (Galanoth of Battleon))) to (Current Gold of Current Player)' which means us. And we came here without any gold giving trigger for ourselves."
"Elementary errors," smirked Galanoth. "Are you sure that you can actually DO this?"
"Programming leads to more errors than functional codes, Mr. Galanoth. As a programmer yourself, forgive us if we are wrong, you know this as well, don't you?" IceFrog cleared his throat. "In any case, the gold should be ready now, shouldn't it?"
The next thing that Galanoth knew was a cataract of almost a billion pieces of gold pouring on him, almost burying him alive. As nuch as the Dragonslayer was amazed, he quickly came back to his sense as he scrawled upright, .
"You guys all know that digital gold is practically worthless if all what you need to do is just some coding. We in Battleon can create even more with such triggers," Galanoth said, wiping a hundred or so coins off his cap.
"You know one but not two. The problem, sir, is not how you get gold, but rather broadband," sneered IceFrog. "You need broadbands for a host of things such as maintaining a functional forums for your adventurer, to make sure Adventure Quest's stories flow smoothly, and to invest further on the AQW project. In time, you shall not have enough broadband to actually mint gold coins for your growing number of adventurers. Just see for yourself - a couple of top adventurers have themselves hoarded almost a billion. That, sir, is broadband as well."
"But we don't." Guinsoo said. "Our broadband is leeched directly from Burizado Batteru Netto, and believe me, Blizzard is rich enough for us to leech as much broadband as we want to. As you can see- we have been able to give you this much gold without any difficulty at all."
"You DO have a point..." Galanoth said, propping his chin after a good long pause. "Alright then. Since the slaying of Akriloth I haven't had a foe who could really threaten my existence."
"Very well then, Mr. Galanoth," said IceFrog with a mysterious smile. "I am sure this will benefit both of us."