Say you'll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you'll see me again even it's just in your wildest dreams
In your wildest dreams
You ever have one of those dreams where you see someone, the same someone, over and over?
Chloe has and it's become vaguely unsettling the number of times she's seen this one particular person.
But what's more worrisome, if not freaky is she dreams of a faceless person. Not really faceless, she sees features sometimes one at a time; eyes a dark almost navy blue, hair dark chocolatey brown, and it was a woman always a woman with a smile- a smirk really- that would thug at her stomach and a silky voice that would speed up her heart.
As the way with dreams, she had zero control over any of the circumstances behind them but so far she had no complaints as they seemed to work in her favor, for her dream stranger would appear always in the most romantic fantasy settings, like straight out of the classic movies.
She thinks most likely her being an extreme movie buff brought out and heavily influenced those types of dreams. She loved everything from Casablanca to Doctor Zhivago, Breakfast at Tiffany's and Gone with the Wind to name a few.
In these dreams Chloe experienced being part of simiilar grand gestures with equally grand backdrops.
She said let's get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds
She saw herself on a monoplane heading off towards the sunset. If she were an artist-a painter of some sort she'd attempt to capture the moment in a vibrant hue of red and orange, burning like the leftover heat, the coursing wind, feeling it in the eyes trained on hers, intently soaking up her every reaction, in the corresponding warmth spilling across her cheeks.
Once she was on a gondola in Venice, the air cool and calm in the early evening. Dream stranger attempts Italian, butchers it really, when she tries singing along to the delight of the gondolier and the redhead's embarrassment. (Saved only by her heavenly, velvety, warm, smooth, melted caramel and every delicious sugary sweet candy of a voice)
XxX
I thought heaven can't help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
XxX
She recalls following the brunette's lead running hand in hand, nearly tripping on her white dress' train before stopping then kissing under the Eiffel tower.
Riding off on a moped around Rome. Her front pushed to a warm back. Her arms securely wrapped around a slim waist, occasionally brushing brown hair from a nape to press little kisses.
Making love on an abandoned beach to the crashing of the ocean waves.
I can see the end as it begins, my one condition is...
Say you'll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
XxX
Such extravagant events should excite anybody but they were just dreams, impressive and large and her every fantasy come alive though they may be, but still unreal.
Say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend
XxX
It wasn't just the girl's features, or even the romantic set up that affected Chloe most, it was the way she'd feel, safe and the happiest and most content she'd ever remembered feeling in a long time.
It would or could almost be considered pathetic how that was perhaps the strangest and strongest reaction she'd ever come close to feeling about someone, anyone really, and from a dream someone no less.
Sometimes, when she allows herself to think crazy thoughts, she considers the possibility of her real life being this one long uneventful dream, and that her dreams were in fact real.
She considers that sadly, if it were so, she'd gladly trade her dreams, choose them over her reality.
Chloe shouldn't be scared. She'd actually know if she was going crazy. She was a licensed psychologist after all. She had no mental disorder-that she knew of. And it was perfectly normal to have vivid dreams.
Dreams were mere distractions, temporary breaks, a rest from daily life. The brains' way of rewiring itself, of cataloging memories, events, feelings. They were fully fleshed out wish fulfillments showing behind our lids nightly.
It was harmless really, what wasn't was the unhealthy obsession she had with placing the girl to a name. Like her face, the girl's name evaded her...but Chloe was sure she knew her. No way she could have such repressed memories or fantasies about someone she'd never met, or at least seen before.
Was she a model, an actress, a historical figure?
A classmate, a friend from long ago, a lover?
Chloe would remember she had a knack for remembering faces- names not so much. That's why it bothered her so. With the face being obscured and that feeling, of knowing she knew of this girl..but the how and the what and the why hovered just beyond her reach, always at the tip of her tongue.
And her obsession was slowly creeping, leaking into her waking hours-no matter it was unintentional but Chloe found herself holding her real life dating adventures to these unrealistic standards.
It was truly pathetic showcasing just how lonely she felt that she had to make do as nothing in real life seemed to foot the bill. Every single date she'd recall she'd ever been on never could measure up, couldn't recreate or even give her a fraction of what she had felt in these dreams.
Restlessness settled upon her waking hours consumed by the ever present feeling that she was just passing time, that she had already lived out the best part of her life. And that she had to content herself with mere dreaming of her dreamgirl as it would be unlikely someone like that would or could ever exist.
Chloe's body is damp with sweat, her breaths coming in short, sharp bursts, she can't seem to get enough air. She can't breathe, she thinks. Her head is throbbing and her eyes, her vision is failing her. Still, she forces her lids to open, to focus on the brunette in front of her. Whose blue eyes are wet, and pained. A warm, trembling hand reaches for Chloe's. The girl's anguished voice cries out, adding only to the pain already wracking her body.
"Please, please God...please don't-Don't leave me."
"I won't." Chloe whispers.
"But you will, " the voice returns, "You did."
Chloe wakes up with an apology on her tongue. And a heavy feeling weighing on her chest.
That wasn't the usual frolicking in the woods, happy go lucky, endless light and laughter setting she was used to. It scared her...this felt too real, felt like it could be a memory, a different time- a different life, was this were everything came to its abrupt halt. Would her reality catch up to her only mode of escape?
There was no more sleeping after that. She best be getting ready for the day ahead of her. She had to psych herself big time after that is she was going to make it.
The atmosphere upon waking was no different, a dreary one if she she did see one. Lightning flashed across the sky, the thunder rolled in, along with heavy rain beating harshly against the redhead on her way to the office. Said office was the psychiatric ward in St. John's where they provided medium term care specializing in rehabilitation and stabilization for patient's with a range of illnesses varying from depression, to eating disorders to mental disorders.
She hums happy upbeat songs in contrast to all of it, almost in direct rebellion. Starting of with Us the Duo's 'No Matter Where You Are", Avicii's 'Waiting for Love'
but what was most fitting was Glee's Singing in the rain/Umbrella mashup.
I'm singin' in the rain (We'll shine together)
Just singin' in the rain (We'll be forever)
What a glorious feeling And I'm happy again (Stick it out 'til the end)
Another rainy day classic was Mariah Carey's Make It Through The Rain she gets carried away and before she knows it she's belting along.
And when the wind blows
And shadows grow close
Don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you
You'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I'll live one more day and I
I can make it through the rain
Oh yes you can
Oh your gonna make it through the
Rain
Chloe makes her way to the hospital in record time, slipping into the building, grateful for the cover under the heavy downpour. Her spirits are high, not to be deterred by anything, not the weather, not the long day or week ahead (it was a Monday) already armed with her usual order of Starbucks Cafe Americano.
Chloe just has a feeling about this day. She wasn't sure yet if it was a good one or a bad one though everything else, the weather etc, were leaning towards the latter-but there was something just on the brink of happening something that was in the air. Something building, a huge and monumental incoming force far stronger and disastrous than the freak storm, she feels it prickling along her skin like static, she feels hardwired and electric. It felt familiar. Something that felt like utmost inevitability, like fate would deal it's hand.
Chloe's heart thuds hard, speedily in anticipation.
But she's a tad bit let down when her day goes by rather uneventful. Predictable. As per routine.
As usual, she heads to her office and settles in for the day. She follows up on each of her patient's, checking in on their treatment, their progress. She chats with them at a length about their day, sometimes their lives outside the hospital, before she dismisses them, finishing her notes then filling away their progress reports before she repeats the process for the next one.
She grabs lunch with her two best friends Aubrey and Stacie right on the dot; twelve thirty.
She orders a salad and some variation of a sandwich. (Today: ham and cheese)
"What did the ham and cheese sandwich ever do to you?" Stacie asks tearing Chloe away from her musings.
"Aside from the fact that its unappealing, it's inedible." Chloe answers, wrinkling her nose as she tears at the crust.
Stacie pinches a piece and pops it into her mouth, "It's fine, a bit on the dry side but..definitely edible." She wipes her hand on a napkin, " though I'd understand getting sick of any type of sandwich if I ordered the same thing every single day. Why don't you spice it up a little, have a pizza every once in a while, a burger or God forbid something not on bread, pasta perhaps? You have to live life on the edge, on the flip side for once. Fuck the norm, fuck routine. Am I right?" She says chuckling, turning to Aubrey expecting her to join in on the usual Chloe-teasing-sessions they both enjoyed participating in immensely. You inwardly snort. Not this time. Aubrey was as set in her ways as you. Set on order, routine. She was teetering on the edge of being OCD, organized to a point; pretty useful as head of their wing and like everything she managed it perfectly. Stacie had better luck making a stubborn mule or even a mountain budge than Aubrey when it came to extreme change.
"Oh wait I forgot who I was talking to for a second there. Queen uptight the first and Princess stick in the mud. I seriously don't know how we all ended up becoming besties."
"Without us you'd still be stuck in your wayward ways, currying favors from and to professors to pass their subjects. Chloe and I showed you that other than the obvious, your brain could also be your most attractive asset." Aubrey retorts without malice, surfacing long enough from her self-exile of being surrounded by stack upon stack of paperwork, to spare a sparse smile and a backhanded compliment.
"She still needs reminding from time to time." Chloe chimes in, softly teasing. Stacie scoffs but a relenting smile appears.
"And Aubrey, it's called a lunch break for a reason, you take lunch during your break. Or you can choose to do either of the two but you're doing neither. No break, no lunch. I don't see them changing the name to reading-patient's-records-while-pretending-to eat-during-break just for you.
"Brava." Stacie exclaims delightedly. Chloe gives a mock bow in return. Aubrey sighs a tired adult sigh, ignoring their antics.
"I need to stay on top of my game here, Guys."
"You're already at the top, or can you think if a higher position other than chief of the psych ward." Stacie answers.
"Hmm." Aubrey hums out in reply, already distracted.
The two exchange a glance, an unspoken agreement, finally nodding to each other before moving quickly, Stacie moving Aubrey's untouched tray before pinning her arms as Chloe lunges and grabs at the folder currently absorbing Aubrey's attention. Aubrey's quick to react holding on tightly, but the redhead isn't yet put off not while her death grip is still intact. The two struggle for a moment.
"Let go. You'll rip the files" Aubrey hisses.
"I'm careful, I know what I'm doing, I have very lithe, skillful fingers." Chloe winks,
"Ew- Chlo." Aubrey groans, half-laughs while Stacie smirks.
"They'll be in the right hands-in fact, I'll show you exactly how skillful they are-." Chloe says before jamming her hands to Aubrey's tickle spot by her ribs. Aubrey tries to wiggle away, yelping, snorting in the process she finally loosens her grip enough allowing Stacie time to get the file.
"You people don't fight fair."
Stacie shrugs. "You left us no choice." she says seriously, "So will you eat? We'll return them when you've grabbed a bite…"
"You know as your boss I could fire you."
"As one of your dearest, bestest friends I could counter with 'I was only performing my duty.' Also I'd like to state making sure the chief doesn't starve or develop an ulcer is unlawful grounds for termination. I should think it would warrant a reward, a promotion maybe. "
"So what's up why don't you share with us what has you so intrigued? So you won't be alone in your obsession."
"Some girl.."
"Words I though I'd never get to hear you say."
"Ooh I knew you'd hope along the lady loving lady wagon sooner or later." Stacie kids, Aubrey doesn't take the bait continuing undeterred.
"Patient."
"You're worse than I thought. " Stacie continues teasing Aubrey, "Man it's the nice uptight ones you got to look out for. Aubrey when you choose to go bad you take it to the next level."
"It's a difficult patient. Delusional disorder. Three months with no progress. She was referred to us from another hospital. The girl is in and out."
"What kind of delusional?"
"Paperwork show her to be leaning towards erotomanic, grandiose types. The one's who referred her couldn't get anything out of her, she was unresponsive-almost comatose; She hasn't spoken to anyone for several weeks now. I went to see for myself first before coming to a conclusion and coming up with a course of treatment. But nothing...and that's where I was hoping you'd come in, use your Chloe Beale Magic that you're known for. You always had a way with the patient's. The worst ones even take a liking to you.."
"Well I do like a challenge "Chloe chimes in, trying not to blush at Aubrey's rare, extravagant praise. Chloe feels herself getting into game mode.
"Good. And yes I was just about to do a follow-up consult with you present."
"Of course, send her in whenever you're ready, What's her name by the way?"
"Rebecca Doe."
"What's her story?"
"What happened to No-work during our too short breaks?" Stacie interrupts, tired of being ignored even for a couple of seconds. Chloe pats Stacie's hand consolingly.
"Any family history of mental illness?" Stacie inquires.
"That's what's odd, she had nothing no previous records…"
They are interrupted by approaching neurosurgeon Doctor Swanson.
"Doctor Posen. I thought to come see you instead for Mr. Steinfield's consultation.
"Oh- I almost forgot. I was just-" Though from the frantic look on her face Aubrey may have very well forgotten, even if for a moment.
Aubrey stands abruptly, her movement tipping over the tray holding their drinks into Stacie's plate still full with her favorite potato salad.
Chloe and Stacie manage to contain the mess, Aubrey takes lead- quickly makes work out of cleaning up, managing to save her files. She piles them on top the other, balancing them precariously, "I've got to go for a consult."She says pink faced and embarrassed, voice tight. Chloe smiles understanding, sympathetic. (Aubrey had been secretly crushing on the "Dreamy' surgeon for months now.)
"The neurosurgeon and the psychologist" Stacie says, "What a pair you two make." Stacie and Chloe don't miss simultaneous blushing from both their friend and Doctor Swanson.
Aubrey shakes her head slightly, glaring at Stacie,
"Well you better get going. Brains to save and all." Chloe says.
"Yeah, we better. Chloe, Stacie I'll see you both around." Doctor Swanson says flashing his boyish grin, at the two.
Aubrey's cheeks darken as Jesse-Doctor Swanson offers to carry some folders and takes all of them from her.
"Wait Jes-I mean, Doctor Swanson, lemme get that one folder." she extricates the thick folder that she and Chloe were looking through just seconds ago.
"Here I'll leave her file." Aubrey says hurrying, already half-walking away "You can thoroughly browse through it though there's not much else to go on. So you'll just get to see for yourself later."
"Bitch you owe me a salad."Stacie calls out to Aubrey's fast retreating figure
"So consultation. That's what they're calling it these days..." Stacie murmurs later on.
"What's 'it'?"
"Sex."
"Maybe it's just a literal consultation. He asks for her opinion about Mr. Steinfield." Chloe responds. "They consult one another, bounce ideas of each other, some back and forth, meeting of minds etc."
"What about meeting of parts?" Stacie asks her tone innocent, her expression filthy. Chloe laugh inspite of herself.
"Not everything has to involve sex Stace-"
"Speak for yourself. You may have gone all tame and such but you must admit don't you miss a little excitement? Sometimes I feel like we're missing out, with our crazy schedules and being surrounded by patients 24/7. We need to grab what we can get. Aubrey's getting there. Just because we're older and have jobs and all doesn't mean we need to get all boring. Leave me to my fantasy match making vices, God knows-it's the most action we'll get."
Stacie voices so well so much of Chloe's own feelings in her brief rant.
"Yes. I do miss it." she whispers and it's all she can do not to outwardly cry.
"Doctor Beale, your next patient is here to see you. " Amy, (she insists on being called 'Fat Amy' which Chloe adamantly refuses) Chloe's receptionist's voice calls out through the intercom. "She's been here for a while actually, didn't even notice her 'cos she was super quiet-way way quiet. She scares me, reminds me of an Asian roommate of mine. I don't think she's Aisan, but she is very small." Amy continues attempting at whispering (she fails-her voice can be heard even outside of the intercom)
"Sure, good to know . You can let her in Amy. Is Chief Posen there?"
"She's running late into her consultation with Mr-Boy-Next-Door, perhaps you know whatting behind that closed door."
"Amy." Chloe chides "Okay just let her in when she arrives." she buzzes out-there's a knock on the door not too long after.
Chloe sits up straight, smoothens her dress takes a breath, plasters on an engaging smile before-
"Come in."
The door opens and Chloe stands up to greet them.
For all her feelings about today, She's unprepared for what transpires as soon as the two girls enter; one blonde the other brunette.
"This is Rebecca." Amy says,
"Beca" Chloe hears herself and the girl chorus in correction. Everything seems to happen all at once, Chloe's eyes quickly catches on the brunette's own, colored with pleasure and delighted surprise- the shade a tad bit too familiar. Everything actually, the way they sparkle along with the smile that it pulls- falls into place.
It was her.
Chloe's dream girl.
It was all too apparent, clear and familiar and far too real. She wasn't supposed to exist and yet Chloe is winded by how her mind and body, every part of her is confirming almost screaming in agreement, knowing "yes exactly like that yes...that how it should've been." the puzzle completed.
Chloe releases a choked gasp and the girl-Beca-is suddenly tense, body alerted, also starts, stares while Chloe is scrambling for something to say.
Something, anything to fill the too long silence. But it's the brunette, Beca who's mouth drops open before she releases a single sound.
"Chloe?"
Author's Note: So...I'm back. Sorry that took a while-worked on this, a while back had this little idea same time I started wrting 'Never Know" and " The Trouble with." I lost most of what I had written after I didn't edit the document in doc manager w/i the 90 days and I had no other copy, but yeah bumps and tribulations aside ...it's finally here. Wildest dreams by Taylor Swift featured heavily but like I said I saw this all in my head before that song came out so it was a nice surprise to find something that suited the story so well. and yeah dreams-a little bit of a favorite to write about. SO tell me what you think. Don't worry if you're still on board with me in this ship..I am going to finish all my stories.